|WWF Tough Enough by Shane Spear
WWF TOUGH ENOUGH #1
The Casting Special
It has begun. It is the show which resulted in many ads, the vanishing of Al Snow, and Tazz finally getting a win on Monday. It's said to be a cross between the WWF and The Real World. Thousands of people sent in audition tapes. 300 of those were invited to WWF New York. This will be used and abused by a Tazz nastier than anybody we've seen on MTV before, expect for Lil Bow Wow. But in the end, it will be one man, and one woman with bona fide WWF contracts. There's just one question left. Are you Tough Enough (to stand this re-cap?)
The show starts off with highlight of the WWF, and words of wisdom from Chyna, Jeff Hardy, Y2J, HHH, the Undertaker and Kurt Angle. They all promise to be an important part of their training.
Josh Longberger is the first tape we see on the show, as well as the first person named. They then go into a montage of other tapes. I'm to assume that since the other have no names, first or otherwise, they PROBABLY won't make it to the final thirteen. Included in the package is this one guy who weighs about as much as me, only I'm smart enough to stick to writing about MTV, instead of being on MTV with my shirt off. Also, there's the "STUOOOOO-PIFIED" girl with the GG breasts that I hate, but more on her later.
The scene: WWF New York. We meet Nicholas (don't worry, I'll try to have cute names if they make the show.) Nicholas is a 20 year old from Houston, Texas. He's been there since 3 am, making him the first one. Inside WWF New York is Jamie from Tennessee. Then MTV gets about as lazy as I am, and just quits putting up the names for me. Robert and Dustin are among other waiting for this show to get underway. Dustin has dreams of going to children's hospitals as a WWF star.
Introducing the judges. There are at least four from MTV, then there's Al Snow, Tazz, and Jackie from the WWF. Rounding out the group is Kevin Dunn of WWF fame and XFL shame and "Big" John Caburick. Snow: What I'm looking for when I evaluate these people is a number of things. An innate charisma, a determination. Their dedication to this. Personality, energy, and then most importantly, their physique. Big John then goes into the line you'll hear most often during the casting special. Tell Us Your First Name and Pose Your Physique, also now known as TUYFNPYP now to save me time. They all vogue for the camera.
We stop on auditioned #48 Chris, who Jackie says has a nice body. Chris works out five days a week and just tried to stay fit. He's a Christian man, born and raised in the bible belt. The judges watch him, and Jackie wants to see his legs. Tazz: Last time I see legs like that, they were out of a nest. Ken Mok, an exec of Tough Enough claims that he's a keeper.
Next up is #32 Nidia, who croons a line from the Little Mermaid to express her excitement about being in a WWF ring. She's 21 years old, and also from Texas. Tazz: I noticed you're pretty out of breath after jumping rope for thirty seconds. Nidia and Tazz get into a fight about her footwear, with Nidia getting just a little too worked up at Tazz' abuse. Jackie: Do you work out? I can't tell with that potbelly!
#No Number Greg is next up. He sees himself as having always been the second banana. His brother was a star baseball player, and he was pushed to the side. Hopefully, with the WWF contract he can prove he's somebody. Following Greg, we get another package. This one shows the exercise of shuffling from one side of the ring to the other and touching the bottom rope. A lot of them are good at it, but they stop when they get to the fat man I spoke of earlier. He trips while doing his shuffles. Tazz points out that he's just not in shape for the deal, in the way that only Tazz can. "I can't understand how you could come THAT unprepared to become a WWF star." Then they jump rope in a package.
Paulina is the next girl to be TUYFNPYP'd. She cuts a small promo on how there needs to be more woman kicking men's asses. Tazz asks how tall she is. Paulina is 6'3'' and is tired of the big girl having to play basketball.
#13 Josh flips over the ring, hoping for cheers, but only gets reprimanded by Big John. We meet Josh's mom and dad, who don't think he'll make it, but who knows? Big John asks if he's scared about being hurt in the ring. Josh isn't too scared. Tazz: "So you don't think we can hurt you? I hurt people for 13 years, some by accident. You've got an attitude now. I'm here to screen people. If you don't like what I'm doing to you verbally, that's too fucking bad." Josh stands there dumbfounded while Tazz keeps going, calling him a pussy. I'd love to call him Tazz' bitch for short, but I have the feeling that they ALL will be Tazz' bitch before this is over. Josh later talks about how he enjoyed getting his punk card pulled by Tazz. Whatever. Bitch.
Welcome back to WWF New York for more auditions. #77 Victora is TUYFNPYP'd. She loves having fun. Instead of forming a character, she tells a story about how she used bottlecaps to make people bleed at her school, because you couldn't have long nails. Made sense to Al Snow, who liked her enough. Snow: Oh yeah, she's cut-throat.
18 year old #45 Tara is up next. She was scared that her boobs weren't big enough for the WWF, so she had to pad her bra a little (no we DIDN'T get to see that, pervs.) She has no problem being anything. Tara: The WWF is missing out on one thing, having a big bitch like me. The crowd applauds and Tazz smiles for the first time. She's officially my favorite, too. Snow puts in all into perspective. Physically, she's horrible. Personality, she's terrific.
William is an African-American who's father has died, and he's looking to be a source of strength for his younger brother. Foley makes a cameo and asks if he wants to be a role-model for his brother. William says not only for him, but for other kids all around. William seems like a very nice person to know, and the judges, as well as I, seem to really like him.
Another audition package shows auditioners jumping over a punching bag in the middle of the ring. They are showing the worst of them here, as it seems like they sucks at it. At the end of this we meet Jason, who is willing to be away from his girlfriend for 13 weeks to be on the show. We then see him and his girlfriend is some restrauant (awwwwwwwwww....)
#76 Shadrick, who says he doesn't have a girlfriend, but Tazz ain't buying that. He brings up that fact that if he's picked he's going to be living with 5 or 6 other girls in the house. Is Shad gonna get the hook up? Shad: That's like nine week. I gotta get mine, they gotta get theirs, y'know? Tazz: God Bless You.
#56 Kristy wrote footnotes on her arm for her promo, which the judges all laughed at. There we go into another package, this time it's one of promos. At the end of the package they show a close-up of a disgusted Tazz shaking his head. Snow reminds us that charisma isn't something learned.
Next up is #57 Maven, who you KNOW I have to call MAW MAW MAW. Jackie is caught checking Maven out and Mav winks at Jackie. The judges get a kick out of this. Maven gloats for another minute about this. Aside, the judges admit that Maven looks like a good candidate for wrestling school.
In the WWF green room, we see the crammed space of all the auditioners. After that we roll right into Stacy from Britain. In the end, nobody really liked her teeth. HAH! (I mean, sorry UK.)
Next up is the woman who will make this show whether you want her to or not. Her name is Bobby Jo Anderson, and she is like your typical WWF diva, both personality and body. The crowd cheers the whole time. It turns out she want to do playboy, and is a big fan of T&A. I am going to guess right now, right here that BJ will be the woman to get the contract. I don't care who else comes through. You have to see this woman to understand how much she reminds you of Trish, Tori, Sable, etc.
It's now 7:00 pm (and if you remember Tazz' Bitch has been there since three in the morning.) #70something Daryl is the next up, and apparently he wants to be Norman the Moose instead. I'm not making this up. We're into high gear now, as we roll right into #70 Tom. Tom has been a movie star, a rock star. All the woman love him, everybody loves him. Tazz wants to pick this guy just so he can break him. Snow explains that everybody went through a 30-second character evaluation, where everyone went into a character and let loose.
The epitome of this evaluation we just talked about is Kenneth. Who is custodian. He is the EVIL CUSTODIAN! Here's the golden promo from Kenneth:
"Nobody loves the custodian. I come and I sweep and vacuum for you. When you're in the mood to go to the bathroom, I even disinfect it for you! This is the thanks I get?!? All who defy me shall be dis-infected!"
Tazz is rolling. Coach is near tears. And for the record, Kenneth is my favorite guy on this show so far. Next up is another promo package including the "STOOOOO-PIFIED" chick who -- you know what, I don't even want to comment. You've all seen the commercials, you know who I mean. Sharbel has the other great character. He's Vince McMahon's other lost son. Big John: But Vince is Irish. "Well, I'm half Irish!" Tazz doesn't like the ideas of the character that much, in fact he makes fun of some guy called Daniel. While Tazz talks Daniel calls himself the Wolfman and howls.
Inside the green room, they are all getting tired. Tazz tells us that in a way, this is another test of endurance. Tazz walks into the green room to the greetings of some of the try outs. "Shut up cause I'm pissed off. I've heard than some of you are already bitching. If you're going to bitch and you're going to moan, there's the door. Get your shit and get the fuck out. If you think this is going to be a fucking walk, leave. If you guys get picked, you're going to be screwed. Wanna be a big star? You're going to pay. HEY HONEY!!! YO!!! WAKE UP!!! Am I boring you? You're sorry?!? Why don't you take your shit and get your glamour ass out." Tazz leaves the they all are stunned.
More auditions. #106 Taylor, who is pretty attractive. Her parents refuse to support her because they hate wrestling. Chris is next, he was a former player at Harvard. He gets Kurt Anglish music playing in the background, and he seems that he could be a big player. More packages. No names, no chance.
In the war rooms, they have a bulletin board with 25 cards and pictures on it. Al Snow says that this is the future of the WWF, partly in jest. It's ten o'clock the next morning, and everybody is pretty nervous about whether they've made it. Mok stands next to the board and asks the judges if they want to change anything. They really want Daryl to make the cut, so they put him up on the board. We don't get to see who they took down. Big John posts the list on the door.
#13 Tazz' Bitch, Shad, Bobby Jo, Maw Maw Maw, etc got into the round of 25. Good rule of thumb. If you were in the first part, and they said you're name, you're in. The Tough Enough crew greets everybody backstage while other cry about not making it. The casting director consoles the British woman who didn't make it. Big Joe welcomes everybody. Everybody gets a physical, and will be interview by MTV to get it down to 13. So we see them do all this. William has some trouble at home where his brother is hurt. William is conflicted about what to do, go home or keep trying out.
The MTV producers review the interviews backstage in the other war room. They weigh the pros and cons of everybody so far. Mok is once again the leader of this brigade. They like the Harvard guy and Maven. Paulina is liked by the group. The judges didn't know about his brother's problem, but they noticed that he wasn't into it today. We get more of this about everybody.
We see all the hopefuls get ready for the big day. William is once again featured, and once again comes off very well as the nicest person there. Everybody is pretty confident. Then Big Joe comes out and introduces Stephanie McMahon Helmsely to the delight of everybody. After a stirring speech about the pain of being a WWF star, she lists off the thirteen stars of Tough Enough.
#13 Tazz' Bitch -- er Josh.
Greg, Tara, and William get parting shots off, but as they are all likeable they don't say anything bad. The final thirteen get their picture taken then are shown all packing. In Stamford, CT they all meet at the house they will be staying at. Big John left a note that he's bringing the key. They all count each other and find that one is missing. Tom is M.I.A. Later, Big John arrive in a hummer, prompting the obvious joke from the wrestling crowd about the WCW Hummer. We learn Tom didn't want to sign the dotted line in the end, so he was replaced by Greg. Greg describes the feeling he's gone through. Of the males, he's my favorite, and I'd love to see him make it. Big John lays down house rules and we close the first show of Tough Enough.
Overall, I think I like this show. Sure, it's just real world with wrestling, but the people are WAY WAY WAY more likeable than the other reality shows. Big John gets the last word in by saying "They have NO idea about how tough this is going to be."
On the next TE: Jackie and Al kick the trainee's asses. They also mud wrestle while Tazz barks at them. Stay tuned.