/18 March 2000
|Stampede Wrestling by the Educator
(And by process of elimination, therefore the best).
The Trials and Tribulations of The Educator: I'm a week late this week.... and there's a good story here.
As usual, I go out on Saturday morning for breakfast with my dad. While there, we decide to go shopping, but I make sure to stop by the house so I can tape this show, as usual. I get inside, grab an Alice In Chains CD to listen to in the car, and can't remember what else I'm in here for, so we leave.
Walking inside the mall at 12:00, my watch beeps, and it occurs to me that I forgot to tape the show. Making up some excuse to get away for a moment (my dad looks way down on wrestling), I rush over to the phone and call my friend Ryan. He knows I recap this show, and I ask him to tape it for me (off his shitty antenna, which I sold him, and his shitty VCR, which I sold him). He agrees, and, feeling relieved, I return to shopping. I come back later that day to grab the tape, and play pool for awhile, only to discover that it didn't tape, as the shitty antenna I sold him finally died. Thus, no Stampede for me last week.
This weekend was another close call. I took a trip with my band for the Brandon Jazz Festival, a few hours from where I live. This was on Thursday, and we expected to return Friday night. I meant to tape this show just in case (along with Smackdown, Off The Record and Larry King Live), but forgot. No matter, right? Friday night rolls around, and we're informed that since the roads and weather are so bad (after all, it is Manitoba), we'll be stranded one night. Now I knew I had a problem, since if I missed this show and last week's, I'd get pretty far behind. Luckily, we left early Saturday morning, and I arrived home about 5 minutes before the show started. I promptly slapped a tape in, hit record, and fell asleep for about 16 hours. With all that trouble, this show had better not suck.
TNM: For the new readers, this is a wrestling simulator, and is barrels of fun.
King of the Ring 1986 just rapped out, and what a card. It started off slow, but the last three matches were spectacular. In the Steve Austin/Shawn Michaels IC Title match, Austin Stunned Michaels for the win and the title. In the KOTR final, which was my best match ever at **** 3/4, Booker T beat Lou Thesz with a little help from Justin Credible. And in the main event, Dean Malenko retained his world title in a short (9 minute), **** affair with Bret Hart.
This set up Clash of Champions VII, and Summerslam. At Clash VII, Bret Hart beat Steve Austin to win the IC Title, then, the same night, won the tag titles with Owen. Also, Booker T defeated Lou Thesz and Juventud Guererra in a Triple Threat match. Credible was scheduled, but no-showed and Juvi was my only possible replacement. Anyway, Summerslam looks like this:
Booker T vs. Dean Malenko (World Title Match)
Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit (IC Title Elimination Match)
Justin Credible vs. Lou Thesz
Should be a big one!
Read up next week for the results.
Alice In Chains:
You, you are so special,
You have the talent,
To make me feel like dirt.
The Educator's rhetorical question: How come Sid is still employed by a Big 3 company?
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Saturday, March 18th, 2000
Live from some shithole in Calgary...... Alberta, CANADA.
On the "A" Channel where the "A" is for "Entertainment"
We start as usual with "Wrestling's best announcer" Mauro Renallo and Bad Bad Bad News Allen (with "Mrs. B" Bambi).
Tonight: Principal Richard Round vs. "The High-Flying Hedonist Hot Shot" Johnny Devine for the British Commonwealth Mid-Heavyweight Championship, which has to be the longest belt name in today's wrestling, despite holding the least value (except for the WCW World Title, of course).
Bad News informs us that Pound is up at 4 AM every morning running 10 miles (I thought me used the metric system in Canada), and doing 1000 sit-ups and 2000 squats. In that case, he must have the slowest metabolism known to man, because he has a gut worthy of Damon Wayans in "The Great White Hype" (Terrible movie, by the way).
Match # 1) We shoot off to the ring immediately, where we're joined by Satanicus & Black Ninja vs. Bret Holliday & Irish Red O'Riordan. Ninja gets the advantage on Holliday, and tags into Stampede newcomer, Satanicus. Suplex for two. Chinlock, but Holliday powers out. He gets met with a knee off the rope though, and Ninja tags in. Nice spinning heel kick by Ninja, and he then rips off one of Kevin Nash's patented moves, "The Choke with Boot in corner." You know, I really used to like Nash, until one day he was wrestling The Giant, and executed that move. Once Tony Schiavone actually called it "one of his patented moves," I realized just how bad he was. Back to the match, which is about as exiting as reading this recap. Take that as a good or bad thing, it's up to you. Ninja tags in Satanicus.
Swinging neckbreaker, which is my second favorite move in wrestling history (second to the DDT). Don't know why I like them so much, probably because they're the only two moves I can do (and I throw a vicious DDT, you can bet on that). Anywho, that gets two. Ninja sneaks in behind the ref's back. BUT THERE WAS NO TAG!! Dastardly! Fisherman's Suplex by Ninja gets two. After getting whipped into the ropes, Holliday finally pulls out some offense with a HOOKING LARIAT!! Looked suspiciously like a clothesline, but I guess that's why I only recap this show. The comeback doesn't last, as the heels cheat again to get the momentum. Satanicus is back in, but gets small packaged for two. Sunset Flip by Holliday also gets two. Ninja sneaks in again with no tag, and gets a snap suplex (with little snap) for two.
He chokes him on the ropes, and then steals Nash's "I'll jump on you while your throat is on the middle rope" move. If that move has a name, I would appreciate is very much. I type slow enough as is, and I hate all these long names.
We interrupt this recap to plug www.stampedewrestling.com and order some sort of STARTER merchandise, or so I'm told. Make sure to say hello to Trevor Giberson, who recently informed me that though he gets credited as the webmaster, he does very little work. I say more power to you (as someone who is able to leech off all sorts of people), but I probably should say hello to the real force of Stampede, Matt Burns!!! BTW, if any of you readers are members of a small band looking for a breakthrough, visit the website.
I'm told there is a match going on, and a glance at the TV confirms the rumor. Satanicus is in still pounding Holliday, but they move into a double clothesline. Both men make the tag, and O'Riordan is ON FIRE!!! FULL scoop and a slam for both opponents, as well as dual drop-kicks! Lariat and Northern Lights Suplex, and he's going up top! Frog Splash, but Satanicus breaks it up at two. A couple of shoulderblocks, but he gets nailed from behind while running into the ropes. With the ref distracted, in comes Satanicus, and drops a guillotine elbow from the second rope across the Irishman, who is hung over Ninja's knee. If you remember the Smoking Gunns' Sidewinder, or have seen a Head Cheese match, you should be able to get a mental image or something. Ninja covers for the 3. (8:42 aired) *1/2.
Match # 2) Greg "The Pistol" Pawluk (!) vs. Headmaster William Butler Yeates. YES!! I haven't seen a Pistol match since my first week recapping this show. We start with some chops by Yeates, followed by a sweet powerslam. He taunts, and only gets a two count because of it. Dumbass. Pawluk sneaks in a roll up, but it only gets a two count, and a hard clothesline sends him flat on his ass. With the ref not looking, Pawluk gets hit with a nasty knee to the groin. Double Underhook Suplex gets two. Bad News states "You know, week in and week out I'm always complaining about these referees." Understatement of the year 2000 right there. Anyway, Pawluk gets a picture perfect sunset flip for two, but Yeates is up and drop-kicks his ass straight to hell. He taunts some more... you idiot! Pin him!
Bad News comments that all the "Young teeny boppers like Yeates." I would just like to state that at the age of 16, I may be considered a teeny bopper, and PAWLUK is my man. Flying forearm by Yeates, for two. I've just been informed that this is a top contender's match, so that explains the intensity! HANGING Vertical Suplex by Yeates. Will someone please tell me why the Hanging Vertical Suplex hurts any more then a normal Vertical Suplex? Pawluk sneaks out of a German Suplex, and nails the Butler with what is called an Inverted DDT from the corner; sort of like a reverse acid drop. Either way, it was sweeeeeeeeeet.
Pistol wins a slugfest, and then follows a whip into the ropes with a Northern Lights Suplex. Chops in the corner, and then a Hurricaranna. Powerslam for two. He perches him on the top rope.... Frankensteiner from the top!! One, two, thre....... NO!! Leg lariat by Pawluk, and then a high knee (which is sort of messy). Pawluk goes into the ropes, and gets taken over by Principal Richard Pound on the other side. Bastards! He sets him up and.... SPIKE PILEDRIVER ON THE CONCRETE!!! They throw Pawluk back in, give him a DDT, and the three count is pretty much a sure thing after that. But Yeates picks him up to torture him some more, and gets some nice heel heat for it. Beautiful jumping piledriver. He goes for another, but Devine runs is out of nowhere and levels Yeates with a cookie sheet to the back. As the Butler Flair Flops to the canvas, Devine destroys the rest of the Honor Roll. Lots of crowd pops! The ref rings the bell shortly after (8:38 aired) *** 1/4, which officially makes it the best match I've seen since I started watching this show. It's officially called a no contest. Pound nails Devine from behind, and outside of the ring, throws him into a brick wall. Back in the ring, Devine is busted open, but gets an adrenaline rush and levels everyone.
He grabs a mic and screams at Pound for awhile, climaxing with "I'm gonna stick my foot so far up your ass, you're going to shit (something I can't make out) for a week!!!"
The main event is soon, and if you're not pumped, then your just letting the best in life pass you by.
Match # 3) Classic Stampede: The Cobra vs. Danny Davis from April, 1984. Davis pounds on the Cobra in the corner as we begin. Snapmare into a chinlock. Followed by a kneelift, and then the Cobra is thrown to the outside. Cobra gets to the top rope and nails a nice bodypress, but only a one count. After some Davis punches, Cobra nails a backbreaker and a few elbows. He goes for an Abdominal Stretch, but Davis powers out. Sleeper follows, but Davis slings both men outside, managing to barely hold on. Outside, Davis missed a charge and nails the ringpost, and gets counted out. (4:30 aired) 1/4*.
Match # 4) Principal Richard Pound vs. "Hot Shot" Johnny Devine. And in a definite change from the ordinary, we start at the beginning of the match! Best 2/3 Falls, I'm told. Pound chickens out and rolls outside. He rolls back in and is met my a clothesline, a few punches and a drop-kick, for a one count. Devine throws him outside, but they go back in the ring shortly after. Devine slaps him, and punches him 10 times in the corner. High knee lift gets two. Back elbow off the ropes gets two. Pound telegraphs a back bodydrop though, and Pound takes over. A couple knees and a suplex, and then Pound legdrops Devine's leg, and slaps on a anklelock. Big uppercut by Pound, and he tosses Devine outside. Back in the ring, and Pound nails a slingshot suplex. Statue of Liberty Pose Pin gets only one. Pound rakes the eyes and the back, and nails a high impact gutwrench suplex. That is also only enough to get two. Rear chinlock, but Devine gets out of it.... and runs right into a brutal knee to the midsection. Pound throws on an armbar, and a few headbutts after releasing it. He stomps and punches the forehead, trying to re-open the wound they gave Devine earlier.
Some more basic offense gets a two, and Devine is thrown out of the ring again. Devine flips in though, but only for two. He gets clotheslined shortly after. Out of nowhere, Devine nips-up, and smashes Pound with a high knee. Snapmare, followed up by a Lionsault gets two. Pound ducks one clothesline, but then gets a flying forearm. Devine climbs to the second rope for the "Snake Eyes Diamondust Backbreaker" (ask Renallo), which gets three! (First Fall Devine, 10:46).
We start right away, about 15 seconds later, with Devine going to work again. He goes for a pin shortly after they start, but Pound gets a foot in the ropes. Pound gets thrown to the concrete, and Devine jumps out and rams him into a ringpost or two. Back in the ring for a few precious seconds, then Pound reverses a whip and uses Devine's momentum to throw HIM out of the ring. The Honor Roll nails Devine with a cookie sheet, and Pound powerbombs him. What a shitty move. Hmm.... I think he thought the same, because Pound picks up Devine and powerbombs him again (and a nice one this time) for 3. (Second Fall Pound, 13:53).
Third fall begins immediately, with Pound dropping an elbow. He rams him face first into the mat, but that gets two. Powerslam gets the same. Pound gets Devine in an abdominal stretch, but Hot Shot hiptosses his way out. He climbs to the top and drops a couple fist smashes to the head. Drop-kick gets one, two... kickout.
WHAT THE FUCK?? There goes my TV! I get a technical difficulties symbol shortly after. We're back moments later... in the hallways? Oh what the hell, the match is over. However, it appears as though it's an angle where Pound paid the crew to cut the feed or something. Call it about 15 minutes, **.
Renallo gets nothing from Pound, so he tracks down Devine. Devine demands a rematch.
STARTER FLIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Frog Splash by that Irish Guy in the first match.
Renallo and Allen close things up, as Bad News promises a big surprise next week.
The Last Word: Eh.... Good show, but that reallllllllllllllly cheap ending in the main event leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Oh well, at least Pawluk/Yeates kicked ass.
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