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WWE Velocity by The Cubs Fan




Spin Off: If someone actually cared besides me, the Cruiserweight Ladder is now on it's own page.

TV 14 DLV CC Entertainment Open Fireworks 

Tonight - Kidman/Funaki vs Noble/Tajiri, with women at ringside. Cole is pumped for D-Von/Cena later on - that makes one.

Rico vs Hardcore Holly (w/Last Week) - Cole makes fun of Loyd - we don't see Rico's slap on Loyd this week, because someone figured out that doesn't make any sense, but Loyd mentions it so never mind. I'd say "I bet Bob's happy just not be facing Albert this week", but as we all know, Bob is never happy. Rico must've stayed out of the ring when Bob came in, because we come back to see him being bealed in. Right, right, chop, chop, chop, chop, Rico with an eye poke. Rico with a right, chop, right, chop, right, chop, "Shut up!" Bob with a kick, kick kick kick kick kick right right right right. Rico grabs the ropes, which means it's time for the Super Low Blow. Off the ropes, clothesline one two no. Rico with a spinning kick to the midsection, and there's the spinning kick to the head. "Rico [inhales]" Rico with a right, kick, kick, kick, jumping off the ropes kick. One two no. Marc can't get Hulk Hogan off his mind - I guess Hogan's not completely gone forever or Cole would have made a joke there. Whip, hiptoss neckbreaker one two NO. Matt's gonna be ticked he got that stole. Boot scrape. Going up. I bet this doesn't work. Crotched. Holly with a right, going up - top rope superplex! One two NO. Brian Hebner is your referee. Bob with a chop, Rico with a chop. Again. Holly losses this battle - whip, clothesline. Whip, Best Dropkick In The Business One Two no. Rico with a right, but it's blocked - Holly hooks up the reverse full nelson and hits the Gas Mask (overhead belly to belly - not what it used to be when PETE did it.) Holly is going up so he can miss a move. Flying cross body hits (!) one two no. Whip, reversed, Rico with a slam, Holly goes behind, Rico to the ropes, Holly bounces back - thrust kick one two NO! Rico's pumped - karate stance, spinning kick misses, there's the Alabama Slam. One two three. (4:16)

Still to come - Rock vs Brock. INTENSE STARING. Also, Jamie Noble and Tajiri vs Kidman and Funaki - yes, Funaki has a graphic that doesn't include TAKA.

Global Warning Tour - I can't get enough of that shot of Stephanie and Rikishi dancing. (:57)

Bull Buchanan vs Albert - Cole talks about being Australia, then makes fun of Mark for being here "getting your hair styled by Rico" but we just saw Rico in that clip montage! I think something's up there. Or Rico has super styling powers. Not only do we have a cruiserweight division, we have a "big and tall" division! Face to face conversation, Bull backs off and tries a kick, but Albert catches it, spins him around, big atomic drop. Albert calls Bull on - right into a press slam. Bull wisely opts for a break. Bull tires to sneak in when Albert' is talking to the ref, but his right is blocked and Albert hits his own. Albert calls him on again, but since he won't come on, Albert goes after him - it's interrupted before it gets started and Bull hits rights. And then Albert hits rights. And then Albert pushes Bull back first into the corner and hits shoulders and rights. Corner whip, Albert charges but no one's home - turnbuckle smash and a reveres neckbreaker for Bull. Elbow drop. Elbow drop. Jumping elbow drop - cover one no. Odd. Bull with forearms to the back of the neck - there's a neck vice. Front facelock, but Albert fights out of it, suplex - no, his neck hurts to much. Bull with the running top rope springboard clothesline - and he does not blow it! Knee. Choke on the ropes. Right, right. Turnbuckle smash. Right. Right. Sleep. Me. Now. Bull sets up like he'd powerbomb Albert, but besides from the obvious, he's also got Albert right next to the ropes, so unless Albert is going to take a long ride to the floor, it ain't happening. Sure enough, backdrop out - that's just a way of squeezing Bull's skin the cat move in - they're going to keep having him do agile things till you care! (It may take a while.) Bull sets up - clothesline misses and Albert hits the Scissors Kick. He's slowed by that neck pain, but hits a clothesline, clothesline, corner whip, clothesline. Corner whip - no same corner, hiptossing Bull on the rebound one two no. Corner whip, time for the Albert Corner Smash. Short clothesline. Vader Bomb that never works - gets knees. Corner charge by Albert, and Bull kicks him away. Bull pulls himself to the top rope but takes took long, and Albert catches up to him. Albert goes for the double choke like he's going to Baldo Bomb him off there, but I don't see how that'd actually work - Bull pushes him off. Albert falls right into position - top rope legdrop. One two three. (4:36)

Coming up, that big tag match. But next, Rey and Angle.

Neurotica Ad - I think more people read this report that buy that CD. That's the only reason why I'd point that ad out - ME!

Angle and Rey - the interview, the match with Mark Henry (clipped), the tag match with the Guerreros (clipped). (8:10)

JVC D-Von's Wild Ride of Last Thursday

Reverend D-Von (w/o Deacon Batista) vs John Cena (Seahawks Green and Blue - thanks, Feely) - Much is made of Batista not being there but the assumption is that they've probably patched things up. D-Von attacks Cena from behind with a forearm as he's posing on the turnbuckle to start this up. Rights. Open hand slaps. Corner whip, D-Von charges, Cena kips up and out - hip toss, clothesline, dropkick, one two no. Right. Whip, reversed, D-Von hits the clothesline. Elbow to the midsection. One two no. Turnbuckle smash. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Knee corner choke. D-Von has slowed this down to a snail's pace. Headlock and a punch. Taking his time following up. Cena fighting back - forearm, forearm, forearm, whip, reversed, there's the spinning back elbow. D-Von dances. Jawbreaker. Choke on the mat for one two three. Cena back with punches (I think they were punches before but they way he was pulling them, they look like forearms. Off the ropes, under a back elbow, hitting a cross body for one two no. D-Von hits a clothesline to slow us back down. Sl(y)a(wn)m. D-Von going up for the headbutt. Taking forever to get there and posing at least two times - Cena is finnaly up - right, big beal off. Cole: "You put that sign in the audience? 'John Cena's a hottie?'" Cole must be remembering when everyone else treated him like that. Wait, the still do. Battle of punches is won by Cena, whip, reverses, Cena ducks a clothesline and hits the forearm. Clothesline. Whip, hiptoss, one two no. That hiptoss was odd, but not a different move odd. Corner whip, reversed, D-Von charges into boots. Cole talks about conditioning being important as this match "drags on", which means he's been paying attention to the D-Von offensive periods. D-Von misses a clothesline - fear the side belly to belly suplex. One two no. Cena with corner punches, but D-Von escapes - hangman's neckbreaker! Can he cover? One two NO. D-Von arguing the count. Slam, no - Cena goes behind inside cradle one two three. (5:27) What a finisher! Cena shouldn't celebrate while still there - there's the pulling reverse brainbuster! D-Von going up - flying headbutt to the groin. D-Von dances! Remember, this is the man who beat Jericho! (Not D-Von.)

Coming up, that big tag match. I just cut and paste that. Up next, Rock and Brock. 

Wow, two King Supreme ads in the same break! I'll be sure never to buy one now.

SummerSlam lineup (1:39) - this is well done and I'd like it if I didn't know I'd see it at least five more times. But at least I won't have to time it again!

Your announcers are Loyd and Cole and they want to set up this Benoit/Rock/Brock video clip from last Thursday. (6:17)

Next, that big tag match.


Tobacco is Whacko if you're Torrie Wilson on Smackdown.

WWE Crusierweight Champion Jamie Noble (1) and Tajiri (5, w/Nidia) vs - Billy Kidman (2) and (sho) Funaki (8, w/Torrie Wilson) - I wonder why they come out to Tajiri's music? "I would love to know what's going on in that trailer!" Cole likes Funaki as the better SmackDown! interviewer. Cole says "At least I've had a girl's tongue in my throat!" and I guess he's not talking about Nidia or he's gotten over that now. Funaki and Noble start. Lockup, Noble with an armbar, Funaki rolls and reverses, Noble with a knee. Headlock, Funaki rises to forearm out, Noble off the ropes and back with a shoulderblock. Noble off the ropes, over, into a hiptoss but it's blocked and Noble hits his own. Funaki with a kick, it's caught but the enziguri is not. Tag to Kidman, who runs in and hits a spinning headscissors. Dropkick. Whip, reversed, into a fireman's carry neckbreaker one two no. Look at the women. Right by Kidman, whip, reversed, Tajiri with a kick from outside. Tajiri laughs, Kidman goes after him with a right, and the ref stops Funaki from coming in. While they talk, Noble with a kick, whip, 'rana by Kidman but Noble blocks it and holds him in position so Tajiri can hit sliding dropkick to Kidman's face! That's nice work. Tajiri stays in to stomp. Slam. Knee drop. One two NO. Snap mare. Chinlock. Torrie pounds the mat to try to get the crowd behind Kidman - they eventually do. Kinda. Kidman battling out - elbow out, right, whip, reversed, Tajiri hits the jumping side kick one two no. Tag to Noble - double whip, double press into a double gutbuster! High five - off the ropes, double dropkick to the face! one two NO! Stomp, stomp, chinlock by Noble. The crowd gets behind Kidman this time - elbow out, rights, off the ropes, Nidia's got his leg. Jamie tries to go off the opposite ropes, but Torrie makes a grab at his legs. They talk as Kidman gets himself free - I think Kidman was actually going for Stratusfaction there but Noble gets a hold of him and drops him with a big back suplex. Tag to Tajiri - who goes straight up - moonsault but Kidman rolls in and away in time. Both men down and Kidman needs to make a tag - tag to Funaki! Bulldog for Tajiri! Right for Noble, Tilt-A-whirl back breaker for Tajiri! Kick, Corner whip, charge in but Tajiri leaps up - Tarantula try but even Funaki has this scouted now - face first powerbomb! Cover one two Noble breaks it up. Noble with a knee to take Kidman down before he can get in - Noble with a right, right, double whip, double clothesline misses, Kidman pulls out Noble and Funaki ducks another a clothesline, but Tajiri hits the reverse thrust kick. One two NO! Kidman was desperately trying to make the save and Noble held him out, but Funaki made the kickout anyway, to the disbelief of Nidia and Loyd. Kidman in - he gets an axhandle, whip, clothesline misses and Funaki helps backdrop his teammate to the floor for a big slingshot somersault tope on Noble! Tajiri sets up for a big kick - but Funaki ducks it, waistlock, back elbow that turns Tajiri around but Funaki ducks it too - Northern Lights Suplex - but Mike Choida is checking the action on the floor! Nidia is into to break up the pin, but Torrie is in - spear! Fight rolls right to the floor. Tajiri is back up - kick to the midsection, KO Kick is ducked! Flying leg rollup one two THREE! (4:59) FUNAKI WINS! FUNAKI WINS! FUNAKI WINS! This affects the ladder! FUNAKI WINS! PLAY HIS MUSIC! 

Confidential is NEXT! I don't think it can beat Funaki winning.

The Cubs Fan
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