/12 February 2000
|WCW Saturday Night by E.C. Ostermeyer
This is "WCW Saturday Night" for Saturday, 13 February 2000, and I'm your recapper, E.C. Ostermeyer.
Y'all are in for a treat, because we've got Bobby "The Brain" Heenan sitting in for Mike Tenay, along side Scott Hudson tonight. Heenan and hudson will be calling the action, with Heenan providing his own special "insight". Hudson wants to know what Heenan did with Mike Tenay, but the Brain says that Hudson shouldn't concern himself about such minutiae, and hey don't we have a match to call here?
Match #1 The Maestro d. Frankie Lancaster
Jeez, is Lancaster one of that select group within WCW: "Jobber to the Mid-Carders"?
I saw The Maestro with the lovely Symphony, (aka Ryan Shamrock) at a house show, and believe me, this young lady is even more stunning in person! Hudson congratulates Heenan on his promotion to WCW "Thunder". Bobby says that he an Mike Tenay are gonna be a good team, "If I don't punch him out, first!"
The Maestro is "conducting" the cheers of the crowd, but it's kind of hard to do when they're just sitting there like stumps.
Lancaster takes control early on with several hip-tosses, snap mares,
and a sloppy-looking atomic drop. The Maestro gets the momentum going with a step over toe-hold followed by a cross-face for the submission. (3:22)
Commercial Fest Number One
WCW Superbrawl 2000 commercials
TBS Original Movie "First Daughter" Oh, if only it were true.
Western Union's in cahoots with the Army
Spree candy vs. Goldberg, who looks like he's dyspeptic.
Aaron's 312 coming March 11th
Pep Boys brakes are endorsed by Mr. Moose.
We come back, to find Scott Hudson alone on the "Talking Heads" set and wondering where Heenan has disappeared to. He apparently got side-tracked on his journey from the ring announcer's booth to the set, and Hudson is perturbed.
Heenan shows up, sans necktie, and wiping his hands on a paper towel. Scott asks "Are you done? We're on the air here!" Heenan, startled, looks up, spies the camera on him, quickly spins around and zips up his fly. Hudson's rolling his eyes, but is hard-pressed to keep from laughing at Heenan's antics. Scott's going on about Superbrawl, but now The Brain's having problems getting his lapel mic to work, banging on it and hollering (silently, because the mic's dead) at the stage hands to get him hooked up. Now he's mouthing agitatedly at hudson, who says "Hey, don't shout at me, Brain!"
Heenan then sticks the mic in his ear, but Hudson stops him with "No no no, you TALK into that end!" Hudson finishes his Superbrawl spiel just as Bobby gets set up and says "Well, I...."
And we're back to the action. (What a hoot!)
Match #2 Elix Skipper and Mike Jindrak d. Power Company
Wow, could this be our first WCW Power Plant match of the evening?
Hudson is still fussing about the Brain not being ready for the previous "Talking Heads" segment. "We got two minutes for commercials, Brain!" Heenan blames it on poor staffing and shoddy electronics of a quality far below that which he is used to.
Hudson says, hey, you got a problem, write the complaint down and send it to "Brad The Sound Guy" and he'll get right on it.
To the match at hand, as Power Company, (obviously the heels) stalk to the ring, destroying fan signage as they go. Hudson's giving the house show dates; Bobby's clearing his throat just off mic.
Hudson: "...as Mark Jindrak and Elix Skipper make their way to the.."
Heenan: " Whoa, whoa...Who?"
Hudson: " Mark Jindrak and Elix... you've never been ON 'Saturday Night' before, have you, Brain? Two Power Plant graduates, facing the Power Company..."
Heenan: "Hooch and Skippy."
Hudson: "Well, no, it's Elix Skipper, Brain."
Heenan: "Why can't we call him 'Skippy'?"
Hudson: "His name's SKIPPER, Brain!"
Heenan: "I like Skippy, it's a great name, a powerful name!"
Hudson: "Wha...hey, YOU tell him that if you want to. 'Skippy', for Pete's sake..."
Heenan: "Naw, Pete's the other one."
Hudson (exasperated): " Mark! Mark is his name! Sheesh..."
It's back and forth in the ring, with Skipper/Jindrak getting the upper hand after a Power Company "mis-communication"., and Skipper getting a hip toss and a cover for a 2-count.
Hudson plugs the upcoming Nitro at Uniondale, NY, where Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair are the Main Event.
Elix tags in Mark Jindrak, and Heenan promptly gets his name wrong.
"Yeah, Mark Dirtbag! His name is Mark JINDRAK, Brain, and ..." "Gym-drek?"
"No, Jindrak, and he's got a very interesting story..."
"Jinny and Skippy. We'll keep it easy!"
"Oh boy...Jindrak was suspended from collegiate basketball for 'aggressive play' by the NCAA, and Jindrak is a big guy, too..."
"Yeah, Scott, but what you don't know is that he went to an all-girls college!"
"Wha..? "The basket height was only four feet!"
"Well, no wonder he was such a superstar!"
(Hudson's getting into the fun, now.)
Power Company do a huge power bomb/clothesline combo on the just-tagged Elix Skipper, cover, but only a 2-count.
Jindrak is back in and it's lotsa stiff clotheslines all around for the Power Company. A whip into the corner staggers one Power Company guy, who does the felled tree routine onto the crotch of the other one. Jindrak with the double coconut buster, and tags in Skipper.
Elix, leaping high off the turnbuckle, hits a missile drop kick and pins for the win. (5:23)
Hey, Shaquille O'Neal and Jud Nelson (the "Brat Pack Jud Nelson? Boy, how the mighty have fallen, eh?) do a movie.
Footage from Nitro where Booker T. gets arrested, then comes back on "Thunder" to beat the stuffing out of Messrs Biggs and Ray.
Match #3: Disco Inferno (w/ Mamalukes) d. "Bad" Barry Horowitz
"Whoa, please, get the camera off Big Vito!" hollers Scott Hudson, and I couldn't agree more! Disco is sporting a shimmering, bright orange satin disco shirt.
"What, has Disco got a deal with Home Depot? Look at that shirt!"
"I like the shirt, Scott", says Heenan.
Disco tries some dance moves, but gets puled off the ropes by Big Vito.
"Bad" Barry Horowitz is out, and looking about as enthused as his morgue slab of career allows him to be. Heenan's talking about how great the club scene in New York is. Scott recalls that Heenan only frequented the Taco Bell the last time they were in the Big Apple, to which Bobby retorts "Yeah, a hot club, and you didn't have to get out of your car, either!" Hudson's making strangling sounds now, as the match gets underway.
Horowitz takes command early on, and busts Disco's noble schnozz with a drop toe-hod takedown.!)
Heenan is speculating on the date-ability of David Flair's Daffney.
Heenan asks what Scott Hudson is doing later on tonight.
Scott informs the Brain that he's going home to his lovely wife.
"Does she have a sister?"
"Would you stop?!"
"Hey, I got nothin' to do. I thought we'd get Daffney and some other hot chicks and got get our plumbing done in a back alley somewhere." Hudson says that Daffney's not his type, because he doesn't date girls with armpit hair longer than his! (Hey, good one, Scott)
Disco tries the old handshake fake-out on Barry horowitz, and surprise! it works! Disco stomping a mudhole in Bad Barry.
Outside interference by Big Vito keeps the pressure on Horowitz, but not enough, as Horowitz grabs Disco in a headlock then does an UGLY springboard German suplex from the top rope.
Neat tuck and cover by Bad Barry, but only a 2-count.
Now Horowitz is trying what looks like a Figure Four leglock hold, but is using his arms to do the interlock on Disco's legs. Man, I've never seen that done before! He's almost got Disco turned over into a Sharpshooter with the hold but disco makes it to the ropes to break the hold.
Now both are trading blows in the ring, disco hits a lariat for a cover, but a 2-count results. Neckbreaker doesn't work. Grapevining the arms and a belly-to-belly suplex doesn't work either.
But Disco hits his "The Last Dance" finisher and it's all over for Bad Barry (5:57)
Same old, same old. Hey, that Juicy Fruit commercial with the Scanners guys is pretty cool!
Match #4: Buzzkill d. Bobby Eaton
Hudson keeps noodling on about Superbrawl 2000, and about how Norman Smiley is in a "hardcore" 3-way match with Three Count.
Coincidentally, Buzzkill and Bobby Eaton put on a serviceable match in front of a very quiet crowd. Heenan says that Buzzkill is "just a smidgen peculiar", and Scott agrees with him.
Eaton does a (God help us!) standing guillotine submission hold on Buzzkill, but has to break it, whereupon Buzzkill rolls out of the ring, followed by Eaton. Bobby gets in a couple of licks on Buzzkill, but eats the ringpost and a turnbuckle in quick succession. Buzzkill rolls Eaton into the ring, and hits his "Buzzkiller" finisher move for the win. (3:07) Heenan wants to hear Buzzkill's signature music, but Scotty rushes us (over Brain's heated entreaties!) into
Still more commercials
David Arquette falls off a cliff. (I'm gonna record this, and loop it so I can watch him do it over and over and over and...)
Okay, here we go again...
Hudson/Heenan Talking Heads Segment #2:
Hudson wants a mic check on Heenan's microphone, just to be sure.
Everything sounds okay, so Scott starts a segment on how the wheels came off the N.W.O. in Tulsa last Monday night, and "What are your thoughts, Brain?"
"Well, they're not totally derailed yet, but they're, they're down hill and I think the brakes are out. And there's something setting on the tracks, maybe even tied to those tracks, and whoever it is, I guarantee that the N.W.O., and Commissioner Kevin Nash are not gonna stop for whoever's in their way!"
We have footage of Interim WCW Commissioner Jeff Jarrett and the rest of (what's left of) the N.W.O. making WCW World Champion Sid Vicious' life, "a living hay-ulll !" (Way to show off y'all's roots Jeff. Sheesh!) Also shown is Nitro footage of Commissioner Jarrett setting up the Side Vicious/Scott Hall match, which became a title match courtesy of WCW's Terry Taylor. Jarrett's subsequent waffle job costs Hall the title. There is no subsequent resolution from a contender's match between Hall and Jarrett on Thunder the following Wednesday. Jarrett loses his Commissioner's job.
There, now, everybody up to date on this plot thread? Good!
Match #5: Screamin' Norman Smiley d. "Shark Boy" (?)
Here lately, any WCW match featuring Norman Smiley has got to be a hoot, and this one is no exception.
First off, Shark Boy, apparently from the indy circuit, has one of the stupidest masks ever seen in the wrestling ring. It looks like a gothic Jack O'Lantern on acid. Smiley's no better, wearing that UMass hockey jersey. Charles Robinson is added "fo' lagniappe, suh!" Anyhoo, collar and elbow hook-up, followed by a series of wrist-hold and escape, neck-hold and escape moves. Things get interesting when Smiley, after powering out of a waistlock, wiggles his butt at
Shark Boy, gets bitten on same, and starts running around the ring, screaming. Shark Boy chases Smiley out of the ring. Smiley gets hit with a Shark Boy pescado off the top rope, then body-slammed onto the concrete floor. Shark Boy rolls Norman back into the ring, but misses a whip into the ropes and gets a tilt-a-whirl spinebuster from Norman Smiley. Corner clothesline from Smiley almost decapitates Shark Boy (wow, way to sell the move, kid!)
Kick to the knee, then a double under-hook inverted butterfly by Smiley sets up a tombstone piledriver. Smiley does a sideslam instead. Cover, but only a 2-count.
Smiley with a whip into the ropes, setting up a body drop, but Shark Boy attempts a sunset flip takedown. Smiley ain't havin' that, punches Shark Boy in the face, then spins him over and suddenly Smiley is in wiggle mode, "doin' him inna butt, an' smackin' mah bitch up!" Whoops, he gets jacked by Shark Boy's version of the Acid Drop. Norman's in the corner, and Shark Boy does the venerable "Ten Count Punch-Down", with the crowd counting the blows. A final "feeding frenzy" of bites on Screamin' Norman's forehead, cover, 2-count. Now Shark boy's got a reverse chin lock on him.
Smiley finally rolls out of the chin lock, then breaks the hold with two solid elbows to the gut. A Smiley whip of Shark Boy into the turnbuckle gets reversed, and Smiley gets a double mule kick to the breadbasket. Shark Boy covers, but only gets 2.
Back up now, a whip to the ropes is blocked by Smiley, who then savate kicks Shark Boy under the chin. Whip to the ropes, elbow in the teeth and down goes Shark Boy again. Whip into the corner is reversed, but Shark Boy eats a boot as he charges in, staggering him, and Norman Smiley slaps on his "Norman Conquest" submission finisher for the win! (4:44)
About time, I think for some more
Same old, same old
Footage of Lex Lu-, uh, Total Package and Liz calling out Jimmy Hart, then "breaking his arm" for him. I have to admit, Luger is getting better on the stick, and he is dynamite at the house shows. But you can tell that, though the build may still be there, the speed is not any more.
Match # 6: Evan Karagias ( w/ Three Count) d. Adrian Byrd
Tenay should be here, he really should!
Three Count does their incredibly sad song and dance routine, but gets their music cut off by "Brad, the Sound Guy". Heenan pronounces Brad a dead man for this little faux pas, but brad's too busy cueing up Adrian Byrd's entry music to worry about that, and we're underway. Well, after an initial offense by Adrian, he gets tossed out of the ring by Evan, and into the waiting arms, (and fists) of Three Count. Byrd gets a beating while Karagias is distracting the referee. A springboard clothesline by karagias off the top rope nails Byrd to the floor.
Back in the ring, where Byrd starts getting some of his own back from Karagias. Massive powerslam by Byrd rocks Evan but Three Count are there to turn the tide.
Shane Helms waffles Byrd with the Green Circle of Doom while Shannon's got the ref. distracted. Karagias hits a corkscrew body press from the top turnbuckle, hooks a leg, and Adrian Byrd is done. (2:55)
That "Whole Nine Yards" flick looks like fun, even if it does have Bruce Willis in it.
Footage of the victory of the "Mamalukes" (aka "Paisans") over Too Excess. The post-match celebrations are marred by Disco Inferno getting sapped by a crowbar-wielding Crowbar, and Daffney runs off with the Tag Team title belts, screaming with laughter.
Match # 7: the Mamalukes (w/Disco Inferno) d. Too Excess
A street fight from the get-go, with Idol and Lane pummelling the Mamalukes, until the Armstrongs arrive and tip the balance in the mamalukes favor. The referee sees this, though, and slaps everybody with a No Contest. (4:56) Too little, too late, as the fight continues unabated. After Idol and lane are beaten into submission, Disco inferno comes over to thank the Armstrongs, and gets a beat-down for his troubles.
Hudson/Heenan Talking Heads Segment 3:
The David Flair/ Terry funk "I Quit" match is discussed. Synopsis: Funk just annihilates Flair, then quits so he won't have to hurt David any more (but David still ended up in the hospital by all accounts.)
This causes Arn Anderson to wash his hands of Ric and David Flair, and he also chastises Funk for going too far. Footage from last Wednesday's "Thunder" where Dustin Runnels gives Ric Flair his marching orders, and reinforces it with a match. Flair is saved by Lex Luger.
Hey Ric, how you gonna have time to run for the NC governor's chair if you keep foolin' around with these guys?
Still more Commercials
Match # 8: The Harris Boys d. Villano IV & V
This should have been a better match than it was, but the Villanos had to carry these two oafs for most of the match, selling the hell out of every offensive ( and REALLY offensive) move Ron & Don made, and getting no-sells out the wazoo in return. Sidewalk slam on Villano V leads to a harris Boys' double team powerslam, lateral press and a cover by Ron Harris for the pin. (4:25)
A waste of real talent (on the part of the Villanos) in order to push these two "wrestlers". Sheesh!
Footage of Bam Bam Bigelow winning the Hardcore title from Brian Knobbs.
Hudson/Heenan Talking Heads Segment 4:
Hudson shills the WCW hotline, which Heenan affects never to have heard of before this. Hudson gets all the info out to us fans, as we all learn, courtesy of Bobby Heenan, a little too much about Scott Hudson's "fashion sense" while on the set.
Match # 9: WCW World Champion Sid Vicious d. Al Green
You have GOT to be kidding me!
I mean, we all know that Al Green was Kevin Nash's partner at one time, and he IS big, mean, and nasty, and he still has a push of sorts going on over with Ted DiBiase's WXO promotion. But this match is, to quote Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: "Like sending a three-toed sloth out to seize turf from a wolverine!"
Green comes to the ring, visions of rides to the hospital dancing in his head.
The lights go out.
Big Sid is unleashed, and we are given, yet again, a glimpse of the hellish apocalypse that is waiting for pro-wrestling in general, and WCW in particular.
Bobby the Brain is mightily impressed with Mr. Vicious, who is once again distributing concussions and broken bones to the fans at ringside as he makes his entrance.
Is that "squash" casserole I smell cookin'?
Let's see if the match lasts longer than, oh, I don't know, sixty seconds, startinggggggg...
Big Boot to Al Green's face by Sid.
One-handed choke-slam on Al Green by Sid.
Heenan: "HE DID IT IN ONE MOVE AND ONE-HANDED! I've seen wrestlers have to take up to THREE MOVES to choke-slam an opponent!"
HUGE POWERSLAM by Sid.
One handed cover. 1...2...3 (0:45)
Yipes, it's the Harris Boys in to beat on Sid and at more to Mr. Sid's casserole. Here comes Ron. There goes Ron. Here comes Don. There goes Don.
Here comes Jeff Jarrett to git him some as well, but he's only able to have a slice of boot to the face. Jarrett bails out, with Sid in hot pursuit.
Hudson and Heenan are in the way of the stampede, and beat a hasty retreat to:
Hudson/Heenan talking heads Segment 5:
Scott and Bobby are holed up in the (very fragile) safety of the "Talking Heads" set.
While Bobby the Brain keeps a sharp lookout for any N.W.O. guys, (Not to mention a deranged World Champion that's loose in the building!) Scott shills for the Monday Nitro Main Event, Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan. Heenan, after being dragged from his hiding place behind Scott Hudson, tells Sid vicious to be careful and watch out whe he goes up against Jeff Jarrett at Superbrawl 2000.
Hudson reminds us one more time about Flair/Hogan on Nitro, and we're done.
Remember Bobby Heenan's comment about the "wheels coming off?"
Boy the wheels came off here at the end of this week's "WCW Saturday Night!"
Great work early on, especially from the Power Plant grads, but it's the veterans who seem to be just "going through the motions" out here on Saturday Night. The Harris Boys have no business doing a cruise-control match! This is just sheer arrogance and lousy booking.
The so-called "Main Event" was a NON-EVENT, even with the N.W.O. run-in!
On the bright side, the presence of Bobby Heenan livens up any broadcast. If WCW is truly planning to make the "Thunder" show their flagship, now, then Heenan's in the right spot. And Hudson should go with him. These guys work great together and are trying real hard as only two pros can.
Nine matches, with a total of 34 minutes 54 seconds of actual in-ring action, in a two-hour broadcast venue.
You do the math!
See you next week
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