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/27 January 2000

WWF SmackDown!





I GET LETTERS: StimeeT takes offense: The Rock is so not a coward, and so what if he's a sore loser, every once in a while. Who isn't? As for the Rock getting back into the ring on Smackdown after he was eliminated, he was just giving the people what they want, and we want the Rock. He is the most charismatic wrestler in the business and he has the skills to back up whatever he says. Don't the hate the Rock because you're not him. That's being a sore loser.

First of all, "hate" is such a strong word. Second of all, "not being him" has nothing to do with it! Really, is it SO BAD for me to like the Big Show just because HE hates the Rock?

KINGS UPDATE: 26-14, third place, 6GB. The Kings are in the midst of a league record EIGHT game road trip (to make up for their almost-as-long homestand beginning the season, following the Japan trip...) which will probably set the tone for the second half of the season. Did you watch them defeat the Hornets Tuesday? Man, that was alternately ugly AND sweet. But a win's a win...

You are w....

One World Leader GIANT TV-PG-DLV Attitude - WWF!

LAST MONDAY: Rock, Rikishi, crotch shots, chair shots, Cactus big whoop

Opening Credits

LIGHT UP THE ARENA WITH THE PYRO 'cause it's COLD outside - THIS is WWF SmackDown! 27.1.2K (but taped 26.1, a day late due to blizzzard) and things are fixin' to happen...again

KING ASS v. AL SNOW (with Head) - Backstage, Snow tells Steve Blackman that if he beats Mr. Ass tonight, he and Blackman will get a tag team title shot on Monday. "Well, I'm glad to see you're finally concentrating on business." "I always do!" "No, your last brainstorm had fifteen thousand idiots last Monday callin' me 'Head Cheese.'" "Look, I know you didn't like the Head Cheese idea, that's why I've got a better one for ya--" and he puts some pink, fuzzy rabbit ears on Blackman's head. "Whaddaya think, hah? *Snow Bunnies.* Better hop back - here come the Snow Bunnies...ok, ok, ok, I see by your expression you obviously don't like that one either - that's fine - we'll just stick with Head Cheese." Blackman gives us a "maintain" vibe in his classically-trained way. Snow's out now and maybe we'll have a match before it's all said and done. Dogg is out with the flu, we are told. Snow with a single leg takedown, punching the head (rabbit punches?), Gunn kicks out, ducks a lariat, gutshot, off the ropes, Snow hangs on and Gunn's dropkick misses. Snow's elbowdrop misses. Both men up - gutshot from Gunn, right, off the ropes, duck, crossbody by Gunn for 2. Gunn apparently smashed his face in that collision, and goes to a headlock, then a choke to try to shake it off. In the corner, kick, kick, into the opposite corner, Snow puts up the boots, Gunn stops short and punches away on him. Into the opposite corner again - Ass splash finds the mark. Running off the ropes, Snow pulls the top rope and he goes flying. Snow outside and stomping on him. Head to the barricade. Snow biting his sniffer! Gunn blocks another barricade shot and delivers one of his own. Back in, Snow gets the advantage stomping away. Suplex is blocked, again, and Gunn takes Snow over the top rope to the floor! Snow pulls Ass to the apron, then hits him in ...a sensitive area. Snow back in the ring - got him by the hair - backbreaker across the knee. Snow to the top...legdrop MISSES! Gunn hits an atomic drop, and another, and there's a third one. Into the ropes, baaaack body drop, going for it again, whip is reversed, Snow puts his head down and Ass hits a jackhammer. Motioning for the Fame'Asser but Snow hides behind referee "Blind" Jim Korderas - STEVE BLACKMAN (and Riggs & Murtaugh) are out with the kendo stick, but Gunn steals it and delivers blows to both Blackman and Snow. Korderas calls for the bell (DQ 3:31) and there WILL be a tag team title match between the Outlaws and this new team on Monday.

In the Helmsley office, Hunter says that didn't go too well, there. We can't have another night like Monday, ending up with all the happy faces making life miserable for them and such. Stephanie wants to know what's up with Rock & Rikishi - some sort of alliance? Hunter says we'll nip that in the bud with a Rock vs. Rikishi match tonight. A knock at the door brings the Big Show a-callin'. He's brought some fuzzy Polaroids (we don't get to see them) that he says is the proof that they need. Helmsley says this isn't enough - perhaps an eyewitness could help them sway their decision. He ALSO says he needs a favour, so he might want to suit up tonight. Stephanie: "You know, you really ARE the Game." Helmsley: "You know, I'm beginning to think he's right - maybe he DID beat the Rock..."

Here's a look at Cactus Jack's Groucho Marx impersonation. You bet your life!

The Rock will appear on "Star Trek: Voyager" on 9 February! See the eyebrow! Feel the Rock Bottom! Is NOTHING sacred when they have to defile a "Star Trek" with WWF superstars?

Hey! TV Guide collector's covers! Price gouging! Mr. Murdoch thanks you for your support!

CACTUS JACK walks out as We Are Taken Back to black'n'white clips from the Street Fight at Sunday's Rumble. Jack brandishes a lead pipe. "Okay - now I may be Cactus Jack, but I am no idiot. You see, there's about eight guys backstage who hate my guts, so I did not come out alone." That's a Duggan-esque pose there... "I'd like to talk about the Royal Rumble just a little bit, and the return to action of Cactus Jack. In some ways, one of the greatest triumphs in my life, as we tore Madison Square Garden down. Maybe one of the greatest matches in my professional life - hell no, it WAS one of the greatest matches in my professional life - maybe one of the greatest in wrestling history. But it was also a disappointment because I didn't bring home the WWF Championship. You see, we saw a side of Triple H that I didn't know existed on Sunday night. A side just a little bit more sadistic, a side just a little rougher and yes, a side just a little tougher, so Triple H, with all due respect you showed the world you are the WWF Champion, and you proved you are The Game. But I proved that it doesn't really matter whether you win or lose, it's how you maim the Game! You see, Triple H, you made some predictions, and they only halfway came true. You said my blood was going to stain New York City - well, there was blood, and it did stain New York, but it sure as hell wasn't mine! You see, Triple H - I busted you wide open and I made your face into a crimson mask, and it was you - not me - that was flirting with unconsciousness - and it was all said and done, the bottom line is you look like you'd just survived a trip through hell - and I looked like I'd just had a pretty good time. And I think Baltimore, Maryland (local pop), and the entire SmackDown! world deserves ANOTHER good time! So what I'm saying, Triple H, is look around and search and try to find the testicular fortitude to enter This Very Ring...not tonight, not in one hour, but The entire world is waiting - come on - show me what you got - bring it down!" Our favourite theme music plays - but it's STEPHANIE ONO and not the champ walking to the ring, microphone in hand. I saw her headlights! I saw her headlights! "This isn't quite what I had in mind...." "You really are pathetic, aren't you? Trying to salvage your reputation after my husband (Triple H) BEAT you at your own game. And Triple H - he wanted to come out here, but we thought about it and - why? What's the point? He already proved that he is just as crazy, just as sadistic, and just as tough as Cactus Jack." "You're going to deny everybody around the world of another go-round with Triple H and Cactus Jack." "What's the point? We've already proved - Triple H is the WWF Champion." "Now wait, wait, let me - now I'll admit your husband is a hell of a man - taking a look at you, well I've got to admit that you look like a hell of a woman, but I'm afraid there's not going to be an heir to the McMahon-Helmsley dynasty, you see I'm not a doctor, but it seems like it would be a physical impossibility for you to produce and heir, seeing as how your husband has absolutely no testicles..." and Stephanie hauls off and SLAPS him. "My instinct right now, to be absolutely positive with you, is to slap the taste right outta your mouth - but instead, Steph, we're going to play a little game - it's called 'Slap Me Again and Find Out What Happens.' Are you ready to play the game? Come on, Steph. I'm not asking you to slap me, Stephanie, I'm telling you - lay it in and find out what happens to you! One time! I am saying please! Please! Lay it in! Lay it in! Bangbang!" Stephanie, now sufficiently frightened, has backed out of the ring and up the aisle. "You know, what I feel like doing is following you back to whatever hole you just crawled out from, find your husband, and leet - beat the living crap out of him. But the sight of you and Triple H - the thought of the two of you kinda makes me sick, so what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna go against my better judgement - I'm gonna get my bag, and I'm gonna get the hell out of town - just this one time. But you send a message to Triple H, and which is - anytime he feels like finishing what I started, I am ready. Bangbang!"

Halftime Heat will see Stone Cold Steve Austin's first interview since his surgery - also highlights from the swimsuit competition and tag team table match! Halftime Heat is SUNDAY! The San Jose Mercury TV listings finally show Heat at 4pm (for 70 minutes, if I recall correctly) and also at 7 Pacific, so there you go.

Moments Ago, Jack got slapped, and Stephanie was given a message to deliver...

During the Break, Jack was WALKING! Right out of the building, in fact...

Hardcore Holly says the family thinks he and his cousin should get back together - Crash says he and his partner are undefeated! Hardcore says maybe he'll just take out Viscera tonight, then...

EDGE (you think you snow him) & CHRISTIAN v. NO LIMIT DUDLEY BOYZ - Christian and Edge share some get well wishes to Terri, and promise to take care of the Dudleyz tonight - hopefully the Hardyz and Terri are watching tonight to see it. Let Us Take You Back to Monday where Terri was put through a table (so to speak). We learn that Terri has no broken bones, but DID suffer head, neck and back trauma. Pier Four Brawl to start, the Dudleys getting the better of that. Edge tossed to the outside, there's a headbutt for Christian, right hand, right, right, each man alternating moves. Both men running off the rope, Edge catches Buh-Buh Ray's foot while Christian ducks the clothesline and hits a belly-to-back suplex on D-Von. Edge with a missile dropkick to the back of Buh-Buh Ray's head, Christian with a swinging neckbreaker. Off the ropes, double flapjack on D-Von for 2. Christian sent into the corner, up and over as D-Von charges, Buh-Buh Ray throws a right, D-Von ducks and he hits Christian. Slop drop - nope, more of a ... reverse front suplex? I dunno. Edge brought into the ring to distract referee "Blind" Mike Chioda long enough to allow the Dudleys to do the "headbutt to the graun" spot. 2 count. Off the ropes, twisting shoulderblock by D-Von. Tag, head to the buckle, Buh-Buh Ray wailing away with rights and standing on the throat while screaming "I HOPE YOU DIE!!" Well, that's not nice. Christian tries to get in a few shots, but they're not having much of an effect. Big headbutt. And here's one to the jimmy. Christian holds onto the ropes, so Buh-Buh Ray goes back to punching - and a choke. Christian tries to fire back, but nothing doing. Off the ropes, biiiiiiig back body drop. Buh-Buh Ray working the neck - but the crowd is coming to life. Elbow, elbow, elbow, off the ropes, but into a Samoan Drop by Dudley. Buh-Buh Ray on the second rope - Edge over on the apron - Buh-Buh Ray stopping to look at him - Christian takes HIS shot at a man ensemble. Christian with a top-rope Frankensteiner! Both men down...who will tag? I bet both of them will. Hey, crowd's kinda into this! Tag to D-Von, tag to Edge! Shoulderblock, scoop slam, spinning heel kick to Buh-Buh, DDT back to D-Von, 2 count. Buh-Buh from behind, whi pis reversed, double backdrop by Edge & Christian. Christian springs into a plancha to the floor on Buh-Buh Ray! Off the ropes, Edge ducks, can you see it coming?, spear! 1, 2, 3! (5:45) There's no time for a celebration, however, as Buh-Buh Ray sends Christian into the steps, then attacks Edge from behind. 3D! Dudley Death Drop! Christian back in the ring...3D! Dudley Death Drop! Time to go table huntin' - and Buh-Buh Ray has found one. Edge placed on it - D-Von placing Christian on Buh-Buh Ray's shoulders - on the apron - POWERBOMB! There's "the Look" again on Buh-Buh Ray, while D-Von climbs on the announce table just off camera. Edge is bleeding from the mouth...the only complaint I can make is this replay doesn't get off Edge *quite* soon enough, and you can see him put the capsule in his mouth. Here's one more replay. Cole says the Dudley Boyz are "out there." Hmm, that sounds familiar...

Mankind invades Manhattan! Mmmm beefy and stuff!

TitanTron Live ad

Cole and Lawler talk about how great "I Dare You: the Ultimate Challenge" is and how UPN is the network for the rest of us.

Triple H asks Stephanie what she was thinking to go out there and slap Cactus Jack...but this moment is interrupted by Kane. "IIIII...want X-Pac - and I want him ... toniiight." Helmsley says he isn't here, but he can have him Monday night. Stephanie says first he has to defeat the Big Show tonight - then tells Hunter she's feeling much better...

VISCERA v. HARDCORE HOLLY - Let Us Take You Back to Monday where Viscera & Crash Holly met with success as a tag team. Holly wants a test of strength (ha!), Viscera offers the other hand WAAAAY up in the air (HA!) Holly flips him one and starts with the kicking and punching. Backed into the corner, Holly tries to whip him out, but it does't work. Viscera takes him over the top rope to the floor. Holly ready to try to get back in - there's a beal from Viscera. Off the ropes, duck, Holly tries to knock him down but he doesn't move. Holly decides to try again and runs smack into the Alleged Spinning Heel Kick. Shoulderblock by Viscera - he's running the ropes, hide your children! Holly with the Best Dropkick in the Business and he HAS managed to take him down. But he poses instead of following up. Now Holly is pounding away with rights and kicks as CRASH HOLLY walks down to the ringside area. Holly with a choke. Going to try the whip again - it's reversed - Holly put back in the corner - FAT ASS SPLASH! Crash looks concerned. Samoan Drop! 1, 2, 3. (2:14) Holly continues to show concern - Viscera, on the other hand is ready to splash him again. Crash gets up into the ring - and on Viscera's back! Hardcore's come to, and kicks at the knee, chopping down the big tree. The Hollys are apparently back together, doubleteaming Viscera. Double clothesline to take him over the top rope! Their music plays...

The Helmsleys enjoy the fruit and veggie tray - Show is back for his pictures. He says he'll do them a favour tonight, but DON'T abuse the privlige...

Kane and Tori - are - WALKING!!! Just to mix it up, there are some STAIRS involved!

What happens when your favourite WWF Superstars take over network television for a week? The UPN might call it "Bad Attitude Week," but *I* call it SWEEPS WEEK!

..atching UPN!

Here's an exterior look at the Baltimore Arena in Baltimore, MD. Tonight's show is brought to you by MILK!, THQ's WrestleMania 2000 for the N64, and

THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE (and Tori with the Giant TV-PG-DLV ratings box) v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW - there's some weird editing in here somewhere, making Kane's theme sound all weird. Maybe his pyro didn't work right the first time? Kane with the boot to start - hammering away with punches, well it's a big headbutt, back to punches from Kane, back and forth we go, kicking from the Show, into the corner, Kane with a clothesline as he comes out. Uppercut. Kick, off the ropes, well it's a big superkick. "Shut up!" Kane sandwiching Kane between himself and the second rope. Headbutt. Off the ropes, duck, caught his foot, there's an enzuigiri from Kane. Thank GOD Lawler managed to work in a "woo hoo, puppies" in here. (Sarcasm.) Choking in the corner, referee "Blind" Jack Doan trying to get the break, Kane tending to ignore him. Right hand. Show comes back with a side Russian legsweep, and Kane goes outside - not far enough, Show brings him back in - but Kane counters the suplex attempt with a hot shot. Head to the buckle when Kane comes back in. Another uppercut. Off the ropes, reversed, Show takes him over the top rope to the floor with ease. Tori over to check on Kane, but here comes the Big Show. As Kane goes into the STEEL steps, we check the double feature of the toss. "Who's the Big Show now?" Ummm, who was the Big Show before then? Rolled back in the ring, Show follows - he's on a mission! Kane kicking away, but Show bodyslams himi. Elbowdrop - misses! Kane getting second wing - there's five rights but he sees X-PAC approaching the ringside area and that's enough to get the Show back in with a clubbing blow to the back of the head. Off the ropes, Kane hits a DDT - X-Pac has Tori in a waistlock of sorts - so Kane is out after him. Before Kane can chokeslam him, though - Show is off the apron with a double sledge. Doubleteam is on - TREBLE H & KING ASS are out, Doan is taken out with one punch from Triple H. Four on one, Kane into the STEEL steps. Kane taken in the ring, and Triple H has a chair - WHACK. Tori in disbelief - time now for ahhhhhhtheCHOKESLAAAAAAM. Kane set up in the corner as X-Pac talks a bit of SmackDown! smack to Tori. Show standing on the neck as Triple H produces a rope and proceeds to tie Kane to the ringpost. 'Pac's got THE STICK in one hand and Tori's hand in the other: "Hey Kane! I'd like to tell you a little tale right now, BUDDY. I think I'll call it...the X-Pac/Tori Christmas Story! Now let me fast-forward to the hotel scene 'cause that's where all the good stuff happened anyway. And after all, that's where your girl seduced me. Like, the way she looked at me when she started undressing - taking all her clothes off - piece, by piece, by piece, until she was standing there ... TOTALLY NUDE! And my my my, what a hotty body this one's got, let me tell ya. Yeah I did, you just shut up. And then how she walked over to me, and let me tellya, this one likes it rough. She ripped all my clothes off, every stitch! And then how you kissed my lips...(audio replaced - video replaced - wonder what he's saying - clearly not TV-PG and PTC-friendly - so why have it on SmackDown!?)...and yeah, it was a wonderful Christmas for us - Santa had a hell of a sleigh ride that night - (audio replaced - video replaced - slo-mo filler video - commentary we heard before - bleah) - so I hope you liked my little tale - the X-Pac and Tori Christmas Story. And as for you, you can do anything you damn well want." Tori turns to leave the ring - stops - comes back...stands nose to nose with X-Pac - and plants one on him. "THE - END." And here's another one. My my, what a wholly unsatisfying resolution to this whole story they probably never should have started. There's just so many ways this doesn't make much sense - it's pretty un-WWF-like, you could say. I guess it doesn't help that they totally emasculated whatever was said with a TSN-job. Anyway, that's that. Hmm, no ending bell - let's take it from where the ref was punked out and call it (DQ 4:38)

Hey the Rock's gonna be on Star Trek: Voyager 9 February and Jeri Ryan's got some huge tits

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - hmmm, that STILL doesn't make any sense. Kane's just a big red bondage fantasy, isn't it? "During the Break" footage shows Kane walking out of the arena - hey, it's COLD out there and that arm is exposed! I guess he's gonna walk the earth for a while...

THA GODFATHA & D'LO BROWN (with twenty - no, ten ho's) v. TOO COOL - Cole says Edge did need some stitches from his injury earlier - what, to the inside of his mouth? Ha! Who's the heel team in this matchup? Uh huh. Scotty 2 Hotty and Brown start - lockup, side headlock from Scotty, powered out, shoulderblock from Brown, off the ropes, up and over, leapfrog, gutshot from Brown, hiptoss, no go, Scotty tries, flippy flippy, gutshot, vertical suplex, nip up. Moonwalking back for the tag. The ladies are applauding the wrong team! Oh well, probably not known for their brains anyway...Well, except for THOSE brains. Drop toehold from Brown as Sexay comes in - into the corner, springs off the second rope for a crossbody. Brown tries to come back, but Sexy hits a superkick out of the corner, and a second-rope bulldog. Sexay busts a move and tags in Scotty. Kick, right, off the ropes, Brown holds on, reverses, and hits a spinning heel kick. Tag to the Godfather - into the corner, into the opposite corner, clothesline coming out, another lariat, side kick, and it's time once again for the Ho Train - Scotty too Hotty steps aside and gives us a "whoa whoa whoa" - then he does the Wurm for no apparent reason. Godfather takes the mic as the ho's get on the apron. "Hey, you know - hey - hey you know what, man - we can fight any time - if party's what'chyall want, they party is what we gonna do - girls, come get in here, and let's lite this son of a gun uuuuup!" Hmm. (No contest? 2:45) Everybody dances, awww isn't that great. Crowd pops 'cause they're idiots who didn't come to see wrestling. To make this segment even BETTER, out come SEXUAL CHOCKLIT MIZARK HENRY & MAE YOUNG to Moolah's music. "Hold up, hold up! Hold up, hold up, cut the music, cut the music! I see everybody in here is in a joyous mood - we have an announcement to make! Where else but the WWF, and a party like this - we have an announcement - Mae, you tell 'em." "No." "C'mon, Mae, tell 'em." "You relly want me to tell 'em?" "Yeah!" "I'M PREGNANT!" "Let's party!" As Young's music plays, we get reaction shots from Brown ("that's disgusting!"), Godfather ("howzat possible?"), Too Cool ("we're sterile now!") and ... umm...she's like *79* - trust me, there ain't NOTHIN' in there. Hey, you know what would make this even better? She can have a miscarriage later - and it can be D'Lo Brown's fault! I'm starting to think tonight was a COMPLETE waste of time...oh, sorry, I love *everything* the WWF does, right? Somebody go tell those guys on the WrestleLine forum how biased I am again...

TitanTron Live ad #2

Mankind invades Manhattan...again

UPN's Bad Attitude week begins Monday, 7 February...again

"Moments Ago" - yeah, let's RELIVE it - anyway, we see it THIS time on a monitor backstage, where the Posse expresses incredulity - then, as Tazz walks by, the Posse has a bit of fun with his height. "What, are they starting a short man division in the WWF?" Tazz SPEAKS for the first time! "No, no, you got it wrong - it's a REAL man's division." The Posse says they're all about being real men - and Tazz asks if they want some. "Which one?" "All three."

GANGREL (with Luna Tunes and a burning ring o' far) v. TEST for the Hardcore Championship - Cole trying to get over that in that three-on-one - the POSSE doesn't stand a chance! Gangrel meets him on the aisle and we're already out to the staging area - Luna gives him the red mist and Gangrel takes control - for a while. I don't think my heart's in this. There's a hard hat shot - there's a hard hat headbutt. Luna throwing things at Test but they have no effect. A tabletop has a bit of an effect - Gangrel gets two. Now we're back behind the curtain and out a loading dock. Everybody trying hard not to slip on the ice - Luna's back out and "breaking" a "2x4" on Test's back. Test dumps Luna into the snow-filled bed of a nearby pickup, then tries to bury her but Gangrel is back with a piece of the board. Now we're back inside. Head into the phonebooth - there's a guy in there. Gangrel taken into the next phone boot, then Test grabs the phone receiver from the other guy. "Hey buddy - what's got small balls and hangs down? A bat! What's got (beeeeeeeeeeeeeep)" That's TWO shows in a row Test has tried to make funny and we haven't heard it - he should probably give that up. Gangrel back in control, no Test in control. Ehh, fuck it. I don't care. Fire extinguisher from Gangrel. Into a blackboard we go - could that be a sign Dean Douglas is returning? Probably not. Test takes him into...something metal. Now a piano - could that be a sign the Maestro is coming? "Playing a tune?" That Test - he could be a comedian, I swear. Luna is FINALLY back - but the shovel finds Gangrel, unfortunately. (Well, sorta - the head kinda FLIES off and doesn't hit ANYBODY but Gangrel...well, let's say he fell off the dock from DUCKING it. I dunno.) Test powerbombs Luna onto the piano, says "Eat this, fat boy," and drops an elbow into the boxes full of padding - quite possibly, he even makes contact with Gangrel! Referee "Happy to be here" Mike Sparks counts the pinfall. That's (4:15) I'll never get back.

Meanwhile, the Posse argues over who will get the pinfall on "Tizz." I'm guessing NONE of them will get the pinfall.

So, during "Bad Attitude" week, we'll see Hardcore Holly (didn't say which show), the Rock (yeah), and Triple H (with Urkel!) - also it isn't a Sweeps month without SmackDown! "The Rock dares you not to watch!" Hey, I'LL take that dare!

WrestleMania 2000 for the N64 ad...again presents WWF No Way Out!

MEAN STREET POSSE v. TAZZZ in a Handicap match - you know, that's some pretty good music, but damned if it doesn't need some LIVE DRUMS!!!!!!!! Nah. Cole calls Tazz "stocky, a scrapper, a human fireplug, a bulldog" and I wish Tazz would hear him and KICK HIS ASS. Rodney is first. Lockup, go behind, reversal, takeover by Tazz, kicks out, Tazz tries a legsweep, but Rodney is clueless and just kinda falls to the mat instead. Abs tagged in - elbows to Tazz, kicking away, tag to Pete, kick, kick, kick, standing on the throat - referee "Blind" Teddy Long trying to get the break and while he argues with Pete, Joey and Rodney work him over behind his back. Pete takes him off the ropes, Tazz ducks, clotheslines his head off. Rodney in - Rodney out - well, not over the top rope, he kinda misses. Then he misses the BOTTOM rope, kinda snapping his head and just sittin' on the apron instead of going outside. Abs at least knows how to sell a hot shot from the apron. There's the "manoeuvre" on Pete "Gas" and he's not gonna wait to pass out - he taps. (1:28) After the match, KURT ANGLE waffles him from behind, brings him into the ring, ducks a clothesline and hits his "we never named it" finisher. Then he channels the spirit of Mr. Bob Backlund by putting a crossface chickenwing and body scissors on Tazz, except with about 50% more chokehold. Angle's music plays and Tazz is ... bleeding from the mouth. So long, Tazz, nice to know ya.

Crash says he hopes Hardcore isn't jealous of him when he wins the Intercontinental title...

Mankind - invades - ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, brought to you by THQ's "WrestleMania 2000" for the N64 - from RAW last Monday, Chyna delivers the Pedigree to Hardcore Holly on the chair, followed by the Lionsault by Jericho for the victory.

CRASH HOLLY (with Scale & Hardcore Holly) v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO for the Intercontinental championship - before the champ comes out, the music plays and THAT SLUT CHYNA walks out for no apparent reason with a bazooka, then fires some pyro into the air. Did you ever see the perfect straight line right in front of you and just draw a blank? I'm sure we'll see Chyna's bazooka again, so I'm sure I'll get another chance. "Welcome to Baltimore is Jericho! And Hardcore, I don't blame you for being jealous of your cousin. I mean, I'd be jealous too if my cousin was Saturday morning cartoon superstar Elroy Jetson!" Jericho reads the Torch? "But with all due respect to you, Elroy, and to George and Astro as well, tonight I am gonna give you a horrible and savage beating that you will never, EEEEEEEEEEEVER forget!" and he rushes the ring. Quickly to the corner we go, pounding all over him, knees, Jericho taking him to the opposite corner ("Y2J" chant), Holly ducking the followup clothesline and kicking away. Right, chop, chop from Jericho - off the ropes, side kick, kip up, vertical suplex. "C'mon baby" only gets 2. Kick to the head, elbow, whip into the ropes is reversed, duck, Holly takes him outside - Hardcore over but nothing happens. Crash is out, Jericho taken to the barricade - whip into the STEEL steps is reversed. There's another head to the steps, and again. Is the crowd chanting "Jericho?" Crash rolled back into the ring - Jericho on the top rope - but Crash hits the ropes and crothces him. Right hand. Holly up on top - Frankensteiner! 1, 2, no! Scoop - and a slam. Top-rope...nothin', he eats a Jericho dropkick. Jericho blocks a punch and delivers one of his own. Gutshot, bulldog, cover, 2! Right, off the ropes, duck, Holly tries a Thesz press but Jericho powerbombs him - DOUBLE powerbomb! Haven't seen that in a while...crowd digs it and so do I. Going up for the Lionsault - but Hardcore hits a perfectly placed IC belt shot to the skull to stop that. Chyna is over to ...EAT A SUPERKICK FROM HARDCORE HOLLY! WOOOOO! Meanwhile, Crash finally recovers enough to cover - 1, 2, NO! Crash with a right, off the ropes, reversed, duck, up for the Walls of Jericho - meanwhile, on the outside, Chyna has managed to recover enough to DDT Hardcore. Crash taps out (3:58) and Chyna is in to present the title and raise Jericho's hand. Smiles are exchanged - and there's a high five! Jericho raises Chyna's hand...hmmm, I wonder what the Kat feels about Jericho stealing her man...

The Rock - is - WALKING!


"WrestleMania 2000" for the N64 ad...again

One more Halftime Heat promo for good measure

LA ROCA v. RIKISHI PHATU - somebody wrote me to tell me that if the Rock knew I was calling him "La Roca," he'd KICK my ASS. Of course, he never did it to Marcelo, but who am I to argue with a FAN? Another mention of the Rock on Voyager 'cause you can't have enough promotional opportunities in a two-hour show. Rock says a lot of stuff that starts with "Finally, the Rock" and ends with "is cookin'." We're quickly running out of show here! Hell, there's no time for this match - oh listen to me worry about MATCHES on this show. Across the ring, they stare at each other. Slowly approaching - meeting in the center - Rock with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," punching away, now Rikishi punching back. Off the ropes, Rock with a clothesline, he pops up and eats a kick, more punches from the Rock, reversal into the ropes, duck, Samoan Drop by Phatu! Thrust chop TOTALLY misses, there's another. In the corne, out of the corner hard - setting up for the big ass splash, but Rock side steps it - Phatu charges, into a spinebuster, 2 for the Rock. Stomp, right, right, right, clothesline takes the big man off his feet. Choke on the second rope. Rock threatens referee "Blind" Earl Hebner - gonna try a suplex - rotsa ruck. Phatu reverses into a suplex of his own ... for 2. Off the ropes, reversed, Rock with a Samoan Drop (!) for 2. Boot to the face, right, right, right, Phatu fires back. Right hand takes Rock down. Off the ropes, Rock ducks, gutshot, DDT, Rikishi pops back up and superkicks the Rock. It's that hard Samoan head! Phatu motioning to the crowd - can he hit that piledriver? Scoops him up - Rock shrugs free and he's gonna try the Rock Bottom - but he weighs too much! Not only does the move miss, but it looks like Phatu lands wrong on his feet. He limps over - and this time, Rock Bottom hits. Both men get up slowly - looks like he might be okay. Rock punching away - a towering right takes him down. Head to the buckle. Rock pulls him out, but he ain't movin'. Rock sent into the referee, taking him out. Belly-to-belly by Rikishi! He's really grimacing as he drags the Rock to the corner. I think he IS hurt. He's still gonna suck it up and hit the Banzai Drop, though. Hebner still dazed... and not counting. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW is out - perfect. (DQ 6:19) "Now you're mine!" With Phatu out of the picture, Show is free to work over the Rock - ahhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM! TREBLE H is also out now - putting the Pedigree on Phatu. Show stomping away on the Rock as STEPHANIE ONO comes out displaying the WWF title. Here comes TOO COOL to attempt to help out their "running buddy" - like Phatu EVER runs ANYWHERE - but H and Show have no problems with them. Pedigree for Scotty Too Hottie - DOUBLEahhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - Show, Helmsley, and Stephanie pose in the centre of the ring - there's a KO blow for Hebner for good measure. Thank you, good night.

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