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/2 September 2000

WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer




This is the WCW Worldwide Report for Saturday, 2 September 2000, and I'm your recapper, ol' E.C.

Opening graphics montage, with Terry Taylor trying desperately to crack Danni Ashe's "HotBox" firewall.

No, it's not what you think.

Your hosts are Scott "Who's Yer NEW Daddy" Hudson, and Bobby "I'm Not Dead Yet, Galdi!" Heenan. Bobby's trying out the huge inflatable hammer on various objects, as Hudson introduces the announce team.
Bobby does the "Okay" gesture, and here's hoping you are doin' okay as well, Ms. Heenan. Y'all get to feelin' better now, y'hear?

Hudson shills for the upcoming "Fall Brawl" PPV on September 17th. Discussion begins on the topic of Scott Steiner, and his conduct with Goldberg's lady. Heenan says that Steiner "...should have been put away years ago. Steiner, in his quest for revenge, is "pushing Goldberg's buttons, but Mr. Steiner, you have no idea what you are about to unleash!"

Over to "the Perfesser" Mike Tenay, and Tony "I've lost my center of gravity'" Schiavone. Tenay's wearing a good-looking suit, while Schiavone looks like his mommy dressed him for school.

Three Count gets the "Mean Gene" treatment this week, as Okerlund corners them backstage, shoving a microphone in their collective bazoos. Looks like the boys are gonna make a stab at the Tag Titles tonight, against Rey Mysterio, Jr. and Juventud Guerrera of the Filthy Animals.
The topic at hand is Tank Abbott, described by Evan Karagias as "an obsessed fan who tried to cross us. And that's what separates us from the 'boy bands', 'cause when you cross us, we will snap, crackle, and pop you're a-"
"Whoa, whoa, hold on there, " interrupts Mean Gene, shortstopping a major copyright lawsuit from Kellogg's. He then asks Shane how they choose who wrestles in two-man tag matches; do they draw straws?
Shane Helms says that, while other teams draw straws or flip coins, Three Count flips gold records. Shannon Moore says that Rey and Juvy are going down, because

All: (in unison): Everybody goes DOWN for Three Count!"

Mean Gene is suddenly possessed of the spirit of Lawrence Welk, to the consternation of Three Count.
"Thenk yu boyss, a wunnerful, a-wunnerful! Back to Ton-ee end Mike...", then gets freaked as Shane, Shannon, and Evan move in for an impromptu "intervention."

Back to the studio, where Hudson and Bobby the Brain discuss the swath of destruction that Goldberg has cut through WCW. Beginning at "New Blood Rising", Goldberg didn't follow Vince Russo's plan at all. Heenan says that you don't cross the boss. To do so, no matter what job you're in, will get you canned. Clearly, Goldberg crossed the boss, but "because of his ironclad contract, Russo can't get rid of him. Still, in the back of his mind, Russo is always thinking, thinking, thinking about Goldberg."
As Hudson segues to the footage, Heenan asks him "Have you ever had to fire anyone?"
Hudson replies, "No. Well, not yet, at any rate!"
Heenan: "Remind me to tell you about my experience..."
Hudson gives Heenan a look.

Footage from Nitro shows Vince Russo laying his plans for Goldberg. Jeff Jarrett wants a piece of Goldberg, as do Steiner and Nash. We head to the ring, where Goldberg confronts Russo, but not before punking out Russo's four security guards. Russo offers to buy out Goldberg's contract. Goldberg refuses, and the fun begins, as the Nitro-Tron shows Scott Steiner lurking with intent outside Goldberg's girlfriend Beth's room at the Hampton Inn. For the next pointless twenty minutes, Goldberg is shown running all over town and then all over the hotel.
Steiner drags Beth into the Arena. It's steel chairs and handcuffs for ol' Bill and a "Steiner Recliner" for Beth.

Back to the studio, where Heenan has no idea why Goldberg didn't press charges on Steiner for kidnapping and assault, since Steiner is apparently going to do whatever it takes to get to Goldberg. Case closed.

By the way, anybody else think that Beth bears an uncanny resemblance to the girl who's running through Vampiro's graveyard?
I guess her destiny is beyond her control.
"Fall Brawl" PPV promo.
Nintendo's "Mario Tennis" vidgame promo.
Castrol GTX reminds you that, unlike your girlfriend, your car actually likes you to leave the seat up.
"Bill & Ted's Bogus Serial Killing Spree" promo.
Local commercial block.
Local "Music for Robots" radio station promo.
Local area Chamber of Commerce promo.
Goodwill Industries presents Eric Heatherly in concert.

Back to the studio, where

Hudson: "It's time for 'Ask WCW', the part of the show where... is that good soup, Brain?"
Heenan, slurping another mouthful and reading what appears to be the latest edition of "Lattitudes & Attitudes", says

"...mmh, tea!"

