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/16 September 2000

WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer




This is the WCW Worldwide report for Saturday, 16 September 2000, and I'm your recapper, ol' Cracka Sleez-ee Eee-Cee.

Opening Credits.
Terry Taylor tries to contact HBOdotcom to get a date with G-string Diva "Summer," and winds up with Jock-strap Diva Rhonda Singh.

Your hosts are "MC NewDaddy" Scott Hudson, and Tech-Priest Aspirant, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

Bobby makes the "Okay" sign, and here's a get-well wish for you from the rest of us fans, Ms. Heenan.

Hudson opens up the massive shill for the Fall Brawl PPV upcoming on September 17th. Scott refers to the September 4th Nitro broadcast from Dallas, Texas as "Russo's Revenge."
Heenan: "Well, I don't know about that. Everybody's blaming Russo for this and blaming Russo for that. That Russo's the man behind Kevin Nash, that Russo's protecting Nash, making sure Nash doesn't have to defend the Title that often. That's not true. Nash has earned his stripes in this business, he's seven feet tall, and over three hundred pounds. He's no rookie, he's earned his way, and Russo's behind him?
Well, I guess, if you go to Russo's house, and he's got mirrors and pictures with the eyes that move and secret panels and the drapes go back and forth...It's a real haunting!"

Hudson's got the same look on his face that my wife had when I told her I was recapping this show. The look that says, "Uhhh, yeah, right!"
Heenan leans over behind Hudson and goes "Boo!" causing Hudson to nearly jump out of his seat.

He gives Heenan a look.

"'Boo!', huh?"

Over to ringside and Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, and, for the fourth week running Konnan.( Looks like they want to make Carlos "Konnan" Ashenoff a regular, doesn't it?)
The arena security guys are much in evidence behind the announcers' table tonight. Must have been a little trouble with some, ummm, "enthusiastic" fans, earlier.

The "Tribunal" gives the rundown on tonight's card, then sends us over to "Mean Gene" Okerlund for tonight's interview segment. Okerlund's got four members of the "Misfits In Action". Cpl. Cajun is just tickled plumb to death that he gets to represent the good ol' USA in a title match against Cruiserweight Champ "PrimeTime" Elix Skipper. General Rection is pleased with Cajun's morale, and wants the Cruiserweight Title brought home. Cajun is a little confused as to just where he's supposed to bring it back. General Rection sets him straight, then snarls at the camera that Lance Storm's gonna lose the US Title at Fall Brawl, because he, Rection, is gonna take it from him! Grrrrr!
Poor Sgt. AWOL and Lt. Loco were just wallpaper during this segment.
Man, how the mighty have fallen, eh?

Back to the studio, where Hudson takes us all the way back to Labor Day "WarGames" bout from Dallas. A triple-cage stack, with the WCW World Heavyweight Title at the top. Sting, Booker T, Goldberg, & Kronik (who replaced The Cat) squared off against Vince Russo, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, and Jeff Jarrett. Yep, it's a five-on-four match with the faces having the extra man advantage.

Heenan: "Everybody' blaming Russo because he's protecting Kevin Nash. He's protecting Scott Steiner, and Jeff Jarrett. I don't see it that way; I see it from a different side of the fence. These are well-trained, superior athletes, who don't need ANYBODY's protection! And in a very short time here, I'm gonna picke up this phone and call Scott Steiner, who's gonna tell me what his plans are for Goldberg!"
"Can he accept calls where he is?" asks Hudson.
"Yes He Can," retorts Heenan, busily punching the phone number in.
"I think he's only allowed one phone call there," warns Hudson.
"That's okay, I've got some friends downtown," says Heenan.
"Great!" says the exasperated Hudson who sets up the "WarGames" footage for us.
"Have you gotta quarter?" asks Heenan.

Footage (from Thunder?) shows the "WarGames" match, including the climactic cage-door wallop on Goldberg by Bret Hart. Nash, Russo, and Jarrett are shown doing the three count, and Nash winds up with the Title.

Back to the studio, where hudson talks about Bret Hart's actions agaisnt Bill Goldberg at "WarGames."
Heenan: "Hart remembers all too well who put him out of the business; that person was Bill Goldberg. He's not going to stop! The Hart mentality is fixated only on paying Goldberg back. Remember, he's from Canada; it's cold up there, and he's working with half-brain, half-hockey puck, and he's just going to think constantly how to get rid of Goldberg."
"'Revenge is a dish best served up cold'," quotes Hudson, "And Bret Hart has had ten months to think about what Goldberg did to him, that cost him the World belt.
Heenan's giving Hudson a look of something like incredulity. Must be about that "Revenge, etc. " quote of Hudson's from earlier.
As we go to commercial, Heenan lunges to the phone and starts dialing furiously.
Hudson: "Uhhh, I think you gotta dial "1", Brain."
Heenan spears the keypad with his middle finger hard.


We come back...
...and then the dad-gum TV cable system goes off the air for a couple of minutes.

We're back on-air, and Bam!, there's Glen Torborg and his wife, Asya both sporting new stripe-y hairdos.
Glen's talking about how much he enjoys doing the Demon character, and how he's a big fan of Gene Simmons, Kiss and what an honor it is to be able to represent the "true greatest band in the world!"
Asya nods approvingly.
We cut away just before she puts a puppy treat in his mouth.
Back to the studio, where Hudson says, "I'm right there with ya, Demon..."
Heenan, still on the phone, decides to put in his two-cents worth. "Let me answer this question for Jason."
"He's already answered!" says Hudson, but Heenan ignores him.
"Jason, do you know why the Demon dresses a lot like Kiss? Because he LIKES Kiss, dummy! Why do you think he dresses like that? Because they were all out of Dixie Chicks outfits at the local store? No, because he's a fan of Ki-... just a minute, Scott, I've got Mr. Steiner!" Turns back to the phone.

Hudson looks around as if to say, "What's going on here?"

Hi, Rick, Rick. It's Bobby Heenan. Yeah, how you doing? Uh, Heenan, Heenan, Bobby Heenan. Bobby. B-o-b-b-y. Yeah, I was gonna...
The Brain. The Brain...
Listen, I was gonna ask you a question about Goldberg. We're here right now on Worldwide...wait, wait, I'm on the phone here..."
Hudson leans across and hangs up the phone on Steiner, and sends us to ringside. Heenan's busy shaking the receiver, trying to get sounds out of it.

Match #1: Crowbar d. Ruben Cruz, ("Dragon Sleeper"-neckbreaker/pin, 4:29)
Crowbar comes to the ring heavily taped around the middle. Konnan, at ringside, says that the last time he saw Crowbar, he was in a hospital, and that was less than two weeks ago. "This guy must like pain!" opines Konnan.
The match opens with Crowbar and Cruz trading chops and slaps. Cross-ring by Crowbar, who then hits a big shoulder block. Cruz staggers into the far corner, where Crowbar starts walloping him with Big Right Hands, followed by a couple of Flair-style chops. ("Whoooo!") Crowbar tries for some crowd heat, only to get a vicious punch in those taped-up ribs by Cruz, who follows up with a double axe-handle across the small of Crowbar's back.
Cross-corner whip by Cruz, but Crowbar does the float-over out of the corner, dares Cruz to come after him, then nails him with a snap belly-to-belly suplex.
There's a scoopslam by Crowbar, who follows up with a leg-drop and a slingshot over-the-top-rope legdrop on Cruz.
Cover, 1,2, Cruz kicks out.
Crowbar tosses Cruz through the ropes, then spears him with a double mule-kick through the ropes to Cruz's noggin.
Crowbar "skins the cat" back over the top rope to return to the ring, then slingshots over the top-rope again, nailing Cruz with a cross-body block.
Whoops, looks like that last move may have re-injured Crowbar's ribs, because he's writhing around on the floor, clutching them in obvious pain.
Crowbar slowly gets to his feet, and rolls Cruz back in the ring. The crowd's starting up a "Crow-bar! Crow-bar!" chant, and looks like it's helping him out, too.
Crowbar climbs back into the ring, and starts to work on Cruz. Just then, Daffney and new boyfriend Ozzie show up at ringside to watch Crowbar's match. Crowbar's momentarily distracted. Ozzie bears a disturbing resemblance to Crowbar, don't you think? The distraction spels trouble, as Ruben Cruz waffles Crowbar while he's not paying attention to business at hand, and rolls him up for a cover, but only gets two.
Attempted front-facelock to suplex gets blocked by Crowbar, who executes one of his own, but converts it mid-move into a sit-out facebuster.
Charge-in by Crowbar is side-stepped by Cruz, and Crowbar goes hurtling over the ropes... but he hangs on , and skins the cat again to pull himself back in the ring. Cruz, meanwhile, is jawing with the crowd, and gets a belly-to-back suplex for his inattention. Scoopslam by Crowbar is followed up with a springboard vault over the top rope, a cross-body slam, and a cover, 1,2, no!
Crowbar's got his man up , but takes too long to set up the next move, allowing Cruz to get in a couple of punches and attempt a suplex of his own. Crowbar counters the suplex by reversing it and locking on a Dragon Sleeper. Cruz does the obligatory "1-droopy arm, 2-droopy arm, 3-back to life" routine, and powers back to his feet.
Crowbar counters this, converts the dragon Sleeper into an inverted neckbreaker, and gets the pin and the win.
Daffney and Ozzie celebrate together outside the ring, while Crowbar looks on morosely, and thinks of what might have been.


Match #2: Disqo d. Jeremy Sage ("Last Dance" finisher/pin, 3:18)

Prior to his entering the ring, Disqo drop s by the announcers' table to leave his shirt and medallion necklace for safekeeping. He also tells all in attendance that he will be conducting a wrestling clinic tonight, and we should all pay attention. Tenay, and Schiavone are less than thrilled about this, as is Konnan.
The match is pretty much all Disqo, who, true to his word, runs a wrestling clinic at Sage's expense. From a boot in the gut/spinning neckbreaker combination right at the start, Disqo's in control. Another spinning neckbreaker, and Disqo sends Sage out through the ropes to ringside. Disqo follows, and bounces Sage's head off the announcers' table. Back in the ring, and Disqo tries for a cross-ring whip, only to get Sage reversing it and punching him in the kidneys. There's another kidney shot, and Sage hooks Disqo up and plants him with an inverted DDT.
A stomp to the chest, and Sage drags Disqo back to his feet. Cross-corner whip gets reversed by Disqo, but Sage just runs up the turnbuckle stack and cross-body -blocks into Disqo's charge in, then nails Disqo with a snap suplex. Cover by Sage, 1,2, Disqo kicks out. Knee in the back, and another cover by Sage 1,2, Disqo kicks out again.
A couple of Sage punches leave Disqo wobbling in the ring. Cross-ring whip by Sage, who hooks up Disqo on the rebound and scoops him into a fisherman's suplex for another pin attempt, but only gets a two count again.

Konnan wonders if this is part of the clinic.
As are we all!

Two powerslams by Sage, who then goes up top for a sloppy Swan-ton Bomb. Sage finds nobody home, and gets his face bounced off the mat. Ouch!
Cross-ring whip by the mostly recovered Disqo and Sage meets an elbow on the rebound. Cobra hold by Disqo gets a Russian Leg sweep added onto it, for what looks to be a pretty effective move. Cover by Disqo, 1,2, no! Cross-ring whip but Sage ducks the clothesline, and then hollers to the crowd that he's "too smart for THAT!"
He then walks right into Disqo's "Last Dance" finisher, and loses by pinfall.

Disqo collects his gear from Konnan, and struts out of the Arena.


Match #3: Three Count d. Michael Shane & Chris Kruger & Robert Diggs, (Triple-team facebuster, 3:19)

Three Count arrives at ringside wearing black leather jackets and each carrying a Green Circle. Each has his own little catch-phrase, and all three join in on the "sooner or later, EVERYBODY goes down for the Three Count!"

The effect on our announcer team is durn-near catastrophic.
Mike Tenay is making gagging noises.
Konnan's muttering what sounds like Cuban curses under his breath. Schiavone's giggling quietly.

Out comes the "mat-fodder," and away we go with a Pier Six Brawl. Diggs gets hurled out of the ring by Shane Helms, while red-headed Kruger and Evan Karagias tie it up in the center of the ring. Michael Shane and Shannon Moore are trading punches in the far corner.
Helms follows up on Diggs with a cross-body block over the top rope. Kruger tosses Karagias over the top rope after Hems, then takes a running leap and does a plancha that levels everybody outside the ring. Meanwhile Chris Kruger nails Shannon Moore with a fireman's carry/airplane spin combination that he converts into a powerslam and covers, 1,2, Moore kicks out!
Kruger tags in Diggs, and they double-team Moore, first with a cross-corner whip, a Stinger splash by Diggs, who then Flair Flips over the top turnbuckle to the ring apron, and finally a "freight-train" slam by Kruger. Moore slumps into the corner, and gets a flying headbutt right in the in-seam from Diggs, who vaulted the top rope to nail the move.

Meanwhile the crowd's got a "Three Count Sucks!" chant going, punctuated by synchronzied fist waving. Man, these folks really DON'T like Three Count, do they? Diggs and Michael Shane double-team a cross-ring whip on Moore, but Diggs gets clobbered by Karagias on the run-back, and Moore reverses Shane's back body drop into a Samoan Drop, with Helms providing the spinning neckbreaker chaser.
Moore tags in Karagias, who promptly goes to work on Michael Shane. Three punches followed by a snap mare and Shane's on his back real quick. Karagias goes up top, and hits a flying elbow on Shane.
Three stomps and a cover, but Shane kicks out at 1. Tag to Helms by Karagias. Helms goes up top as Karagias arm-bars Shane's left arm, and Helms does a swan dive over Shane, pulling him to the mat for the pin attempt. Shane kicks out, but misses with a swung fist, and runs right into Helm's superkick. Helms locks up Shane with a front chancery, but he's beaten on by Kruger, who's in to save his teammate. This brings in Karagias and Moore, and the Pier Six Brawl is on again. Before Diggs can climb back into the ring, Helms, Moore and Karagias triple-suplex Kruger and Shane. Karagias tosses Shane over the top rope, while Helms goes out to forestall Diggs' return to the ring. This leaves Shannon Moore facing Kruger. Moore promptly does that back-of-the-knee "bottle-opener" thingie, and drives Kruger face-first into the canvas. Three Count then triple teams Kruger, nailing him with a massive facebuster. Helms goes for the pin, while the others stand guard, and gets it.

Back to the studio, where Scott Hudson recaps the card for the "Fall Brawl" PPV. As Hudson covers the "Bunkhouse Match" between Jeff Jarrett and Mike Awesome, Bobby Heenan says that even though Mike Awesome is considered to be the "career-killer," with Vince Russo watching Jeff Jarrett's back, it may be Awesome's career that gets killed.

As Hudson discusses the "Chain Match" between Kronik and the Harris Brothers, Heenan's got a call.
Hudson then shills Kevin Nash's defense of the WCW World Heavyweight Title against Booker T.

Heenan, excited, hollers "'s a girl?! Darrie?!! FORTY ONE POUNDS?!!!"
Hudson gets the joke, and smiles.


Match #4: "Prime Time" Elix Skipper d. Cpl. Cajun, Cruiserweight Title Defense, ("Overdrive" finisher/pin, 4:25)

Schiavone says that MIA is also known as "Made In America", as well as "Misfits In Action."
Big "USA! USA!" chant gets started. Skipper's p.o-'ed, and starts hollering abuse at the crowd.
The match opens with both Cajun and Skipper dancing around the ring, locked in a collar and elbow tie-up.
The referee tries to break up the clinch, but Skipper and Cajun go right back to clinching once again. The referee separates them again, and it's Skipper who gets the first wallop in, by planting a big boot in Cajun's breadbasket. There's a punch by Skipper, followed by a cross-ring whip. Cajun reverses, and Skipper, on the rebound, gets a knee in the gut.
Scoopslam by Cajun, with a standing double-dropkick chaser. Two more standing double dropkicks and Skipper falls through the ropes. Cajun does some showboating as the crowd continues to chant "USA! USA!" Skipper is taunted by some fans as he slowly gets to his feet.
Back on the ring apron, Skipper takes a shoulder block to the midsection by Cajun, who then tries for a suplex over the top rope. Skipper powers out of the suplex attempt, gets in two quick punches to Cajun's gut, and goes for the cross-ring whip. Cajun reverses it, tries for the hip-toss, but gets blocked. Cajun pops Skipper one in the face, then tries to set for Skipper's own "Overdrive" finisher. The champ ain't havin' that, and does a "Matrix"-like back body drop on Cajun, bouncing the Corporal's face off the top rope.
Cajun collapses in a heap, as Skipper goes back to fussing at the crowd. He then goes over and stomps Cajun a couple of times. Cover, 1, Cajun kicks out. Elbow drop from Skipper, and again, and then he hooks the near leg for the pin attempt, but comes up empty.
Belly-to-belly suplex by Skipper, who's getting really mad at all the "USA! USA!" chants. Pin attempt by Skipper, hooks the far leg this time, but Cajun kicks out again. Cajun's found a power surge. There's one Big Right Hand, then two, then three. Oops, Skipper responds with a knee to the gut. Cross-ring attempt by Skipper gets blocked, then countered by Cajun who unloads a series of rights, lefts, and some "jukin' and jivin'" before delivering the last big punch. Victory Roll by Cajun with a bridge, 1,2, No!
Cross-ring whip by Cajun, finishing with a towering back body drop. As Cajun sparks to the crowd's cheers, Skipper's digging in his pocket for his Grey Cup ring. Cajun makes a grab for Skipper, but sees what's coming, and ducks the ring-enhanced swung fist. Boot to the gut be Cajun, followed by an Atomic Drop. Cajun picks Skipper up in a fireman's carry, but Skipper wiggles out and nails Cajun right on the eye socket with the ring. Cajun collapses into a corner, holding his face. Skipper moves in for the knockout punch, but referee Mark Johnson spots the ring, and grabs the fist it's attached to. Skipper's angrily trying to retrieve his fist from the referee, which gives Cajun time to lock in a Victory Roll and a cover, 1,2, no! and the crowd's going nuts!
Cajun with a boot to the gut, followed by a cross-ring whip. As he sets for the back body drop, Skipper slams on the brakes, and nails Cajun with the ring-enhanced fist right in the back of the head.
Skipper drags Cajun back to his feet, and hits his "Overdrive" finisher to get the pin and the win.
Crowd lets out a groan at the result, then starts booing.


We come back, and it's time for the 1-800 COLLECT replay. Heenan's still on the phone as Hudson sets up the footage of Bret Hart calling out Bill Goldberg.
From Thunder, we get Bret hart in full-bore kayfabe mode, and hollering about how Goldberg wrecked his career, he's the best there is, yadda yadda.
Goldberg comes down to the ring, as Hart asks him if he's come to finish the job? Footage within footage shows last December's Nitro, and Hart eating a big-ol' Goldberg superkick.
Goldberg's got some remorse, but not if hart keeps whining about it all the time.
"You ended the greatest history wrestler in the career, everything, you ended it!"

Where's the Dyslexia Foundation when you need 'em?

"Bret, I ended your career because I came out here and I did my damn job!"
Goldberg then shoves Hart away in disgust.
Hart's right back in Goldberg's face, hollering about if Goldberg lays a finger on him he'll get sued for everything he's...


Goldberg's got Hart by the side of the neck and shoves him into a corner. This, of course, is merely Mr. Hart's way of setting up Goldberg for a lead pipe waffle from Scott Steiner. "Steiner Recliner" is applied, as Hart continues shouting abuse in Goldberg's face.

Back to the studio, where Hudson expounds on Hart's bull-sized taste for revenge against Bill Goldberg.
Heenan can't speak for how Hart is feeling, what his physical shape is, or why he feels the way he does. Many fans think that Hart should take the injuries because they are part of the job, and not whine about it. "I don't have his neck injury. I can't feel his pain."

"Remember this, Bret,
(switches to Tom hanks' voice)

"There's no crying in wrestling!
Are you crying?
Are you sniffling?
There's no crying in wrestling.!"
"Bret, there's no crying..."

Hudson's mentally figuring out how big the damages from the "A League of Their Own" lawsuit are going to be.

" Roller Derby, either!"
"Are you sure there's no crying in Roller Derby?" asks Hudson.
"Yep, I'm sure, " says Heenan smugly.
"Man, I miss that show, " says Hudson, who then shills for the "Fall Brawl" PPV some more.

As the closing credits roll, Heenan asks Hudson:
"Are you crying?"
"I'm not crying, are YOU crying?" responds Hudson.

See you next week.

E.C. Ostermeyer
[slash] wrestling

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Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission