/1 July 2000
|Stampede Wrestling by the Educator
Yes, I'm back
Well, I'm back
Yes, I'm back
Well, I'm back, back
-AC/DC (Back In Black)
Yes everyone, the most underrated write the internet has to offer (that would be me) has finally returned after a 4 month layaway. Due to computer problems, I was forced to stop writing just as this show was getting interesting. For those of you wondering, I haven't been keeping up with the show during my break, so it should take a bit for me to get up to speed with what's going on. But enough talk for today, there's plenty of time for that in the forthcoming weeks.
ED-ucation: Since I'm certainly the most underrated writer the internet has to offer, that would make this the most underrated newsletter. Subscribe today! Satisfaction guaranteed. Send an email to email@example.com
Saturday, July 1st, 2000
Live from some shithole in Calgary...... Alberta, CANADA.
On the "A" Channel where the "A" is for "Entertainment"
Before I forget, I would like to wish a happy Canada Day to all my Canadian friends, and a happy fourth of July to all the Americans.
We begin as always (I assume, remember, I haven't been here in a while) with our explosive intro, and head right towards the first match. Today's announcers are "Wrestling's Greatest Announcer" Maura Renallo and "Bad Bad Bad" News Allen w/ "The Executive Assistant" Bambi
Match # 1) "Crazy Horse" Eddy Mustang vs. Wavell Star. All I remember about either of these guys is that I wish Mustang would stop cutting interviews. Not a bad sized crowd on hand today. Of course, Mustang grabs a microphone. Luckily, the audio sucks so I can't here anything. They start by running around the ring, and Star bails. The excitement never stops here at Stampede Wrestling.
Renallo informs me that Mustang is here to avenge Star's attack on his former partner, Red Thunder. That would make Star a heel, I suppose. More than a minute in yet, and they haven't touched each other. Sigh. At least the announcer are here to keep me busy. We hit the commercial break, AND THEY STILL HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING!
I'm so bored that I'll pluswww.stampedewrestling.com I wonder if Trevor Giberson and Matt Burns are still kicking around there. Anyway, back from the break.
WOOOOOOO! We begin with (you guessed it) a chop by Star, followed by a knee to the gut. Vertical suplex gets 2. Star casually tosses Mustang out of the way to the very unforgiving floor. Back to the ring, where Mustang gets a sunset flip for two, but Star takes control again quickly. Meltdown, followed by an elbow and a Powerbomb gets another 2. Falcon arrow by Star, who heads for the ropes, and nails a Frog Splash. Instead of covering though, he takes time to taunt. Side slam by Star, and at least he's using a variety of moves. To the top again, and Star goes for something (called a leg drop) off the top, but Mustang moves. Mustang nails some punches...
.... Then suddenly the match is clipped and moves forward to an undetermined amount of time later, with Star, back in control I guess, nailing a crossbody from the top. Mustang tries to roll through, blows the spot, then just covers Star (in the meanwhile Bad News is yelling "Unbelievable") for the three. Terrible ending to a worse match. (6:26 aired, -*)
Bad News and Bambi are in the ring to interview Star. Allen says he's cutting $500 from the referee's pay, because Mustang clearly pulled the tights. Star talks some trash telling us how good he is. Sort of a nothing segment.
Match # 2) "Principal" Richard Pound vs. William Butler Yeats vs. Ruffy Silverstein.
Holy shit! I have missed allot, because the last time I saw these three guys, they were the top heels in the promotion! Apparently the shit hit the fan within the group after Pound lost his British Commonwealth Title. Pound and Silverstein pound on Yeats to start. Pound then attacks Silverstein. Then they both go back to attack Yeats. Silverstein keeps attempting to cover, but Yeats pulls him off each time. Double Suplex, and this time Silverstein breaks up Pound's cover. This repeats for a while. They both take turns choking him in the corner, but he comes back with a double clothesline. Yeats does the "fans count to ten punches in the corner" deelie, but jumps off right into a Silverstein punch. Yeats and Silverstein proceed to then work on Pound for awhile. Yeats gets nice hang time on a leg drop, then Silverstein tries to grab the pin instead. He gets gouged for his troubles.
We return from commercial to more of the same. Ruffy with a side backbreaker. The highlight of this match is the announcers trying to out-duel each other with metaphors for the Honour Roll (the former name of the group in which these 3 men were a part) broke up. After a match clip, Pound his Ruffy strung over his knee, and tells Yeats to drop and elbow of the top. Instead, Yeats drops a fist into Pound's head, and gives him the finger. Ruffy and Yeats both dropkick Pound. Silverstein calls for a high five, but gets punched in the face instead, in a cute moment. Yeats whips Silverstein right into Pound. Yeats tries to piledrive the Principal, outside interference from Rob Roy Scot (some guy looking like a headbanger) prevents him from doing so. Instead, he gets backdropped right out of the ring. He gets DQ'ed for doing so (laaaaaammmmeeeee), and the whole thing is called a no-contest. (9 minutes aired, DUD)
B ad News heads to the ring to interview Rob Roy and Pound. Roy apparently wants to join the honour roll. To do so, he must run a few more miles, both figuratively and literally, the latter being his punishment for supposedly costing Pound the match.
I'm now stopping this tape to watch Seinfeld.
I press play an hour later (betcha couldn't tell!) just in time for the main event.
Match # 3) "Tiger" Mahatma Khan vs. "The Suicidal, Homicidal, Genodical Maniac" (Did I get that right?) Sabu (!).
Wow! Didn't see this coming. Anyway, Khan is the British Commonwealth Mid-Heavyweight Champion after having beat Principal Pound 2 weeks ago, but this is a non-title affair. This is, of course, a No Holds Barred match.
The referee, John Pee-Wee Moore is apparently a former ECW alumni, and a good friend of Sabu. My official prediction is that nothing comes out of this, but we'll have to see. Apparently we saw a great match a while back between Sabu and Hot Shot Johnny Devine, so I'm a little pissed that I missed that. Bad News states that he and Stampede invented the Hardcore Match.
They circle to start, which is followed by some decent mat wrestling. Just basic armbar, leg takedown stuff, but it's a welcome addition to the usual "punch-kick" matches. Sabu jumps of the second rope and pulls out a SWEET jumping DDT. Now I know Sabu matches are just spot-fests and stuff, but for a man so infamous for being a shitty wrestler, that was one hell of a move. Somersault guillotine leg drop follows that up, for a 2 count. Kahn slides out of the ring, but gets a baseball slide dropkick for his trouble. Sabu goes back into the ring, sets up a chair and pulls out Air Sabu! Kahn sets up a table and heads for the top, but Sabu crotches him and nails a Frankensteiner, for 2. Sabu missed a clothesline, and eats a NICE superkick for 2. Kahn with a t-bone suplex, for another 2. Sabu takes out the knee, and sets up the Triple Jump Moonsault! That only gets to though. He tries it again, but Kahn does the "Raven's drop toe hold into the chair" move. Mark "The Shark" Dicarlo comes in and accidentally nails Sabu with a chair. You see, The Shark is both mens' manager, so he doesn't know who to it.
Outside now, as Sabu has the chair and rams it into Tiger's gut, then just throws it at his head. Sabu sets him up on the table and tries to leg drop him, off the top rope, through it! However, The Shark is there to protect Kahn, and eats the table face first for his troubles. "Holy Shit" chant follows. Kahn with a Pumphandle Slam, back in the ring. He missed a second-rope corkscrew moonsault (and I'm actually impressed that he had enough room to do the move, having not climbed all the way to the top), and Sabu is back in control. Sabu grabs another table, and climbs to the top, but Hot Shot Johnny Devine comes out (ironic that we have a run-in after Renallo rants about how Stampede is not "Sports Entertainment") and pushes up Sabu. He sets Sabu up on the table, but Kahn doesn't want Devine's help so he military presses him off the top. Sabu moves and Devine lands thru.... HOLY SHIT! He just bounced right off that table, with a really ugly sound. Ouuuuucccccchhhhhhhhh. The bell rings.... is the match over? Sabu leg drops Devine through the table, as we head to commercial. I'll skip time and rating until we get a decision.
Back right where we left off, all three men fight each other, as Devine is busted open. Greg "The Pistol" Pawluk runs out to attack Devine, and all 4 men brawl outside. The bell rings again. Devine is a bloody mess, slamming Pawluk on the remnants of the table. Everyone from the back runs out, as this thing is now "A donny-brook, a brouhaha, a pier 6 brawl!"
Devine bulldogs Pawluk through the announce table!
Minutes later, Kahn grabs a microphone, and calls Sabu a "stinking piece of shit" (which isn't edited), and the brawl resumes. Someone brings in a ladder.... Devine takes the ladder and uses it like a battering ram on Kahn's ribs. Eventually, everyone just beats everybody else up. Kahn grabs a chair and hits everyone. Sabu grabs the chair and does the same. Eventually, we conclude with everyone still brawling. For the whole schmoz, we'll say (Time unknown, **1/2)