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/19 February 2000

WCW Worldwide by Tanvir Raquib




Hello from me to you (yes, you!) for another belated edition of the most underrated syndicated wrestling show EVAH, Worldwide!

Anyways, big up to Jason M. Wachter for his words of encouragement. Maybe somebody would like to email me this week with words of encouragement as well? Mucho props to CubsFan because he took the time to email me. Read HIS Worldwide recaps. I bet they're better than mine!

I just bought "Tales from the Punchbowl" by Primus. If you like bass guitar, well this is your heaven right here. Even if Les' voice is funny sounding, it's still tolerable as well as the rest of this album is. It's hilarious and if you wanna relax, then this is the shit!

I've been try to find a niche in how to do these recaps. I have no idea in what way I'd wanna do my recaps, but I feel people are so used to one or two ways of recapping, that it would be a fun idea to do something TOTALLY different (unless I'm ripping off someone's steelo).I think it'll be sorta fun to do something a bit different. If you like it this style, let me know and I'll keep writing it this way. And if you hate it and want me to go back to the way I used to write it, then I'll try something else totally different. I really wanna do something original, even if it means losing all 3 of you readers.

The Worldwide Recap Show (sponsored by everyone's fave band, THIRD RATE BAND) starring Tanvir Raquib with this week's special guest: BILL BUSCH!

Tanvir Raquib: Howdy, Bill. How's it going?

Bill Busch: Great, Tanvir. I'm really thankful that you've invited me to this week's show. But can I ask you one question?

TR: Sure.

BB: Can you tell me what's the point of me being here to recap this show with you?

TR: Well, Bill, here's how it goes: We invite the most important people in professional wrestling to come view this show. We talk about the angles and anything that we wanna pick out about the show and oh, we like interviewing the personalities as well, just to see what makes them tick. It's sort of like Roger Ebert going solo having a special guest come on his show and rate the movies now that Siskel died last February. We consider you to be a knowledgeable wrestling personality and we think you're perfect to clue us in on WCW. But one thing, I do play by play myself, I gotta improve.

BB: <stammers> No one told me there was going to be an interview segment! I'm not a "wrestling guy!" I'm an accountant who was promoted to run WCW! What could I possibly know about wrestling?! And what's all this about me having a personality!

TR: Settle down, Bill. It's just that we here at the show think you know alot. Especially with last week's killer show! Putting that Cat interview segment between the Hogan-Flair match and the Sid-Jarrett match.....Brilliant!

BB: <blushes> Why, thanks.... But give the credit to Kevin Sullivan. He's the guy who's been writing all the great storylines for our show. Without him, I just don't know how great our TV show would be! Give him all the credit for our success. He's earned it.

TR: Why did you not answer a single question of the Torch's Bruce Mitchell? He seemed pretty straight forward.

BB: It seemed he was a little too critcial of the product. I didn't want to do that sham of an interview any justice.

TR: Critical, Bill? I actually thought Mitchell made some very valid points.

BB: Valid? Please. When Mitchell runs his own promotion, give me a call.

TR: What are your feelings on the success of the four wrestlers you released?

BB: They haven't been successful. Look who they are being paired with! A bunch of hip hop hooligans!

TR: They still are killing you in the ratings.

BB: No, they're not. I trust the sound judgement that my good friends, Kevin Nash, Kevin Sullivan and J.J. Dillon are making. They've been honest to me from the very beginning.

TR: I think our audience knows where your head is at. But let's go watch Worldwide and give our opinions on the angles and such....

BB: There's a Worldwide show?

TR: Yes, Bill, there is. That's what we brought you for, remember? On this show we get to see superstars like the Barbarian, Kid Romeo and Fidel Sierra tear it up another notch.

BB: Who?! They're on the payroll?! Get out of here! We need to cut down the payroll as soon as we can. We need enough money to help gain ourselves on some new talent like....<unfolding a paper that was in his pocket>....Jake Roberts, Justin Credible and hopefully, a return of El Gigante to our roster. Nash, Sullivan and Hogan tell me Gigante can mean ratings and I think we have a great shot if we can attain him.

TR: Umm....ok! A little too much information then I need to know. I'm real shocked that you'd actually tell us all this.

BB: Hey, I'm just trying to make waves on the internet. Nash tells me the internet loves these guys, so I figure what's the harm in letting them know that we are going to right this ship very soon. I expect there to be a huge turnaround and with the internet backing us up, there will be no way but up for us to go, but let me stress that we need time and I'd like to ask for everyone to be patient.

TR: I think it would mean alot more if you would appear on WCW Live. That forum is alot more internet friendly than this. Besides, Bob Ryder is a nice guy and I'm sure he'd lay it easy on you.

BB: I don't think so. Ryder's been too negative for my taste. The only reason we're keeping him on the payroll is because he's so popular with the internet crowd. They find him hip, you know.

TR: Yeah....hip. 40 year old balding individuals like him are considered hip. Makes sense to me!

BB: He's all the rage, Tanvir. Even I know that. He must be considered some form of a rebel for "speaking his mind." Maybe we can put him on Nitro along with Madden and Schiavone. The internet folks will go crazy!

TR: Enough formal chit-chat, Bill. I've got a show to do so let's start the clips, please. I'd like to get home on time for Heat.

BB: Heat?! But....

TR: <interupts> Quiet, Bill. Take it away, production!

We are welcomed to the show by Scott Hudson and Bobby Heenan. And here we are going to clips of Thunder, seeing a sober Scott Hall introducing Kevin Nash in a video screen to Jeff Jarrett. Nash is with 2 nruses who are massaging his oh-so-sore body. Nash says that since Hall got screwed on Nitro, how about a match between Scott Hall and Jeff Jarrett. Now we see Hall delivering the Edge to Mark Johnson at the same time as Sid delivers the powerbomb to Jarrett in the regular Thunder main event schmozz. Here comes Creative Control but Hall and Sid kick them out of the ring.

Now we're back at the Worldwide set as Heenan screaming into a phone, angry that he can't get into the Power Plant. Hudson says that this all leads to Superbrawl- with a triple threat match between Hall, Sid, and Jarrett. Heenan says Sid has the momentum to win the main event. Hudson tells us that we will be talking about the David & Ric Flair story.

TR: So, Bill, what are your feelings on what has taken place so far on Worldwide?

BB: Pretty entertaining stuff. We here at WCW give the fans more of what they want. Hall is one of our most popular wrestlers. We have to utilize him properly so we can succeed. What we have just seen is proper utilization in my book.

TR: But doesn't it say something when you put an unhealthy performer who is obviously taking advantage of the liberties WCW gives him and still gives him the reward of main eventing?

BB: Tanvir, I'm not a social psychologist, I'm an accountant. I look at things through a monetary aspect. Hall provides ratings. It's that simple.

TR: But aren't you providing a bad example to the others in the locker room?

BB: No, I dont think so.

TR: <sigh> Fine, onto the next segment, please.

Hudson talks to us about a wrestling family in dissension and that is Harlem Heat. Heenan says he likes J. Biggs and says he's a big guy in Hollywood. He also thinks Booker is jealous of Biggs' relationship with Stevie Ray. Hudson tells us that at Superbrawl, for the right to "Harlem Heat", Booker vs. Big "T".

We see Biggs in a a neck brace and a cast telling police to go through Booker's bags. Bigg's says he has something appropriate for Booker tonight.

Now we see Booker hitting a uranage on Wall. He's raising the roof, but unfortunately, gets crotched on the top rope by Wall. Biggs with police persons, are coming down the aisle with a mic, which distracts Booker enough that he suffers ANOTHER JOB by chokeslam by the Wall. Police handcuff Booker while Biggs says some stuff.

Now we're at Thunder as we see Biggs talking to Stevie Ray and Big "T". "T" says he's hungry and going to eat something at some soul food restaurant. ( GOODIE MOB!!! )

We see Stevie Ray in the ring with his music playing. Now, Booker with the now unemployed freak, comes out to Beaver Cleavage music. Booker tells her to go to the back cuz he needs to take care of some bidness. Booker says that he isn't going to fight his brother and his beef is with J. Biggs. Stevie beats on Booker when his back his turned. Booker turns the tide with some kicks and a roundhouse kick. He's beats on a hapless Biggs and clonks a chair on Stevie's head for good measure.

TR: So this is one of your very important storylines going into the pay per view, Bill. Do you think anybody really wants to see an overweight Ahmed Johnson fight a clearly superior underpushed wrestler like Booker?

BB: There's a market for this. I think this angle will help bring us some credibility to our urban population.

TR: Urban population? Is that supposed to mean black people? Do you think black people are entertained by this because clearly most people aren't.

BB: Ummm......I find it entertaining.

TR: Don't you think SOME people would like to see Booker fight possibly a white wrestler? And someone who can actually help him move up the ladder? Would it be too much to ask if a Sting or Lex Luger would step up to the plate so we can move Booker up already?

BB: Not to step on his toes, but Booker's a good wrestler, like the guys that recently were released from our company. I doubt he has the "look" for this company.

TR: And who has the "look"? A mid to late forties Hogan? An unreliable Scott Hall? A white wrestler with absolutely no heat and horrible gimmick such as the Wall?!

BB: Let's talk about this after the show. I think you should settle down.

TR: Sorry, but it gets me a little bothered, that's all. Anyways, on to the next segment please.

Hudson shills us Superbrawl once more. Heenan has a map so he can find the Power Plant. Hudson tells Heenan that it's only 20 feet from the set. Heenan gets up and says he's going to the Power Plant. Heenan leaves and tells a camera crew so he can find the Power Plant. But they walk through some secret door as we take a break from ALL THIS EXCITING ACTION!!!!! THE SUSPENSE...THE DRAMA....THIS IS WORLDWIDE MUTHAFUCKA!!!

TR: You didn't actually know about this whole Heenan angle did ya?

BB: No, I didnt. It doesn't matter to me, actually. What matters to me is making money. It occured to me just now that this is a syndicated show directed mostly to a non cable audience, correct?

TR: Correct.

BB: An audience that can't watch our show and can't deliver the buyrates we need for our pay per views, correct?

TR: Yup.

BB: So I guess we can put on just about anything on this show because it's to an audience that isn't going to make a big difference.

TR: Have you realized that this show is still eerily similar to your cable televised programming?

BB: Tanvir, I know what I'm doing. I watch all the shows, I swear. I talk to all the wrestlers. I'm knowing so much about this business. Our cable shows are alot more suspenseful than this, trust me. And oh, I don't like you cursing and using sarcasm as you recap our program.

TR: You should hear what CRZ says about you.

BB: CR-Who?

TR: <putting his hands to his face> Good God.....let's go back to the show, shall we?

BB: Sure, why not?

We see Heenan walking through WCW offices, doing his slapstick comedy. He tries to convince some employee to open the door for him, however, she won't let him through, saying that he's been no showing Worldwide tapings and she's not sure if she should let him in. HUDSON SAVES THE DAY!!! He tells the woman that Heenan's with him. We FINALLY get to see the splendor known as the Power Plant.....WHERE THE BIG BOYS LEARN HOW TO PLAY! Hudson tells Heenan that he's been very late. We see the camera pan into a very big gym. It's got four rings in it. First, we see some guys wearing jeans doing some arm wringer type things. Then we see in other ring, Paul Orndorff, Buddy Lee Parker and the return of SEAN STASIAK! Heenan walks over to the workout area, where we see some bench press stuff. Heenan attempts to bench 55 pounds....but he CAN'T DO IT! Hell, I'm a weakling myself, but I can bench up to 100, I think. Damn...this makes me wanna go workout! Hudson tells us it's just about time for our DOUBLE MAIN EVENT!

TR: So THAT'S what the Power Plant looks like? It doesn't look bad at all....very spacious and all....

BB: Actually, Tanvir, that's my first look actually of the Power Plant.

TR: You mean to tell me you didn't have a clue where your young talent is coming from?

BB: Like I've said before, I'm essentially an accountant. My job is to make sure we keep a low payroll and that we can turn in a profit. I don't have the time to check out all our facilities. Most of it is being spent fielding phone calls from our impatient talent and making sure everything backstage is organized. Besides, who needs young talent when you have money makers like Scott Hall and Lex Luger on your roster!

TR: Okie doke. Umm...our audience is getting restless and they want the play by play of the matches. So let's give them what they want.

BB: Sure, but let me make something very clear before we end the show.....WCW has been delivering for well over 80 years dating back to our lineage with the NWA. We have produced some of the finest competitors in the land!

TR: There you have it, folks! An inside look at the man that is heading WCW today, Bill Busch. I'd like to thank Mr. Busch for coming over to the show and giving us a fresh perspective of you.

BB: No problem, Tanvir. Even if we may differ on some issues, it was a pleasure talking to you. Not like that Mitchell guy! He's way too critical.

TR: I just don't wanna be so critical of you, Mr. Busch. You seem like a nice guy and I know I'm not losing too much sleep thinking of the future of your company. Thank you, folks and now what you've been waiting for.....the DOUBLE MAIN EVENT~!

Hudson tells us from the Power Plant that it's time for our Double Main Events as Mike Tenay and Tony Schiavone do the commentary for the matches.


Walker coming into the ring in a new outfit for possibly, his last match in WCW. He's wearing a skull cap and a singlet. Why does the brother have to wear the skull cap? And we see a very slimmed down Ice Train. Tenay says he's lost somewhere near 50 lbs. Our referee for today's match is Mark Johnson. Lockup, to the corner and we get a clean break. Lockup, again to the corner, Walker tries a punch, Train ducks, dances and his a punch. Lariat by Train, Walker gets a breather outside. Train is getting some kinda pop today! TRAIN IS OVER! Walker back in, about to lockup but Walker hits a knee to the gut and lands some forearms as well. Walker whips but Train counters with an irish whip to the ropes, Train with an amazing leapfrog and hits some Vader-type chest move (What is that?). Walker gets a low blow and a choke. Walker to the top rope, Undertaker walk and hits a cheezy looking double axe handle. Gee, and I thought white men couldn't jump. Walker taking off his straps and lands a kick. Walker using his straps as a choke. Walker with a chinlock as Train goes old school to power himself with fan support. Train with an elbow to Walker's gut, but Walker gets in some punches to Train's back and applies the rear chinlock in the camel clutch position. Train trying to power himself and does with some elbows,to the ropes but Walker gets in the knee. Walker for the pin....Walker powers out at 1. Walker with some punches, cross corner whip, Train with an elbow and a boot to face. Train with another kick. Train with scoop slam and People's Elbow style (complete with pizazz and all that good stuff) Splash for the 1,2,3.



Damn, how come I can't find a good Muslim girl who looks as good as Mona?! Oklahoma's coming to the ring and he essentially says that this is the city that he's launching the Women's division and he's gotten a role for Madusa and that is to be the referee for this match. Madusa in the ring. Lockup but Sing powers her down. Sing pushes her down again. Mona dives under Sing's legs and pulls her legs from under her. Mona with a chop, whips Sing to ropes but Sing knocks Mona down. Sing with a hairpull, whips Mona, lariat. Sing with an eyepokes, whip to rope, GOOD GOD AN AVALANCHE FROM THIS OBESE FREAK. Ugh...does Sing suck or what? She's got no athletic ability and she doesn't work any harder in the ring than I do when I'm....oh, forget it. :) Sing gets another fatgirl move in as she whips Mona to the ropes. Mona with a spingboard Bodypress by Sing catches her and drops her to the mat. Sing with a whip to the ropes, Mona attempting a sunset set flip, but SING IS JUST TOO FAT (tm. Scott Keith). Sing for the 1,2,3. Sing stomps away on Mona and chest bump Madusa. Madusa reverses the decision, so our winner is MONA!!!! Sing beating down on Madusa as a couple of refs save Madusa from getting completely flattened. I could've lived without this like you could've lived without my recap. :)


Hudson hypes Superbrawl one more time, but this time at the set. He tells us to see him next week, so I guess we be out.

Tanvir Raquib
[slash] wrestling

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Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission