/9 September 1999
WWF Smack Down!
So, like, this PIANO drops out of the SKY, right? Just this big old
freakin' PIANO! And some dude's playing it, you know? There's this dude
playing a PIANO and DO YOU KNOW what the BEST thing is about it? NOBODY
EVEN *MENTIONS* IT FOR THE REST OF THE GOD DAMN SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Supposedly, I should be watching the MTV VMA's right now instead of SmackDown!, but I have a *sneaky suspicion* it'll be rerun 24 hours a day for the next week.
You're watching UPN!
One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
TV-14-DLV - Opening Credits - Closed Captioned symbol
And FIREWORKS! We are ON TAPE from the Pepsi Arena in Albany, NY - man I sure could go for a Dr Pepper - 9.9.99 (but taped 7.9) and what a special night it will be!
Outside the Arena, a lone figure slowly trods...that must be Kane that's receiving an extra special beatdown from Triple H and Chyna, who pull up in their rent-a-car brandishing metallic items (he a crowbar, she a pipe). Big Show & Undertaker put a stop to things - were they watching over Kane? - but before Show can chokeslam Triple H, Chyna delivers a Golota. Show falls, the duo takes off, and Undertaker stands over his half-brother.
BIG BOSSMAN walks to the ring. Let Us Take You Back to last week, where...yeah. A couple days ago on RAW, Avatar did some wacky stuff, including writing something on a legal pad. "Who's the top dog now?" Nobody's crazier than Bossman, who's crazy enough to skin a man's dog and feed it to him. Bossman asks if there's any dog lovers in the building who'd like a shot to get skinned. Hey, who answers the call?
BIG BOSSMAN v. BRITISH BULLDOG for the Hardcore championship - Give it up for the Bulldog's new funkified theme music. Remember when the Braids redid "Bohemian Rhapsody" and we all said "What the HELL did they do that for?" That's kinda how Bulldog's music sounds. "Hey, welcome back, Bulldog - we're booking you in a garbage match, so you won't have to wrestle!" "Thunks, mayte." Immediately we go outside, over the barricade and into the crowd, back over the barricade, Bossman comes back, takes Bulldog into the STEEL steps, grabs a chair, but misses. Back in the ring, Bulldog blocks a chair shot and whacks Bossman in the head. Bulldog has the nightstick and chops down the big tree. Whoops, that's it. Guess he'll need some time to develop the stamina to go, you know, TWO minutes. But that's beside the point! Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a new Hardcore Champion. (:59) I guess we've proven the point that a champion should NEVER make the open challenge. Wait, here's LEIF CASSIDY coming out to the New Rockers' theme, and carrying the legal pad. He rips the top paper off the pad, crumples it up and places it in Bossman's mouth. No matter, Snow rock rocks back up the ramp. Bulldog stops him, then hands the belt over to Snow, ending his reign at roughly 83 seconds.
Yo, that's one ominous looking grave site - tonight we have a Buried Alive match for the tag team titles...
Outside, Kane's pouring gasoline in Triple H's car. We know this because the word "GASOLINE" has been helpfully stenciled onto the red can Kane is using to pour from.
WWF SmackDown! is brought to you by SKITTLES!
When we come back, around a half hour later, Kane is STILL pouring gas. Triple H and Chyna come out - apparently Triple H foolishly left the WWF Championship title belt in his car. Kane pours gas on Triple H
EDGE & CHRISTIAN (with Stevie Richards?!?) v. NEW BROOD (with Gangrel and a burning ring o' far) - Let Us Take You Back to RAW and Show You How The Former Brood Brothers Became #1 Contenders. For some reason, Richards is dressed up like Gangrel and tagging along after Edge and Christian. Hey Cole, that ain't a "tux type" shirt - it's a pirate shirt!! Also wearing a cross - no doubt to ward off vampires. Matt and Edge start - off the ropes, shoulderblock. Up and over, leapfrog,
flippy flippy into
a head scissors by Edge. Tag to Christian - Hardy tosses him across the
ring and tags. Punch, reverse, punch, punch, whip into the opposite
corner, legs up, lands on his head, flying headscissors. Jeff stomping
away. Whip is reversed, Jeff tries the leap again but Christian spins him
around, Jeff tries to make something out of it but falls to the canvas
instead. Tag to Edge. Doubleteam drop toehold into a faceplant. Edge
cleaning house. Jeff slides out, Edge slides out as Jeff comes back in,
Gangrel clotheslines Edge. There's the swandive somersault plancha!!
