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/8 December 2000
Rollerjam by The Cubs Fan




New Your Enforcers (4-3-1) vs California Quakes (3-3-1)

Open: Tonight's big story - SURGERY! Sean Atkinson's going under the knife (presumably so would Mark D'Amato, though no one says so right away which worries me) and not everyone is happy he's taking a risk for such a scummy guy like Mark. Both teams are going in without their leaders. So, we might be able to focus on the female battle, as Lindsey Francis skates again for the Enforcers. Also, Tim Washington, and that's self explanatory. 

The announcers say this might be the premier match up in the league. Seeing as we're down to six total, I say he's got good odds. Let us go back to three weeks ago, where Tim still turns on the Sundogs and the Prophet still gets upset. The announcers were shocked that happen. We go back to four weeks ago where Sean told his teammates that he was retiring and lots of hugging ensues. Because you need to know, we've got a live satellite link up with the hospital.

Danny Wolfe goes the extra mile - he's in the operating room as Mark and Sean go under the knife. A whole bunch of names are dropped. Mark and Sean both react to Danny like you'd expect they would.

Rory: "This is a serious, serious matter." Yes, who's going to do interviews on the track this week? Here's some bit of wisdom I picked up from someone else: "If you have to say that an angle is serious, it's probably not." 

Intros. Enforcers out first. Quakes out second. I have nothing to stay,  and it'll actually stop me from talking this time. No, wait, the Quakes have a new female skater. As usual, the announcers don't notice this. Marcus manage to hype both Eric Slopey and Travis Wills (but only because he's ran out of jammers to talk about after Mo and Jason.)

Earlier today, Danny Wolfe Marc Loyd talks to Pasi Schalin - "Alright, I'm here with Pasi Schalin, the new captian of the California Quakes, and first of all Pasi, congratulations, on top of that, how do you feel, your first, first game as a captian? "I feel great. I'm very excited." "Now, you know what, it's a big game, he's your buddy, he's your pal, he's one of the leaders of the team, but the Atkinson no longer with the team, he's in the hospital, what's the feeling of the team right now about Sean getting ready for that big surgery?" "He's mostly ready, we miss him a lot, he's been a great leader, a great teacher for us. Our team wishes all the best for him. He'll come through, no doubt. But, we have to [unintelligible - 'take care of our needs too'?] and keep the Quakes on the top." "Now, it's gonna be a crazy atmosphere here tonight. I've talked, the, uh, about the big game and everything like that. After everything else that's going on, you still have to deal with the Big Nasty, Tim Washington." "No doubt, it's gonna be a great game and a big game. Tim Washington is big big big skater, but he can skate. He will go down, there's no doubt about it." "Okay, good luck Pasi." "Thank you very much." I wonder if Pasi's got that new "Southside" Moby single.

Sean's being wheeled in! I guess it'd suck if he died.

We've Got Pop, American Flag version (1)

We've Got Pop, Dukes of Hazard crush phone call (2)

Period 1:

What? No Lindsey Francis in a bikini bumper? NO FAIR.

Match up features Telisa Miller and Stacey Blitsch.

Jam 1: Stacey jams, but Telisa pulls her down by the hair and she goes down. Lindsey and Jamie Conemac jam, with Lindsey pushing Jamie into the rail. I'm not sure if the Quakes woman get knocked down by Telisa or fall down by themselves, but we end with Stacey getting ran in to Telisa' hipblock, and four points for the Enforcers.

Jam 2: Stacey and Telisa jam this time, with Stacey hitting her with a forearm a few times before pushing her into the rail. Telisa grabs her midsection and skates slow. Stacey laps her before even getting to the pack. She's there now, and Lindsey's blocking. Jamie floats back to help and clothesline Lindsey. Stacey gets by, but all the sudden Telisa is fine - bulldog! Stacey gets back up and they exchange punches but Stacey's already got 3. 4-3, Enforcers. Replay of Telisa going hard into the rail, yea, that'll hurt your ribs.

