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/5 August 2000

WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer




This is the WCW Worldwide Report for Saturday, 5 August 2000. Opening montage shows Terry Taylor grooving on the new "Space Invaders 2000" game he just got for his Dreamcast.

Your in-studio hosts are Scott "Shiny" Hudson, and Wrestling's Only Living Legend, Larry "Where's My Bowl Of Soup to Go With This Shirt?" Zbyszko.
Over to the ringside announce talent: Tony Schiavone and "the Perfesser" Mike Tenay.

They pass us to "Mean Gene" Okerlund (sans neckbrace this week) who interviews Shane Douglas and the delectable Torrie Wilson.
Ms. Wilson is still p.o.-ed at Billy Kidman, and says so, while Douglas grunts, snarls, drums his chest and pulls down twigs to eat.

You've heard the phrase, "she's beautiful when she's angry?"
They had Torrie in mind!

Douglas horns in on Torrie's diatribe, making several disparaging remarks about Mr. Kidman's genetic lineage, hygiene, and "hood ornament" (?) "Things Torrie's told me Kidman; seems you not only can't stand up in the ring, you can't stand up in the bed, either, ha haaaa!"
Then, Douglas says he's looking beyond the "New Blood Rising" PPV, to when he can REALLY administer a sound beating to Mr. Kidman, and let Torrie spit in Kidman's face, only then will Kidman know he's been "Franchised."
Torrie smiles demurely, as Douglas leers into the camera. Mean Gene sends us back to Tenay and Schiavone, who shill the Douglas/Kidman match at the "New Blood Rising" PPV.
Back to the studio
Opening discussion is on Booker T's reign as WCW World Heavyweight Champion. LarryZ says that, though the champ has absorbed a good deal of punishment in defense of the Title, "when you are in that good a shape, the important thing is what you've learned about your opponents, and how best to defend your Championship Title against them."
Footage from Nitro shows Booker T's defense of the Title against Goldberg, not once but twice in one night. The infamous "Bait 'n' Switch" is shown, where the fans voted for Sting to face Booker T for the Title, only to have Goldberg punk out a hooded Sting and take his place. Goldberg squashes Booker T, who demands a rematch from a reluctant WCW Commissioner, Ernest "The Cat" Miller.
Miller grants the rematch, then shows up in a referee's shirt, and nails Goldberg with a spinning heel kick to the face. Goldberg, groggy, recovers and puts a Big Right hand through "The Cat's" noggin. Booker T responds with a Harlem side kick/sidewalk slam combo for the pin and the win.
Thunder footage shows Booker T in action against Jeff Jarrett in a "Bunkhouse Lights Out" match. Booker T goes for the Harlem side kick again, but Jarrett counters by "El Kabong-ing" Booker's right knee with the guitar.
LarryZ: "I hope Booker T realizes that being the champion is not all fortune and glory!"

Buy the Vampiro T-shirt for twenty bucks and possibly meet cute chicks in a graveyard, because...
"...your destiny is beyond your control!"

Apply today for the WCW Mastercard with "Buff Daddy" Bagwell's grinning puss on it.
It could be a collector's item, what with the WCW accountants "trimming the fat".
Or, in this case, the beefcake.

"Godzilla 2000" movie promo.
"If you think about there being a guy inside that rubber suit, it gets REAL sad!"
(attributed to Crow T. Robot of "Mystery Science Theater 3000.)

Local commercial block shows fat rednecks trying out Laz-Z-Boys, and a 1-900 phone sex line featuring one extremely erotic young lady, and a bunch of Hooters wannabes looking about as sexy as a Burger King ball pit.

"New Blood Rising" PPV promo.

Back to the studio, where Lance Storm' "hat trick" of winning three WCW Titles (US, Hardcore, Cruiserweight) is the topic of discussion.
Storm's renaming, (and "re-stickering") of the US Title belt to the Canadian Heavyweight Title. LarryZ says that Storm "is not flash, or show or image, he's capable of backing up words with actions. Storm's acquisition of the WCW Hardcore title, and his claim of "no gimmicks are necessary, I just wrestle!" are discussed. Footage shows Storm winning the hardcore title from Big Vito, and his subsequent defense of same in a rematch on Thunder. LarryZ said that Big Vito "leaped (into the deep end) before he even checked out the pool!"
Hudson shills the Mike Awesome/Lance Storm match for the WCW "Canadian" Heavyweight Title at "New Blood Rising."


We're back, and it's time for "Ask WCW!"
LarryZ "karnaks" this week's answer even before the question is asked:

"Dizzy Brutus Boulder and Andy Kaufman!"

Hudson: "Dizzy Brutus Boulder and Andy Kaufman?!" Makes a face.
LarryZ: "You heard it when I said it the first time, right?"

Stephen Lebowski of Pensacola, FL has a question for WCW's legendary Jimmy "Mouth of the South" Hart:
"Of all the wrestling stars you have ever managed, who are your favorites and why did you choose these wrestlers?"

Straight over to Jimmy Hart, who says that his two favorites are Bret "The Hitman" Hart, because he's a great technical wrestler and a fine man, and, of course, Hulk Hogan, because of "Thunder in paradise, and doing all the movies, and all the kids who idolized the Hulkster, and... "

'Scuse me while I get mah hankie out. Sniff!

And before we head over to the arena, where Tony Schiavone and Mike Tenay are standing by, here are some more


Match #1: Shane "The Franchise" Douglas (w/ Torrie Wilson) d. Scott Overhosen, ("Franchise" finisher/pin, 3:43)

Schiavone and Tenay shill the "New Blood Rising" PPV from Vancouver, anticipating the cheers Lance Storm will get in his defense of the Canadian Heavyweight Title, north of the border.
Schiavone also waxes poetic about the (very evident) charms of Ms. Torrie Wilson.
Tenay calls Scott Overhosen "Scott Overholzer," so WCW's techno-elves must still be having trouble with the chyron. I will use "Overholzer."
Match opens with Douglas in control with a knee to the midscetion, followed by a series of right hands to Overholzer's face. Cross-ring whip gets countered by Overholzer's shoulder block. An attempt at a criss-cross by Overholzer gets countered by Douglas with a gorilla press, followed by a fall-away powerslam, and a running clothesline. Cross-ring whip by Douglas, who then nails Overholzer with a backbreaker.
Two more cross-ring whips, but Overholzer leaps to the top rope and then springboards off it, hitting Douglas on the forehead with a flying elbow.
Cover by Overholzer, 1,2, Douglas gets a shoulder up!
Douglas mis-times a whip, but Overholzer sells the move and submarines under the bottom rope to the floor.
As Overholzer's getting up on the ring apron, Torrie Wilson sticks her hand down the back of his trunks, which would get MY attention real fast, though I wouldn't round on her with an upraised fist, like Overholzer does.
Torrie's distraction works, as Douglas nails Overholzer right in the mush with a swinging double mule-kick through the ropes that sends Overholzer head-first into the steel guardrail. Douglas tries a flying elbow from the ring apron, but nails Overholzer's right fist with his gut on the way down, that doubles him over. Three rights from Overholzer, and a skull bounce off the ring apron. Forearm smash by Overholzer, but Douglas ducks the follow-up clothesline, spins and lifts his opponent, and crotches him on the ring-post! Yeowtch!
Torrie's directing traffic at ringside, giving Douglas the order of march. Douglas grins evilly, and says "I'm gonna mess that purty face up, boy!"
Right in the kisser.
Douglas' attempt to "lawn dart" Overholzer into the ring post gets thwarted, and Overholzer shoves Douglas into the same ring post.
Overholzer's playing ot the crowd, then rolls Douglas back into the ring. Cover, 1,2, No!
Whip by Overholzer, who clobbers Douglas with a big elbow, knocking him to the mat. Another cross-ring, and a scoopslam by Overholzer. Dropkick sends Douglas to the mat once more, and Overholzer covers, 1,2, not this time.
Boot to the gut, and a cross-corner whip by Overholzer, who rebounds off the ropes and nails a bulldog on Douglas. Cross-ring whip gets reversed by Douglas. Overholzer mis-times the scoopslam, which Douglas quickly converts into his "Franchise" finisher for the pin and the win.

Back to the studio, where Hudson and LarryZ shill for the "New Blood Rising" PPV some more. LarryZ says that Vancouver's a beautiful city, but he fears for it's beauty once the destructive talents of Kevin Nash and Bill Goldberg are unleashed at the PPV.

Oh for... it's former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette in "Day Job: the Retrospective."
Local commercial promo again.
Ye gods, but those are some BIG redneck butts being lowered into those La-Z-Boys.
Yes, that is one fine looking lady shilling the 1-900 phone sex line. The rest of 'em look like "Designing Women 2000: the Julia Duffy Years."
Local car dealership commercial.
Why is it that the dealership owner always thinks he can do a MUCH better job of promoting his car lot than, say, a professional actor could?
This is not a local phenomenon, folks.
You all have one of these guys fouling your airwaves too, don't you?

Cool Bubble-Yum commercial. The duck with the punked-out hair RULES!
America OnLine. We will control all that you see and hear. And do and smell and taste and feel and...

Match #2: Mark Jindrak & Sean O'Haire d. Chris "Wildcat" Harris & Mike Rapada, (O'Haire swanton bomb on Rapada/ pin, 3:54)

Match opens with O'Haire squaring off against "Wildcat" Harris, and nailing Harris with a kata-like clothesline move. Tag to Jindrak, who ladns two boots in Harris gut, then converts an arm-drag into a snap mare that tosses Harris halfway across the ring. Tag to O'Haire, and Jindrak stays in to lever O'Haire high into the air and clobber Harris with O'Haire. Cover, 1,2, but Rapada's in to make the save, and O'Haire's not too pleased with the interference. He slaps Rapada across the face. This allows Harris to blindside O'Haire right into an upraised Rapada elbow, followed by a Harris-Rapada double-team clothesline. Tag by Harris to Rapada, followed by a whip into a drop toe-hold by Harris, setting up a flying knee drop off the top turnbuckle by Rapada to the back of O'Haire's neck.
Cover by Rapada, 1,2, no!
Rapada's continuing to work O'Haire over, bouncing his head off the turnbuckle, then tossing him through the ring ropes and out to the floor.
Harris, on the outside, bounces O'Haire's noggin off a steel chair, then clotheslines him to the arena floor. Rapada joins Harris at ringside, and they double-team a whip that sends O'Haire into the steel ring steps.
Another double-team whip sends O'Haire back first into the steel guardrail. O'Haire's trying to fight back, but Harris is all over him, and does the eye-gouge routine (that O'Haire sells really well,) before rolling him back into the ring. Rapada, with a lackadaisical cover, only gets a one count before O'Haire kicks out. Rapada drives two knees into O'Haire's shoulder, then goes for a cover, 1,2, not this time.
Cross-corner whip by Rapada, but O'Haire climbs the turnbuckles and back-flips over Rapada's charge-in. Spinning heel kick by O'Haire nails Rapada right in the face, but the effort took too much out of him, and he can't capitalize. Rapada tags in Harris, and O'Haire tags in Jindrak. Harris' clothesline misses but Jindrak's doesn't. Nor does Jindrak's clothesline on Rapada.
Jindrak's just cleaning house, with a scoopslam on Harris and a double dropkick on Rapada.
Tag by Jindrak to O'Haire, and now all four men are in the ring. Standing side kick from O'Haire levels Rapada. Jindrak and O'Haire double-team Harris with a cross-ring whip, followed by a double leapfrog, and a Jindrak leaping side-kick that nails Harris coming off the ropes. Jindrak sets Rapada on the top turnbuckle, then Franken-Steiner's him into the center of the ring, where O'Haire hits a towering swanton bomb. As Jindrak wallops Harris off the ring apron, O'Haire goes for the cover, 1,2,3.

WCW Worldwide Instant replay shows us what we just saw.


Buff Daddy's WCW Mastercard. Bronzer optional at extra cost.
Hilarious Slim Jim commercial. Cute lady lifeguard, too.
Local commercials again.
Fat guy in T-shirt, and cowboy boots dances on the side of the road, promo-ing a local radio station.
You don't EVEN wanna know...

"New Blood Rising" PPV promo.

Match #3: Buff Bagwell d. Disco Inferno (w/Rey Mysterio, Jr.), ( "Buff Blockbuster" finisher/pin, 3:02)

Disco and Rey do the "Wazzup!" bit before the match.
Rey's sporting some ... horns?
What's THAT all about?!

Bagwell comes to the ring, grabs a stick, and joins the "Wazzup?" Club. Disco and Rey seem less than enthused with Bagwell joining in their fun.
Buff Daddy's got the top hat again, too.

The match opens with Bagwell and Disco in some criss-cross ring action. Bagwell capitalizes with a hip-toss that lands Disco in the far corner. Buff does the pose-down, with a big ol'; grin on his face. Buff's motioning for Disco to "come get some." Disco obliges and Buff nails him with a DDT, that Disco sells like the pro he is.
Bagwell does some stylin' and profilin' a la Ric Flair.
Bad move, as this allows Disco to recover, who then promptly nails Bagwell with a standing side kick after a whip off the ropes.
Bagwell, stunned by the move, rolls out of the ring.
Ooops, he rolled right into Rey Mysterio, who proceeds to 'stomp a mudhole' in Bagwell on the ringside floor. Guillotine legdrop by Rey, who then rolls the by-now groggy Mr. Bagwell back into the ring.
Disco goes to work putting the boot in on Buff Bagwell, followed by an Atomic Drop. Springboard clothesline by Disco levels Bagwell. Disco covers, hooks the far leg, 1,2, no!
Disco throws Buff out to the floor again, where Rey takes over stomping on Bagwell, while Disco's arguing with the referee.

(Schiavone and Tenay are not calling the action at this point, preferring to talk about the upcoming "New Blood Rising" PPV, and how it relates to Bill Goldberg and Kevin Nash. Sheesh!)
Rey rolls Bagwell back into the ring, where Disco stomps Bagwell into a heap in the corner. Disco's attempting to distract the referee by pointing him at the announce table, and thus allow Rey to come in and try for his patented bronco buster move. What they both didn't count on was Bagwell recovering, and walloping Rey with a big clothesline. Rey rolls out, and Bagwell turns his attention to Disco, with a series of rights and lefts. A cross-ring whip is followed by a big back body drop from Bagwell, and then two stiff-arm clotheslines. Bagwell goes for the running clothesline again, but Disco reverses it into a side Russian legsweep, and yet another cover, but comes away with no pin. Cross-corner whip by Disco gets reversed, but Bagwell's charge-in eats a big Disco boot. A charge by Disco gets scoopslammed by Bagwell. Rey's attempt to enter the fray gets clobbered by a Bagwell forearm, knocking him off the ring apron. Bagwell then nails Disco with the "Buff Blockbuster" finisher for the win.
WCW Worldwide Replay shows highlights of the preceding match.

Back to the studio, where Scott Hudson shills for the PPV some more, and LarryZ gets the last word, as usual.
As regards the PPV's "Three Way Dance" for the World Heavyweight contendership slot between Bill Goldberg, Scott Steiner, and Kevin Nash, LarryZ says:

"You can forget all the politics, that's all out the window. We're down to raw bitterness, and raw hatred. The "Hate Meter" is off the charts when it comes to the "Three Way Dance."
But the bitter end is going to be for Booker T.
Can he hang on?
Just picture Booker T as a trapeze artist, flying through the air, reaching for that "bar of life."
But in reality, Scott Steiner, Bill Goldberg, and Kevin Nash have greased it, to the max!"

Closing credits.

See you next week.

E.C. Ostermeyer
[slash] wrestling

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Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission