You are here /wrestling
/30 September 1999

WWF SmackDown!




PERSONAL TO STEVE KELLY: I'll try to call you today - I think we can swing it but I need to call the guys who are driving me first - that's why I haven't gotten back to you. Thanks!

I GET LETTERS: Brad Schoen needs a hug. What the hell is wrong with you? I read your SmackDown report for last thursday for the first time (and last). I am sorry that I emailed just a subject line that read "YOUR LAME". I should have saved us both the time. I guess people read your reviews and like them and I also assume you enjoy writing them. (surely you don't get paid for the shit) I, however, have neither the time nor the inclination to read someone's anaylsis of a sports entertainment telivision show. I just wanted the results 'cause I had a meeting at school. Instead I got a smart ass comments and ***comical*** remarks.

Or maybe you just pissed me off because I am one of the millions...

Either way, go f*ck yourself.

Well, he didn't send it with an asterisk in that penultimate word, mind you.

And the thing was, HE wasn't even clued in to the big bash-me topic of the Week!

I hope that remark about the freefall was a tasteless joke on your part because if Vince said it, then that would be really scen for him. Would you let me know just so I will know whether to really hate him or not... - Tasha Williams

I mean, come on, Chris. You don't have to stoop that low to get a laugh. - James Gowdey

I was very disturbed by what you said in your report...I'm sorry but that is tasteless. made me sick to my stomach when I read that unnecessary comment. ... Making jokes about Owen's death are on the other side of the line. - Chris Harris

The Owen Hart joke was just completely tasteless. Tasteless is fine if it is funny. But that wasn't. - Name Withheld

By way of retort, here's ONE letter from the opposing viewpoint.

Funny as hell. You have got to have huge balls. - Name Withheld

The mail reaction was mixed. What is boils down to is this. It WAS tasteless. Nobody's gonna argue that. BUT I wrote it, I left it in, hell, I called attention to it two paragraphs later in case you managed to skim over it and miss it. And WHY?

Pushing the envelope? Demonstrating my love of black comedy? Gallows humour? Trying to piss off and alienate everybody for no apparent reason? Finding new ways to differentiate myself amongst the broadcast journalists walking the beat that IS "WWF SmackDown!?" Random acts of bizarreness?

No, mostly 'cause I thought of the line when Vince said what he said, was amused by it, and put it down on the off chance that several of you who are like me would also be amused by it.

I won't apologise except to say that I'm sorry that some of you are offended. Four months is long enough for me, I guess. Does that make me a bad person? That alone will probably not make me a bad person, naw.

Anyway, we return to our Owen-free format this week - hey, just like the WWF after their tribute show! No WONDER we'll never see those Bulldog interviews with JR... Enough! Let's get into THE SHOW! ONLY ON UPN!

Oh, wait, one more thing. Rest in Peace, 3Com Park. Sure, there'll still be football there (for now) but watching a baseball game there was vastly underrated by those who just didn't know. Another piece of baseball heritage, down the...oh listen to me, the Giants only played there since 1960, that's not tradition, who cares. Better for me to bemoan the loss of Tiger Stadium - except I was never there, so...

What were we talking about again? Oh, yeah. My POINT is while I was waiting for the delayed THUNDER! I caught quite a bit of that Mets/Braves game, and you know, baseball is really a great game to watch. I had forgotten that since being really bitter about the strike. Maybe I should have visited Candlestick a few times this year - and now it's too late. Sigh.

Watching baseball, you can't help but wonder what Vince Russo is smoking when he says nobody's into long matches. THOUSANDS of people regularly spend at least three hours watching baseball - you telling me that's any more exciting than a well-worked twelve minute match? Come on.

Okay, to the show. I MEAN IT THIS TIME.

Last week, there was great mirth and hilarity as the cast of "Shasta McNasty" wrangled their way into a date with Chyna. The magic continues this week...but first...a little show...

One World Leader Attitude - TV-14-DLV - WWF!

Opening credits are close captioned for the hearing impaired (eh? what's that?)

Hey FIREWORKS! and the OvalTron is to the RIGHT of the ramp this week! This show is en espanol donde sea disponible!! We are in the Richmond Colesium in Richmond, VA 30.9.99 (but taped 28.9) and your loyal chronicler is SPOILER FREE, BABY! Ewww, Cole said "action/adventure" again...don't REMIND me.

ROAD DOGG (with King Ass) v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO (with Curtis Hughes) - but hey, if SmackDown! starts with an actual MATCH, is that an overture to those of us that thought there needed to be some WRESTLING last Monday? Well, yes and no, as Dogg starts out with that shtick he's spent most of last year and this one doing...hey, why'd these guys get back together? Dogg wears an Ass shirt and vice versa. Jericho, in a shocking display of logic, wears a JERICHO T-shirt! Let Us Take You Back 5 Weeks to the first show, and the first match between these two, which should help to explain why Dogg attacks before the bell. Now they're in the ring but only for a brief instant, then back out, now into the crowd, and before they're back over the barricade, the three HOLLY COUSINS are out. Jericho hard into the STEEL steps. Hardcore says that Kane & X-Pac lifted THEIR tag team title shot Monday, and there will be payback. Back in the ring, Jericho kicks as Dogg reenters. Open-handed slap, Dogg punches back, Elbow from Jericho, kneelifts to the face. Dogg ducks a lariat and starts gettin' jiggy with it - Jericho has the AUDACITY to crawl away from the wiggly wobbly woomly elbowdrop. Dogg kicks away while Jericho's in the ropes - and when referee "Blind" Earl Hebner tries to pull him back, Dogg takes him through the ropes to the floor! Hughes is up on the apron and holding him - but of course, Dogg sidesteps it and Jericho runs into his own man. There's a DDT. But Hebner, now conscious, calls for the bell (DQ 1:35) while Gunn finds a table for his partner. It's revenge time for the Dogg - but before he can powerbomb Jericho, the Hollys are in to put a stop to it. Double powerbomb through the table! Mr. Ass, who has been beating up Hughes on the outside, comes into the ring - but the Hollys are two and Gunn is one. Falcon Arrow from Hardcore on Gunn! Meanwhile, Jericho and Hughes have scuttled. Outlaws left laying. So is Scale.

In the back, LILIAN GARCIA interviews VINCENT K., who says tonight might be a good night for yet another WWF title match - British Bulldog will get his shot tonight - Chyna is barred from ringside this time. Also, for putting his hands on a WWF official Monday, Triple H is fined $25,000. And finally, for tonight's title match - how about a special referee - the Rock. Now since Bulldog has twice denied the Rock a victory in WWF title matches, you think Rock will count a fall for HIM?

MANKIND, wearing his "Rock'n'Sock connection" jacket, makes his way to the ring. Lawler tells us that Mankind's a huge mark for the Rock, but the feeling isn't mutual. "Hello, Richmond! I hope some of you saw it - on Monday night we celebrated one of the great showings of unity and comeradrie in the history of Sports Entertainment! And as one half of the Rock & Sock Connection, I was damn proud to be a part of it! I guess now would be the appropriate time to give a special thanks to the dozens...of Mankind's fans for making it all happen BUT there was one man who tried to poop on our party by taking something that did not belong to him. I don't want to get violent out here, I don't want an altercation, but I would like Val Venis to come out here and explain his actions just a little bit, so Val, I need you down here right about now." The music plays and BALD VENIS is out with a mic of his own. If you were watching Monday, you already know what's going on, but if not - it'll play out, I'm sure. Commentators are in a semi-rare state of confusion. "Mick, I just wanna let you know something, right now I have two beautiful women back ther and I'm a very busy man, so what is it you want, because it's not my birthday." "Val, I know what you got in your pants, and I want it. Wait wait, let me make that a little bit clearer - I know what you got in your pants - and dammit, I need it. So now you're gonna be shy, I'll tell you what I'll do - I will turn my back - you just whip it out and give it to me." "Mick, turn back around and look at me. The Big Valbowski NEVER swings that way." "Let me describe it for you, okay? It's about this long, it's white and it's got a big beautiful head on it. I'll tell you what, dammit, either you reach into your pants, you whip it out, and place it in my hand, or so help me, I'LL reach into your pants, I'LL whip it out, and I'll stick it in your damn mouth!" "Whoa whoa whoa, Mick, whoa whoa. I had no idea you were like this, Mick - I had absolutely no idea you were like this, but let me make one thing very clear right here, right now. The Big Valbowski only puts from one side of the green." "I don't know what you're talking about but I want you to take a look at this..." On the OvalTron, we see last Monday's GTV of Venis lifting Mr. Rocko from a garbage can and stuffing him down his pants. The commentators *finally* see what's going on - geez, how stupid of them. "Val, you've been BUSTED." - "Mick, Mick - buddy! Bro! Buddy! That was a joke! That was a joke for all the boys in the back - it was a test, just a joke!" "I'll tell you what, Val, I don't appreciate your twisted little sense of humour, and you know who else doesn't appreciate it...the Rock. The Rock wants Mr. Rocko back and he wants him RIGHT NOW." And he rushes Venis, who falls out of the ring. "Whoa whoa whoa, hold up, just hold up buddy, I ain't got no problem with you. You and I are know - you know. I didn't realise the sock meant that much to you, buddy. If it means that much to you, I will go back there and I'll bring it to you, all right? Just take it easy - chill out - everything's good. It's all good, bro, it's all good." "Val Venis, I'll tell you this right now - if you don't deliver Mr. Rocko, I sure as hell will deliver Mr. Socko!"

Backstage, Triple H and Chyna look for Vince McMahon - H actually pushes the camera guy away because he knows how accustomed we are, and how we live for an alternative to seeing a bumper consisting of folks WALKING!

When we come back, "During the Break" footage shows Vince and Shane chatting, and Triple H crying about the fact that Vince is apparently going to try to "screw" him every week. Hey THERE'S a mental picture, eh? "You're not gonna beat me either - you keep coming up with ways to screw me - I'll keep coming up with ways to go through it - don't you worry. And I'll tell you what, your little boy Austin's not gonna do it either - you got me? Just keep that in mind." Wait, so Austin is Vince's boy, now? My head hurts.

Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER.

Lilian Garcia interviews LA ROCA - he's rather upset that he's not getting a title shot, and the guy that screwed him twice over IS, but he's not gonna whine about it. Tonight, he'll call it right down the middle. "Piss" gets beeped. The rectal insertion du jour is H's three foot nose up Bulldog's candyass, in case you keep track of these things. Oh, and "sumbitch" is bleeped as well.

Dino Crisis from Capcom, Twix, and Lugz (1.0235 billion points!) proudly sponsor SmackDown!

EDGE & CHRISTIAN v. NEW BROOD (with Gangrel and a burning ring o' far) - This match is the first in the "Terri Runnels Invitational Tournament," apparently. And here *is* TERRI making her way to the commentary area to 'splain it to us. Referee "Blind" Jim Korderas lays down law and order by immediately barring Gangrel from the ringside area. Terri says that the team who wins a best-of-five will get $100,000 - and Terri's services. Sounds to me like a hell of an excuse to see these guys wrestle five times! To the match we go, Christian and Jeff in the ring, whip, Jeff slides out, Christian follows, chase is on, back in the ring, Matt attacking from behind. Double whip, there't the "I'm on all fours and you're springing off me" spot they always have. Matt with a lariat. Right hands, cover - 1, 2, no. Tag to Jeff, snap suplex from Matt, swandive sentonbomb from Jeff for 2. Tag to Matt - bodyslam from Jeff, second rope legdrop from Matt. They like that "gun to their head" hand signal, huh? Matt gives the high sign, but Christian scoots out of the suplex attempt - Matt shoves him out, off the ropes and their heads collide - down they go. Tag to Jeff - hot tag to Edge! Edge knocks them both down - he's a HOUSE AFIRE! Attempting a side Russian legsweep on Jeff but Matt strikes from behind. Double whip - kick for Jeff - Flatliner for Matt. 1, 2, Jeff makes the save. Jeff drops him, then climbs to the top - Chrisitan is in and there's a dropkick on Matt, who ends up crotching Jeff, who was climbing to the top. Double clothesline to to Matt to take him outside. Christian up for the superplex - FROM EDGE'S SHOULDERS! 1, 2, 3. (3:35) Christian & Edge look to Terri - "that's one!" Terri blows them a kiss.

There's HEATHER KOZAR, who is a special guest star tonight on "Shasta McNasty" - coming up NEXT!

TERRY TAYLOR interviews British Bulldog, who thanks Vince McMahon for his title shot, and warns the Rock to stay out of his way.

Mankind and Rock discuss Val Venis and Mr. Rocko. Yep.

Count the "Shasta McNasty" ads! I give this show ONE SEASON! Thank you!

"During the Break" footage shows Shane and Steve Austin in an unheard conversation...

WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW (no entrance) v. D'LO BROWN for the WWF European Championship - PRINCE ALBERT & DROZ are at the commentary table for some unknown reason. Brown ducks a clothesline and hits some stringing rights, Show calmly knocks him down. Brown ducks a punch and puts a boot on his face. Whip is reversed, duck, duck, well it's a big...quasi-backdrop from Show, clothesline. Well it's a big elbow to the back of the head. Well it's a big vertical suplex. Droz says they're out tonight because the bookers in the back won't give them the matches, so they'll get their mugs on TV some other way. Well it's a big knee to the gut. Well it's a big whip into the opposite corner - well it's a big splash - that misses. Albert is off headset (about as exciting when he's ON headset) and nearing the ring as Brown hits a flying forearm out of the corner. Standing flourish legdrop. 'Lo-down! 1, 2, well it's a big KICKOUT! Brown with a right, kick, right, faceplant attempt is caught into well it's a big powerbomb. Show tosses Brown out of the ring, coincidentally at the feet of Droz. We look to the apron, where Albert is climbing the corner - in the ring - caught in a choke. There's a kick to the man ensemble by Albert to break up the hold. Referee "Blind" Chad ...what did we decide his last name was again? ... rings the bell (DQ 2:28) Albert off the ropes - well it's a big gutshot - well it's a big powerbomb! Albert staggers out of the ring, hurt. Droz decides NOW is a good time to take out Brown, who is still out on the floor. In the ring, there's a clothesline - a variety of kicks and punches, including a mocking of D'Lo's legdrop flourish (but no legdrop - well). Here's SEXUAL CHOCKLIT MIZARK HENRY out to make the save - Brown is rather unhappy to see Henry, shrugs him off and walks out. "D'Lo - there's something I wanna get off my chest, man. There's a lot of addiction - there's drug addiction, alcohol addiction - there's gambling addiction. I'm here today to admit that I got an addiction - I have an addiction. I'm a sex addict." Cole: "What did he say? Did he say 'sex addict?'" Me: "No SHIT Cole. Please pay attention." "Man, it's not funny! It's no joke! I lost my fiancee behind this - thousands of dollars flying people in - but most of all, I lost somebody I care about - I lost D'Lo Brown, my best friend. I mean, my mom's gotta see this! All the people in Silsbee, the people in Austin, Texas where I live - they gotta see this. And you laugh - at my pain." Henry's crying. Lawler's slipped into his "serious" voice. "I mean, I wake up in the morning and I think about sex - I wake up - and I think about stuff that I never even thought about before. At lunch, I think about sex. At NIGHT I think about sex. I get on base more times than Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa together, but I - it's gonna be hard for me and I know I got a problem, but I'm gonna seek some some help, I need some professional help." This is apparently supposed to explain the whole "turning on Brown" bit from a month ago. You buying it? I think they're gonna have to say Jarrett gave him Debra and Kitty for a night or something, to do what he did, otherwise their story's a little weak.

Big Show and Mini Me share a moment by way of hyping "Shasta McNasty"

Hey look, it's that jail bait Coke ad again - this time it's the Espanol version, which doesn't seem as overtly disturbing as the reg'lar one. And it's weird to see a lack of English text (and a lot of Spanish) on an ad that isn't on Telemundo or Univision. And only I care about this, really. Well, Travis brought it up too, so that's a relief.

Footage from "Yesterday" shows Stephanie going through bridal magazines and Test watching a game instead. "I'm not marrying the gown, I'm marrying YOU!"

X-PAC & THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE (abbreviated entrance) v. DUDLEY BOYZ v. ACOLYTES in a Triple Threat tag team eliminiation match - X-Pac has a new Hansen's Energy Drink ad T-shirt, ha! B. B. Ray is wearing Rock's "Rock & Sock connection" jacket. Pier Six brawl to start, but because referee "Blind" Mike Chioda is suddenly part of the ALL-POWERFUL cadre of zebras, somehow everybody's separated and into their corners, leaving Kane and D-Von Dudley. Backstage, Stevie Richards calls over Mankind and shows him Dudley with the jacket. Mankind says he's going to take care of that. Lost in this is that fact that Rock's apparently discarded another item of clothing that Mick gave him last Monday. Double choke - throws him to the mat. D-Von tags the closest available man - Bradshaw. Well, actually I didn't see a tag but I'll just assume. Bradshaw ducks a clothesline and punches away - into the corner, but it's reversed. Boot up as Kane charges. Bradshaw with a chop, a right, off the ropes, but his head is down and Kane hits a DDT. Head to the buckle, right, tag to X-Pac. Trademark set of three martial arts kicks from X-Pac. Off the ropes, reversal, big boot ducked - X-Pac tries a crossbody but is caught into a fallaway slam. Faarooq tagged in - off the ropes, X-Pac ducks and hits another martial arts kick. Into the ropes is reversed into a powerslam for 2. Back to his corner - hammering away with rights - oops, now pushing away Chioda - who promptly disqualifies the Acolytes. B. B. Ray is in - X-Pac fighting back. Spinning heel kick and both men are down - tag to D-Von - tag to Kane! An astonishing array of clotheslines! A dropkick! It's a bad pun but KANE IS ON FIRE! Off the top rope with a clothesline on D-Von. 1, 2, save. Kane on him now. X-Pac in for a broncobuster. D-Von tastes a chokeslam in the meantime - 1, 2, 3, the save is too late. (4:12) The Acolytes are suddenly back out and pulling Kane outside - and to the STEEL steps. Now they're in the ring and doing a number on X-Pac - there's a double powerbomb. X-Pac left in the ring and Kane over him...

Here's another look at Heather Kozar - and CINDY MARGOLIS is next to her - say, that's a whole lotta cleavage!

Mankind waits backstage...

Oh boy! Chyna is at the apartment of the "Shasta McNasty" guys! To be continued!

WWF Attitude can be yours if you own a PlayStation! But - hey, what's Goldust doing in that ad, anyway?

You're watching - UPN! Here are some more ads!

...including that wacky "We're not the Golden State Warriors - we're a SALSA BAND" spot - man, you NEED to see my local ads!

And now, JVCkaboom!Box brings you the JVCkaboom! of the week! Dr. X's kabong on Chyna wasn't enough to keep her from still managing to fall into a pinfall victory to get yet another IC title shot.

"During the Break" footage shows a showdown between Foley and Dudley. If Mick wants the jacket back, he'll have to come g-g-g-g-get it....freak. "You challenging me? You don't want none of me....jerk."

JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out with MIDOUBLES KIDOUBLETY and a slew of household items. There's an ironing board, a vacuum, some pots and pans. "Chyna - you're gonna get your rematch all right but it's gonna be the Good Housekeeping way. You see, Chyna, I'm telling you for the last time that you WILL understand the role of a woman, because I'm gonna beat you with every household appliance known to woman. Well as a little demonstration tonight, if there's any woman out here tonight that wants to get their carpet cleaned, well come on up in here and I'll give you the ol' oatmeal demonstration! And this vacuum will clean any carpet you got! Well if it isn't the queen of the Internet - Cindy Margolis back! Didn't you learn a couple weeks ago that the place for a woman is in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant? And look who you have with ya - Heather Kozar, ANOTHER TV star from Shasta McNasty. I tell you what - why don't you two ladies come on up in the ring and have a little Handicap match! Come on up here, I'll clean both of your carpets - come on up--" As they cross the barricade, out comes DE-BRA to Jarrett's music. "Well, well, well - cut the music! Look who we have here - Miss Debra! I guess you - yeah, you want the puppies, well I guess you want your carpet cleaned, huh? What is it, a little dirty?" And one by one, out comes EVERY WOMAN JEFF'S BEATEN ON FOR THE PAST MONTH OR SO marching down to the ring! Moolah and Mae, of course, try first, and take the big bumps. Now THAT SLUT CHYNA is out and taking Jarrett into the ironing board. Clothesline out of the ring. Julie and Janet (the stage manager and makeup lady) have brooms and they're whacking away. EVERYBODY'S got a prop and is getting a shot at Jarrett - he runs off, and now for no apparent reason, Moolah and Mae Young are all over the King!

Mankind tells Rock he's misplaced his jacket - Rock says it's okay, he'll wear one of his Versace shirts - Mankind: "No Versace! No Versace! I'll get to the bottom of this!"

"Shasta McNasty" ad - what a shock, eh?

"Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver" (from Eidos Interactive) brings you the Smack of the Night - it's Young & Moolah taking it to the King - from moments ago!

Terry Taylor is backstage with WWF Head of Security JIM DOTSON - Let Us Take You Back to Unforgiven where Dotson speared Steve Blackman, and then to RAW where Blackman took the kendo stick to Dotson in retaliation. Dotson says he's not looking for a fight--and Blackman drops the cyclone fence set on him and stomps away with lethal kicks. Woo hoo! Blackman sure can beat the tar out of them non-wrestlers!! "Looks like YOU'RE the one that needs Security now!" Wow, he zinged HIM. Blackman wears Nikes, by the way.

MANKIND, already in the ring, calls out Dudley - I believe there's some reference to "testicular fortitude" in there. Both DUDLEY BOYZ come out through the crowd and surprise Mankind. As B.B. Ray punches away, BALD VENIS comes out wearing Mr. Rocko on his hand. Mankind's come back and pulls out Mr. Sock - but D-Von holds Mankind's ankle. As referee "Blind" Tim White warns D-Von, STEVIE RICHARDS (as Dude Love) is out and there's a Steviekick! Mankind removes the jacket as we look over at Venis at the commentary table. I guess this wasn't a match or they're doing some kinda edit. "Val it's not enough - come on in here and give me Mr. Rocko." Venis removes his headset and walks into the ring. "Mick, before I give you back Rocko I want to get things straight between you and I. I respect you. NOBODY has done more for this business than you. If it wasn't for you coming off a twenty foot cage and literally destroying your body amongst other crazy tactics that you do, my paycheque would not be what it is today. So Mick, because Rocko means so much to you - I got no other choice but to give him back to you - so ... close your eyes and I'll give you a surprise - you know, I always used to think that you were crazy - now, I just wanna feel your (mute)..." TESTICULAR CLAW! Richards in to help, but the Dudleyz are back in and helping Venis. Tripleteam beatdown occurs, Venis not letting go. The Dudleyz rip the jacket in half - Venis STILL has that claw on - he seems to be ... enjoying it ... rather a lot. we have a heel turn here? I hear booing - it's official, I guess. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a heel turn.

Time now for a "Shasta McNasty" ad. - I feel like I've seen this entire damn show ALREADY.

There's another Chyna and "Shasta McNasty" spot. "Shasta McNasty" - it's the "Robin Hood" of UPN sitcoms!

And now, the WWF Boot of the Week - from Lugz - Austin's Stunner, Rock Bottom from the Rock, Bulldog's' interference, and H keeping the title yet again...from Monday's RAW.

LA ROCA comes out to the SmackDown! credits despite the fact that there's at least twelve minutes left in this show...lest we forget, he's the Special Guest Referee for tonight's main event.

By the way, WWF No Mercy is brought to you by Eidos Interactive's "Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver" - whatever THAT is.

"Finally the Rock has come back to Richmond!" Rock somehow compares "God Save the Queen" to "God Save my Roody Poo Candyass!" There's that THEROCK.COM logo. NOW can we have the match? Ohh-kay!

TRIPLE H v. BRITISH BULLDOG for the WWF Championship - Bulldog's in jeans for some reason. Rock and Bulldog have a staredown - wait, they're trading punches! Rock clotheslines Bulldog out of the ring...and now Triple H's music plays - and isn't it odd to see him only get his first entrance this late in the show? H rushes Bulldog, still on all fours - four on the floor, even! H punching away - Rock fit to watch. Head to the STEEL post. H rolls him in and the bell tolls. Stomp. Crowd chanting "Rocky," since they don't know who to cheer for out of the combatants. Bulldog ducks a clothesline but not the high knee. H covers - but Rock is checking out the crowd. H argues - Bulldog hits a low blow as H argues. Backstage, we see Steve Austin looking on and working on a chaw. Both men outside - Triple H's head to the table. Rock takes a headset and talks while H and Bulldog brawl on the outside. Cole makes the mistake of asking Rock what he's doing - Rock tells Cole to shut his mouth. Bulldog and H up the ramp - there's a bodyslam on the ramp by the Bulldog. Rock back in the ring while Bulldog drops H across the barricade. Back in the ring - finally. Hard into the corner - got him up on his shoudler - H ducks that attempt - gutshot - Pedigree! Cover - and Rock ... applauds. But he's still not counting. H decides to got for the Rock - they trade blows. Rock with more rights now. There's the Rock Bottom! Rock goes outside and puts the headset back on. Bulldog covers - Rock finally in, with the mic. "1......2....IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THE ROCK COUNTS TO 3!" Bulldog out - back in with the belt - but instead, swinging for the Rock! But Rock ducks - Rock with a right and the belt is dropped. Rock picks it up - there's a belt shot for the Bulldog - there's one for Triple H - some stomping on Triple H and he's outside the ring. There's the People's Elbow for the Bulldog - Rock takes the belt - stands on the turnbuckle - hit the music...and walks off with the belt. Bulldog VERY SLOWLY stalks after him. Helmsley, finally having come to, asks timekeeper Mark Yeaton where his belt is - Yeaton tries to explain but H DECKS him, then stomps away - wow! Look at him bounce! H slides through the ring and runs up the ramp. Replays show Rock doing a nice slide before delivering the elbow. Oh yeah, this whole bit - shall we call it a match or not? It's (around, oh, five minutes or so)

Triple H, backstage, looks for the Rock, and randomly beats up people who happen to be in his path. It turns out that *Rock* finds *him* instead - giving him a belt shot - and staying on him until Bulldog gets in HIS surprise attack. They brawl out a door, narrowly avoiding a women's restroom. Back to Triple H, who at least got his belt back. We follow him back down a hall to a locked door, where presumably Chyna is - and of COURSE behind that door is *not* Chyna but Steve Austin - right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, you know how it goes. I must cynically note that we're going a bit long here to bump the ratings for, I won't say that show's name again. So hey, was Austin only on tape for this show?

Here's a half hour of non-wrestling that isn't even pretending to be a wrestling show! YOU watch it...I think I have "Family Guy" on tape in another VCR.

[slash] wrestling



Copyright (C) 1999 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications