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/2 September 1999

WWF Smack Down!




UPN presents WWF SmackDown! - RIGHT NOW!

One World Leader Attitude - TV-14-DLV - WWF!

You know what the the Opening Credits need? That's right - Steve Blackman. Closed captioning symbol foisted upon us in here

Lookit all them purty FIREWORKS! WE MUST BE ON TAPE 2.9.99 (taped 31.8) from the Centrum in Worcester, MA and ONLY on UPN! Cole immediately makes us pine for Ross by taking that "action/adventure" crap out for a spin on our front lawn

THAT SLUT CHYNA v. KING ASS to determine the #1 Contender for the Intercontinental Championship - it's like Chyna just LIVES to give up her title shots, as she puts he title shot on the line. Let Us Take You Back Two Weeks to Raw as Chyna giggles and signs a contract before Gunn can. Last week on THIS show, Chyna hit Gunn in a tender area, and a few days ago she walloped him with a gee-tar which may or may not have actually have been met for Jeff Jarrett. Speaking of JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET, he, DE-BRA and MISS KITTY make THEIR way down to the ringside. It's the World Entrance Federation at it's very finest as both women are greased up nicely. Jarrett takes a headset and tries to be "old school" but ends up being "boring." Hey! They're shoving! Hey! Chyna just mooned Ass! Hey! Ass just shoved Chyna with his boot! Hey! There's a spear from Chyna! And Ass is forced to sell it! Suddenly, Gunn says, "nah" and shrugs her off. He tries to put some verbal offense on her, but she goes back to forearms and elbows - suplex attempt? Nuts to that! Ass takes CHYNA into a suplex - but she manges to shrug THAT off, backflips for no apparent reason, then hits a DDT for 2. Off the ropes we go, Ass reverses and hits a back elbow. Stomp, stomp, "we want puppies" chant. Whip out of the corner, Gunn spins her around and Chyna FLIES over the top rope to the floor. Chyna holds her elbow and tricks Gunn into being sympathetic and holding off. Then she levels him and runs him into the STEEL steps. Now relieving the timekeeper of his chair and running Gunn's head into it. Chyna takes Gunn back into the ring and follows. Chyna shoves Gunn into referee "Blind" Jim Korderas, who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and falls to the floor. NOW Gunn hits the Fame'Asser, but since the ref's out, there's plenty of time for TRIPLE H to sneak in and Pedigree Mr. Ass, then roust Korderas to count the pinfall for Chyna. (3:27) Check that replay and notice that they've wisely moved the SmackDown! logo away from the "UPN" logo corner.

Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE and JERRY LAWLER. Last Monday saw new tag team champions crowned as Undertaker walked off midmatch, leaving the Big Show to eventually fall at the hands of the Rock and Mankind.

WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW makes his way to the ring. He's big and bad, boy. He's had it up to here with Undertaker's rules and wants to see him NOW. Instead, PAUL BARROW makes his way to the ring instead, laying down a veritable tongue lashing and all but guaranteeing that by the time he's within superkick range, he goes DOWN. While Show chokes Bearer, the lights dim and the music plays - here's the UNDERTAKER, who walks just slowly enough for Cole to nutshell the entire Show/Undertaker relationship for the fans at home. I'm really lazy and won't bother to repeat it, of course. They're nose to nose - they're ... well, I guess Undertaker's whispering in his ear. Big Show goes through an array of ... confusing ... facial emotions. Undertaker takes the mic and commends Show on his manhandling of Bearer, but tells Show never to disrespect him again, lest he be choked with his own tongue, or something. Bearer reaches to Undertaker, but he walks out without lifting a finger for him. Undertaker - and Big Show - walk off together.

Yowie banana! It's a LIMOUSINE!

WWF SmackDown! is brought to you in part by Burger King, 1-800-COLLECT, and M&M's! Now go get something to drink!

MANKIND, carrying one of the world tag team championship title belts, makes his way to the ring to make a little noise. "I don't know how many of you remember this, but when I was 14 there used to be this game called Electronic Football. I used to play the heck out of that game. I was laying down on my bed and I was playing a game of Coleco Electronic football - and while I was playing this game on my bed, I happened to be naked - and my mother walked in the door. And even though I wasn't technically doing anything, it still has stood out in my mind as the most embarrassing moment of the past twenty years - until I lost to Shane McMahon, that is. So Shane, for embarrassing me (with the help of Triple H), I am making a vow tonight in Worcester, Massachusetts (crowd goes, "yeah! He said Worcester!") - that one way or another I will get even, some how, some way, some day. But Mankind didn't come out here to talk about his nudity, his electronic football, or his mom. Mankind came out here today to talk about THE GREAT ONE! My partner - ["Rocky" chant] - you see, I was sitting in the back on Monday night when the Rock challenged not just the Undertaker but the Big Show to a handicap match, and I got goosebumps, because I knew that not only did the Rock have the ability but he had the testicular fortitude to defeat both men, and if there's one thing I admire about the Rock, it is not the $600 shirts - it's not even the People's elbow - it's that the Rock's testicles are full of fortitude! So listen - we've got a chance to look at the People's partner, because I was standing back there and I knew that the People WANTED Mankind as the Rock's partner, they needed Mankind as the Rock's partner, and Mankind most of all wanted to be the PEOPLE'S partner! So I'd like to bring out right now the People's Champion - *The Rock!*" And here *is* LA ROCA (who, incidentally, is living "La Vida Roca"). Hey, anybody see those SmackDown! promos on UPN this week featuring Rock's old Nation theme? I kinda miss that theme. Rock smells it. "Finally, the Rock has come back to Worcester! Mankind, you talk about the Rock like we're friends. You talk about the Rock like the Rock is gonna invite you down to Miami so we can have Christmas dinner. Well the Rock says this - you may be the Rock's partner - we're not friends, we probably never will be friends, but the Rock recognises that you are without a shadow of a doubt the craziest son of a b(eep) that the Rock was ever seen!" Rock says that if Mankind ever (and he means ever) talks about the Rock's testicles again...well, we don't find out as "No Chance in Hell" plays over the PA and SKIPPY appears at the top of the ramp (take a drink if somebody older than me emails me calling it "the Time Tunnel") along with TRIPLE H & THAT SLUT CHYNA. Shane congratulates the new tag team champions, but believes that their focus lies elsewhere - namely the belt around Triple H's waist. Shane says we still need a #1 Contender for the title, so tonight, how about a little match between the Rock and Mankind to take care of that? If they go easy on each other, Shane will suspend both men for six months. As for Triple H, tonight he'll prove he IS the fightingest champion in Federation history against "a man who is no stranger to WWF're gonna take on that bald headed SOB, and that's the bottom line - because Shane McMahon said so." H nearly does a spit take as Chyna gives the "whaaat?" arm motion to Shane as he walks out. Wow, he's a real pal, that one. Mankind says "dozens" so the crowd can say "and dozens" and asks Rock to lay down for him - chutzpah! Rock says "millions" so the fans can say "and millions" and asks Foley if he's actually asking him to lay down. "Yes." Ha! "That sounds cool to Mankind." "Well, that may sound cool to Mankind, but something that seems a little bit more cooler is the Rock will take your little WWF tag team title belt, shine it up real nice, turn it sideways..." and yeah. "I gotta be honest with ya Rock, I don't think it's gonna fit." "Well the Rock says not only will that belt fit, the Rock'll take this belt, stick it up your ass, if ya smellllllllalalala what the Rock is cookin'."

Cole and Lawler publicly salivate over this upcoming match. We cast a wary eye to the limousine - could that bald-headed SOB be inside? Could Triple H's opponent be inside? If you're a long-time WWF Wheel of Fortune watcher, have you noticed that they never ONCE said the name "Stone Cold Steve Austin?" Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yes, you are.

HOWARD FINKEL is in the ring doing his Ice Train impersonation and interrupting announcer TONY CHIMEL. "Chimel, Chimel, Chimel, Chimel. My goodness, we meet again, don't we. Last week you humiliated me like I've never been humiliated before. And THIS week, I have a little proposal for you, my friend - one that I'm sure you will not refuse. You see what I'm wearing? You see what I'm wearing? It's a tuxedo. It's a tool of the trade. It's what ring announcers wear. However, my challenge to you, Chimel, is simple. A challenge to a tuxedo match - and also, pal, I'll add a little stipulation to this, okay? If I win the - whoa whoa whoa - WHEN I win this match, I will resume what is rightfully mine, IN THIS RING, doing what I know best, ring announcing! So, what do you think, CHIMEL?" Hey, what's that guy's name again? "Howard, I don't know who sent you back here, but why don't you just go back, all right?" "Well, if you don't want to take the challenge up - you want me to leave - I guess I have no choice. I want you to save face there, pal. Done deal. No problem." Then he takes him down from behind with a forearm and rips off a tuxedo sleeve. A bell rings, oh my. It's on. Hey, who's that ref? Chimel comes back with a double leg takedown as we look backstage to Chris Jericho, who's laughing it up. Meanwhile, Chimel is VERY VERY SLOWLY exposing Finkel's T-shirt and (red) underwear. Suddenly, the BUSHWHACKERS come out to lend support to Finkel while WELL DUNN appears on behalf of Chimel! Well, not really. Anyway, Chimel puts an exclamaion point on things with an elbow drop to the groin. Fink's finally stripped. (1:54) The LONGEST TWO MINUTES IN MY LIFE. EVER. Chimel fails to announce himself the winner.

Backstage, X-Pac has words for Kane. "Listen to me, I need to do this by myself tonight. This 'Kane's little buddy' crap - I'm sick of it. No more of that, man. So you need to stay back here. I don't care what happens out there, you need to stay back here until it's over. I'm sick of being the weak link, and I'm sick of letting you down, man. I'm sick of it." In response, Kane whips his hair back and says - nothing.

Ken Shamrock - ARRIVES!

LILIAN GARCIA interviews Mankind backstage. Rock's like a brother to him, but the title's at stake - and he feels pretty uneasy about "that ... belt thing, but I'm gonna do my very best to make sure that that particular transaction doesn't transpire."

In another part of the building, Chyna says "we can TRUST Shane," and Triple H says "Can we? I don't know WHO to trust around here..."

Jaleel White is OOOOOOOOOGLY

Now, Malcoln & Eddie - THERE are some handsome lads

Man, was that a twenty minute segment of no wrestling? Ohh...yeah, there WAS a "tuxedo match" - snicker. You know when people say things like "well, if you're gonna have two nonwrestlers out there, you might as well have them stripping each other," I doubt people had Tony and Howard in mind. I ALSO think that this probably isn't fair recompense to the women who had to watch Ivory and Tori LAST week. Then again, they're always seeing mostly naked men and making me suppress any latent homosexuality I might possess (or so one of my ex-girlfriends wanted me to believe) almost ALL the time anyway, so nuts to that.

"During the Break" footage shows Chris Jericho complementing Fink's rugged, manly physique and suggesting a "Y2Jockey" campaign for Howard. Well now they're just TRYING to make Finkel into Ralphus with attire like THAT.

X-PAC (with a can of Hansen's Energy Drink in his shorts - or is he just happy to see you?) v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - Let Us Take You Back to the past few shows and show you Jericho's gentle placement of the Road Dogg on the shelf, followed by the seeds planted for a Shamrock confrontation later tonight. God, please give these guys eight minutes at least. Thank you. Before the match starts, KEN SHAMROCK's music plays (God, do you hate me?) and he storms the ring. X-Pac stops him and PLEADS with him to please let him have this match - for he has something to prove. Shamrock actually listens and goes to the back. Whew! X-Pac prevents a sneak attack with a spinning heel kick and it's on. Off the ropes, reversal, shoulderblock by X-pac. Dueling hiptosses off the ropes, counter, counter, backdrop suplex by X-Pac for 2. Into the corner, X-pac puts the boot up, but runs into a Jericho powerslam as UNDERTAKER & WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW appear at the entryway. Jericho in place for a moonsault, but X-pac dropkicks him off the top rope to the floor! Yow! X-Pac follows out but eats a clothesline. Knife-edge chop, and Jericho whips X-Pac into the STEEL steps. Back in the ring, and there's a pose. X-Pac brought in the hard way with a vertical suplex from the apron to the ring. Arrogant cover(tm) fails, of course. X-Pac with some punches, Jericho ducks, gutshot, double underhook, laces the fingers, tilt-a-whirl into a backbreaker for 2. Jericho climbs to the top rope - hmm, I have NO idea what he was gonna do other than eat the boot on his way down. X-Pac blocks, punches, ducks, spinning heel kick, off the ropes, reversal, duck, Mexican armdrag for 2. Off the rope, leapfrog turned into a powerbomb. Lionsault!! But only 2. Into the corner, X-Pac is up and over, there's a roundhouse kick that takes Jericho into the corner. You KNOW it's time for the broncobuster. Now Undertaker sends Show into the ring. Well it's a big clothesline - referee "Blind" Earl Hebner actually spies this and has no choice but to call for the bell (3:38) - press into a drop. Before Jericho can take the headset and save us all, KEN SHAMROCK is back out, and chasing Jericho out through the crowd. Show makes the sign, but before the chokeslam can happen, THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE keeps his promise by waiting for it to be over before coming out and saving X-Pac - err, well. Anyway, Undertaker calls off Show after Kane takes him out of the ring. "The weaker he becomes, the weaker you become, and the weaker you become, the more vulnerable you become. Don't forget it." Undertaker is DEEP, MAAAAAN.

Backstage, Triple H knocks on Shane's office door - but there is no answer.

Let's look at that limo again. "Is it Stone Cold - could it be Austin?" Wow, they actually said the name.

"This is the Rock. You're watching WWF SmackDown - UPN Thursday!" translation: "Time for the local station break - more ads served up NOW!"

Again, KHBK decides it's time for a timely "Battledome" ad. "Real warriors - real competitors - real pain - the most intense competition on television EVER! Battle Dome - coming this fall!" Two things here - one, I miss "American Gladiators." Two, for something so "real" this sure looks pretty fake. Premiere is 19 September and I BET I don't catch it. I wonder if this show has a website yet?

The TV-14-DLV ratings box reappears as Ken Shamrock beats up various inanimate objects backstage - don't tell me he LOST Jericho!

TRIPLE H (with That Slut Chyna) v. ? for the WWF Championship - "he said 'bald headed SOB,' and King, that can only be the Rattlesnake." SKIPPY makes his entrance as we all explain to everyone else in the room why it makes absolutely LESS THAN NO sense for it to be Austin - secretly dreading that somehow it could actually BE Austin and we'd have to try to explain it. Shane talks loud and says nothing and...sure enough, we go backstage to see GILLBERG's dressing room. And you thought the Light Heavyweight Championship was dead! I hear Goldberg's on THUNDER! tonight...reactionary booking? SPEAR!! Gillberg will not be denied! Oops, Triple H blocks the jackhammer attempt with a front suplex. Punches and kicks from the Champion. Who IS that ref? He and Triple H exchange words, and H actually SHOVES him (I DARE you to DQ him!) while Shane takes a headset. SPEAR!! ANOTHER SPEAR!! Gillberg only has one move, but it's workin'. Oops, Helmsley stepped aside and that spear found the turnbuckle. Pedigree time. 1, 2, 3. (1:53) H grabs a chair, KO's the ref, and gives the Stone Cold treatment to Gillberg's knee.

Here's another look at that limo - since we still don't know who's in it.

Cole and Lawler talk about Al Snow, Big Bossman and Pepper. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Bossman absconded with Pepper AND the Hardcore title, and last Monday where Bossman promised to return Pepper if he'd meet him at his hotel room today.

Earlier Today footage shows Al Snow in Bossman's hotel room. Pepper's at the groomer's, sit down and have a meal. Snow keeps calling Bossman "Ray" for some reason - he must be confused. (That was a joke, PLEASE don't email me telling me Bossman's name is Ray. I KNOW, baby.) Bossman spoons some ... fajitas? onto a plate. Snow says he'll eat if it makes him happy. "How you like that?" "It's not bad..." "Will you do me a favour? Try not to get one of them paws stuck in your teeth." Everyone pauses for a beat as ... ewwwww. The sinking realisation that they want us to believe that this is "100% Grade-A Pepper!" Bossman does a lot of "you don't like the way Pepper tastes?" while Snow works up some fake (I hope) vomit. Bossman tells us that he IS Hardcore and that's what Hardcore is all about. Now can you dig it? Then he takes a bite - "Yeah it tastes like chicken!"

Back to the rather shocked commentators. Lawler still manages a "Pepper steak" crack while pretending to show repugnance.

Shamrock's still looking around...

MANKIND v. LA ROCA to determine the #1 Contender - a little early in the show for this match, don't you think? Are the wheels spinning while your brain churns out the world "angle imminent?" Well, let's put that aside for now and see how it plays out. Clips from RAW show Shane screwing Mankind, and Big Show chokeslamming Rock through the commentary table - leaving neither man the #1 Contender. They immediately start trading punches during the clips. Quickly they're out of the ring and toying with various STEEL artifacts. Vertical suplex out on the ramp by the Rock. Rock just hit him in the jimmy! Referee "Blind" Jim Korderas is sporting a goatee and some new hair - he must be turning heel soon. Mankind manages to turn the tables, taking Rock into the STEEL steps (Cole tries to call it a chair, but Lawler makes fun of him and corrects him). Mankind takes the headset, but Rock waffles him and shows him what phrase-stealing gets him. Back in the ring?!? I'm shocked. Off the ropes, Mankind manages a DDT. He brings out the sock, and as the Mandible Claw is applied, Rock swings wildly and connects with Korderas (not his night, tonight). SKIPPY is out...and rolls Korderas out of the ring. I guess he's reffing now. Rock with a desperation uranage and both men lay there as Shane motions to the back. Well here's TRIPLE H & THAT SLUT CHYNA come out to interfere as Shane mysteriously develops something in his eye which demands his immediate distraction. As Rock & Mankind come to and fight back, Shane turns around, sees four folks in the ring and calls for the bell (DDQ 3:29) - heh heh heh. Well, I totally saw that coming but it worked for me.

I'm frankly rather amazed that Ken Shamrock can still find things to kick.

Lilian Garcia is backstage with Shane McMahon - he feels bad about what just happened, and being a compassionate man, he's going to make things right for Mankind and the Rock.

SmackDown! is brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT, Castrol Motor Oily, and WWF: the Music (Volume 3), available at the Wherehouse!

BALD VENIS v. KEN SHAMROCK - Attack before the bell, Venis getting the better of a (probably) distracted Shamrock. Into the corner, boot up, but Shamrock manages a single leg and tries to go for the ankle. Venis is out. Shamrock chases him around the ring - back in, Venis strikes as Shamrock enters. Right hand. Face rake. Off the ropes, head down, Shamrock kicks, Venis ducks a charge and dumps him out of the ring. Venis misses a baseball slide dropkick and Shamrock lays into him on the outside. Dueling whips into the STEEL steps and Shamrock wins that exchange. Everybody back in the ring. Snap the shin, ankelock, quick tap for Venis. Wow, who'd HE piss off? (1:47) Shamrock's not letting go of the hold! Hey! STEVE BLACKMAN in but Shamrock fluidly hits a nice hiplock takeover, then steals the nunchaku and hits a right cross on Blackman's face with it. The Y2J countdown puts a halt to the in-ring festivities as CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO appears at the top of the ramp. "Hey, Shamrock! Since you've decided you want to be destroyed by Y2J, why don't you follow me out to the parking lot, right now Junior, and I will beat a lesson into your lunkhead that you will never, ever forget!" Shamrock runs up the ramp but Jericho's already gone. Meanwhile, in the ring, Blackman words out some frustrations by taking the 'chukks to Venis. Before we can see any MORE of that beatdown

In the parking lot, Shamrock advances on Jericho - oops, it's not Jericho, it's the Fink in silvery shirt and wig, with his back to him. Where's Jericho, then? Well, he's the guy with the snow shovel hitting you from behind. Finkel takes out a Polaroid camera and snaps a few shots of Jericho putting Shamrock in the Liontamer. "Oh my God - I've killed Kenny!" Jericho quickly loads up the trunk of his car (including shoving Finkel into it) and drives off. Oops, they left a Polaroid on the floor of the parking lot. Oh well.

UPN public service announcement - no piledrivers in the playground, please. How about some more ads?

TRIPLE H & THAT SLUT CHYNA & SKIPPY make their way to the ring. It's actually in Hunter's contract that he gets five entrances per show! The World Entrance Federation! Back at the limo, we see a pair of legs emerge...whoops, back to the ring. I'm guessing Stephanie. Shane says there's still no #1 Contender - to alleviate this problem, Shane suggests another match between Rock and Mankind, with himself as Special Guest Referee - and it's time to have it now. Shane gives Rock five seconds (and the Mac means five seconds) to come out - but before the five seconds is up, TEST is out to tell us that that idea sucks. He introduces STEPHANIE & LINDA McMAHON, "the other two owners of the WWF." Ummm, didn't Shane get the briefcase back at....oh hell. Linda, after thanking "Andrew" delivers one of her infamous SPINE-TINGLIN' interviews that always leaves you spellbound...well, at any rate, Linda says tonight we'll see a main event of Rock & Mankind teaming up to take on...Triple H & Shane. Shane shows frustration while Triple H makes a "curses!" pantomime.

Lest you forget, you're watching WWF SmackDown - UPN Thursday!

There were so many ads I DID forget what I was watching....

"During the Break" footage shows Shane and Triple H huddling up to attempt to make the most of this "opportunity."

Here are your commentators taking us back to RAW, where a tag team four corners match failed to come off due to too damn many run-ins

TAG TEAM ROYAL RUMBLE - it's really more of a "Turmoil" rules match as another team won't enter until there's an elimination. HARDCORE & CRASH HOLLY and MIDIAN & VISCERA start. Viscera and Crash Holly make for an interesting dichotomy. Is that the right word? Midian and Viscera actually bust out a double team move to blow my mind (drop toe-hold into elbowdrop) Midian upends Crash with a pumphandle, only 2 on the cover. Midian going for the Eye Opener, but Crash manages to roll it through into a cover - Viscera in - Hardcore in - Viscera with the 500 pound Samoan Drop - whoops, Viscera's charge into the corner finds his partner - Crash covers Midian and scores the pin. (1:38)

DROZ & PRINCE ALBERT are next. Prince hits "what a manoeuvre" but Hardcore breaks up the pinfall attempt. Prince Albert with a sidewalk slam that ALMOST lands on Droz' knee. Well, it was supposed to anyway. Crash to the eyes, tag to Hardcore, who runs into a powerslam. Droz whips Hardcore into the opposite corner, three point stance, but the Stinger splash misses. Holly with a gutshot, and a "powerplex" (says Lawler - LAWLER'S calling moves?) for the pin. (3:00) Albert throws Crash into a crossbody onto Hardcore before they take off.

The HARDY BOYZ are next. Jeff hits a top turnbuckle to the floor plancha on Hardcore while Matt hits a moonsault on Crash for the pinfall. (3:21)

ACOLYTES are out and it's on. Bradshaw tosses Jeff through the ropes to the floor while Faarooq hits a nice powerslam on Matt. Tag, doubleteam, off the ropes, big boot from Bradshaw. Bradshaw setting him up, Jeff distracts, Matt tries the plancha, but Bradshaw catches him. Jeff dropkicks Matt into a cover, only 2. Double suplex. Funny hearing Faarooq argue with referee "Blind" Teddy Long. Faarooq going for the Dominator, but Matt wriggles free and hits a nic neckbreaker. There's Jeff's "sentonbomb." Bradshaw in to help his unconscious partner - but both Hardyz are on him - whip into the opposite corner is reversed - Matt goes in but sidesteps the charge and gets on all fours to act as springboard for Jeff. Unfortunately Jeff runs smack dab into a clothesline from hell and, despite having both feet on the bottom rope, gets counted down for the pin. (5:26)

STEVIE RICHARDS runs to the ring while BLUE MEANIE takes a bit longer playing to the crowd. Did these guys ever find the Blonde Bytch or did some lawyers decide we couldn't see them skits? Anyway, Richards is decimated and a Bradshaw powerbomb finishes him off (6:06)

Your final entrants are EDGE & CHRISTIAN - Pier Four Brawl erupts but the Acolytes will take the upperhand in that kind of contest. Christian and Faarooq end up outside while Edge hits a swinging neckbreaker on Bradshaw and climbs the ropes. Faarooq crotches him, though - and Bradshaw hits - no, countered into a tornado DDT. Whoops, the DUDLEY BOYZ are out - who? Right! Buh Buh Ray is carrying Hacksaw Jim Duggan's 2x4 while D-Von has Ahmed Johnson's 2x4. Long calls for the bell, proving this whole segment rather a waste of time - ha! (no contest 7:07)

Backstage, it's Rock and Mankind - and they're WALKING!

These 4.5 minute breaks are really good for bathroom breaks. Anyway, Lilian Garcia catches up with the Dudley brothers. Buh Buh Ray seems to have instantly redeveloped a stutter, and the REAL WINNERS - ARE THE FANS!

Magic: the Gathering presents WWF Unforgiven 26 September!

TRIPLE H & SKIPPY (with That Slut Chyna) v. MANKIND & LA ROCA for the WWF tag team championship - Shane's wearing a "The Crock" jersey. Mankind foolishly rushes the ring without first waiting for his partner, thus ensuring that Rock will get an "Austin-like" entrance about thirty seconds after the match starts. The doubleteam which worked so well on Mankind doesn't work on the Rock. Mankind tosses Shane over the top rope and then follows. Vertical suplex? Nope, Triple H has a STEEL chair and WHACK! Mankind taken to the announce table. Now back in the ring. Triple H punching away on Mankind. Right, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, this must be the main event! What action! Tag to Shane, and it can only get better. Helmsley whips - Shane back elbow. "What an athlete!" 1 count. I wonder how they can have this match and NOT give Shane the pinfall. Mankind turns it over and punches away on Shane. Shane clinging to the ankle, but Mankind whips him with a right. Desperation tag works. Triple H with punches and a suplex. Spit for the Rock, kneedrop. 1, 2, Mankind kicks out. Tag to Shane. Shane on the second rope - forearm smash - 1, no. Right hand from Shane, right, right, Mankind punches back, Triple H holds the hair and pulls him down. Tag to Triple H. H to his dazzling array of knees. There's the HIGH knee! 1, 2, no. Triple H stands on the neck. Tag to Shane. Broncobuster! X-Pac and Shane will NEVER settle their issue, you know. Rock runs the apron and clotheslines Shane. Cole calls Shane "just another sports entertainer" for this match. Shane crawls to Triple H and makes the tag - Triple H stops Mankind from tagging the Rock. Off the ropes, duck, Mandible claw! I am SHOCKED that Mankind remembered he could do that without the sock! While Shane distracts referee "Blind" Earl Hebner, Chyna gets in a Golota on Mankind. Well now, WHO will get to make the tag? I am on the edge of my seat! Also there's three minutes left in the show. TAG TO THE ROCK! HE'S LAYIN' THE SMACK DOWN! DDT gets 2 and Shane makes a save. Rock tosses Shane over the top to the floor, but Triple H manages a clothesline when he turns back around. Mankind hits a baseball slide dropkick on Shane, who tumbles over the commentary table. Now KING ASS is in and there's a Fame'Asser for Triple H. Huh? Well, Rock Bottom, People's Elbow, 1, 2, 3. Thank you, good night. (6:56)

[slash] wrestling



Copyright (C) 1999 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications