/4 March 2000
|Stampede Wrestling by the Educator
(And by process of elimination, therefore the best).
Very well, I promise this recap will not be late next week.
POST PORN RAP-UP: As I explained last week, after seeing No Way Out at the movie theater, they flashed some porn on the screen afterwards.
So I did some searching, made a call, and got the arrangements that if I send in my ticket, I get my $17.50 back, plus a free ticket to Wrestlemania! Don't you love it when big, rich companies apologize?
So it's like seeing two pay per views, and some porn, for free.
Well, for the cost of a stamp.
TNM: I've played alot in the past week.
In the big Wargames match at the Survivor Series, the Horseman came out on top, with Malenko getting the submission, and becoming the top contender in the process.
At the Royal Rumble, he won the title after small packaging Lou Thesz (who had beat Vader at Clash of Champions V a few weeks earlier).
Also at that event, Kevin Nash became the top contender for the title, by winning the battle royale. He eliminated Bret Hart last.
At Wrestlemania II Malenko beat Nash, in a decent match (which is of course expectional by Big Sexy's standards), and also won in a rematch at the next Clash.
Also at WM, Shawn Michaels fended off Bret Hart in a ladder match for the Intercontinental Title (which was actually a dissapointment, at ***1/4. But what can you do). Bret scored a big win over Bradshaw (who is a high midcarder in my Federation), and moved to a top contenders match at Clash VI with Steve Austin. HBK interfered, and Bret got the DQ win. This sets up two BIG matches for King of the Ring:
Bret vs. Dean Malenko (Heavyweight Title)
A Very Pissed Off Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels (IC Title, No Holds Barred!)
Can anyone say two ****+ matches?
You wish you could have this much fun.
WCW should throw Nitro into this game and let the computer sort it out.
Alice In Chains:
The Educator's Rhetorical Question: When will people realize that Dogma deserves an Oscar nomination? The Cider House Rules?! Please.
ED-ucation: Subscribe today! Good times to be had by
all! Plus, coming soon: The ED-ucation CD Rom!
Send an email to
Send an email email@example.com say "Subscribe!!!"
Saturday, March 4th, 2000
Live from some shithole in Calgary...... Alberta, CANADA.
On the "A" Channel where the "A" is for "Entertainment"
Tonight: The much hyped main event between "Principal" Richard Pound and "Hotshot" Johnny Devine!
SMELL THE STAR POWER!
Wait a minute..... that's not what I smell.....
Your hosts are Mauro Renallo (with a damn fine weather metaphor to start the show) and Bad Bad Bad News Allen (with Bambi).
Match # 1) Wavell Star vs. The "Venomous, Vainglorious" Vic Viper.
Wow, Star goes from main eventer last week to the opening match! Must have missed of somebody down in Calgary. We start with a Russian Leg Sweep my Viper, who is apparently the Shark Tank's henchman. Viper distracts the ref as the heel manager slaps around Star. One handed pose pinning combination gets two.
Spinning heel kick into the corner by Viper, which was pretty good. FULL scoop and a slam, followed quickly by a couple BIG knees to the back, but only a two. DDT gets a close two. And Bad News goes back to his usual ref complaints. At least Renallo is there to ridicule his constant complaints. Viper with some punches and a SIT DOWN POWERBOMB! And he's going to the ropes? No, retard, just pin him! Your going to miss! Elbow from the second rope.... misses. Sigh.
And Wavell Star finally goes on the offense, with some viscous chops. FULL scoop and a slam. The saddle legged Saskatchewan Superstar heads up to the top. Note to reader: When there's alot of consonance, you can bet I'm stealing it from Renallo. He loves this stuff. Anyway, flying shoulderblock gets two. Side slam, and he's going for the frog splash! And it's good for one, two..... NO!
Viper rakes the eyes and is back on the offense. He places Star on the top rope, but gets pushed off! FLYING BODYPRESS!! 1....2....3!! (6: 18 aired) **1/4. A half dozen high impact moves and no resting makes The Educator a happy reviewer.
Coming up next week: The Honour Roll (Pound and William Butler Yeats) takes on The Tag Team Champions!!
Pistol Pawluk will be on next week!
Renallo is out to discuss last weeks problems, but "everything is kosher" in the Honour Roll this week. Out of seemingly nowhere, they bring up Sabu (!).
Sabu won't be coming to Stampede, despite the history between him and Pound.
At this time, I would like to ask my man Trevor Gilberson (of stampedewrestling.com) to fill me in on this history, because he's a pretty good wrestling historian.
They say they'll deal with this situation at a later date. Well that was interesting. (Really. Just making sure you know, because maybe you thought that was a sarcastic comment).
Bad News Allen is now out for another interview with Crazy Horse Eddie Mustang. Eddie's got himself a Harmonica, and talks about drugs and Woodstock and stuff. Short and not so sweet.
Commercial break! Devil's Advocate is coming soon to the A-Channel! And I wonder how much will be cut out....
Also a Body Break ad.... man I hate these things. I'll explain that next week, and I know you all are just DYING to know.
We're back, and Mauro Renallo is in the Hart Family Dungeon! I haven't seen this since the Shamrock vs. Owen Hart match from some 1998 In Your House. The one before Summerslam.... what was it? Hmm......... Fully Loaded!
And he's interviewing Stu Hart (!!).
Stu chats about submission wrestling. Nothing really worth noting, but it's not bad. Stu even throws in a few jokes.
Afterwards, Renallo throws in Chris Benoit's (!!!) name, just so I can have another exclamation point.
Another commercial? I'd imagine it's because we'll have a nice long main event, so I'll save my complaints.
Back again with the hosts. It should be noted at Renallo has a cool ass haircut.
Time for Classic Stampede!!
Match # 2) Bret "Not The Hitman" Hart (!!!!), Davey Boy "Not The British Bulldog" Smith (!!!!!) and Sonny Two Rivers vs. Archie "The Stomper" Gouldie, Jeff Gouldie, and Bad News Allen.
Those bastardly and dastardly cheating heels...... cheat to start. The heels worth on Davey Boy's leg for a while. Man, Smith looks so odd without either a crew cut or some sort of metal balls attached to the end of his hair.... He has like a white man's frow or something. Bad News looks the exact same as he does now, for those of you keeping track.
This continues for a while, but at least Davey Boy can sell it. Finally Davey powers out and tags in Sonny Two Rivers, who kicks much ass. Double Underhook Suplex leads into an Indian Deathlock, which is pretty much known as the world's crappiest submission hold, for those of you wondering. Anyway, heels break it up and cheat some more. Amidst some chaos, Bad News starts beating up his own partners! This is why they call him BAD BAD BAD NEWS BROWN THE MEANEST MAN IN THE WHOLE DAMN DOWN.
Match just sort of ends there.... Anyway, afterwards Allen cuts one hell of a "I'm One Mean Motherfucker" interview. You see, he broke Jeff Gouldie's neck just to piss of Archie.
The announcer comes in to interview The Stomper, who explains at how he never wanted his son to wrestle, but Jeff always begged him to. He says he never took advantage of a kid like Bad News did tonight, and Jeff will never wrestle again. But, HE will wrestle again, and as soon as he leaves the hospital, he's coming back to the ring to kick the shit out of Allen. This was a very quietly intense interview.... does that make sense? Anyway, good stuff. Since this wasn't really a wrestling match as much as it was a historical segment, we'll say (9: 40 aired) *** for the segment as a whole.
Back to modern times, as Renallo wants to discuss that segment with Bad News, which is considered the most horrific act in the history of Stampede.
Allen says that he found out Archie "The Stomper" was the Grand Dragon of the Klu Klux Klan, and Allen needed to double cross him, before the opposite occurred. And it was supposed to be Archie in that stretcher, but he put his son in the way, and Jeff in still in a wheelchair because of it. There was also a conspiracy to run Bad News out of Stampede.
After the commercial, we'll see part 2: Could Archie Gouldie exact his revenge?
You know, they've built this up well enough that even I want to know.
Match # 3) Classic
Archie "The Stomper" Gouldie vs. Bad News Allen (Strap
Archie "The Stomper" Gouldie vs. Bad News Allen (Strap Match)
Wrestling rule number 79D: The face always wins the big money rematch. So, I'm expecting (and hoping) to see Allen get his ass handed to him.
We start with Gouldie pounding Allen, but a groin shot swings things around. Allen chokes him for a while, and throws some kicks in between.
We break from this boring action to plug www.stampedewrestling.com
Trevor Gilberson is the Webmaster there!
Bad News is still controlling, and hasn't done anything other then punch, kick and choke for about 5 minutes. Uh-oh! Gouldie is hulking up!! Allen, not intimated, fixes that in a hurry. He slugs him around, busting open The Stomper, and follows it up with a MEAN MOTHERFUCKING legdrop. More slugging, but Goudlie gets pissed off and kicks Bad News in the stomach. He proceeds to use some angry man's offense (kicks, chokes, etc.), including the usual "choke him over the ropes with the strap" spot. After 4 stomps, the match cuts out for an Allen interview. I don't understand... (8:38 aired) 3/4*.
Match # 4) Tiger Kahn vs. Red Thunder. We start with Kahn getting Red Thunder in a sleeperhold. The arms falls twice, and Thunder powers out, but gets met with a crushing clothesline. Cocky cover gets two. Powerslam, but Kahn misses a twisting corkscrew plancha. Couple drop-kicks and a knee by Thunder, who hooks the leg for two. DOUBLE karate THRUST chop to the neck gets two. Thunder puts his head down going for a back bodydrop, but of course gets kicked. Neckbreaker and sit-down slam, the latter for two. After Waylon Star (Thunder's tag team partner) grabs Kahn's leg, Tiger gets sent out of the ring.
Kahn whips the two into each other though, and nails a DDT to Red on the concrete. But Star holds onto Kahn outside, and Thunder rolls in for the countout win! Cheap, and the faces shouldn't cheat to win. (5:00 aired) *.
Renallo comes out and congratulates the two for serving justice against the Shark Tank. Red in defensive towards the alleged cheating, and in a stupid moment says "I beat the man 1,2,3!". Say it with me children: Countout. COUNTOUT. Wavell talks about taking justice into his own hands, and Thunder stands around and looks like an idiot.
"The Western Warriors are on the warpath here in the World Organization of Wrestling." Lot of dubbya's there.
Bad News is in to complain with the heels about the win. Mark "The Shark" DeCarlo, who calls Star and Thunder "John Rocker Wannabees," says he'll get even. Kahn says he never cheats, and complains about flagrant breaking of the rules. Bad News says it's al Stu's fault. I knew it was him! Even when it was Wavell Star, I knew it was him.
Tonight's FUCK YOU STARTER Flight of the Night: Wavell Star's Frog Splash. Can't say I disagree.
The announcers converse, and the show just cuts out.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THAT MAIN EVENT?
It was on the website!!
I demand an explanation!
The Last Word: Not a bad show, but started to slip towards the end. Good opening bout though. And next week's main event should be good. IF IT ACTUALLY TAKES PLACE!
I'm not bitter.
Subscribe to ED-ucation at firstname.lastname@example.org
Or just say hello, either way.