Yes, this is a WCW Saturday Night recap. But my tape starts off with the last five or six minutes of "Never Say Never Again." That was the James Bond movie starring Sean Connery when he was getting old, and it actually isn't considered one of the "official" Bond movies. I had the sneaking suspicion that I had seen this movie before, and I was right. The only thing was it was called "Thunderball."

Ah, it's time! The glowing logo starts us, followed by Dance Party USA 2000! Rave on, baby, it's time for WCW Saturday Night!

Your hosts this week are Scott Hudson and The Artist Formerly Known As "Slapnutz" Mike Tenay (as coined by Mr. Hudson). And since this isn't one of the important shows, let's start with a match, shall we?

Adrian Byrd vs. The Wall: This is almost the same exact match we had on World Wide a couple of weeks ago, except you can place Meng in place of The Wall. The Wall doesn't get the crappy camera treatment of Berlyn, but he does get to use all the same crappy offense that Meng does. Right hand...uppercut...stomps...foot to throat. Boy, this is something! Irish whip reversed by Byrd, so he gets a boot to the jaw for his troubles. To the outside and wall takes this opportunity to turn Byrd into a ragdoll. Back in the ring, and Byrd starts a comeback. But just like against Meng, the dropkick gets tossed off by The Wall. Wall with a big slam for two. Whip by Wall...SUNSET FLIP...NO! Wall gets Byrd by the throat (eventually), picks him up...chokeslam. Nick Patrick slams his hand on the mat three times, and that's one match down tonight (4:25).

When we come back: Jeff Jarrett vs. Mike Tenay!

This portion of Jeff Jarrett Saturday Night (they actually said that) is brought to us by Castrol GTX.

Into the studio we go to introduce the recap of Jarrett's antics with Mike on Nitro. Back off the flashback, Tenay says this isn't his personal forum, but tonight we'll see Devin Storm vs. Chris Benoit! Hudson says that the Powers That Be sent down a memo that Jarrett is to be pushed to the moon, so now we get to see of Jarrett's challenge to Goldberg!

And now because it's the Jeff Jarrett segment....

Johnny Attitude vs. Jeff Jarrett: Jarrett comes in and poses, then starts the attack before the bell. Immediately outside, and Attitude tastes all the various forms of steel around the ring. Back inside, a whip...Jarrett catches a boot, spin and clothesline downs Attitude. Choke on the middle rope by Jarrett. Now a whip, reversed and a punch by Attitude. Attitude charges and gets tossed over the top with a back body drop. Back inside, Irish whip by Jarrett...Attitude moves out of the way! Inside cradle gets two! Punches by Attitude...whip...Jarrett slides under. Kick to the gut by Jarrett, and now the crappiest finisher in the business (besides anything involving a man taking off his elbow pad) gets Jarrett the pin (3:45ish).

Commercial time!

Back in studio with Scott: "We're diggin' dirt nationwide here in WCW. So raise a glass to a toast for you're hotline hosts. And let me hear you say...Hotlinin' ain't easy!" It's just a plug for the 900 number folks.

Back in the arena, the Legal Department is on the phone for Scott as we get to...

Elix Skipper vs. Kid Romeo: Scott compliments Mike for not killing Juventud on Thunder. Split crowd for the two men, but soon they turn on Romeo. Mike asks Scott about the plans for Saturday Night that the Internet is abuzz about. Scott ensures us we'll always have wrestling on Saturday Night, as we have for 27 (long, glorious) years, but things may change soon. Crossbody by Romeo gets two. Romeo up, whips Skipper into the corner. Mount by Romeo for a monkey flip, but Skipper with a hotshot. Armdrag into a rocker dropper variation for two. Sunset flip by Romeo gets a two. Skipper goes up top, walks the rope, and a double sledge hammer gets another two. Armdrag into a full nelson by Skipper leads to the Romeo comeback - check that - double underhook suplex gets two for Skipper. Whip to the ropes...armdrag blocked by Romeo...into a body scissors and a bulldog by Romeo. Double knockout spot, then Round 15 from Rocky all over again turns into a spinning heel kick for Romeo. Drop kick and a full front slam for two. Romeo up top for a 'rana. That gets two. Whip and Skipper with a kick...European uppercut stuns Romeo. Skipper with a scoop...Romeo slips out...turns him around...full scoop and he DROPS HIM ON THE BACK OF HIS NECK! My Lord, he should have had his neck broken on that one. They call it the Romeo Meltdown, but it works for a three count either way (6:07). Romeo is going to end up breaking someone's neck with that thing sooner or later.

For the record, the crowd really didn't like Kid Romeo.

After these commercials, Lash LaRoux is next!

Let me just say that Scott Hudson is pretty good, but the only reason people like him so much is because they hate Tony Schiavone that much more. I mean, how many people do you think would complain about him doing stuff like "Hotlinin' ain't easy" if he was on Nitro. It would be just like everyone ripping into Juventud for ripping off The Rock on Thunder. Oh, that and Juvy just, in general, sucks.

And back to the ring we go for :

Villano IV vs. Lash LaRoux: Chain wrestling to start. Now a whip...leapfrog...clothesline by Villano IV. He sets Lash on the top turnbuckle for...something that just looked uglier than anything else has tonight (except that move by Romeo). Of all the matches so far tonight, this one has been the worst. Bourbon Street Blues for two by LaRoux. Powerslam by Villano gets two. Inside cradle gets two. DDT gets two. Villano goes up top and misses a...something. LaRoux comes back and gets the Whiplash for three (4:15). That was just sad.

When we come back, a recap of the referee walkout.

we're back, and we start this recap with...David Flair? Oh well, he comes out with Symphony, then DDP comes out and beats Flair up. (Hey DDP? You remember that nice run back in 1997 and 1998 against Savage and the NWO? Remember just how popular you became? I hope you do, because you'll never be that popular again.) This, of course, leads right into that clusterfuck that happened before the lumberjack match. CRZ already did a recap of this, and you can find it right here.

Starrcade spot segues into commercial.

Coming back, we recap the Oklahoma match from Monday. Now back in the arena....

Mike Sanders vs. Rick Cornell: Cornell is huge in the upper body, but that's about it. High knee by Cornell, reversed into a cradle for two by Sanders. Gee, how long do you think it'll be before Russo decides to turn Mike here into "The Colonel." Into the corner for punches and kicks by Cornell. Irish whip reversed...back body drop puts Sanders on the apron. Sanders goes for a springboard, and Cornell drops him on the rope. Irish whip...kick...butterfly suplex for two by Cornell. Whip...armdrag for one. Sitting surfboard and a knee to the kidneys by Cornell. Sanders gets up...but gets taken down again for one. And we're back to the sitting surfboard again. Up and a whip by Cornell, ducked and a spinning heel kick by Sanders....1 count. Dropkick by Cornell gets two. Scoopp slam...Sanders comes back with a belly to back suplex. Punches by Sanders. Armdrag...back body drop. Dropkick...jawbreaker variation by Sanders. But a second rope springboard moonsalt misses. Cornell with a pickup onto his shoulder...drops him into a slop drop position...and now a spinning neck breaker variation of some sort. Whatever it was, it worked for 3! (6:04)

At Starrcade, it'll be Dr. Death vs. Vampiro! Saturday Night is back after this!

And because this is the only WCW show where you can find wrestling....

Bad Barry Horowitz vs. Perry Saturn (w/Asya): So who's the face here? Armdrag, so Barry pats himself on the back. Hey, if he could never get over with the same gimmick for over a decade, who's going to stop him now? Saturn with an armdrag, and Barry kicks the bottom rope in disgust. Saturn with a springboard moonsalt. T-bone suplex. Horowitz comes back with a European uppercut. Northern Lights suplex gets two. Inside cradle gets two. Again for two. Slam and a pat on the back by Barry! High knee takes out Saturn. So as Charles Robinson goes out to check on Saturn, Asya comes in to pull Barry down by the hair. Head scissors by Asya, and we get a shot of two guys in the crowd. This is just so profane, don'cha know? Saturn back in for the Rings of Saturn, and that's that. (3:15)

Dean Malenko comes down for a promo. He talks about the nation that is the Revolution. Perry says that in their country, Christmas comes twice a year! Huh?

Commercials!

Recap of the World Tag Team Title match as Goldberg and Bret Hart take on Creative Control. We see evil ref Mike Johnson start acting evil, for lack of a better way of putting it, so out comes Rowdy Roddy Piper, who decides to nicely ask Mr. Johnson to leave. Meanwhile, Hart and Goldberg get the advantage on CC, until the double finisher by our heroes gives them the WCW World Tag Team Championship! Hey, how come nobody has tried to dig up how many people have won the triple crown in WCW/NWA and the WWF, as Bret Hart has now done? (I think 'cause he's the only one... - CRZ)

All the commercials attached to the show (not the lowly local ads) sound like they were dubbed off the radio.

Scott and Mike are back in studio, shilling the hotline. Scott actually tells us "Hotlinin' ain't easy?" Oh Lord.

Recap of the Evan/Madusa situation. That leads us to...

Alan Funt vs. Evan Karageous (for the WCW Cruiserweight Title): Madusa has blue hair, prompting Scott to ask if Schiavone had a yard sale. Chain wrestling to start, as Evan finally gains an actual advantage with a hip toss and a drop kick sending Alan out. Evan proceeds to do a springboard crossbody onto Alan. Back in the ring, Irish whip and a running clothesline. Evan tries it again, but Alan moves, giving Funt the chance to hit a belly to back and start some offense. Funt with a pick up for a body slam, then runs and drops him, essentially. Alan has the offense going pretty well, and Scott asks if Madusa is really a cruiserweight. Mike acts shocked. Lateral press gets two for Funt. Scott apologizes for offending Mike, since he doesn't know anything about Mike's personal life. Evan finally gets the offense back after a powerslam out of the corner. Dropkick, dropkick, THE TERRY TAYLOR FIVEARM! Two for Evan. And now Evan after a snap suplex hits the corkscrew body press for the pin (6:45? I dunno).

Recap of the Zybysko vs. PTB feud from Nitro. Prompting the question of when WCW has started using replay to decide matches? Did no one think that Arn Anderson was just coming out to help his fellow former Horseman?

Steve Armstrong vs. Lord Steven Regal (with David Taylor):Well, it should be a pretty decent wrestling match, at least. Single leg takedown, and now more of this boring chain wrestling stuff that they've been doing for the last 90 seconds. By the way, Mike really hated Juvy on color commentary. I bet he might start getting mad at the Powers That Be even more! Armstrong gets Regal down with a knuckle lock, but Regal gets back up, and put son a side headlock. Regal wraps Armstrong's arm around his throat, so it's reversed by Armstrong, and then done again by Regal. Regal finally takes him down, and tosses Armstrong out to Taylor, who proceeds to jack Armstrong with the Union Jack. Finally Steve gets rolled back in, and stomping away goes Regal. Headlock gets 2 for Regal twice. R sets too early for a back body drop, gets a boot and a clothesline, but kicks out in two. Regal gets the advantage back with the European uppercut. Regal with submission holds, but Armstrong back to his feet, and finally takes him down. Punching away at the head goes Armstrong, but dirty tricks gets regal the advantage back. Another USA chant attempt tried, but it isn't working. Finally, we have...a shot of some women as Armstrong gets the advantage! Back body drop and a right hand by Armstrong takes him down. Armstrong off the ropes, but Taylor holds the leg. Mickey Jay comes over to admonish Taylor, allowing Regal to grab the Union Jack and clothesline Armstrong with the flag pole. Jay turns around to count the 1, 2, 3! (8:20 ish. I don't know, but it was longer than a trip to hell) Of course, all those pole shots weren't enough to put Armstrong out earlier, but THIS ONE did it.

And coming off our last set of commercials, it's time for our main event... Devon Storm vs. Chris Benoit: Devon gets the advantage early, but Benoit comes back quickly and just starts to destroy Devon. That includes knife edge chops a plenty and a toss over the turnbuckle to the floor. Benot with a dragon screw legwhip ON THE FLOOR! Devon gives Benoit a drop toe hold ON A CHAIR ON THE FLOOR. Storm with a big splash off the apron ON THE FLOOR! Storm with a Hotshot on the apron ON THE FLOOR! Back in the ring, Benoit kicks out, then goes on the offense, with knife edge chops! Go behind by Benoit out of the corner, reversed, reversed, northern lights suplex for two! Front suplex by Storm for 2. Summersalt legdrop for two. Singapore lariat by Storm. He heads for the top rope, Benoit back up...SUPERPLEX! Both men up! Benoit with punches and chops on Storm! Whip, reversed, Benoit grabs the top rope and back body drops Storm over! But Storm holds on! Benoit with the throat slash (or the 15 yard penalty), but he doesn't see Storm coming. Kidney punch by Storm. But Benoit comes right back. German Suplex #1...#2...#3! Now the slash again by Benoit! I'm starting to mark out just a bit here! To the top rope...swan dive headbutt! He stands Storm up...Crippler Crossface!!!! Storm taps immediately! (6:15) That my friends might just be the Saturday Night Match of the Year! Forget that Benoit won, Storm was pretty darn good himself!

So that's our show for this week. And I don't get to tell you any of that crappy stuff about myself that you wouldn't really care about anyway. Oh darn! There's always next week, I assume.