Hudson then turns, then mkes a face...
"Aw for cryin'..."
Hudson's still having trouble with the ancient Apple PowerBook that Heenan brought in last week.
Heenan says "Give it here, I can fix it..."
He grabs for the laptop...
...and then promptly dumps half his "tea" onto the keyboard!
Hudson lets out an "Oooohhhh!"
Heenan grabs the laptop and starts shaking it, trying to dump al the liquid out of it.
Hudson, head in hands, says "Could we get a terrycloth towel here, please?!"
"Here you go, it 's your 'revergerator' valve here, Scott," says Heenan, busily poking buttons and flipping switches.
"What?!" says Hudson.
"It's the terry-vergerator shifter here, right next to the mouse," says Heenan.
This week's question from Devin Cutting of Cambridge, Ontario, Canada is for Terry Taylor.
"How does working behind the scenes compare with competing in the ring? Do you miss being a full-time wrestler?"

Heenan says that maybe a windshield wiper would help. Hudson thinks a mop would be a better idea.

Over to Terry Taylor, who says that, while being in the ring was great, being behind the scenes is great, but in different ways, and he's had and is having fun doing both.

Back to the Studio, where Bobby's busy with paper towels.

Hudson, interrupted, asks "WHAT are you doing?"

"Cleaning up," says Heenan.
"Cleaning up?" says Hudson.
"Your mess!" retorts Heenan.
"MY mess?!" Hudson is perturbed.
"Yeah, you ruined a $30.00 computer, you deadbeat!"
"Thirty dollars. That much, huh," grins Hudson.

Heenan's now got paper towels stuck to his hand, and is busily shaking it trying to dislodge the towels.
Hudson sets up footage from Nitro showing Chuck Palumbo's shot at the WCW World Title.
Heenan, finally free of the towel, grabs his news copy sheets and, startled, stares at the camera:

"Are we on?"

Hudson give him another look.

Footage from Nitro, where Palumbo won the WCW World Heavyweight Title via quick count from "special referee" Vince Russo. However, the decision was reversed by WCW Commissioner Ernest "The Cat" Miller. The Cat then ordered a restart to the match. Booker T prevailed this time, and successfully defended his championship.

Same old, same old.
Local "Alternative" Rock station promo.
Y'know, I'm not so sure about a radio station's commitment to their Gen-X, angst-laden audience, if they play Kid Rock and such, yet they still carry the "Bob & Tom" drive-time show in the mornings.

Match #1: Kronic d. Kory Williams & Brian McNeal, ("High Times" finisher/[pin, 3:47)
NcNeal and Williams argue who's gonna get in the ring first, with Williams "winning" that "prize," and he squares off against big Brian Clarke. Clarke cross-corner whips Williams, then follows it up with a series of knife edge chops. (Whoooo!) Cross-ring whip by Clarke, who misses with a follow-up clothesline, and Williams nails Clarke with a standing double dropkick. Williams with a cover, but only gets a one count.
Couple of punches, followed by a cross-ring whip, but Clarke catches Williams on the run-in, and drives him into the mat with a sit-out powerbomb. Tag by Clarke to Bryan Adams, and Clarke sets Kory Williams across Adams' shoulder on the second turnbuckle. Adams then does a second-rope piledriver on Williams. Adams flings Williams across the ring to the near side corner. Williams inadvertently tags in McNeal in the process. Adams is all over McNeal from the get-go, hitting a vicious-looking belly-to-belly suplex. Cros-ring whip by Adams, but McNeal ducks a clothesline, and nails Adams with a flying elbow of the far ropes. Cover by McNeal, but only a 1-count as Adams kicks out. McNeal tries another cross-ring whip, but Adams hangs on, plants his feet, and spins McNeal into a full nelson, and caps that move with a full nelson slam. Cover, but no pin, as Williams leaps in to break up the pin. Williams' in-ring celebration is cut short by Brian Clarke's return, who promptly delivers a big boot to Williams' gut. Clarke goes for the pump-handle, and nails Williams with the "Meltdown."
Double-team clothesline by Kronic on McNeal sets him up for the "High Times" finisher. Adams hooks the far leg for the cover and the pin.

WCW goes deepinaharto'Texas (aka Dallas) for Nitro. But you already knew that, didn't you?


Match #2: "PrimeTime" Elix Skipper d. Chris Harris, WCW World Cruiserweight Title Defense, ("OverDrive" finisher/pin, 5:50)

The "Team Canada"-gimmick is still force, so this is the "100-Kilo & Under Championship Title" defense. Schiavone & Tenay make several pointless jokes at the expense of Skipper's Canadian heritage. Special mention is made of Skipper's wearing his Grey Cup CFL Championship ring. The crowd's got a "USA! USA!"-chant going, with Chris Harris as the cheerleader.
Skipper puts an end to the festivities by cold-cocking Harris from behind, and the match gets underway. Cross-ring whip by Skipper gets reversed, and Skipper eats a big shoulder block from Harris. Arm-wringer by Harris gets converted into a front headlock. Skipper reverses, and hits a drop toehold on Harris, who reverses into a knee drop onto Skipper's unprotected ribs.
Reverse headlock by Harris is broken up b y Skipper with two elbows to the face. Cross-ring whip by Skipper gets reversed by Harris, but the back body drop move gets countered by an Elix Skipper float-over followed by a boot to the gut and an elbow in the kisser. Cross-ring whip by Skipper gets reversed, and Harris drops Skipper to the mat with a shoulder block. Follow-up stiff-arm clothesline sends Skipper ovr the top rope and down to the floor. Harris capitalizes with a top rope-slingshot pescado that floors Skipper yet again. Harris with punches in bunches, and a follow-up bounce of Skipper's noggin off the steel guardrail. Harris climbs back in the ring, and has a moment with the cheering fans. This, of course, gives Elix Skipper time to recover outside the ring. Harris' attempt to block Skipper's return to the ring gets a shoulder block through the ropes, followed by a cross-body block that Skipper converts into a flying head scissors, driving Harris to the mat. Belly-to-belly power-slam by Skipper, and a cover, but Harris kicks out.
Missile dropkick by Skipper sends Harris to the mat once more, and Skipper takes some time out to talk trash with the fans at ringside. Cover, but Skipper only gets two. Three Big Left Hands by Skipper are followed by a cross-ring whip. Skipper's clothesline attempt is ducked, but he connects on the next one. Unfortunately, so does Chris Harris, and both wrestlers are down.
Harris recovers first, and, backing Skipper into a corner, begins raining punches and kicks on the champ.
Cross-corner whip by Harris gets reversed, but Harris' Fall-away cross-body block from the second rope meets nothing but air, as Skipper bridges out to avoid contact. Several punches and kicks in the corner soften up Harris for a Skipper arm-drag that sends Harris to the mat. Harris is holding his elbow, as Skipper goes for the cover, 1,2, no!
Reverse chin-lock by Skipper, but Harris is able to power out of it and mount a spirited, if brief comeback, before finally falling prey to Skipper's "OverDrive" finisher, and the champ retains his Title.

Hudson and Heenan shill the upcoming "Fall Brawl" PPV. Hudson wonders whether Booker T will be in any shape to take on Kevin Nash for the WCW World Heavyweight Title.
"No, Booker T's not in good shape. He's still beat up, because he's constantly going into the ring, and not taking time off to allow himself to heal up. But no, he's doing it for "The Fans!" Oh yeah, he's gonna take one heckuva beating!"
Goldberg/Steiner is discussed. Heenan says that Russo had better come up with something to get Goldberg. And Goldberg had better watch out for Steiner, because Steiner is ready all...the...time! He's THAT dangerous."


Match #3: The Filthy Animals, Rey Mysterio, Jr. & Juventud Guerrera (w/ Konan & Tygress but no Disco) d. Three Count, WCW World Tag-team Title Defense, ("Juvy Driver" finisher/pin, 3:56)

Konnan joins Messr's Tenay and Schiavone to provide color commentary.
Rey's wearing the devil horns but no goatee.
Juvy looks like he swam there through a pool of Johnson's Baby Oil.(tm)
Tygress is looking very "R-r-r-o-w-w-r" tonight.
Evan Karagias dislocated his ankle in his last match.
The Title Belts will be defended by Shane Helms and Shannon Moore tonight.
Rey and Shannon Moore start things off, as Moore's cross-corner whip gets reversed by Rey, who follows Moore into the corner, and begins walloping him with a lot of right hand shots. Cross-ring whip by Rey gets reversed, but Rey is still able to nail Moore with a flying head-scissors takedown. Moore recovers, and nails Rey with a couple of quick knee-lift shots to the breadbasket, followed by a back-of-the-knee face-buster that sends Rey face first into the canvas.
Moore mugs for the fans at ringside, then tags in Shane Helms. In a great double-team move, Helms & Moore nail Rey with a second-rope bulldog. Cover by helms, but no pin as Rey kicks out. Cross-ring whip by Helms gets reversed when Rey does a go-behind. Rey tries for a bum's rush, but Helms holds onto the ropes, and Rey takes the tumble. Helms executes a sweet powerbomb, with Shannon Moore following up with a tope con hilo. Helms tries for a cover, but the count is broken up by Juventud Guerrera, who almost trips over the out-of-position referee. Fast cross-ring action, with a couple of missed clothesline attempts thrown in, and it's Juvy's turn to fly, as he hits Shane Helms with a super-springboard dropkick. Juvy's got helm's backed into the corner, and it's ten-count punch-down time, with the fans counting the blows. Helms' attempt at a clothesline gets stymied by Guerrera's boot to the gut. Another flying head-scissors takedown. By Juventud Guerrera on Shane Helms. Tag to Rey by Juvy sets up a cross-ring missile dropkick that stuffs Shane Helms into a corner. This brings in everybody else, with the crowning touch being a bronco-buster by Tygress on Shane Helms. One "Juvy Driver" later on Helms and the match ends. The Filthy Animals defend their WCW World Tag-team Titles.

Hudson and Heenan shill for the upcoming "Fall brawl" PPV once more, and we are done.

See you next week.

E.C. Ostermeyer
[slash] wrestling

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Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission