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/13 July 2000

WWF SmackDown!




Hey, I forgot lots of stuff Tuesday night - I blame extreme sleep deprivation (I STILL haven't *really* caught up). Fortunately, I get a second chance to fill in the blanks as the show *proper* airs - RIGHT NOW

But first...

I GET LETTERS: Several local yokels wrote in to provide assistance with my rough outline of events Tuesday.

Ajdloc was first: wassup chris. just a little 411 to fill you in on the dark matches last night. the first was between a guy named Steele ( with a bad Luna look alike) and some other "steroid infested" up and commer. Steele lost to a finisher that resembled a tilt a whirl slam and a power slam, the look was effective. the second dark match was the MSP and the Dupps. the Dupps took the fall and werent impressive at all. I really expected a lot more. overall, you didn't miss much. stay up homie. peace.

AJ Martinez corrects and expands: 1. It was "Thug life born... yadda blah" in Taz(z)'s promo. Good one I may say.

2. The blow up dolls got more crowd heat than snow and dean combined... damn shame.

3. The Rock is too over.

4. My friend was shot and he had tickets... go to hell. (j/k)

5. Edge can't talk about "My Golden State Warriors" like that! My friend and I were betting that either Edge and Christian or Angle would incorporate "My Golden State Warriors" or the Raiders pick up of Janikowski (sp?) into one of their spots. I lost, those bastards Edge and Christian!

6. Steph, from where I was sitting (which was across from the smackdown- tron lower seats), looked hot in that outfit. Another bet we got going is whether or not steph got new knockas. Oh yeah, BTW, it was us two (ugh) who got (ugh two) the "Stephanie swallows" chant going. Sorry Vince.

7. Don't call me pookie... k?

8. I guessed you missed the fifth time they played the Rocky punking, huh?

I'll wrap this up. What you did miss was a match between some guy named "Prototype" against the APW champ Damien Steele. Steele lost and my buddy couldn't figure out why. I guessed it was because of the bumps. Steele bumps great. You also missed the Dupps who lost to the Mean Street Posse. Pete Gas sat this one out which promptly resulted in fans rushing the box office asking for refunds.

Thanks, AJM

ps - 9. I've received Oakland Arena/Coliseum Security's brand of justice, and trust me, it ain't worth the comp.

Hey, those guys DESERVED it.

As for Tazz, "thug life" makes a hell of a lot more sense than whatever I reported, so you get the snaps.

Finally, Scooned brings it one more time: one was a try out and the other was the developmentals "The Dupps"

Damian Steele w/ The Sadist Vs. Prototype

Must be a try out match, as none of us have heard of these guys at all! Damian seemed to work the crowd well, they boo'd him pretty good. The girls behind us started a "G.I. Joe" chant for the Prototype, typical "try-out" stuff, with all types of wrestling holds and moves. A "grecko roman thumb to the eye" from Damian for the upper hand. More wrestling then a spot. With "The Sadist" (who looked to be trying really hard to be dressed like Luna) took of her boot and tried to hit prototype in the head but missed and then prototype kissed her as the crowed erupted in laughter. Damian charged Prototype who moved out the way for the "Manager bump" and prototype scooped up Damian for something like a "spinning side slam" is the best way to describe it. For the win. Damian picks up "The Sadist" and carried her out in his arms...aawww, how touching.

Mean Street Posse, Joey Abs and Rodney Vs. The Dupps

I had been wanting to see the Dupps because there always talked about in the dark match highlights that people send in. And as everyone has said, thes guys have a future, i wonder when they will get to be on Heat? Anyways, Pier six to start. The Dupps do look good. Powerbomb on Rodney by one of the Dupps. More havoc ensues. as Joey gets a bear hug and Rodney climbs to the top and they do a Double Team Blockbuster. Good move, great match.

Tony Chimel is out to announce that there startung the Heat tapings and announces Michael Cole and Dubba "K"

Thats pretty much it, include of you'd like or not! WHATEVER!
Talk to you later

You know I do - thanks for the info!

So Scott Vick wasn't there? Hey, he couldn't have been this "Prototype" guy, could he? Nah, probably not.

By the way, I haven't seen anybody else mention that the "Just Joe" guy on Heat was Joe E. Legend. Did I just imagine that or am I on top of things for once?

If ya smelllllllll the same UPN Thursday teaser they play EVERY week

One World Leader TV-PG-DLV Attitude WWF

Close caption logo - Opening Credits

I GET LETTERS: Tom from Mass. sent this note:

with nothing better to do I sat and listened to the intro smackdown song for an hour. after careful analysis I figure the wording goes something like:

take the ball and pass it round
take your balls and move 'em round
take it all just move around....

and the music continues in much the same manner. some credit can also be giving the the playstation game as I insetently listen to the track for no apparent reason. it took my roomate three days to remind me I could just hit the start key. oh well, much can be said for having too much time on your hands.

PYRO AWAY! They must have adjusted the OvalCam three or four times early in the night, in case you cared. You did not. En espanol donde sea disponible! There are over 17K in the legit-sellout filled Oakland Arena in Oakland, CA - home of the Golden State Warriors (Slogan: "We don't suck...much") and a stone's throw away from the Colesium. It's 13.7.2K (taped 11.7) and even though Commissioner Foley is off in southeast Asia on a promotional tour, he's still booked several matches for tonight...why, look! Here's one now!

TOO COOL & RIKASHMONEY v. V & T & A (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) - Pier Sixer breaks out until the faces clear the ring. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long is quick to bring some semblance of order to the proceedings, clearing out all but Grand Master Sexay - Venis, from the outside, trips him up to gain the advantage. Head to the buckle, five or six rights, tag to Test - open shot, right, the lid's down! Right, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, foot up by Sexay, Test runs at him again and nobody's home on the buckle - wiggle, wiggle, dropkick by Sexay. Tag to Hotty - they put him down and make a wish. Right by Hotty, into the opposite corner is reversed, Hotty up and on his shoulder, squirming free, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Hotty slides under, punch, dropkick, off the ropes, ducked, crossbody hits - Hotty gets 2. Right, into the ropes, Test holds on - full nelson into a slam. Test mounts him and punches away. Time to bring in Albert. Both men put Hotty into the corner, do si do avalanche by Albert, big boot by Test, Albert hooks a leg but Sexay breaks it up. Uppercut, kick, right, kick, right, Long tells him to get out of the corner. Albert tries again, but Hotty slips it and they trade places. Peppering him with rights, but he STILL can't pull him out of the corner. Albert reverses the next whip attempt - press - and drop. Shot for Rikishi will bring him in, allowing Long to be distracted while the bad dudes work a doubleteam behind his back. Venis stays in without a tag and stomps away. Crowd chants for Rikishi on the apron as Hotty tries to come back - but eats a back elbow, elbowdrop, kneedrop off the ropes, and 2. Tag to Albert - into the ropes, double back elbow. Albert manhandling him with punches and now field goal kicks. Nice standing Rocker dropper by Albert. Tag to Test. Right hand as Albert holds him. The "American Males" clap starts up as Albert's tagged in again. Hotty put in the corner - but he sidesteps the charge! But Albert quickly comes back with a clothesline. Second rope legdrop - MISSES! Will we get that hot tag? Tag to Venis - hot tag to Rikishi! Right! Right! Double clothesline for T&A - superkick for Venis - Albert tries a Sunset flip - Rikishi sits on him. Samoan drop for Test. Venis hits a clothesline to stop this nonsense - but Hotty comes in and hits the bulldog. Looks like the face - and there's the worm. Venis rolls to a corner - oops, that's not a good idear with Rikishi in there. Here's a fat ass splash. Stratus up on the ropes - and the Funky 3 are looking her way...but from behind, LITA appears and takes her down. Two fistfuls of hair as the HARDY BOYZ bark some orders nearby. T & A make a save and they all walk off - leaving Venis to take a Banzai drop and suffer the pinfall. (6:57) Psst - Rikishi and Venis were the legal men. Who needs Johnny Ace? Replay of Lita's interference foiling, and the Banzai Drop. Fortunately for the viewing audience, Too Cool have brought three extra pairs of shades with them, because NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE! Lita dances on her knees like Hall & Oates told her to. The Hardyz remind us that they actually ARE white after all.

Holy cats! Triple H and Stephanie are WALKING! promo

Commentators hype "7 Days" - only on UPN

THE NEW MAN & STEPHANIE ONO are out to celebrate Mick Foley's absence with a long-ass promo. H carries the sledgehammer he used on Monday, while Stephanie carries a title belt of some sort. Stephanie is dressed as her favourite porn star. H gives the STEEL steps a few whacks, as if to let us know that the sledgehammer is really, really hard. I hate having to guess, don't you? Let's listen in: "You know, Steph, it's no secret that Mick Foley and I have never really gotten along, I mean, we've never seen eye to eye on things. So it's no surprise that even ten thousand miles away, Mick Foley is still trying to screw me. His latest screwjob: tonight, Mick Foley has taken it upon himself to book me in a no disqualification match against none other than the American Bad(mute) the Undertaker. But ya know, I've always been one step ahead of Mick Foley - his whole career! It didn't really matter if he was Mankind, it didn't matter if he was Dude Love, it didn't matter if he was Cactus Jack - I always came out on top. And even after I'd beaten him up and retired him, he's still trying to screw me over. And the funny thing is... ["slut!"] their opinion matters. But the funny thing about Foley is now that he's the commissioner, I'm still smarter than he is, I'm still one step ahead, and last Monday night on RAW was just more proof of that. I knew Foley would want to protect that little runt, Chris Jericho, because of all people, Mick Foley knows what I can do when I'm mad - and for Chris Jericho callin' you what he's called you, Mick Foley knows how damn mad I am. So he did the sensible thing and he tried to keep me away from Chris Jericho, but Jericho was getting what was coming to him - I made sure of that. That's why I got so upset at Mick Foley's little stipulations. That's why I pretended to be so mad at Road Dogg. That's why we came up with the grand scheme to send you, my darling, to the ring to call out that little runt Jericho, and when that failed - as planned - that's why we threw down that last great big piece of cheese to draw us one rat. I'd like to show the world a little piece of footage of some supreme acting done by myself and my best buddy X-Pac." (Let Us Take You Back) "Now that...I've gotta admit it, Steph, that looks like we were really hot at each other, right? Everybody was fooled - I know they were all fooled - but that was what sold it, right there, the match made between me and X-Pac - and I knew Jericho couldn't resist. So we have our match, and what a match it is, and I'll tell you what, X-Pac can whip out a hell of an (mute)kicking, but it was worth it - why don't you roll that next little piece of footage, and let's see what happens. Here comes the rat to get his cheese...but just when he thinks he's in the clear, oh no, what's that? It's the cat...come back to claim the rat. More like the Dogg. And here comes Chris Jericho getting what Chris Jericho deserves. Now...Jericho, you wanna talk trash? You wanna talk about my wife? Here's a ten pound sledgehammer for your problems. Chris Jericho, that was just the beginning. At Fully Loaded, if you can make it - if somehow, Jericho, you can find the guts to drag yourself up from wherever you're holed up lickin' your wounds, and make it to Fully Loaded, I am gonna finish what I started Monday night on RAW. Chris Jericho, you wanna talk about my beautiful wife? Well you had better be ready to pay the ultimate price. Now as far as tonight goes, and the Undertaker...Undertaker, you wanna play this game? Well, pal, I got one more piece of footage that I want you to take a look at, and I want you to look at it real good. This is what happens when you screw with me - you get loaded into an ambulance, and you get carried away. Undertaker, this is no game - and as of now, I'm no longer playin'."

Backstage, Road Dogg is saying something to Lita...whatever it was, she responded with "How dare you!" and slaps him. The Hardyz come out - X-Pac is over - what a coincidence! These two teams will battle - NEXT!

Here's the debut of Too Cool & Rikishi's Crunch'n'Munch ad. I'll be tired of this in about a week

I hate UPN and their crappy bumpers, too

Anybody else want some? Come on, I'll take ya ALL on! Yeah!

The WWF Burn of the Week is brought to you by Stacker 2! And, for some reason, it's Lita slapping Dogg from Moments Ago. Just in case you missed it nodding off to Triple H's monologue, I guess....

D & X (with "the Kings") v. HARDY BOYZ (with Lita) - hey, you know if Russo were writing, Tori would return at Fully Loaded, only to turn on X-Pac for no apparent reason. I don't know why I brought that up. I never gave mad props to the "Modesto 3:16" sign so I'll do that while Dogg delivers a warning to the Hardy Boyz: "Keep your dog on a leash." Stick around, Rock's in the building. Matt and Dogg start. Dogg over to have a word with his partner. Matt decides HE'LL go have a word with HIS partner - only, HE turns his back - oops. Dogg punks him out. Kicking away now. Tonight, the tag team matchup FINALLY happens. Quick 1 count for Dogg. Hardy punches back, kick, Twist of Fate attempt is too early - Dogg shoves him into the corner and punches away. Whip into the opposite corner - boots up by Hardy - to the top - nice moonsault for 2. Tag to Jeff - into the ropes, double back elbow, senton/fistdrop combo, 2 count. Hardy puts him in the corner, whip into the opposite corner is reversed, Hardy up and over, dropkick to the back - climbing to the top but missing a twisting moonsault. Tonight: Benoit against Eddie AND Chyna! Tag to X-Pac, who's all about the stomping. Arm wringer is fought off - into the corner, Jeff climbs the ladder (no hands, ma!) but misses yet again. X-Pac feels sympathy for Hardy, and sells a head scissors that had no right to work. Dogg comes in, right hand by Jeff, tag to Matt, double leg takdown for X-Pac - tandem legdrops. Right, right, into the ropes is reversed, knee in the back by Dogg, heel kick by X-Pac. Tag to Dogg - open kick. Tonight, Kurt Angle takes on Kane! Choking Matt on the second rope. Threatening Jeff, bringing him in long enough to distract referee "Blind" Mike Chioda. Dogg with a front face following the doubleteam - Hardy working the body to break the hold - off the ropes, Dogg ducks the clothesline, left, left, left, juke, jive, right, off the ropes, wiggle wobbly woofly kneedrop gets 2. Head to the buckle, tag, X-Pac with six or seven stomps - into the gallop - broncobuster hits. Wow, the funky knee AND the broncobuster in the same night. Maybe they'll do the job after having all these concessions given them - yeah right. Into the corner - X-Pac whipped in but Hardy steps out and X-Pac crotches himself. Hardy runs at Dogg and takes him down with a clothesline. Three men down, Jeff leading some claps and begging for a tag - here IS that tag - double clothesline ducked, split dropkick takes out both men, punch for Dogg, all fours boost for the side kick on X-Pac - one for Road Dogg as well. Matt with the Twist of Fate on X-Pac! Swantonbomb by Jeff! 1, 2, ...Dogg pulls him off and to the outside. I hate these guys. Hardyz working over Road Dogg on the outside, while from the entryway, V & T & A & T & SOME OTHER LETTERS are out to surprise Lita. Matt Hardy gets handled by her trio as Stratus demonstrates the front facelock. Looking back IN the ring - Jeff is shoved off the top rope by Dogg into an X Factor by X-Pac - cover - 1, 2, 3. (6:03) Here's a replay of the attack on Lita - and Dogg shoving Hardy into the X Factor.

More ads - after this! UPN!

Say, who's that in the front row mugging for the camera? Why, it's CHARLES WOODSON & TYRONE WHEATLEY, two Oakland Raiders! I hear that they're still in the NFL!

Here's A Special Video Look at Chris Benoit - narrated by snippets of Shane McMahon and Chris Benoit's recent speeches. And here's the Rock. And here's highlights of their match Monday.

SMILIN' DEAN MALENKO (with four - err, two ladies) v. AL SNOW (with two inflatable ladies) - Snow has placed the ladies' hands directly on his ass - I didn't notice that watching it live. Snow fights off the first waistlock attempt, but not the second one - back and forth we go with the mat stuff - off the ropes, leapfrog by Snow, cartwheel by Malenko, back to the ground. Waistlock, into a takedown, Malenko floating over, back up, kick to the gut, whip is countered as Snow slides, but Malenko hits a nice side kick to take him down. Snow comes back with punches. Side headlock - shoved into the ropes, shoulderblock by Snow, off the ropes, up and over, leapfrog by Malenko, they each try a punch and end up hooking each other's arms for no dice, gutshot, off the ropes, dueling hiptosses go nowhere, Snow laces the arm and hits a side Russian legsweep. Stomp, kick, Snow puts him in the ropes again, clothesline, 1, 2, no. All this wrestling is boring the crowd. Scoop - and a slam. Off the ropes with an elbowdrop. Snow still on him - clubbing blow. Now in the corner, kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, into the opposite corner HARD - Snow outside to kiss a blowup doll on the lips. Back in - Malenko backdrops out of a powerbomb attempt - trying for the cloverleaf, but Snow makes it to the bottom rope. Malenko kicks, kick, Snow turns it around, knee to the head - powerbombing him down. *Snow* going for the cloverleaf - but Malenko grabs the hair and punches him in the head until it's broken. Kicking at the knees - into the ropes is reversed, head down, Malenko kicks him, clotheslines him, and the sirens go off and herald the arrival of STEVEN RICHARDS, who confiscates the blowup dolls - *and* the real women at ringside! In the ring, Snow gets 2. Snow notices what's going on - Malenko up from behind, Northern Lights - 2. Snow puts him to the mat, Malenko sweeps the leg. Both men up - both men punching. Into the corner, Malenko up and over, dropkicking the back of the head, whip is reversed, reversed, both men butt heads and are down. Referee "Blind" Jack Down gets to three before Malenko is up and on the top turnbuckle - but Snow is up as well - right, right, top rope SUPERPLEX! But Malenko manages to hook the legs after the landing and shift his body weight into a pinning predicament - 1, 2, 3! (4:59) Richards is back out. "Cut the music! Indecent women...inflatable or not...are still indecent women! And that, ladies and gentlemen is totally unacceptable! Whether you like it or not, I will continue to censor material that is inappropriate, because ladies and gentlemen, it is for your own good!"

Hey look! Chyna and Eddie are WALKING!

Meanwhile, Chris Benoit is WALKING!

Meanwhile, watching Chris Benoit walk on a monitor is the Rock!


CHRIS BENOIT (with the TV-PG-DLV ratings box) v. EDDIE GUERRERO & THAT SLUT CHYNA in a handicap match - Tonight, SmackDown! is brought to you by Lorillard's Whacko Tobacco, Western Union Money Transfer, and Nike! Let Us Take You Back One Week where Benoit put Chyan in the Crippler crossface. Well, I didn't just imagine it - there WAS no opening bell. Let's go past this staredown and start it from when referee "Blind" Earl Hebner makes the "ring the bell" motion...after Benoit's already gotten the advantage on Guerrero with an attack from behind. Into the ropes, forearm takes him down. Belly-to-back suplex. Big elbow, elbow, into the ropes, Guerrero with a flying headscissors to come back. Boot to the face, European forearm, stomp, stomp, backdrop suplex, outside to come back in with the trademark headbutt, and throwing Benoit out to Chyna - then distracting Hebner. Chyna hits a drop toehold into the STEEL steps - forearm - then dropping him face-first on the steps! Kick to the kidney - and rolling him back in - Guerrero covers - but only gets 2. Crowd chants "Mamacita." European uppercut by the European champ. Into the ropes - Benoit puts him up and lets him drop. BIG powerbomb. Benoit with a snap suplex - he looks AWESOME live, by the way. 2 count. Elbow, into the ropes, backdrop, glare for Chyna, Guerrero with a gutshot, Benoit with a right, kick, hard Irish whip into the corner, chop, chop, head to the buckle, another chop. Into the opposite corner, but Eddie gets up an elbow. Tornado DDT! Right, right, chop by Guerrero, backhand chop, chop, into the ropes is reversed - tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Benoit. That's it! No it isn't - Guerrero meets him up top and hits the superplex! Both men are down - and here comes BIG SKIPPY. Just as Eddie reaches his corner, Shane tries to get into the ring - bringing over Hebner, who completely misses the tag. Chyna, who gets in one blow, manages to land flush on Benoit's right eye with her elbow - geez. Benoit immediately starts bleeding as Hebner puts Chyna back into her corner. Well, I suppose it's POSSIBLE he bladed off the elbow - but why would he do THAT? Anyway, as the crowd chants "Shane's a pussy," Shane makes his way over to Chyna and sweeps her leg, causing her to fall to the apron - then the floor. Guerrero manages a dropkick through the ropes onto Shane, who hits the commentary table. Guerrero back in - block, right, right, clothesline ducked, Benoit takes him down and locks it on - Crippler crossface. Guerreo grabs the bottom rope - Benoit won't let go. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Holy cats, that's a disqualification. (DQ 5:32) Benoit CONTINUES to keep it clamped on - Chyna over to do something about it - but getting the European title right in the back by Shane. As the winners are announced, Benoit lets go of the hold and faces Hebner. As he starts to give him what for, Benoit decides to put *him* in the crossface! WOW! This goes on for a while until LA ROCA comes out and spits into his hand before striking Shane. Turning to Benoit - there's a right, stomp, stomp, Benoit escapes. EDGE & CHRISTIAN are out for no apparent reason - spinebuster for Edge, Rock Bottom for Christian. Rock Bottom for Edge, as well. Play his music!

Crunch 'n Munch ad again

Get ready for some Maximum Power - thanks to RC Edge Maximum Power cola - hey, *another* Moments Ago! What a waste of these sponsor shots!

Here's an exterior of the hideously ugly Oakland Arena.

KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands with the Rock, who quickly shoves him away and tells Chris Benoit that he's not a great technical wrestler, he's not a rabid Wolverine, he's "the biggest chicken(beep) the Rock has ever seen! That's why, Chris Benoit, in ten days at Fully Loaded, despite the fact you didn't get the job done Monday night, the Rock is still putting his WWF title on the line, not because you've earned it, not because you deserve it, but quite frankly, Chris Benoit, because you've made it....personal. That's why at Fully Loaded, Chris Benoit, the Rock is *personally* gonna give you the beating of a lifetime. And as a special added bonus, the Rock is gonna take his boot - no, take both his boots - turn them sum(beep)s sideways and stick 'em straight up your candy(beep)! If ya smelllll--" Benoit punks him out from behind! Shane takes the mic and tells Rock he can't hear him, nor smell what he's cooking...but he does think he knows what he's thinking. "Rock, I know you can smellllllllllllalalalalowww - that Chris Benoit (adjusts face with hand) will be the next ... World Wrestling Federation ... champion." The refs and officials finally appear to get the hold broken.

WWF SmackDown! will continue on U-P-N!

Moments Ago, Chris Benoit became the coolest wrestler ever. Geez, play Shane's ENTIRE interview again, why don'cha. Also moments ago, Shane and Benoit slapped five and took off.

ACOLYTES (with the Whack of the Night) v. EDGE & CHRISTIAN for the tag team championship - the ring introductions you hear for are actually ring announcer TONY CHIMEL's overdubbed take two's. Notice the careful camera angles that don't show you his lips aren't moving along with the soundtrack. His first take, and the live show, had him introducing Faarooq only, spoiling the upcoming "surprise." And now, the Whack of the Night, brought to you by Lorillard's Youth Smoking Prevention Company! From Monday, Bradshaw took a bell between the eyes to lose to Edge. Christian: "Now, being the fightinghest tag team champions in World Wrestling Federation history, we were SO ready to defend our titles here tonight against the Acolytes." Edge: "Unfortunately, due to the disprofessionality of the Rock, I have *totally* suffered a back a result of a devastating spinebuster and a Rock Bottom. I am in bad shape - I mean, I'm in Golden State Warriors bad shape!" "So there will be no tag team title match tonight - there will be no five second pose - but I will defend our honour in a good, clean, 100% nontitle, singles match!" So instead, we've got...

CHRISTIAN (with Edge - and Edge's music) v. ACOLYTE FAAROOQ (with Acolyte Bradshaw) - Christian rushes the ring, ducks a clothesline, escapes a backdrop attempt, and tries a schoolboy for 1. Into the ropes, Christian with a crucifix for 2. Dropkick puts Faarooq in the corner - whip into the opposite corner is reversed - Christian gets a foot up, climbs to the second rope - Faarooq clotheslines him on the way down, HARD. Christian thrown outside and Faarooq follows - whip over the STEEL steps - then he grabs the top half and rams his knee with them - then to the back. Back in the ring everyone goes. Kick by Faarooq - press - 2. Christian put in the corner - backbreaker across the knee - 2. Christian to the eyes, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, powerslam-alike by Faarooq for 2. Crowd chants "APA" while Faarooq tries a bearhug. Christian Tomahawk chops out of it (how ironic!) - off the ropes, gutshot, Edge on the apron - but then his back hurts and he thinks better of it. But it was long enough to distract him just a bit - back to the Dominator attempt - Christian breaks free, gutshot, DDT. Christian grabs referee "Blind" Chad Patton and motions to Edge, who comes in carrying the ring bell. Bradshaw pulls his ankles, tripping him up and causing him to drop the bell. The bell makes two overdubbed "dings," which are not only totally unnecessary, but rather illogical as well, since we only ever hear the bell when there's a mic next to it. Anyway, Bradshaw unleashes a right to Edge - Patton is over to break THESE two up, and behind his back Christian grabs the bell - but Faarooq ducks the swing and hits a choke spinebuster for the pin. (2:35) Post-match, Edge's back magically recovers, and he and Christian combine to give Faarooq a bell shot (with annoying overdub "ding"). Off they go - oh no, Edge's back hurts again!

Kane is WALKING!

Meanwhile Kurt Angle is as deer in headlights - if it was WALKING!

XFL hype piece - Los Angeles - Las Vegas - Basil DeVito - Vince McMahon - oy

KANE v. KING KURT ANGLE - Backstage, Angle frets and fumes - Stephanie happens by, wanting to wish him luck. They exchange opinions on Foley's unfairness. Angle asks for a hug - then take one. Stephanie seems to enjoy it...until Triple H appears from behind. "I gotta go - I have a match." Triple H asks what the hell that was about. Stephanie: "He - Kurt FORCED himself on me! I was just walking by, and he grabbed me.. he FORCED himself on me!" Angle's entrance video now starts with a "KING KURT" - Angle walks out trying to keep an eye over his shoulder for Triple H - then gets scared by his own fireworks! Angle hits the ring, ducks a clothesline, but not the next right, right, head to the buckle, knee, knee, knee, back elbow, into the opposite corner, Angle puts up an elbow, a boot, but falls to a clothesline. Angle with a right, Kane with a right, half hour suplex (anybody seen the Bulldog lately?), elbowdrop, elbowdrop, off the ropes with a big elbowdrop - cover - 2. Angle tries to beg off. Angle trying to ...negotiate with Kane? Kane cocks his head...then delivers an uppercut. Right, right, right, right, into the ropes, Angle ducks and grabs a waistlock - but Kane won't leave his feet. Angle delivers several shots to the back of the neck - but again, he won't leave his feet. Kane with two back elbows, big military press - five reps! - and he drops him to the mat. Kane to the outside - flying clothesline off the top coming up. Kane motioning for the chokeslam - Kane stumbling into it - but kicking free. Off the ropes, ducks the big boot, chop block. Kane still on his feet. Kane back to the left leg - Kane pounds him down. Angle holds on - Kane with another clubbing blow - and a big clothesline. Uppercut. Choke. Referee "Blind" Tim White pulls him off. Scoop - up on the shoulder - Angle frees himself and shoves Kane into the ropes - tries to beg off again but manages a drop toehold as Kane advances. Dropkick to the knee by Angle. Angle continues to kick at the knee. Now stomping on the back of the knee. Angle to the outside - wrapping the knee around the ringpost. Kane shoves Angle to the barricade on his second try. THE NEW MAN is out and he's got Angle - hard into the STEEL steps. Put back in the ring - don't ask *me* how White missed all that, I dunno. There's a chokeslam - g'night. 1, 2, 3. (4:47) - now the SLOWEST website on the 'Net

I forgot what network I was watching - oh, wait, it's UPN!

Moments Ago, Triple H introduced Kurt Angle to the STEEL steps, leading to this Kane chokeslam

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: CRASH v. STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) - Fully Loaded is in ten days, Sunday 23 July from the sold-out Reunion Arena in Dallas, Tejas! Did Twix pull out and I missed it? No bag of weapons for Blackman tonight - guess he won't need 'em against Crash. Crash goes outside and emerges with a strap. Crash ducks a kick and straps Blackman - strap. Blackman with an armdrag, next time he tries, and a heart punch. Putting the strap around Crash's neck, Blackman whips him corner-to-corner, then pulls him down by the neck. Blackman outside the ring, and emerging with a garbage can lid. Into the ropes, lid shot, lid shot. 1, 2, no. At this point, I yelled "that's a slow count!" but you don't hear it. Blackman daring him to get up - stomp. Crash manages to drop Blackman's neck across the top rope. Crash outside - can't remove the strap from his neck, but does find a broomstick. Blackman goes outside and finds a kendostick. Now he wants him to try him - Blackman actually SMILING here! Crash manages to remove the strap. Blackman parries a stick shot and canes him in the back of the shine. Check out referee "Blind" Jim Korderas recoiling in horror. Wanna try again? Blackman parries ANOTHER shot and goes to the back of the leg. Blackman swiging impressively - series of four shots front and back. Crash goes outside - too much punishment. He's *hiding* under the ring now. Blackman out to get him - probably not a good idea. Sure enough, he's met with the fire extinguisher spray. Crash finds the strap and now *Blackman's* wearing the krawatte. Crash whips him from one barricade to the next. Trashcan lid! Trashcan lid! Crash puts Blackman's head to the STEEL steps. Crash climbs the steps - but ends up on the wrong end of a powerslam ON THE FLOOR. Blackman removes the strap, picks up Crash by the waist, and swings his head into the steps - yowch! Steve Blackman is the *Hardcore Innovator*. Crash put back in the ring. DDT on a chair. Blackman's bag of weapons was under the ring this whole time? Ahhh. Crash grabs the chair as Blackman enters the ring with some nunchuks. Ducking the chair swing, and getting him right in the back. And RIGHT TO THE HEAD. Blackman brings a garbage can into the ring. Atomic drop for Crash - have a seat, Crash! LETHAL KICK to a seated Crash, who falls backwards onto a garbage can. That's all. 1, 2, 3. BLACKMAN HAS A BELT! (4:44)

Earlier Tonight, Rock had a short night's work

Kevin Kelly tells us that Benoit and Shane crossed a line tonight. The Rock has a fire in his eyes that he's never seen before! I guess this means we should watch RAW or something. I dunno.

Triple H and Stephanie are WALKING!

Meanwhile, Undertaker ON HIS RIDE!


And here's a random shot of WWF New York

THE NEW MAN (with Stephanie Ono) v. UNDERTAKER in a No Disqualification match - watching Triple H's entrance video, it hits me: he NEVER wears those fruity berets anymore! Don't you miss them, too? Monday, Mick Foley will be back and he'll have more to say about Fully Loaded. Don't let the fact that the show is unopposed keep you from thinking they won't be in full-on shill mode for the pay-per-view, baby! There's nothing so scary as seeing Undertaker ride his motorcycle around the ring! Triple H fails to put a stick in his spokes to get the upper hand. He DOES try to rush him, but fails. Clothesline by Undertaker, right, head to the buckle, right, pause, tape break, head to the buckle, H falls. Big clothseline when he's back up, elbowdrop, 1, 2, no. Back elbow, right hand, into the opposite corner, H puts up an elbow - but runs into a sidewalk slam for 2. Right hand. Into the ropes, H ducks a clothesline and hits a neckbreaker. Golly, for a no DQ match, they're sure not doing anything interesting, are they? Right, right, head to the buckle, kick, kick, kick, right, into the ropes is reversed, big boot by the Undertaker. Gutshot, powerbomb attempt? But Triple H escapes and goes outside. Undertaker follows - there's a clothesline. Right hand - Triple H rolls down the ramp. Back to the ringside area - head to the (set up on end) STEEL steps. Right hand. Head to the commentary table. Right hand, choke, Stephanie is over to break it up with a hairpull - Undertaker turns around and gets HER in a choke. Triple H spins him around - and eats a punch. Undertaker continues to stalk Stephanie...but H has a chair - chair to the gut, chair across the back. H puts 'Taker in the STEEL steps (sitting on end over HERE, too), then takes his head to the (overdub "ding!") bell. Right, right, referee "Blind" Tim White pushes him back. H puts Undertaker in the ring and follows. Right hand, kick, right, right, off the ropes, clothesline. Undertaker comes back - right, left, right, left, right, uppercut - all from his knees. Back up - into the ropes is reversed, clothesline ducked, but not the high knee. Undertaker kicks out with authority after 2. H back to the right hand, right, kick, right, right, right, right, right, words for White, right, right. Lawler tells him to hit the ref, since it's no DQ. Too bad he didn't hear him, I guess. Right hand. Right. Undertaker fires back with a right. H with a right. Right by Undertaker. Boy, punches are fun. H, Undertaker, H, Undertaker, H, Undertaker, left, right, left, right, left, right, Yang-like body work, off the ropes, powerslam, 1, 2, no. Wow, did I just compare Undertaker to Yun Yang? Give me an award! H put into the ropes, head down, facebuster by Triple H. Gutshot - trying to set him up for the Pedigree as we see KING KURT ANGLE come down to the ring. Undertaker backdrops him. H in a choke...Angle has the sledgehammer, swinging for Triple H...and hitting Undertaker by mistake. Angle's just got some bad luck, yo. H covers for the pin (7:29) and I guess NOW we know why it was "no DQ" - that outside interference is fine 'n' dandy. Angle expresses shock and surprise in this replay. The Helmsleys walk back up the ramp, victorious AND triumphant, while Undertaker is just coming to as the credits are up - and we're out.

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