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WWF SmackDown!





TV-PG-DLV - Attitude - Entertainment - Bischoff - WW!

LAST MONDAY: Strange tints and stranger choices

Opening Credits - if they were REALLY serious about him, don't you think they'd put John Cena in here instead of splicing in new shots of Torrie Wilson in a bikini? Just saying

SKIMPYRO! Coming to you from the First Union Arena in Wilkes-Barre, PA 18.7.2 (taped 16.7) and SAP transmitido en espanol. WHO is the new General Manager of SmackDown!? WHO cares? HOW can it be anything but another disappointment? All this an

TONIGHT: The Rock and Kurt Angle WRESTLE!

TONIGHT: Vince McMahon does not WRESTLE! But first...

CHRIS JERICHO (Winnipeg, Manitoba - 227 pounds - with...

Outside, MARC LLLLLLLLLLLLLLOYD tells us he's waiting for the new GM! Golly!

CHRIS JERICHO v. JOHN CENA (Boston, Massachusetts - 249 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week)
referee: MIKE CHIODA
Cena is wearing YELLOW this week - people seem to care a lot about this, so I provide the information as a public service. Staredown in the middle of the ring - Jericho reminding him that he is, in fact, the king of the world - Cena makes the "yak yak yak" hand motion, so Jericho SLAPS him - so Cena takes him down and starts raining rights as the bell rings. That's five. Into the ropes, back elbow. Hiplock takeover. Whip is reversed, but Cena catches Jericho in a spinebuster for 2. Into the ropes is reversed, head down, kick by Cena - off the ropes, but Jericho lowers the bridge to take Cena over and out. Jericho is out after him - field goal kick! Make it two! Open-handed slap! Forearm in the back. Rolled back in the ring. Jericho back in as Chioda JUST gets to 4. Jericho takes too long on top - Cena meets him with a dropkick! Elbow by Cena, elbow, into the ropes is reversed, but Cena lands a flying jalapeno! Cena ducks the swing and hits a German suplex for 2. Into the ropes, reversed, Cena ducks the clothesline out and gives Jericho a belly-to-belly for 2. Into the ropes, knee into the gut is caught by Jericho, rollup - trying to grab the Walls of Jericho - Cena fights it - then manages to flip Jericho out of the attempt - gutshot, DDT! 1, 2, Jericho gets out! Into the ropes, nobody home on Cena's dropkick. Jericho tries the Lionsault - and misses! Oklahoma Roll - that's how he did it last week! 1, 2, NO!! Jericho decides enough is enough and gives him an uppernut - Chioda calls for the bell. (DQ 2:43) NOW Jericho gets on the Walls of Jericho. Cena taps but Jericho is unwilling to let go. Chioda calls for some backup and the REFS & OFFICIALS assemble around Jericho until he lets go. But he may not be done - muscling the timekeeper to the floor and appropriating his chair. WHACK! Fit Finlay tries to get the chair away and fails - WHACK! Jericho swings until the ring is cleared. WHACK! WHACK! Jericho takes the point of the chair to Cena's back - now Finlay *does* manage to sneak in and pull the chair away. Play Jericho's music!

Outside, a white stretch limousine pulls up. Marc Loyd greets...Eric Bischoff. Loyd asks him why he's here (I guess he doesn't watch RAW) - but Bischoff will only smile...check that; he is also WALKING!

Vengeance is three days away! Here's another reminder of your triple thread main event!

Got $24.95 burning a hole in your pocket? Consider ordering the LIVE Webcast of Vengeance at!

Eric Bischoff introduces himself to Randy Orton - and asks for directions to Hulk Hogan's locker room. Standing outside the door...he enters without knocking. "Hulk Hogan, I presume!" "Well look what the cat drug in." "Hohoho - cat drug in? What, no handshake? No hug? Where is the love, brother?" "It's nice to see ya, Eric." "Good to see you. Did you hear the news? You're lookin' at the new GM for RAW - carte blanche from Vince McMahon, change anything I wanna change - take that show to #1, make it bigger than it's ever been, this is gonna become like old times. I mean, I'm gonna do everything but reinvent the wheel and you know I can do it. I mean, I'm gonna go right for the throat, right for the top, sign the best talent." "Yeah, I heard you were trying to sign Triple H." "Well, of course, I mean..." "Well, I don't know how you're gonna do that here, Eric because...this isn't down south, power trip, pullin' strings, brother." "Whoa whoawhoawhoawhoa - you always taught me, cover your own back, and I have! I got it covered, no problem, no sweat." "I know why you're here, Eric. You're here to see The Rock, brother, not me, okay?" "Well, I'd like to see The Rock, but I'd like to see you too, but hey - what about Edge, is he here? I mean, this guy is fresh, he's fast, he's strong, he's he around? I mean, you guys a package?" "We negotiating?" "That's the other thing you always taught me, man. Always negotiate - always negotiate!" He leaves. "Negotiate, my (ass)." Man, I hope Eric never sees the tape of this show!

THE HURRICANE (Parts Unknown, 215 pounds - with SmackDown! in Indianapolis hype) v. CHAVO GUERRERO (El Paso, Tejas - 213 pounds)
Guerrero strikes first with an open-handed slap to the Hand of Friendship. Hurricane fires back with a right, right, right - into the ropes is reversed, shoulderblock by Hurricane, pose, off the ropes, up and over, ducks the clothesline, grabs a headlock, Guerrero flips him but he lands on his feet, neckbreaker by Hurricane! Right, into the ropes, big back body drop. Hurricane going up top - big crossbody connects - 1, 2, no. Right, into the ropes is reversed, head down, but Guerrero catches the kick and manages a legbar takedown. Hurricane clutches his left knee and Korderas stops Guerrero to check on him. Guerrero decides to slide into the knee instead. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Guerrero outside and ramming the knee into the post. Guerrero wraps the leg around the post for 4. Guerrero back in - Hurricane is finding a way to crawl with a limp. Guerrero ties Hurricane to the Tree of Woe and dropkicks the injured knee. Hurricane tries a right, right, right, but Guerrero kicks the knee. Guerrero off the ropes, Hurricane grabs the goozle - but before he can chokeslam him, Guerrero back elbows out, then hits a reverse drop toehold using the injured knee. Guerrero tells Korderas to ask him if he quits. Hurricane dares him to come at him - so Guerrero kicks the knee again. Wrapped around the second rope - Hurricane right, right to break it - Guerrero back on him - Hurricane kicks away with is good leg - running kick to the head (Tazz: "Japanese Shining Wizard Kick") - 1, 2, Guerrero kicks out. Whip into the corner is reversed, but Hurricane gets the elbow up - flying neckbreaker from the second rope - Hurricane clutches his knee but moves to make the cover - 1, 2, foot on the bottom rope! Hurricane's a one-legged man but he's still trying to get it done - suplex attempt coming up - Guerrero reverses into a kneebreaker on the knee. Guerrero with the leg over his head - Hurricane grabs the rope - so Guerrero lets up just long enough to pull him back to the centre, kick the knee and clamp on the hold again - even lifting him up by his leg and slamming him back down. Guerrero moves to an STF (Cole saying "stepover toehold facelock" for the first time EVER) - and Hurricane taps. (4:12) Chavo's not done - he wants the mic! "(Excuse me, excuse me - ladies and gentlemen) - *I* am the premier Latin American cruiserweight in the WWE! Yet EVERY time I turn around, all I see is PRRRROPAGANDA on Rey Mysterio, Jr.! He's coming! He's coming! He's coming! He's coming! He's coming! He's AHHHHHHHH! I'M SICK OF IT! I'm here *right now,* so what I say is next week, right here on SmackDown!, Rey Misterio makes his big in-ring debut against...ME! Chavo Guerrero!"

And now, a black limousine pulls up backstage. Tazz: "Does anybody take a taxi anymore?" Well, it's not the's Vince, who suggests that the new general manager may already be in the building. Learning that Bischoff is here, McMahon remarks that tonight will be a very interesting evening. WALKING! away, he leaves Loyd to do his bobblehead impersonation.

Okay, I'm *already* tired of ads for the Dana Carvey movie. That Dana Carvie. I don't care if he's turtley enough for the turtle club or not, I want him to SHUT HIS MOUTH and GO AWAY

Catch World Wrestling Entertainment action live Saturday in Sarnia, Sunday for Vengeance in Detroit, Monday for RAW in Grand Rapids, Friday in Houston, Saturday in San Antonio, and Sunday in Columbia!

Rico hands Eric Bischoff a card - then gives him directions to the Rock's locker room. Eric is WALKING! At the next doorway, he almost bumps into an oncoming Vince McMahon. "Eric, I - good to see - I was told you'd be here tonight." "Had to stop by and check it out, Vince." "Yeah, is that right. Well uh, you are aware that I'm going to name a new general manager very shortly for SmackDown! tonight, right?" "Yeah, I'm aware of that, and I'm sure you're aware that there's nothing like checking out the competition live, in person, face to face." "Not that concerned then, huh?" "Not at all, because you and I both know it really doesn't matter who the new GM is for SmackDown! because there's nothing he's going to be able to do to keep me from signing Triple H this Sunday at Vengeance, wanted to see ruthless aggression... (adjusts Vince's lapels) - I'm gonna give you ruthless aggression. You wanted to see competition - I'm gonna give you competition. I'm gonna show you what a GM is all about, because in this talent raid, Triple H is #1... but not the last one. I'm on my way to see The Rock. Excuse me, sir." "Well, good luck." "Thanks!"


TONIGHT: Kurt Angle vs. The Rock!

SUNDAY: The Rock vs. The Undertaker vs. The Kurt Angle!

EARLIER TODAY! Cole sat down with Taker at ringside. "Well Michael Cole, we wouldn't be takin' this time if I didn't think I had something to say about it. So you've done your may I suggest you set back now and pay attention. 'cause there's a few facts I think I need to get straightened out about The Undertaker...and the Undisputed title. You see, I am the Undisputed champion, and I am so not because I kissed anybody's (ass), nor have I been protected since I won the title. I have defended the title against anybody and everybody who stepped any kinda match they wanted. The reason I am the Undisputed champion...and this is the part that's important...I am the Undisputed champion because there's nobody that can beat me in a championship match. Now you take The Rock - the People's Champ. At King of the Ring, he decided to step up and take his shot at me. And he chose King of the Ring because he knows deep down that one on one, face to face...he can't beat me. And he also realises, he's smart, he also realises that that would be the best way to get my attention. But what Rock has to realise - when he gets my attention, he needs to expect my wrath. Now Cole, you know, here's something for you and everyone else to think about - let's go back to last week, right here on SmackDown! when Kurt Angle and Rock were having their little catfight...big dog came down, saw what was in the yard - and kicked both their (asses). Now that's all I got to say about The Rock, but that does bring Kurt Angle up now - the third dance partner in the triple threat. You see, Kurt Angle...he's livin' in a world of a delusional state I think right now. You know he got some little half-assed victory over me a few weeks back on SmackDown! - non-title match - now he's been jumpin' around and claimin' that he's greatest thing the world's ever seen - and on top of that, he thinks he made me tap. Michael Cole, how should I put this. If Kurt Angle and I had a thousand matches in a thousand consecutive days, Kurt Angle can not make me tap. The bottom line is I stacked him up and I pinned him 1, 2, 3. And if anything else woula happened that night...I would not be the Undisputed champion. Nor would I have the Undisputed title with my name on it. It would say Kurt Angle. So, I don't know what, uh, his problem is - but Sunday at Vengeance, we gon' get a lotta things straight. One thing being...The Rock and Kurt Angle both are gonna find out why I am the American Badass, and why that ring over there is my yard. I'm comin' to take the yard - if you're caught in're gonna pay."

Tough Enough 2 trainers shill Stacker 2

Hey Jeremy Renner's got himself another Slurp'n'Gulp - I'm so proud

Triple H DVD ad

BILLY & CHUCK (534 pounds - with Rico...and Subway presents Jared's Vengeance!) v. HARDCORE HOLLY & BIG VALBOWSKI (478 pounds - with Vengeance at The World Sunday - Torrie Wilson & Dawn Marie will host!)
referee: Korderas
The "Velocity" ramp lighting and ring aprons are out - and nobody's sitting at the commentary table, yet the disembodied voice of Cole still says "hey, look at that ad for our hot new show, 'Velocity!'" and that's INCREDIBLY WEAK but I suppose better than just pretending it ain't there. Billy & Chuck have new "Billy & Chuck" trunks. Holly and Billy lockup as the WWE live crawl hits the screen. To the corner. No clean break as Billy kicks, right, right, right, right, right, right, arguing with Korderas - oops, there's the opening - right by Holly, right, into the ropes is reversed, shoulderblock by Holly - up and over, leapfrog by Billy, Holly with the Probably Not Best Dropkick in the Business But The Name's Stuck For Good. Into the ropes is reversed, Holly up and over, to the ropes but Billy shakes him, but celebrates a bit too long and Holly gives him the Best Crotch Kick in the Business - clothesline gets 2. Tag to Chuck, who runs into an atomic drop. Tag to Valbowski - Valbowski right, right, right, right, whip into the opposite corner is reversed but Valbowski gets a boot up...Chuck gets an elbow up to meet HIM. Valbowski with a boot - Chuck with a knockdown. Chuck runs into an elbow. Scoop - and a slam by Valbowski - off the ropes with a kneedrop, hooks the leg, 1, 2, no. Tag to Holly. Into the ropes, up and over Valbowski, Holly waiting with a scoop...and a slam, Valbowski off the ropes with an elbowdrop, Holly with an elbowdrop from the other side. Whip is reversed, and Billy is in to give Holly a hot shot - he walks back into a belly-to-belly by Chuck - 1, 2, no! Scoop...Holly breaks free and shoves him into the corner - then hits a death suplex out. Both men are down and both men need to tag. Tag to Billy - hot tag to Valbowski! Valbowski forearm, right, into the ropes, reversed by Billy, Valbowski with the shoulderblock. Chuck in - clothesline for him, dropkick, clothesline takes him outside - ducks a swing from Billy, Blue Thunder powerbomb, 1, 2, Chuck just in to break it up. Holly in, Chuck knocked out. Korderas is a little busy with Holly, so Rico comes in and connects with a huge spinning roundhouse - Holly back over to knock HIM out, but Chuck pulls Holly out and they get to brawling. Meanwhile, Billy pulls Korderas over as he covers Valbowski - 1, 2, NO! Billy wants him to get up - gutshot - Holly in before he can set up for the Pound-Ass'er and he's got Billy - Alabama Slam! Valbowski to the top floor - there's the (we still call it the) Money Shot! Valbowski covers - I don't think he's getting up from that one. 1, 2, 3. (4:41)

TONIGHT: Vince McMahon speaks! LUCKY VIEWERS!!

UP NEXT: Hollywood Hulk Hogan & Edge & Rikishi vs. Christian & Test & Lance Storm!

And now it's time for The Extreme Blast of the Night, ROCKED to you by JVC's Tower of Power! From last week, Rikishi wins the battle but loses the war...that is, until Hogan & Edge come to his aid!

Take a look at the First Union Arena!

HOLLYWOOD HULK HOGAN & EDGE & RIKISHI (871 pounds - with SmackDown! is brought to you by Maxim hair colour, Reebok's Above the Rim collection, and Subway - Jared is Fresh!) v. LANCE STORM & TEST & CHRISTIAN (736 pounds)
Well, he stand up next a mountain - he chop it down with the edge of his hand. This has to be the first six-man in a LONG time to only have two entrances! The idiots in the back who write this crap have decided to finally remember that Edge and Christian are in fact brothers - who knows if this will mean anything come Sunday, of course. Rikishi really wants to start and Hogan finally lets him - ducks Christian's swing, right, right, into the ropes, BIG back body drop, free shot for Storm, but Christian sneaks one in right, right, tag to Test, right, double into the ropes, but 'kishi hits a double clothesline on them! Tag to Edge - up top - flying clothesline for Storm! Christian taken outside - free shot for Test, flying forearm for Storm - into the ropes is reversed and Test ankles him. Storm with a flying heel kick - 1, 2, no. Tag to Christian, held open for the kidney punch, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, drops down, right, right, right, blatant choke...and we take an ad break? Man, see what happens when you slot a "Velocity" match into some other show?

Harrison Ford is a military expert and hearing him talk about his movie sounds a little bit like if you read this sentence in a monotone with no pauses by which I mean while he is saying words like "engaging" and "compelling" what he really means is "droning" and "boring" and ac tu al ly as I think a bout it Har ri son Ford real ly is n't much of an ex pert on an y thing ex cept per haps dro ning on in this mon no tone with no pauses or stops or in deed ev er chan ging for okay I'm done now. don't see his movie

We return to this match underneath the watchful gaze of the TV-PG-DLV ratings box and it's Edge and Test - Test in the corner and punching away on Edge. Crowd still chanting "Hogan." Opposite corner whip, follow lariat. Pulled into the short clothesline. Test applies the headlock. Rather quickly, Hebner checks in - arm falls once, arm falls twice, arm does not fall thrice. Edge makes his way back to his feet - elbow, elbow, elbow, whip is reversed, knee by Test, going for the Meltdown and GETTING it - Test dares him to get up so he can give him Wotsitolla Boot - but Edge DUCKS is - then hits the half nelson faceplant! Can Edge make that tag? Everybody going nuts out on the apron. Edge crawls...but Test pulls him back while Christian comes in to knock Hogan down - Hebner takes the distraction while the tripleteam takes place behind him. Storm stays in without a tag and countinues punching from the mount. Edge whipped into the corner - follow lariat. Storm throws him down. Springboard - Edge catches him and hits a powerslam! TAG TO HOGAN! Hogan is already jackhammering - there's the OOH for Storm, OOH for Christian, OOH for Test, OOH for Storm, OOH for Christian, OOH for Test, going for Storm but Test is back up and clotheslining from behind - Katie, bar the door - everybody's in and just like that everybody's out except the legal men, Storm and Hogan. Storm with the SUPERKICK - hooks the leg, 1, 2, NO SALE! Hogan eats a right - Storm should know better but he tries the right again - and again - Hogan is jackhammering. Right hand - YOU! Storm tries again - block - right, right, right, tag to Edge, into the corner, clothesline by Hogan, spear by Edge, fat ass splash by 'kishi - but now Test and Christian manage to wake up long enough to pull Edge and Hogan to the outside to continue the brawl. Test punks out Edge...then hits the ring to give 'kishi Wotsitolla Boot. Hogan back in - right, right, right, big boot, pose...Christian gives Hogan a slop drop! Edge spears Christian! Edge catches Storm's superkick - Edgecution DDT! Cover - 1, 2, 3! (1:43 + 4:30) Will the same thing happen Sunday when Edge & Hogan defend the titles against Storm & Christian?

Well, it took him nearly half an hour of wandering through the bowels of the building, but Bischoff has FINALLY made his way to Rock's dressing room. "There he is - the People's Champion! Rock...Eric Bischoff, new GM for RAW." Rock accepts the handshake with reluctance. "Now listen, I don't know if you got any of my messages Monday night, but I'm gonna get right to the point. I want you at RAW Monday night, live. Now, listen. Think about this. Nothin' personal, 'cause I know you're a really talented guy, all right? But...The Rock...and Eric Bischoff together on the same show! On the same team! Pullin' in the same direction - I mean, think about it - put this in your head. My creative direction, and The Rock - I can take you places where you've never been before, I can take you places where NO one's ever been before in this industry, whaddaya think?" Rock turns his head ever so slightly until they chant his name. Bischoff cocks his head as well. "FINALLY, the Rock HAS COME BACK to Wilkes-Barre! You see, you want the Rock LIVE this Monday night on RAW." "Absolutely!" "Is that what you want?" "That's what I want!" "Well the Rock says this: he'll be there." "YES! Yes! And let me tell you something, Rock, the first thing we do when we sign our deal--" "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! The Rock is not signing anything! What, you think the Rock is gonna go to RAW just because o' you? No no no no, no, no - The Rock is going to RAW live this Monday night - but it's gonna be because of what The Rock does at Vengeance this *Sunday* night. You see, The Rock is in the triple threat match - The Undertaker - Kurt Angle - the American Badass - the American Baldass - and when all the dust has settled, all the smoke (waves away imaginary smoke) has cleared, and all the Grade A smacketh has been laid down the Rock is walkin' out of Vengeance Undisputed champion. And you know what that means?" "Yes!" "Yes, you like that?" "I love it." "Well you're gonna love this, you know what that means, well the Rock can go on any show, any show, and the Rock means ANY show! The Rock can go on RAW - the Rock can go on SmackDown! - the Rock can go on "the Osbournes" - the Rock can go on "the Sopranos" - the Rock can go on "Frasier" and kick him right in the nuts if he wanted to. 'Oh, I say Niles, this ?--' aww shut your mouth, jabrone, wham, 'ooooooh.'" "You're killin' me, man, you - you definitely are the star, man, if I woulda had you at Nitro a couple years ago - you and me, I mean - can you--" "The Rock on Nitro? The Rock would've LOVED to have been on Nitro! Can you imagine - The Rock - THE most electrifying man in sports and entertainment on Nitro? But you know what happened...while you were on Nitro, and you were givin' all your creative genius, all your creative input to WCW...The Rock was doing his part about putting your company out of business. It's nothing personal." And off he goes, leaving Bischoff to make the great stone face.

Damn, that Jeremy Renner goes to 7-Eleven more than I do

Hey, the WWE Burn of the Night is brought to you by Stacker 2! From RAW, Vince McMahon introduces his general manager of RAW...and I turn out the lights

BILLIONAIRE VINCE is out to make the long-awaited fnar hynar. "Oh boy...never before. Never before have I seen such angst, such concern on the faces of WWE superstars. All I did was make one simple announcement last Monday night - there'd be a new GM for RAW, and a new GM for SmackDown! I can say this, to all the superstars on RAW, if you're that concerned, if you think the grass is greener on the other side, over here on SmackDown!, you are free to negotiate with the new GM of SmackDown! Likewise, all the superstars of SmackDown!, if you think the grass is greener over on RAW, hey you can go ahead negotiate with RAW's new GM. I'm sure many of you thought I lost my mind when I named Eric Bischoff general manager of RAW. I assure you, I have complete control over all of my mental faculties, and I know you're thinking 'wait a minute, Eric Bischoff tried to put you out of business, McMahon.' Yeah, he tried. But I named Eric Bischoff general manager of RAW because he's the best person for the job and because he is innovative, and because unquestionably he enjoys ruthless aggression. Which would then bring us to tonight's announcement, and the announcement of your SmackDown! general manager. Likewise, this general manager is the best person for the job. Much like Bischoff, this person has, well, tried to put me out of business and also has a history of ruthless aggression. The only difference between Bischoff and the new GM of SmackDown! is I said to the RAW audience they truly deserve Eric Bischoff as their general manager; I'm not too sure that all of you people, the SmackDown! audience actually deserve your general manager. So, with that in mind, allow me to introduce you to the new general manager of SmackDown! ... STEPHANIE McMAHON!" And there she is, complete with new music, new business suit, old hair, old (new) fake breasts, and she still can't write. Handshake. We take a look backstage at the assembled locker room - nobody looks happy. Vince steps out. "Welcome to my show - SMACKDOWN!" Ugh. "Eric Bischoff is a parasite - Shane was right. But the one thing my brother was wrong about was when he said he's going to screw Vince McMahon, screw this company and screw my family because I won't let that happen. And I won't allow Eric Bischoff to steal *your* SmackDown! superstars from you. Those superstars include The Rock - they include Hulk Hogan - they include Edge, and they include the man who Bischoff says would have made WCW a success. The man who Bischoff knows to be the greatest ring general in the world today. The man who has truly earned the moniker 'The Game.' Triple H." What, she doesn't like Kurt Angle anymore? "Bischoff claimed that his first official act as the general manager was going to be at Vengeance when he signed Triple H to RAW. So Bischoff, at Vengeance, if you want Triple H to go down to that very ring and choose between RAW or SmackDown!, I don't have a problem with that. Because the egg is gonna be on *your* face, Bischoff, when you're left standing there, and Triple H leaves Vengeance and comes back home to his fans at SmackDown! Now I am the general manager of SmackDown! with the full support of Vince McMahon. The same way you, Bischoff, are the general manager of RAW. But the only advantage you have over me, Bischoff, is about three days. Now you said your official act, your first official act was going to take place at Vengeance? Well, *my* first official act as general manager of SmackDown! is gonna take place RIGHT NOW WHEN I THROW YOU THE HELL OUTTA MY BUILDING!" Man, why didn't her voice just completely give out? The cameras follow her backstage and YES! SHE! IS! WALKING! Boing boing boing boing boing - anyway, she finds Bischoff talking to the anti-Americans...who take off. They're nose to nose - THEY'RE GONNA KISS!!! No. "You have two choices, Eric. You can either walk your little self out of my building, or I will have you THROWN out." They ARE gonna kiss!! "You want me out of the building?" "Oh yeah." "I'll be out of the building, but let me tell you something, STEF-- a lot can happen between now and Sunday." "Oh, you're right." "I'll see you at Vengeance."

"In 3 Days..." we won't be seeing this Vengeance ad anymore

You may have been wondering - Triple H first threatened divorce back on *11 February* - say, that's over five months ago. Now I admit I've never gone through a divorce, but do they REALLY take THIS long? Come on. Speaking of which...

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Heyman was back in what, four months? I'll take that long in the pool. - CRZ, 25 March 2002, after Stephanie was pinned in a "if Stephanie is pinned, she leaves the WWF" match - okay, so I missed it by ONE week... YOU didn't do any better with YOUR prediction.

And now, the WWE Slam of the Week, brought to you by Reebok's Above the Rim collection! From last week, Kidman pins the champ! No, not THAT champ - Noble

BILLY KIDMAN (Allentown, Pennsylvania - 215 pounds - with Vengeance graphic - Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble for the Cruiserweight championship!) v. TAJIRI (Tokyo, Japan - 206 pounds - with RAW hype)
referee: MIKE SPARKS
Tazz hears tell that Triple H is in the area...just in case you were worried that there weren't any surprises left in tonight's show (I guess). And now we're told that Bischoff has left the building. And now we're told there may be a match taking place in the ring! Kick by Tajiri, pounding the back, again, into the ropes, Kidman ducks, Kidman over the back and grabbing the neck on his way down - the takeover puts Tajiri on the apron. Kidman over - Tajiri trying the shoulder - it works once, but the second time, Kidman leaps and drops the guillotine. Stomp, stomp, right, into the corner is reversed, Kidman up and over...but landing on Tajiri's shoulders - he gives him a hot shot, then connects with a flying kick! Head to the buckle by Tajiri - chop - Kidman switches, slap, slap, into the opposite corner...Tajiri up and trying the tarantula - Kidman shakes him off - Tajiri with a kick in the ribs - Tajiri DOES get the tarantula, but Sparks forces the break. Kneedrop - 1, 2, no. Tajiri right, right, right, right, right, taunts the crowd - then steps on the neck, using the bottom rope for a choke. Standing axekick by Tajiri. Snapmares him over and grabs the headlock. Kidman fights it off - back to his feet, elbow to break it, slides under, waistlock, Tajiri with elbows - Tajiri runs the ropes for a handspring elbow but Kidman has it scouted and hits a dropkick! Here comes Kidman - clothesline, clothesline, over the shoulder backbreaker - 1, 2, no. Kidman tries a tornado and Tajiri shakes him off - Tajiri ducks - BIG back kick - backflip press - 1, 2, no! Tajiri puts Kidman into position and climbs to the top - nobody home on the moonsault although Tajiri lands on his feet...then runs into the rydeenbomb (oops). Kidman up top - shooting star press! 1, 2, 3! (3:36) Hey, there's JAMIE NOBLE - Kidman right, right, right, into the corner, big back body drop out. Noble ducks the next clothesline and Kidman runs into GREEN MIST from Tajiri - Noble grabs the blinded Kidman and HE JUST POWERBOMBED KIDMAN! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!! NIDIA shows up to flaunt her ass cheeks (or something) and all three strike a celebratory pose as Noble's music plays.

Chris Jericho is WALKING! All the way to Stephanie's office. "Stephanie! Oh, it's so great to see you again!" He goes for the hug but she only offers a shake. DENIED "Thanks, great to see you too." "Congratulations, I mean you're the general manager of SmackDown! You're the boss - you're the boss. Of all the people I would have chosen to be the boss of SmackDown!, you're the top of the list, and I really, really mean that." "I can tell you mean that, Chris." "I really do!" "But you know, you're always so complimentary to me." "You deserve it!" "Well, thank you, but I feel you deserve compliments, too." "Me?" "Yes, and when I was watching SmackDown! last week, I was overwhelmed. You were SO unselfish! I mean, you gave up the match that you wanted most - you gave up Chris Jericho vs. Edge, one of the main events at Vengeance! And you - you gave it up so that Edge & Hogan could defend their tag team titles. I mean, your generosity is overwhelming, and I feel it deserves a reward. That's why next week, right here on SmackDown!, I'm gonna give you what you want." "Really?" "I'm gonna give you the match that you gave up for Vengeance; next week on SmackDown! it's gonna be you (Chris Jericho) versus Edge!" Zoom in on Jericho. "Me vs. Edge." "You vs. Edge." "That's great, that's's just what I was hoping for..." "You're welcome." "Thanks, Steph. Welcome back, boss. Me vs. Edge...Jericho vs. Edge." "Would you shut the door?" "(Bitch.)" Man, I hope her TV isn't on and/or she never sees the tape!!

Confidential Saturday features oh boy! Bischoff!

Tough Enough 2 Stacker 2 ad #2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2


The Rock bobs up and down!

Trust Company's "Downfall" is the official theme song of Vengeance! Let's run down the card (by which I DON'T mean make fun of it...I think). In the main event, the Undisputed title is on the line when The Undertaker meets Kurt Angle and The Rock! The tag team titles will be decided when Hulk Hogan & Edge take on Christian & Lance Storm! What will Triple H decide and how long will it take? There will be no disqualifications and no countouts when Booker T. takes on The Big Show! It's a tag team table match between Bubba Ray & Spike Dudley and Chris Benoit & Eddie Guerrero! The intercontinental champion Rob van Dam puts it on the line against Brock Lesnar, and the cruiserweight championship will be decided between Jamie Noble and Billy Kidman and the music is already interrupting...

KURT ANGLE is out, mic in hand. "This Sunday at Vengeance - I will become the next Undisputed champion. It's practically a foregone conclusion! See, everybody...I already made The Undertaker tap - and tonight, right here on SmackDown!, oh yeah, oh yeah, keep cheerin' - Your Olympic Champion and *next* Undisputed champion CAN and WILL make The Rock tap too - oh, it's true!" But, THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER drives out and I seem to recall that he is NOT scheduled as Angle's opponent. Taker circles the ring (damn! How did those steps rise up on end like that?) Before we find out what the heck Taker is doing there, we take that all-important ad break

UPN - turn it up y'all

It apparently took Taker the better part of three minutes to walk from his ride to the commentary table because he's JUST sitting down when we come back. Taker shows off the title - that's what these guys are fighting about. Looks like he just wants a ringside seat for this main event anywhere in the country...

KURT ANGLE v. THE ROCK (ref: Chioda) - before we get ANY introductions, Rock sprints to the ring and we're on - duck, right, right, right, into the ropes, clothesline. Clothesline takes Angle outside and the crowd is loud. Rock out after him - head to the (back in place) steps. Right hand. Kick, head to Taker's bike OOOOH NOT THE BIKE Taker is displeased but unfazed. Death suplex on the ramp! Head to the apron. Whip is reversed, Rock tries a clothesline and Angle ducks - Angle drops down and gives Rock the WOW Catapult into the ringpost! Angle rolls back in...but rolls back out to try to finally take an advantage. Rock rolled in, Angle in - stomp by Angle, stomp, stomp. In the corner, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, standing on the neck and pulling on the ropes for leverage. Angle points to Taker and says a few unkind words. Snap suplex for Rock - 1, 2, no. Angle points to Taker again - right for Rock, right, right, right, right, right, right...chop! Rock is DROOLING (with pain?) Angle with another big chop. Now Rock reverses positions - chop, chop, chop, chop - whip is reversed, reversed back, gutshot by Rock - Angle into the ropes, Rock with a belly-to-belly suplex (!) - 1, 2, no! Rock right, Angle knee to the gut - Angle with a German suplex! Angle back up and poised and ready - another point for Taker - German suplex on Rock! Angle holds on this time and there's two - Angle going for three - hooks the leg - 1, 2, Rock kicks out! "Angle sux" chant is getting to Angle. Rock gets a right hand. Angle dares Rock to pull himself up... just so he can punch him down once again. Angle is taking a bit too long between punches playing to the crowd, I think - sure enough, raring back, Rock blocks the next punch - and now it's Rock punching - right, right, right, into the ropes, head down, kick by Angle - Angle off the ropes - into a clothesline from the Rock! Rock with a Samoan Drop - hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO! Angle grabs a quick waistlock and there's a big death suplex! Angle goes outside and pulls Rock to the corner of the ring - elbow across the chest from the floor! Angle tells Taker to watch him - Angle with ANOTHER elbow across Rock's chest. Angle back in - kicks Rock in the head. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Angle keeps talking to Taker - Taker holds up three fingers in rebuttal. Rock punches - right, right, right, right, into the ropes, Angle with a crossbody but Rock rolls through - 1, 2, no! Angle manages a clothesline to put Rock back down. Whip - nope - yes, Angle pulls Rock into a belly-to-belly! Angle with some more showboating for the crowd - and they don't like it much. We take a replay of the clothesline that landed pretty hard. Angle pulls Rock into ANOTHER belly-to-belly suplex! 1, 2, no! Angle to a knee, behind Rock and grabbing a headlock. Crowd tries to urge Rock back to life - but Angle puts both feet on the second rope and adds some leverage. Angle manages to move his feet away just in time to keep Chioda from catching him. Chioda looks in to check on Rock - and again Angle adds the leverage with the ropes! And now Chioda has the arm - arm falls once - arm falls twice...arm does not fall thrice! Rock sitting up - trying to get to a knee - to his feet - right to the body, right, breaks up the hold - right hand to the face - right - Angle's punch is blocked, Rock right, right, right, but Angle pulls Rock in to a gutshot - OLYMPIC SLAM! That was huge! 1, 2, NO! Replay of the Angleslam. Angle and Chioda are probably gonna argue until Rock has recovered, what a shame. Angle waiting for Rock to get to his feet - Rock catches the gutshot...dragon screw legwhip into the Sharpshooter!! Angle manages to avoid tapping instantaneously like he normally does, crawling to the bottom rope and breaking the hold. Cole takes care to note Angle crawled on his elbows just to make sure there was no confusion. Rock grabs both legs and pulls Angle into a hard landing in the centre. Waiting for Angle to get up - Angle counters Rock Bottom with back elbows - another big clothesline takes Rock down. DOWN COME THE STRAPS!! But Rock nips up! Right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and Angle goes over the top to the floor! Rock isn't done, going outside after him - right takes Angle to the commentary table - Rock sneaks in a punch to the nuts while Chioda's back is turned - these guys are perilously close to Taker, and sure enough, Angle ends up walking into a shove from Taker - Rock runs in, Angle ducks and *Taker* eats the clothesline, going over the barricade into the crowd! Angle from behind with a forearm in the back - head to the commentary table - again - Angle making a LOT of noise - a THIRD time, Rock's head meets the table. Back in the ring (Cole: "the ten count broken up" - umm, except Chioda was ALSO outside the ring THAT ENTIRE TIME) and Angle is ready to try THE ANGLELOCK!! But Rock rolls forward and legwhips Angle out of the hold! Rock right, into the ropes, reversed by Angle, but Rock hooks the arm, floats over and hits the DDT! Hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO!!! SOO close! Taker on the apron - Rock gives him a right! Angle runs into the spinebuster! Rock removes the elbow pad - one set of ropes, but never makes it to the other - Taker is in and Rock goes down to a clothesline. Chioda calls for the bell (DQ 12:15) and what a waste. Taker to his knees and throwing lefts and soupbones aplenty to Rock. Soupbone, soupbone, soupbone. Taker up - choke - Angle from behind with a chairshot WHACK to Taker's back! Swing and a miss for Rock - Rock with a clothesline - wants Rock Bottom but Angle grabs a headlock, then drops down - and clamps on the ANGLELOCK! Rock screams - AND TAPS!! Angle eventually lets go - he's the only man standing in this ring! Play his music!

But this week, we don't end shows in the ring, I guess - we go outside where the cameraman and Marc Loyd are sprinting to the outside. Triple H is heading into a (white) limousine. "Triple H, Triple H...Triple H - one question. Who are you going to sign with? Is it going to be RAW or SmackDown!" Stephanie catches up. "Hunter...can I have a minute? A couple minutes. I really need to talk to you. Hunter." "What." "This is strictly business, no tricks, no nothing. If I could just get you alone, and sit you down and if we could just hash some things out. Please." "Well, sure you want to do that alone? You sure you don't want to have your, ah, your lawyer there? You sure you don't want your lawyer there your business for you, that seems the way it's been recently between us." "I deserve that. But this is business." "Sunday. This Sunday. I will hear everything that you have to say. I will hear it all - from all sides - and I'll make my decision, this Sunday at Vengeance." He goes to get in. "But uh..." Back out - checking her out? They share a smile. "You gaining weight?" "Oho." H in the limo...the window rolls down and Stephanie turns to it to say "That's nice..." but it's Bischoff instead. "Hahaha - hey, but don't worry, Steph - I think you look GRRRRRREAT! HA HA HA! See ya Sunday!" They drive off. "YOU BASTARD!"

WW logo means DRAMA

See you Sunday (I guess).

[slash] wrestling

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