Roller Rules

Jam 3: All four jammers break away from the pack, but only Lindsey Francis makes it to the pack. Stacey blocks, Telisa uses the trash can lid on Stacey and Jamie. Eliana Bonilla is tripped up by April Tootle. One point, and the announcers say that Telisa is sent to the cage (though we never see her there.) 5-3, Enforcers.

Live from the hospital! Something bad is happening in Sean's room! A priest was spotted in the room! The doctor kicks him out! David McLane envies this angle! Danny will have any more updates!

Hmm. I think it'll suck if he's dead. Then again, I don't think he's actually dead.

We've Got Pop, Barber Shop (3)

Period 2:

Jamie Conemac joins the announcers! Not that I mind seeing her or hearing her talk, but why? They talk about Sean going under the knife. Here are shots of Cindy Zimmerman, Christine Cosson and the new girl (is that Marquita Jones? Why do I have to guess these things? Why do they bother to have 10 skaters per team if six of them can appear and disappear and no one cares?) for no particular reason I can figure, since Jamie's talking about Sean and Pasi.

Match up Pasi Schalin (I hope this surgery is over quick or we get a Slopey one of these quick so I don't have to see THAT shot more) and Tim Washington

Jam 1: Eric Slopey and Andy Wallis jam. The announcers hype  Slopey's jamming ability, so of course he goes down. So they hype Pasi taking Sean's place, and he gets taken down by Tim Washington. 9-3, Enforcers.

Jam 2: Travis Willis is out and he takes out both jammers. Jason McDaniel and Lisa Seltzer are in the crowd - she sure moves quick. Tim dominates the jam but we don't see much of it because two people sitting is more interesting. Jamie promises a future Chatty Chat with Conemac on those two, if she can find something. 13-3, Enforcers.

Jam 3: All for jams break out, but Brian Krebs and Eric Slopey get out, and the announcers look for the big comeback. Tim blocks. Pasi not helping yet. Still not helping. Um, Pasi? Double choke slam!  Now Pasi hits the hipblock but that's a little too late dude. No points. I think I'm supposed to be getting the idea that "Pasi is not as good a Sean." Jamie, likely reading ahead in the script, promises a second half rebound

Back at the hospital! Mark D'Amato is missing! He's sneaking in with a doctor's suit! Perhaps the microphone and camera crew might give him away!  But he can't actually get in the door! Now he can! He can't actually walk in those shoes!

The Quakes watch the big screen and give us concerned. Yea, if I was down by 10, I'd be worried. Also that Sean thing.

We've Got Pop, Tetris (4)


RollerJam Rewind: Last week, we watched as Kenneth Loge gave up the Enforcers to Mark D'Amato. That was shown to be a bad move, only if you consider Kenneth Loge dropping the hip hop act. Also, Bill Barker replaced Ray Robles and mirth ensued. Jell-O! Lisa Seltzer showed up. She's hear to clean up the league! I miss Amanda Hurtz. I mean, at least Ray Robles' disappearance gets acknowledged before some one takes his role. Richard Brown won the game for his team, because God knows they couldn't win it by themselves. We close with a shot of Brown talking and Barker sadly walking off. I wonder if the Enforcers need another skater.

Marc Loyd Danny Wolfe talks to Tim Washington: "That's the second funniest thing I ever saw. The first funniest thing I ever seen is happening right now!" Fireworks go off, and yea, that's D'Amato. See, oh, I'll let him explain it, if he can. "There's two rules in life: One, there's always a victim, and two, don't be the victim.  Any of you people who believed me for one second - I'm not retiring either. I have effectively elimated the last piece of ?? competition in the WSL. "I can't believe you led everyone on like this? 

See, the bad thing about "All my plan is on the page" is I have to wait to watch that before I can go "How did you fake DNA?" and "What doctors did you get who let you fake symptoms of a kidney failure?", but I can wonder why they think the people who aren't on the 'net will just accept that. (Looking at it now: Guess they have to do it that way, since it'd take a couple shows just to make sense of it.)

We Got Pop, Saratoga, California. (5)

Period 3:

The announcers are apoplectic. We're going to the hospital.

Amazingly, Danny Wolfe is being thrown out of the operating room! How dare they!. Bastards gets bleeped out! Sean was in surgery for 15 minutes, we don't know if the kidney was taken out! Danny's running from the hospital to the arena!

Jam 1: Telisa doesn't quite hit the double bulldog! Lindsey skates by her self! Telisa breaks up the Double block to a second, but Stacey and Jamie get it back together! Lindsey flips over the top! Jamie and Stacey decide to stop jamming and beat up Lindsey instead! It's still 13-3! I'll stop now!

Jam 2: April Tootle gets pulled down by the hair and Lindsey gets pushed down by Jaime. She 's on a mission to win it for Sean! Lindsey's on a mission to give another an elbow. Stacey with a body press, and then the handstand twist! Jamie does one two, but we miss it.  Replay shows that Stacey did the flip but we didn't see it the first time. The announcers talk about never seeing Jamie doing that, but I could've sworn she had. We don't actually get to see it this time, as the camera pulls away on the replay.

Jam 3: All four names out, with Telisa breaking away from the rest. Stacey's running second and Lindsey and Jamie fight. Telisa catches the pack and talks to Brooke Sunderman. The announcers are trying to drum it into our head how evil Mark D'Amato was. Maybe it's just me, but if I'm not buying him as evil after he had someone go into surgery for him just to take him out of action, telling me that he forces all the people on his team to go along with it isn't gonna help. Besides the fact that there's absolutely no indication that they're being forced. Lindsey and Telisa rack Stacey and Jamie, knocking the m over the rail, and that's the end of the period. 13-4, Enforcers

We've Got Pop, Bull Riding (6)

Period 4:Danny's back! And he's swearing! "You Son of [bitch]! " Where are you coming from, a hospital or a friend." Ya! he's beating up Danny Wolfe! Go Mark!  The referee kinda break it up. After a while. There, finnaly. Did someone think that Danny Wolfe was such a sympathetic figure that beating him up would make us hate Mark D'Amato a little bit more? I guess.

Jam 1: The whistle goes, but the Enforcers don't  Oh, it's the return of the wall. The Quakes think of something that no one did the first season...just slide underneath. Tom Smith and Pasi do, and the Quakes have the lead, 14-13, Quakes. The Enforcers gang beat up Pasi after. Point to Marc Loyd for remembering it was called Wall Street when they last used it. 

Jam 2: Pasi jams, taking out Travis Wills twice. Tim blocks, and holds him off with elbows for D'Amato's screamer.  Schalin is down, so Tim and D'Amato pick him up and drop him down - we'll call that an upside down 3D. Tim and Mark are happy, they've taking care of Pasi! Who can stop them now? (Despite that they're still down by a point and it doesn't really matter if the Quakes get stopped if the Enforcers don't score either.) What will happen the next jam? I don't know how you could guess!

We Got Pop, Snowflake (7)

Jam 3: Atkinson is in the building! He's coming form the hospital while still hooked up with an IV! We're too busy watching Atkinson to notice that the Quakes have TWO JAMMERS UP AND THEY COULD CALL OFF THE JAM AND WIN THE GAME (but the game means nothing - but then why watch the first 57 minutes?). So, once again, the finish is blown but LOOK AT SEAN HIT PEOPLE WITH TRASH CANS (which I could seen done better elsewhere, so why watch the last 3 minutes?) and the Quakes wins but everything's too excited by the exciting trash can shots to the head to notice, and Sean tells us that Kenneth Loge saved him at the operating table (like no one would notice Mark getting up and leaving?)  They talk but I've already punched out for the night.

Final: California Quakes 24 - New York Enforcers 13

RESET. "We're stepping back four (or more, depending on how you look at it) months in the past. If you've spent time watching the Mark D'Amato/Sean Atkinson angle, please forget most anything happened (especially the parts that we're about to contradict) and keep watching!"

R.I.P. Amanda, I know I'm gonna miss you, even if THEY don't mention you. You gave the Dice some credibility when they needed it. And there's a whole lot who could use that right now.

The Cubs Fan
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