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/7 October 2000

WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer




Well, I'm back. Didja miss me?

This is the WCW Worldwide report for 7 October 2000, and I'm your recapper, ol' E.C. himself.

Coming to you live on tape from about two weeks ago, your hosts are Scott Hudson and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.
Bobby makes the "okay" sign, and we fans hope you're feelin' better, too, Miz Heenan.

Hey folks, have you all noticed that Scott Hudson is fast becoming the best announcer out of the whole WCW stable?
I think it has something to do with his weekly sessions with Mr. Heenan.
Witness Hudson's hilarious crack on last week's Nitro:

"I didn't know Kimberley had an action figure!"

That's DEFINITELY the Heenan touch there.

Tonight's topic is the return of Lex Luger to WCW.
Oh yes, this is going to be a l-o-o-o-n-g show, all right.

Heenan opines that "Luger is a very strange man, and a very mysterious man."
Mysterious? No.
Strange? You betcha!

Over to Mike Tenay and Tony Schiavone at ringside.
Schiavone looks like he's been hitting the sauce, and gives a "Queen Elizabeth II" wave to the fans at home that looks REALLY disturbing!

Tonight we'll see Chuck Palumbo take on Lt. Loco, and Mike Awesome will squash some poor soul.

Speaking of which, "Mean Gene" Okerlund has Mike Awesome for the mic-in-the-bazoo interview segment. Awesome says that, as regards chicks, guys should never take "NO!" for an answer. Once you get past that hurdle, everything else falls into place. Oh, and polyester is a big turn-on for chicks, too.

Back in the studio, Hudson recaps the tale of Uniondale, NY, and Vince Russo's Title match against Booker T.
Heenan says that, since childhood, Russo has had the desire to be the WCW World Heavyweight Champion. And, even better, to become the Champ in his own home town. To accomplish that dual goal, Vince Russo, the man who's capable of anything, would really do ANYTHING to win.
Footage from Nitro in Uniondale from two weeks back shows the conclusion of Russo's steel cage match with Booker T.
Lex Luger slips Russo a lead pipe while Booker T is arguing with the referee. Russo thereupon wallops Booker T with the pipe. EMT's enter the cage to attend to Booker T.
Whoops, that's no EMT! That's Ric Flair, in a rare cameo appearance. Flair grabs Russo by the side of the neck, and cold-cocks him right on the chin. Time for some stylin' and profilin', oh yeah!
Jeremy Borash and Mark Madden try to out-outrage each other at this sudden turn of events. Borash wins when Madden's outrage swells up and busts all over the announcer's table.
Flair "makes a wish"...
...and stomps Russo right in the in-seam area.
Hope Vince wore a cup!
Figure Four leg-lock time, as only the master can apply it.
Booker T recovers and Ric Flair hands him a (rather squooshy!) Vince Russo. Harlem Side-kick to the face.
And here comes Goldberg, for what reason I do not know, other than to stick his oar into yet another story arc.
He and Booker T confer briefly, and then as Goldberg gets a piece of Russo, Booker T heads for the cage exit...
...only to get it slammed in his face by Scott Steiner. Undeterred, Booker T nails the cage door with a leaping front kick. The cage door nails Steiner right in the head. Steiner sells the move like he just had his face blown off with a bazooka. Goldberg scoopslams Russo through the side of the cage just as Booker T steps through the cage door.
Mark Madden squeals "Who won?! Who won?!"

Heenan says that the right thinking fans of Vince Russo will say the truth, that it was their hero who exited the cage first. And then there are the wrong-headed fans of Booker T who will lie and say that it was Booker T who stepped through the cage door in the nick of time, to retain the Title.
"Have you been interviewed; have you been deposed, as it were," asks Hudson?
"No, I have a nice home," responds Heenan with a cherubic grin on his face.
Hudson, confused, is looking around for the source of that last answer.


WCW Magazine promo.
"The Ladies Man" promo. Worth a look in my book.
"Meet the Parents" promo. Robert De Niro ROCKS!
Imagine falling for a lovely young lady who calls De Niro "Daddy." Yikes!
Local commercial block.
Rednecks in La-Z-Boys again.
Jeez, this furniture they're selling would make a Mafia wife wince!
"M*A*S*H" reruns promo. They are running all the episodes with McLean Stevenson in them. Back when the show was funny, before it got all "preachy" and "politically correct."
The NEW "Family Feud" with host Louie Anderson. Somebody get me a pistol!

Back to the studio, where Hudson questions the motives of Lex Luger. Just a while ago, Luger was hitting the skids, having been tossed out of WCW, (and good riddance to bad rubbish, I'm sayin'!). "Now he shows up in Uniondale, and slips Russo a lead pipe thru the cage. What's his motivation, Brain?"
"Don't ask me, you should be asking the man himself, Lex Luger, that question! Russo's very cunning and a sharp businessman. What he and Luger have cooked up between them, who can say? Only the two of them would know!"
Hudson: "Two nights later, we saw Lex Luger in action on Thunder."
Heenan picks up the phone.
"I'm gonna call Luger right now!" (starts dialing.)
"Luger? Is he accepting your calls again?"
Heenan, still dialing, gives Hudson a dirty look.

Footage from Thunder, wherein Jeff Jarrett calls out Luger from ringside.
"Weren't you sittin' at home the past few months, collecting a nice, big, fat paycheck, until you decided to jump on Russo's bandwagon?"
Luger just stands there, grinning sheepishly.
The fans, unbelievably, are actually CHEERING Luger, the big lummox!
Jarrett continues.
"Hey Pam!" (Pamela Paulshock.) "Give him a microphone. I want to hear what the peanut gallery has got to say!"
Luger climbs into the ring, and proceeds to whine and moan about being stuck at home because of the likes of Jarrett and Russo. And after thinking about what went down on Nitro, and how it left a bad taste in his mouth, Luger has had second thoughts about helping Russo out. This brings out General Rection of the MIA's who forgives Luger, saying he knows what it's like to fight for your job, and that Luger doesn't owe Jarrett any explanation at all. Which brings out Lance Storm of Team Canada to blindside Rection, as Jarrett pastes Luger one with an "El-Kabong" shot to the noggin. This sets up a match between Jarrett/Storm and Luger/Rection where, you guessed it, Luger swerves on Rection, surprise, surprise!
Luger tries to hoist Rection up into the Torture Rack, but can't finish the move, and it looked to me like he hurt himself in the attempt. Storm locks on the Maple Leaf and gets the submission.

Hudson says that General Rection, trusting soul that he is, believed a man who has made a career out of turning on his friends.
"Sap!" snorts Heenan.
"What do you mean, 'Sap'" asks Hudson?
"If you know that your partner has made a career out of back-stabbing his friends, why would you get into the ring with him in the first place? Luger's made more turns than a revolving door. He had to hire a guy to call his dog because his dog doesn't believe him any more. Rection, you got what you deserve!"


We come back to Hudson discussing the incidents leading up to the recent WCW World Tag-team title tournament, and the possible outcomes of that tournament.
"Russo had something to do with writing Kronik out of the Tag tourney," says Heenan, "He's protecting someone. And if he's protecting someone, he doesn't want him climbing into the ring to face the biggest, baddest, meanest tag team in pro-wrestling."
Footage from Nitro shows "Above Average" Mike Sanders breaking the bad news to Kronik, who are, understandably, mightily p.o.-ed at this turn of events.
To the ring, where the Battle Royal for the tag titles is underway. Kronik storms the ring, and toss a few of the other, smaller contestants out of the ring before getting Maced by Security, and dragged off to "Time Out."
Meantime, Jindrak & O'Haire stomp Rey-Rey and Juvi into a moist spot and a memory to win the tag titles.
Heenan says that Kronik's action bespeaks a crafty ulterior motive on their part. "They are becoming like Vince Russo, craftily playing their game of cat and mouse. And whoever's the biggest cat, eats the most mice."
Hudson, not getting the analogy right off, looks somewhat ill at the thought.
"Eeugh! I'll pass on that, if you don't mind."
"Ever eaten at the Commissary," asks Heenan?
"Ooog, good point," says hudson.


It's time for "Ask WCW", and our question this week comes from Brent McMillan of Winchester, VA, who asks General Rection "Who is the toughest member of the Misfits In Action?"
Heenan considers the question, ummm, a bit lacking in content.

Over to General Rection, who says that, up until a little while ago, he had Major Gunns at his side. Now, he's got Sgt. AWOL. And if THAT doesn't toughen you up, nothing will!"
Errr, yeah, I guess.

Hudson: "Brain, who's the toughest member of the Misfits In Action?"
"Without a doubt, it's Major Gunns, and here's why. Major Gunns walks into a bar. Cpl. "Cuckoo" walks into a bar. Who's gonna have the most trouble making the other guys in the bar keep their hands off?"
"Major Gunns, no question," says Hudson.
"Toughest one in the bunch!" concludes Heenan smugly.
"That's a pretty good theory," admits Hudson.
"That's why I'm the Brain! You think I just GAVE myself this nickname one Saturday?" snorts Heenan as he picks up the phone and starts dialing again.
"Who you calling this time?
"Luger, I'm putting myself back on hold for his call."
Hudson gives Heenan "The Look."

And here we go with this week's in-ring action.

Match #1: Mike Awesome d. Steve Sharpe, (running Awesome Bomb thru table/pin, 4:05)

The match opens with Awesome carrying a table to the ring, then doing a pose-down as he removes his polyester 70's shirt. Sharpe gets in a sneaky wallop to the back of Awesome's head.
Crowd starts up a LOUD "ECW! ECW! ECW!" chant.
No comment from Tenay and Schiavone, although Awesome's grinning like a possum.
Headbutt by Sharpe rocks Awesome back into the near corner. Chop, (Whooo!) and a Big Right Hand by Sharpe, who then rakes Awesome's face along the top rope for some good old rope burn. Cross-corner whip by Sharpe, but Awesome climbs the turnbuckle stack and then nails Sharpe with a reverse flying elbow. Body blow to Sharpe's back. Scoopslam followed by a stomp to Sharpe's chest. Giant splash by Awesome, and a cover, but only a two count. Missed cross-ring whip by Awesome, as Sharpe dodges a Big Boot. A rebounding elbow by Sharpe gets ducked by Awesome, who then tries a clothesline, only to have it countered by Sharpe doing a fireman's carry. Sharpe then converts, and nails Awesome with a Samoan Drop. Awesome rolls out of the ring to regroup. Sharpe plays up the crowd, then nails Awesome with a well-executed pescado over the top rope to the floor. Sharpe bounces Awesome's head off the ring apron, then rolls him back into the ring. Sharpe with a big right to Awesome's jaw. Awesome's had enough, hits a power surge, and gorilla slams Sharpe across the top turnbuckle. Boot to the gut bounces Sharpe up and down on the turnbuckle. A second Awesome Boot sends Sharpe flying onto the canvas. Sharpe rolls outside the ring, only to get hit with a huge running Awesome plancha that jams Sharpe into the steel guardrail real hard. Whoops, looks like Awesome ate some of the guardrail as well. Awesome drags the groggy Sharpe to his feet, and then whips him into the far steel guardrails. Awesome with a steel chair, and Sharpe's short ribs get the full benefit of it's use.
Awesome then tosses the table into the ring, and sets it up as a "leaner" in the near corner. He then drags Sharpe back into the ring, tries to set up for the table shot, but Sharpe counters with a golotta to Awesome's in-seam, and a scoopslam of his own. Sharpe sees the table, and tries for a running powerbomb, only to have Awesome reverse the hold, and send Sharpe through the table instead. Awesome covers Sharpe on the wreckage of the table, and gets the pin and the win.


Match #2: Lt. Loco (w/ Cpl. Cajun) d. Chuck Palumbo (w/ Sean Stasiak), (Victory Roll/pin, 4:47)

Palumbo makes fun of the size disparity between himself and Lt. Loco. Loco gets in a couple of knife-edge chops on Palumbo to end that little panoply real quick. Palumbo backs Loco into a corner, and rams him several times with shoulder blocks, hip-checks, and a couple of knee lifts. Palumbo misses with a swung fist, and Loco reverses to get in some knee and elbow shots of his own. Cross-ring whip by Loco gets reversed almost immediately, but Loco's smart enough to avoid a Palumbo gorilla press slam by doing a float-over, and then nailing Palumbo with a leaping double mule kick to the noggin. Leaping cross-body block from Loco, and Palumbo rolls out of the ring. At ringside, Palumbo gets some strategy pointers from Stasiak, as Loco jogs around the ring. Palumbo calls "time-out," but doesn't get any, surprise, surprise. Palumbo's a little slower climbing back into the ring, and good thing too, because Loco promptly unloads a series of elbow shots on Palumbo's noggin. Cross-corner whip by Loco gets reversed, and Palumbo nails Loco with an elbow shot of his own. Two more Big Right Hands from Palumbo, but a third gets ducked by Loco, who promptly boots Palumbo in the gut. As Palumbo straightens up, Loco tries the standing double mule kick again. Palumbo counters by grabbing Loco's ankles, then catapulting him onto, and then OVER the top rope... and into the waiting arms of Sean Stasiak, who promptly starts stomping away. Cpl. Cajun is there to make the save, running Stasiak off. Loco climbs slowly back into the ring, getting a helpful shove from Stasiak in the process. Two punches to the head from Palumbo, and Loco's on the mat again. Loco counters a third with a block and a couple of punches of his own. His springboard cross-body block gets caught in mid-air, and Palumbo hoists him up and into a Samoan Drop. Palumbo jaws with the crowd, then drops a lazy knee on Loco's chest for the pin attempt, with predictable results. A second, proper pin attempt fails as well. Palumbo then hoists Loco up into a vertical suplex, holding the vertical for a l-o-o-o-n-g time before dropping him to the mat. More pose-downs from Palumbo, followed by another half-hearted pin attempt, which goes nowhere as Loco kicks out. Palumbo starts arguing with the referee about the speed of the count. Kick to the gut of Loco by Palumbo, followed by another Right Hand to the gut. Cross-corner whip gets reversed by Loco, but Palumbo scampers up the turnbuckle stack to a float-over of his own, and then boots Loco in the gut on the charge-in. Double underhook belly-to-belly suplex by Palumbo tosses Loco about halfway across the ring. Powerbomb attempt by Palumbo, but Loco wriggles free, then nails Palumbo's noggin with a modified DDT. Rebound off the ropes, and Loco tries for a roll-up, but doesn't get the pin combination to work. Loco climbs the near turnbuckle stack, but Stasiak shoves him off and into the ring. This brings in Cpl. Cajun for revenge, and now we've got all four men in the ring. As Cajun and Stasak are walloping on each other, Palumbo tries a cross-ring whip. Loco reverses the whip, and Palumbo hits Stasiak squarely amidships, knocking him off the ring apron. Cajun shoves Palumbo off-balance, and Loco takes advantage by rolling Palumbo up in a Victory Roll that gets the three count and the win.

Castrol GTX (Drive HARD!) Replay shows the finish of the match.


Back to the studio, where Hudson and Heenan are back to the topic at hand, namely, who's the WCW World heavyweight Champion, Vince Russo, or Booker T?
Heenan says that there are a lot of fans on both sides who want their hero to be the champion. "Right now, officials at WCW are looking at the tapes, taking depositions, asking questions, and so forth. I think that Russo got out first. That's my subjective viewpoint."
"Oh, that's subjective all right, backing the boss and all!" snorts Hudson.
We are three weeks away from Halloween Havoc, and more importantly, the big office Halloween party that WCW throws every year.

"Wow, I love that office Halloween party!" says Heenan. "Great costumes. What are you gonna be?"
"Well, I ... I'll tell you next week," says Hudson.
"Have you bought your costume yet?"
"That's Halloween Hav- Brain, I'll tell you next week, all right?"
"Is there gonna be food like last time?"
"Yeah, tuna salad and everythi- Brain, will you just hold onto yourself, please?"
"Wow, I LOVE that tuna salad, especially on the crusty bread like they had last Labor Day..."

Hudson sighs, having given up on shilling for the Halloween Havoc PPV.

Man, there's NOTHING like learning from the Master, is there?

See you next week.

E.C. Ostermeyer
[slash] wrestling

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Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission