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WWE Velocity by The Cubs Fan




TV 14 DLV entertainment CC open fireworks

Tajiri (w/Last Thursday, 2) vs SmackDown! #1 Announcer Sho Funaki (8) - Cole: "It's JAPANESE BUZZ SAW TIME! WOOHOO!" Lay off the caffeine, Michael. Jason Justin Roberts calls him Sho too! He must have a deal with the ring announcers. Funaki's got something to say. Well, first he'll look around. "This is Funaki - SmackDown's #1 Announcer! Hey Tajiri, if you want to people to like, like they like Funaki, maybe you should not make so many ugly faces! [Tajiri makes ugly face] You should do what Funaki does and smile." That was deep. They're chanting along with him now - but they did that last time and it led nowhere. Funaki wants a handshake. Tajiri smiles! Oh this can't be good - sure enough, there's the kick. Stomp, whip, high kick is ducked, Funaki hits a dropkick, armdrag, armbar. I bet the winner of this match will be Japanese. Call it a hunch. Tajiri pushes Funaki into the ropes for the break. When Loyd blows a plot point, Cole makes it clearer - Noble and Nidia ended up getting kicked out of the building two weeks ago, which led to Jamie losing out of the tag team tournament. Tajiri with kicks to the chest, whip, hiptoss is reversed to an armdrag. Funaki charges, Tajiri tries another hiptoss, Funaki bounces off the ropes in midair to reverse to an armdrag. And here's a normal one, back to the armbar. Working the left shoulder. Now up - pumphandle, twist. Whip, quick reversed, Tajiri misses the clothesline but nails the reverse thrust kick - one two NO. Stomp. Stomp. Tajiri yells at the crowd and makes a face. Slam. Yelping knee drop. Fans start a "Go Funaki" chant - BOW AND ARROW! Tajiri does not pin himself, but Funaki flips out into the pin - one two no. Tajiri quick with a kick to the midsection. Whip, Funaki with a sunset flip, Tajiri battles to the ropes and uses them to flip his way out - elbow on the apron. Nice little bit of wrestling there from Tajiri. He takes a look at the fans, then back in. Cole complements Stephanie on her Howard Stern appearance while Loyd almost calls Tajiri "Funaki." Chinlock. Funaki battling up - right, right, right, but he gets pulled down by the hair. Tajiri reaches down to pick him up - Funaki roll up one two NO! Tajiri clothesline misses, Funaki back suplex, Tajiri lands on his feet, walking side backbreaker! Corner second rope moonsault misses! Funaki hits the bulldog, one two [Loyd: "This is probably it"] no. Corner whip, Funaki charges in, Tajiri goes for the Tarantula but Funaki turns, grabs him and drops him with an inverted powerbomb - one two NO! Funaki whip, but Tajiri back with the handspring elbow. Setting up for it - KO Kick is ducked, Funaki with a kick, it's caught, the enzuiguri is ducked, and we're right back where we started, Tajiri setting up for the KO Kick. This time, no miss. One two three. (3:57) By my count, Tajiri is the #1 Contender - not that my count means all that much. Announcers talk up Tajiri being dangerous when angry and wondering what Noble and Nidia think about this.

Later, the cast announcement, but next, the semis of the tag team tournament.

PS2 Angle/Benoit First Round Victory of Two Weeks Ago

Your announcers are Everyone Hates Marc Loyd and Especially Michael Cole - they're pumped about the tag team tournament. Who are the finalists? Watch these clips. Benoit does watch his show, what do you know. (5:00) Edge/Rey vs Angle/Benoit

Still to come - Brock/Undertaker and Torrie/Dawn.

Ah, my good friend, the Tough Enough recap video package. Nice to see you again. You seem twice as long as usual, odd. (4:48) Cole says next week is the season premiere, but you're playing games with names there.

Albert vs Bobby Rood - Albert stalks Mr. Roberts - wait, Cole called him Justin. A local guy match? Loyd say "a brand new rookie" (Cole makes fun of him) but it's probably just a return to local people showing up (he was introduced from Toronto after all.) Face to face, Albert pushes him down. Bobby up and pushing Albert, Albert runs him into the corner with a choke. Right to the gut. "SHAVE YOUR BACK" Rood eggs it on, which couldn't be a good career move. Lockup, Bobby ducks it, waistlock, headlock but Albert lifts him up and pushes him in the corner. Shot to the gut. Albert sizes him up for another but Bobby hits first. More punches - Albert stops that with a knee. Press slam attempt but Bobby slips behind - kicks to the legs, off the ropes, Albert levels him with a shoulderblock. Albert off the ropes, knee drop misses. Bobby back to kicking the back of the left knee - Albert side steps one, kick to the stomach, over the shoulder dropping backbreaker. Albert is ticked. Limping but ticked. Albert looks at the crowd - Albert Smash to Bobby's back. Forearms to the back. He's working it over for the Baldo Bomb, obviously. Knees to the back. Right takes Bobby down. Albert probably shouldn't have gotten the tan while wearing a chain - or at least that's what it looks like. Bobby battling back with punches, Albert misses with one but hits it from behind. Slingshot into the middle ropes. Announcers are talking college football. Neck vice. Bobby trying to get the crowd with him (going okay) - elbowing out, but a shot to the had takes him back down. Whip, clothesline misses, Bobby hits a dropkick to the knee. Off the ropes, into a powerslam. Albert drags him to the corner - he's gonna hit that Vader Bomb finally - nah. Misses again. Bobby pulls himself up in the corner, Albert charges into a boot, and charges again into the boot.  Bobby charges out - did he try a monkey flip? Well, he changed into a giant DDT. Now he's going up instead of covering - taking time to look around - missile dropkick hits. One two NO. This match seems awfully familiar. Kick to the leg, whip, reversed, into a knee. Cole declares referee Mike Choida "the best in the business" - I wonder how Tim White feels about that. Double choke is ducked, Bobby off the ropes and right into the scissors kick. One two three. (4:41) He didn't even need it, after all that. Oh wait, he's coming back to do it now. Bobby doesn't see it coming - double choke, Baldo Bomb. Almost went after Choida but he got the heck out of there. Now he's coming to the announce table, hmm. They're begging off - Albert points at Loyd because no one likes him. Albert has words with fans on his way back up - oh no he's coming back. No he's not. Yes he is. No he's not. Smile. Stop - double arm raise. 

Up next - Torrie/Dawn/Al. 

The Ring non-handshake of two weeks ago.

Before you die, you see Torrie and Dawn wrestle. (6:52)

Up next, the cast will not need a pad. 

I guess he can't win by countout either. Well, probably. (3:45)

Shannon Moore (3) vs Crash (yellow, 7) - Circle. Cole dogs Loyd. Handshake - no, Crash slaps it away. He's Mr. Tough Guy this week. Shove - Crash tells him to hit him right here. Shannon laughs at his tough guy act. Circle. Lockup, Crash with a headlock, shoot in the ropes, back with a shoulderblock. Crash sets up - no not the test of strength. Shannon slaps him right in the face! Awesome. Do that every time. Crash charges in an armdrag, and then gets nailed by a dropkick. Whip - no Crash has the ropes. Right, whip, no Crash gets the ropes and rolls out. Is he looking at the ring apron for a reason? Shannon out and smashing Crash's head into the apron. Crash thrown back in - Shannon thinks slingshot, but then opts just to come in - 'rana hits. One two no. "Get up Crash!" Whip, reversed, Shannon with a kip up, Crash catches him, throws him to the apron, and snaps his neck over the ropes. Crash goes out after a delay, and Shannon is run back first into the ring. Thrown in, cover one two no. Surfboard, driving the knee in. Suplex. Kick to the back. Confidential up next. Surfboard variant by Crash - one two no. Crash with a slam. One foot on the back and one knee on the neck pose. Now dragging him into the middle of the ring - stomp on the back. Sit down on the back catches a leg - roll up one two no. Crash up with a kick, corner whip, charge into a Shannon boot. Crash charges in again and finds nothing. Both men are staggered, Crash grabs Shannon by the hair and gets punched a few times. Whip, back elbow. Shannon with a clothesline. Crash misses a clothesline and Shannon hits a wheel kick one tow no. Crash tries to crawl to the corner, but Shannon pulls him back, Crash tries a kick, it's caught, Shannon spins him, Shannon tries a kick, it's caught, the enziguri is not - one two NO. Shannon with a front facelock, I guess. (Calling spots, really obviously.) Shannon's suplex attempt is blocked, Crash tries his but Shannon reverses into a sunset flip, Crash sits down one two reversed one two no. Both up - Shannon with a corner whip, charge in, flipped to the apron, Crash's right is ducked as Shannon goes to the floor and trips up Crash. Halo - hits! one two NO! Shannon can't believe that, because he was pretty sure it was his finisher. Shannon runs Crash back first into the corner, but seems to be at lost at what to do right here. Taking too much time backing up - monkey flip is reverse and Shannon is put on top. Shannon does manage to kick Crash away - off the second rope sunset flip, but Crash sits down again, and now he's got the ropes one two three. (5:27) That's a change - the top 3 guys all are heels. Shannon isn't really happy with that cheating, but we're out of time. 

The Cubs Fan
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