which barely hits. Yikes. Everybody back in - vertical suplex by Jeff,
top rope springboard moonsault by Matt. Matt removes his shirt for no
apparent reason. Now Edge firing back - now trading blows. Matt holds on
to a facelock and tags Jeff. Double whip, double back elbow, elbowdrop and
standing corkscrew moonsault combo for 2. Jeff stomping on him. Kick in
the corner, whip into the opposite corner, Edge hits hard. Vertical
suplex - climbing to the top - headbutt misses and Jeff's legdrop ALSO
misses. Edge makes the HOT TAG! Back body drop on one,clothesline on the
other, punches for both, now all four men brawling in the ring. In
opposite corners - whip is reversed, reversed again, then one Hardy does
the boost for the other Hardy's leg lariat. You know the spot I'm talking
about. Matt with a top rope plancha to the floor on Edge as Gangrel comes
in for the Impaler, but before he can hit it, there's Richards in with
Steviekick on Gangrel! On the outside, Jeff runs the barricade, almost
tripping in the process, and his flying clothesline only finds Matt.
Edge throws Matt into the ring to Christian. Edge back in - there's a
double neckbreaker. Christian covers while Richards holds onto Gangrel -
1, 2, 3! (5:26)
Richards follows a still confused Edge & Christian out
through the crowd. The lights go out...who's left to bloodbath? When the
lights come up, THROUGH HELL FIRE AND
BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE demolishes the
New Brood with kicks and chokeslams all around. He's got da mic!!
"Triple H...tonight, I will burn the flesh from your body!" Cole:
GOD. KANE THREATENING TRIPLE H, SAYING HE'S GONNA BURN THE FLESH FROM HIS
BODY!" Me: "Umm, I heard it the FIRST time!"
Kane's music plays without
the DX theme mixed into it, and some flashpots go off.
LILIAN GARCIA, backstage, tries to ask Bulldog why he gave the Hardcore title back to Al Snow - but he's already walked out the building. I guess he wants us to wait for that interview with Ross we were promised a while back.
Here's another look at that grave site.
Yo! X-Pac in the hizzouse! And he's lookin' for Kane! And WALKING!
AHHHHH! IT'S URKEL!
Lilian Garcia asks Triple H what's up with the war with Kane - Triple H says Kane might douse him in gas, but HE'LL douse HIM in his own blood! Yeah, THAT'S showin' him! Give him a TITLE SHOT! H promises to keep his sledgehammer at the ready.
X-PAC makes it to the ring, and asks for Kane to come out. And here he is. "What's going on with you, man? You need to get your mind right. Tonight, you hvae an opportunity to be the WWF Champion - you've been there before - and dammit man, I know you can be there again! The thing is, you gotta do it without me. No, don't, 'ey - don't say nothin' man, it's my time to talk. Last Thursday I told you -" we glance backstage where Undertaker and Big Show watch a monitor. "Dammit, I TOLD YOU not to come out and get involved in my business, and that if you did, that it was over...so dude, as much as I hate to say it, the way things have been goin', it's no good for you - that's it, man. It's all over.
And off he walks. Kane, left in the ring, watches him slowly walk off.
I'm shocked! No music!
Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. Did X-Pac just fire up Kane to win the title once again? Coming up - a big graphic with Triple H and Kane - for the WWF Championship!
Those masked wrestlers arriving in the arena look suspiciously like Jericho and Finkel - their Spanish ain't too hot, neither. Jericho's mask says "EL VACA LOCO." The crazy...cow?
Tonight, SmackDown! is brought to you by Hansen's Energy Drink, the JVCkaboom!Box, and Final Fantasy VIII for the PlayStation, only from Squaresoft!
HARDCORE & CRASH HOLLY (and their scale) make their way to ringside. Hardcore's STILL looking for a super heavyweight to fight - and he'd like one to come out, now. Everyone's favourite entrance music plays...and THAT SLUT CHYNA makes her way to the ring. See now, she DAMN well ain't three hundred pounds, nor a "googly-eyed monkey." "Hold on, sweetheart...you're a woman, I'm a man, and I don't wrestle women - you got that? Of course, if you WERE a man, with those 200 pound sacks of silicone hangin' off your chest, I think you might make those requirements - but the fact of the matter is you're a woman and I'm not wrestling a woman. THIS is no place for a woman. So you got two choices, honey - you either get your ass up or get your ass out of this ring, because I'm not wrestling you tonight." Then he turns his back - well of COURSE Chyna takes the scale and drives it into his back.
HARDCORE HOLLY (with Crash Holly and a scale) v. THAT SLUT CHYNA - Chyna stomping away while Crash argues with referee "Blind" Mike Chioda on the apron - Chyna calmly walks over and delivers a shot to take Crash to the floor. Hardcore with a clothesline as she turns back around. Now Hardcore is the one doing the stomping. Now Hardcore and Crash are arguing - that'll be enough of a distraction for Chyna to hit a gutshot and DDT. Now JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out and stomping away on Chyna. (DQ :56) - KING ASS runs out to confuse us all by making the save. Jarrett (and a late arriving Debra and Kitty) scurry away. Mr. Ass checking on Chyna - oh no, there's a Fame'Asser to restore the balance. Is this guy a face or a heel? Is CHYNA a face or heel? After Mr. Ass walks off, we move back to the floor to see Crash laughing at Hardcore...and here's your standard Holly brawl.
X-Pac, after taking a refreshing drink from his frosty can of Hansen's Energy Drink, leaves the building by the same exit as Bulldog a bit earlier. He shan't be there for Kane later tonight. Hey, his T-shirt says "your ass is grace and I'm gonna smoke it!" What does THAT mean?
Kane sulks in a corner somewhere else.
"The professional athletes of the WWF bring you the wildest show on earth - but everything you hear - and everything you see should happen here...not here. This has been a public service announcement from the World Wrestling Federation and UPN."
This is Attitude! Well, Acclaim Sports-style Attitude, anyway...
I feel compelled to point out these ads for "Battledome" every week because they try to look all BADASS and they end up looking all CHEESY
Yo! Dig that crazy GRAVE! Somebody write Elliot and tell him I made a pretty good pun just there.
Rock and Mankind arrive at the arena - Mankind's ALMOST complaining about having to ride in the trunk of his limousine, then brandishes his new "testicular fortitude" T-shirt. Rock says he like the shirt, "but do YOU like your new shirt?" "Ye--" "IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU LIKE IT."
BUH BUH RAY DUDLEY (with D-Von Dudley, no entrance) v. ACOLYTE BRADSHAW (with Acolyte Faarooq) - Dudley takes it to him 'pon entering the ring, but Bradshaw turns it around with a big boot off the ropes. Into the corner, Dudley punches away
again, whip is reversed, clothesline
ducked, Dudley with a backdrop suplex. Bradshaw with a tackle that takes
both men through the ropes. Knife-edge chop by Bradshaw, punch, right,
whip reversed and Bradshaw flies into the STEEL. Right hands. There's an
open-handed slap on Bradshaw, but he fires right back with a right. Back
in the ring, Dudley on him. Off the ropes, duck, shoulderblock by
Bradshaw. Boot to the head, big ol' kick, Dudle punches back. Now
they're trading blows. Bradshaw with a knee - now a whip is reversed -
charge is sidestepped, there's a clothesline. Bradshaw going for the
powerbomb - D-Von's in (DQ
2:25), Faarooq's in, and it's on. All four men
going at it - divided up by race (man, why the bruthas gotta fight EACH
OTHER, man) - referee "Blind" Teddy Long can't stop it, he can only hope
to contain it. Bradshaw promptly shoves him out of the way. Now the
busload of referees and officials are out and somehow it's broken up.
Lilian Garcia is backstage with Big Bossman - he's gonna skin Bulldog AND Al Snow, and they're gonna look like pigs. Huh? The word "pissed" gets bleeped. We don't get to find out what was on the piece of paper.
TEST & STEPHANIE McMAHON hit the ring. Stephanie asks for LINDA McMAHON, PAT PATTERSON & GERALD BRISCO to come out, and they do (to "Real American"). "Andrew and I have set our wedding date - Monday, October 11th - and we, on behalf of my family and Andrew's family - would like to invite allllll of you." "And I would like to invite the whole world to witness me marry this beautiful lady." The MEAN STREET POSSE & TERRI spoil the festivities by hitting the ring. Stephanie: "Hey! Enough of this! Pete, Joey, Rod, Pat, Gerry, Andrew. Enough of this! Enough is enough! Leave us alone!" And NOW "No Chance in Hell" plays as the World Entrance Federation continues with SKIPPY striding purposefully to the ring. "Posse - posse, back off. Back it off. I've known you guys for more than half my lives, so listen to me, you know when I'm being dead serious, you know this, and I'm not asking ya, I'm telling ya to leave the ring now. This war with Test is over. So go. Go." Bewildered, they take off. "Stephanie, I owe you an apology. I owe all of you in this ring an apology, especially you. My actions of late have been absolutely inexcusable. And yes, I have acted like one of those as well. From the numerous attacks by the Mean Street Posse on you, Test, to my own personal battle with your now fiancee at SummerSlam, I was wrong. It's not easy, Stephanie for a big brother to look in the eyes of his little sister and watch her grow up - it is very very hard to do, and it's something I never ever thought I could ever imagine tha you'd stand before me as a woman." "Asshole" chant. "I deserve that. Stephanie, I thought all the decisions I were making, I was doing the right thing for you, but I was absolutely 100% wrong. Stephanie, you're your own woman now. You have blossomed into a beautiful young woman, and you make your own decisions. Steph, you have my blessing, go with your heart, and marry Andrew. But Andrew, I have one last thing to say to you, and that is, that you better always do the right thing, and always treat Stephanie right." Shane extends his hand. Test glares at it, checks with Stephanie (whipped, whipped), who gives her puppy dog nod, then presses the flesh with Shane. Awwwwww. Shane and Stephanie hug, and Shane and Linda hug, and Stephanie and Test hug, and Linda and Stephanie hug, and....maybe the chicks dig it.
Backstage, it's Kane...and he's WALKING! And he's GOT A TORCH!
You're (still) watching UPN!
TV-14-DLV ratings box marks another hour's passed as Lilian Garcia
attempts to interview the Rock and Mankind. Rock dismisses Garcia and
then says that he - well, he and Mankind - should have no problems tonight
shoveling the dirt. Then Rock promises to stick a shovel sideways up
somebody's candyass. Mankind does a "Staying Alive" riff, but
instead saying "ah ah ah ah - Buried Alive - Buried Alive" and saves the
Magic: The Gathering presents WWF Unforgiven! 26 September from Charlotte, oh and on Pay-per-view
We take a look at MAE YOUNG & FABULOUS MOOLAH in the audience - hey, this ain't the Seniors tour!
TRIPLE H (with That Slut Chyna and a sledgehammer) v. THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE (with an acetylene torch) for the WWF Championship - Lawler says "hey, the Champ's not supposed to enter first!" for me so I don't have to. Chyna and Triple H doubleteam to start. Kane hits a double clothesline off the ropes and Chyna rolls out. Kane still on Triple H with rights. In the corner with punches. FLAIR FLOP! Well, sorta. Whip into the corner, clothesline as he comes out - cover - no, he's choking and punching away. Kane chases referee "Blind" Tim White as he attempts to enforce a 5 count. Triple H in the choke, but as he backs up to the ropes, he swings away. Choke continues, Triple H over the rope, and hot shotting him on his way to the floor. Triple H to the top rope - Kane catches him in the choke. Hmm, a top rope move not working...just like....Flair.... Chyna on the mic: "Kane, I can talk to X-Pac for you - we used to be friends, I can talk to X-Pac for you." Kane looks to Chyna, and Triple H kicks him in the jimmy to break the choke. Now Chyna further distracting White for one more nutshot. Kneedrop, kneedrop. Cole, for the MILLIONTH time, tells us that he and Ross both have heard Austin will be on tonight. Helmsley punching away. White counting and Triple H ignoring. Crowd catching fire for Kane - there's a knee and a reversal - whip into the corner, Helmsley throws up an elbow. Off the ropes, there's the high knee. 1, 2, Kane kicks out and Helmsley almost leaves the ring. Triple H on him with rights. Kane goes outside as I notice a "Heat" apron covering. What, they could only afford two "SmackDown!" coverings? Kane's head meets the STEEL steps. Back in, right hand, right hand, but Kane's hulking up. Right, nope, right, nope, Kane advancing, kic, chop, into the ropes, reversal, Kane with ... well, Cole called it a bulldog, I call it a botched DDT. White puts on the count - Triple H up first at 6. Kane does the zombie situp! Right, right, right, Kane off the ropes with a clothesline, there's another. Helmsley shot into the ropes, big foot (sorta hits), Kane on the top rope - flying clothesline! 1, 2, no! Helmsley shot into the ropes, but there's a facebuster. Gutshot, Pedigree - is countered with a backdrop!. Choke is on! THIS one is gonna hit! But right after the chokeslam, Chyna strikes with the Greco-Roman sledgehammer to the back. THERE'S a Pedigree. 1, 2, 3. (6:48) Triple H ready to strike with the sledgehammer again, but the lights dim - and out amble UNDERTAKER & WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW. Triple H runs off - before Show can follow, Undertaker calls him back into the ring. Kane's to his feet - and backs off...what a waste of a perfectly good torch! Nobody used it at ALL!
Backstage, Shamrock talks to..the camera? Himself? "Jericho, you can run but you can't hide!" This is an attempt to disguise from me the fact that he's WALKING!
Tonight's a big night for the WWF superstars, but on 30 September...wait, this is an ad for the sneak preview of "Shasta McNasty!" Funk DAT! All *I* know is it means I only have 75% of the workload that week, yeeha!
RAW is WAR returns to it's normal time (for you Easterners) THIS
Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! and relate the long, storied history of Chris Jericho and Ken Shamrock - that is to say, two weeks ago and last week.
KEN SHAMROCK hits the ring, snaps, and politely asks for the music to be cut. Shamrock reminds us that Monday Jericho said he'd come out and meet him face to face. "The way I see it, Jericho, you got two choices. One, you can come out here and face me like a man - or two, I can come back there, tear that place up back there, find your little punk ass, drag you into this ring, and BEAT you like the stepchild that you are!" Cole: "He's in a zone!" Lawler: "Yeah, Twilight Zone." Shamrock says he figures Jericho will choose option one, because he's too scared to meet him one on one (ummm, but that WAS...oh never mind). Shamrock gives Jericho ten seconds to come out and be a man. We take a long, loving look down the Time Tunnel, but no Jericho. So Shamrock leaves the ring...but the Y2J countdown starts, the entrance music hits...and *in the ring* appears CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO inside a shark cage and brandishing a baseball bat. "Hey Shamrock - I'm over here, ya moron. I know I've promised to meetcha face to face, but I knew if I did meet you face to face that I'd be forced to tear you limb from limb, and destroy both you AND your reputation in one fell swoop. This cage is not here to protect me, uh uh, this cage is to protect YOU from me. And if you have any doubt that you need protection from me, why don't you check out the TitanTron..." and there's a Polaroid from last Thursday. "You remember that? That was last week when I embarrassed you with the most devastating hold in sports entertainment history...that looked good, didn't it - you're lucky that your face was cut out of the shot, 'cause if it wasn't, everyone would see the TERROR and AGONY in your face... You can't HANDLE Y2J because I am one BAD mamma jamma!" Shamrock lifts the bat. "What are you gonna do, it's a STEEL cage, you can't get in here, you idiot! I've had enough of making you look like a fool...raise this cage up right now. ... Harold, rasie the cage up now!" The cage doesn't move. We flash backstage to see Howard Finkel arguing with Lilian Garcia about his actions a few days ago on RAW. Shamrock snaps one more time, bends the bars of the cage (hmm, those are probably the same bars Chyna bent back when...remember that time?) Shamrock pulls Jericho out and rams Jericho's head into the cage. Now mounting him and wailing away - screaming one more time. Here come the troops - whoa, there's a belly-to-belly for TONY GAREA! A ref tastes the suplex. Jericho manages to run off, Shamrock chases...
Visiting wwf.com is like directing a blind man into oncoming traffic
"During the Break" footage shows Finkel and Jericho running out of the arena, Fink loading Jericho's bags and opening the door for him, and Chris, after reflecting over the past few weeks they've spent together...fires him. "Hit the bricks, Junior!" "Chris, no! Chris!" Fink tries to run after...
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with Debra & Miss Kitty) walks to the ring. Hey, can I get the job greasing up the women?
Let Us Take You
Back to RAW and show you highlights of Jarrett's match with Jacqueline.
"Look, Chyna, there's no bein' politically correct, so I'm just gonna say
it. I am EMBARRASSED to be getting in the ring at Unforgiven with a
woman. I was always taught - well, you're not gettin' 'em - I was always
taught that a woman's place was in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant.
And I'm a firm believer in that. Now, Chyna, you have NO business being
in the ring with ANY man, let alone, the greatest Intercontinental
Champion of all time. This is a MAN'S world! I'm a man's man, and you
are a woman. W-O-M-A-N, woman! ... Look - it's Moolah - the Fabulous
Moolah! Moolah, Come on up here, I'm serious, come on up here, yeah you.
Debra, Kitty, do you realise this woman was the WWF Ladies' Champion for
damn near a hundred years? She paved the road for the ladies. Hey
Moolah, come up here, it would be an honour, it would be my privlige to
invite you up into this ring and let you take a stroll around it, and let
these fans give you the hand that you deserve." Moolah gives hugs all
around and waves to the crowd. "Now Moolah, Moolah, before you go, before
you go. Now back in your day, women knew their role, they knew there
place. I mean, the boys played with the boys, and the girls played with
the girls. I mean, you wouldn't have been caught dead in a ring wrestling
a man, wouldja?" "Well, I didn't, but it's only because the so-called
'men' knew that I would kick their ass just like Chyna's gonna kick YOUR
ass!" Jarrett, suitably peeved, takes his gee-tar, spins Moolah around
and WAFFLES her with it. Holy shit! MAE YOUNG comes into the ring to
help out Moolah, and Jarrett invites HER to "run in, ya old bag!" and
Jarrett puts HER in a figure four! Damn...Jarrett putting
seventy-something women in holds SHOULDN'T be this entertaining - but it
Big Show and Undertaker talk strategy - while they're WALKING!
WWF SmackDown! is brought to you by BURGER KING!
Here's that PSA again
"VAL VENIS in ENTER THE BIG VALBOWSKI" - in which the question is posed: why fool about with nunchaku when there's a hot nekkid blonde in bed next to you?
UNDERTAKER & WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW v. LA ROCA y MANKIND in a Buried Alive match for the tag team championship - hmm, 20 minutes to the hour - these entrances must be REEEEEEEEALLY long tonight. Whoops, after the challengers enter, Duke Nukem Zero Hour presents the SMACK OF THE NIGHT! This week it's Chyna walloping Kane with the sledgehammer. Mankind enters first - let's see if he's smart enough to wait for the Rock before getting in the ring THIS time. Foley has a very nice custom tie that I'm sure a fan provided. Well, Mankind's an idiot, as he storms the ring and promptly gets doubleteamed. At least THIS time, Rock's music starts up only ten seconds into the beatdown. Undertaker runs up the ramp to meet the Rock. And that's how they stay, Rock and Undertaker brawling on the outside while Show and Mankind have fun in the ring. If you think there's any REAL action to speak of....well, it's not that there's NOT, just that it's a big ol' brawl. The fight eventually makes it inside, where Rock and Mankind doubleteam the Big Show, finally getting him
the mat with a double clothesline. Before Rock can try the People's
Elbow, Undertaker pulls him outside the ring to continue THEIR fight. They
hit the commentary table and Cole hits the bricks. Meanwhile, Show's
taken control over Mankind. Slung over his shoulder, Show walks towards
the gravesite. Rock comes back, taking a STEEL chair to the Undertaker's
back. Mankind has fought back, but Show fights back and they're actually
near the put now. Rock makes a save and distracts Big Show with punches
long enough for Mankind to find the shovel and Golota Show with it. Rock
and Mankind take the shovel and clothesline Big Show into the grave.
They start to shovel, but Undertaker makes the rescue and takes it to
Mankind, then to Rock. Big Show, revived, gets out of the grave and
returns to Mankind. ROCK comes back and next thing you know, Undertaker's
tumbling down the mound of dirt. Cool to see the other side of the big
screen as Rock and Undertaker continue. Now they're backstage and the
camera can't follow. Back on the stage...HOLY CRAP! Show beals Mankind
OFF the stage, through the air and into the grave! Show ambles over to
shovel some dirt on him - but SOCKO rises from the grave and into Show's
mouth! Show struggles - they BOTH roll into the grave. He should have
thrown dirt in his eyes. Hey, the grave-cam! Show won't go out - but
he's fading. Mankind rolling him over and into the grave. Double Feature
of the big beal - one angle much better than the other. Mankind
brandishing the shovel while we cut backstage to see Rock and Undertaker
fighting - there's TRIPLE
H blindsiding the Rock! Undertaker takes off.
THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S
KANE attacks Triple H...now THAT SLUT
CHYNA takes a chair to Kane - but it doesn't faze
him. The chase is on...
back to the grave, Undertaker has come back out and Pearl Harboured
Mankind. Shovel shot - Mankind in. Mankind out! Cole: "Oh my God..."
Undertaker puts him back in, and AGAIN Mankind tries to escape the grave.
Big Show gets in there with him and pushes his face into the ground.
Undertaker yells to Big Show to get out of the grave - and then commands
him to dig. I get it, Cole - the dirt is "dark and cold," okay. Well now
the Rock is back out! He and Undertaker are back at it...and now TRIPLE H
is out with his sledgehammer - and there's a shot to the back of the head
of the Big Show! He slides down the side of the dirt mound. Now *Triple
H* finishes burying Mankind. Huh? Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner calls for
the bell - and even though they didn't do the deed, ladies and gentlemen,
we have new tag team champions. (11:43) An ambulance
up to collect...Big Show? Foley? Both? Triple H opens the back of the
ambulance - and STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN
emerges! He's all over Triple H,
who actually falls in the grave at one point (hopefully not stepping on
Mankind!) - all around the grave site they go, until Austin bundles him
into the ambulance, flips a ..well, the picture got all blurry, so I can't
tell WHAT he did (ha!), then the ambulance drives off. We follow it
outside the building. Austin parks the ambulance, then walks over to a
nearby semi. Hey, did you watch Deja Video on HeAT last week - "Steve
Austin's Road Rage?" Hey, remember when the Hummer ran totaled that limo?
Put 'em together and we have that semi SQUASHIN' that ambulance. WE'RE