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/9 December 2000

WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer




This is the WCW Worldwide report for Saturday, 9 December 2000, and I'm your recapper, E.C. Ostermeyer.

Opening Credits.

Terry Taylor sics NORAD on a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
Your hosts are Scott the Hudson and Larry the Zbyszko. Larry is also known as "Wrestling's Only Living Legend."
I'd have thought Dusty Rhode's attorneys would be marching around the Worldwide announcers' table with bullhorns because of this. Guess they're too busy down in Palm Beach County, hah?

Hudson sets up tonight's show, which includes a visit to the photo shoot for WCW Magazine's "Holiday Hotties" photo spread, featuring the considerable, ummm, "talents" of Torrie Wilson, Stacy Keibler, and Midajah, among others.
Also on the program, we get to follow Goldberg around as he signs books, heals the sick, and raises the dead.
Hey, it could be worse.
It could be Lex Luger instead.

We learn that (gasp!) Scott Steiner became the WCW World Heavyweight Champion at the "Mayhem" PPV, and managed to put Booker T in the hospital as a bonus. He then ended Stevie Ray's in-ring career on the following WCW Nitro.
LarryZ says that Steiner's trail to the top is strewn with bodies, including those of Booker T and Sting.

Courtesy of WCW Magazine, we get, not video footage, but a stupid SLIDE SHOW of still shots from the Mayhem PPV that occurred way back on November 26th. WCW must be counting on that big "direct-to-video" marketing push money, huh?

The montage ends with Scott Steiner winning the belt from Booker T.
LarryZ says that, since Scott Steiner has the Title, he's going to do anything in order to keep it.


The Goldberg/Luger feud is the next topic of discussion. Here's a brief synopsis:
Goldberg: good.
Lex Luger: Bad. Real bad. So bad he can cause crops to fail just by walking through a field. Microphone skills are an "opportunity for improvement." Work rate could be described as "glacial", but that would be an insult to glaciers. Aging, but not gracefully. I bet he hurts a LOT!
LarryZ says that Luger's role in this who sad affair is the act of a desperate man, a "Narcissist so involved with himself that, if he's passing a mirror, he stops to check out his percentage of body fat. Luger will not 'go quietly into that good night'. It's gonna take one heckuva spear from Goldberg to do it."

Speaking of Goldberg, we get to follow "Da Man" around as he works his book tour in the Atlanta area. First up (9:15AM) is a shot of several deejays working at WNNX-FM, but Goldberg's not there in the studio with them. He's PHONING IT IN!
We learn that Goldberg puts his charity work before his career, and that he likes the little kids, and considers them to be on his mental level, even though he sometimes scares them. 10:15 AM finds him over at WQXI (AM790) for an in-studio interview. 2:10 PM, and Goldberg's doing a "satellite tour" i.e. an interview via satellite feed. The WCW "Mayhem" PPV logo is prominently displayed. 7:00 PM, and Goldberg's doing a signing at a local bookstore. The kids are just EVERYWHERE, and Bill's obviously having a lot of fun.

Back in the studio, and Hudson's showing off his autographed copy of "I'm Next!"
LarryZ says that it should be worth a lot of money after Goldberg's dead. Hudson, shocked, tells LarryZ not to talk like that.


It's time for "Ask WCW." Today's question s from Sammy Florence from Dupont, PA, who wants to know if Mean Gene Okerlund finds that interviewing wrestlers now is any different than interviewing them was early in his career.
LarryZ says that any IDIOT can do that job, to which Hudson responds, well, here's OUR idiot, Mean Gene, with his answer.

Mr. Okerlund responds that the technique of interviewing a wrestler today is a lot different than when he first started. There's more of an in-your-face attitude that comes across, in that you don't get a lot of respect from today's wrestlers. "But make no mistake about it, it's still loads of fun!"

Hudson and LarryZ disagree over Mean Gene's answer. LarryZ says that things are still about the same, while Hudson says that they're more in-your-face.
Next up is the photo shoot for WCW Magazines "Holiday Hotties" spread.
The aforementioned ladies, suitably attired in skimpy Santa suits, get the Video montage/"Pulp Fiction" treatment this week. Midajah's costume is obviously an experiment on the tensile strength limits of fabric.
Lots of air kisses for the fans at home, then back to the studio.
Hudson's busily fanning himself with the WCW Magazine.
"Wow! THAT was HOT! Can we run that segment for the in-studio guys again?"


Hudson's back along with "The Perfesser", Mike Tenay with this week's "Professor's Pick."

The date: 1997
The place: the sold-out "Mark of the Quad" arena in Moline, IL.
The event: "The Great American Bash."
The match: a tag-team bout for the #1 contender's spot between Harlem Heat and the Steiners to face Kevin Nash & Scott Hall for the WCW Tag-team Titles.

Professor's Pick Harlem Heat (w/ Sherry Martel(?)) d. the Steiners, (interference by the NWO's Vincent/DQ, 6:21)) Number One Contender's match for the WCW World Tag-team Titles.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Dusty Rhodes, and, bless him, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.
Sherry Martel, who is managing Harlem Heat, is in a gold dress so tight she's about to spill out of it.
The match starts with a double stare-down by the parties involved. Dusty Rhodes says, rather prophetically in two cases, that even though this is a tag-team contender's match, each of these four wrestlers wants to be World Heavyweight Champion. Stevie Ray squares off against Scott Steiner, who gets in the first offensive move by scoopslamming Stevie Ray and then pounding him into the ropes while he's down. Heenan says that what martel has to do is to keep Harlem Heat focused on the match. Stevie Ray gets Scott Steiner in a side headlock, but Steiner shrugs it off by shoving Steier Ray into the ropes, then nailing him with an elbow to the face. Steiner with a cross-corner whip and a charge-in, but Stevie Ray elbows him to the mat. Big Right hand levels Scott again, and a cross-ring whip meets a big Stevie Ray boot on the way back, that drops Scott to the mat a second time. Another cross-ring whip, but Scott ducks it and counters with a teeth-rattling powerslam. Save attempt by Booker T gets shortstopped by Rick Steiner, and Harlem heat bails out to regroup.
Stevie Ray climbs back in and motions for Rick Steiner to come get some.
We get a grizzly bear brawl in the ring for the next few moments, with Stevie Ray finally getting the upper hand. Cross-ring whip by Stevie Ray gets reversed, and Rick powerslams him on the rebound. Steive Ray tries for some cheap heat from the crowd, only to get s Scott Steiner elbow in the face.
We fade to later in the match, with Stevie Ray nailing Rick Steiner with a running clothesline then tossing him back in the ring for Booker T to work on some more.
Powerslam by Booker squashes Rick on the canvas. Cover, 1,2, no!
Booker T tags Stevie Ray, who drags Rick to his feet before walloping him with some measured punches. A cross-ring whip by Stevie Ray, and another clothesline sends Rick to the mat. Rick gets leaned throat-first across the top ring rope, and Booker T hot-shots Rick across the throat, sending him crashing to the canvas. Cover by Stevie Ray, 1,2, Rick gets a shoulder up. Stevie Ray goes over and wallops Scott off the ring apron, then returns to the business at hand with Rick. Tag to Booker T, and Harlem Heat nail Rick with a towering double-team "Big Apple" finisher. Cover, 1,2, Rick gets the shoulder up. Back on their feet again, and Booker T tries for an axe-kick only to get caught in mid-air and powerslammed by Rick Steiner.
Now we've got a race to see who tags first. Looks like Rick wins this race, and Scott's a house afire, leveling both Booker T and Stevie Ray with a powerful running clothesline. Scoopslam on both members of Harlem Heat, a boot to Booker T's noggin, and a belly-to-belly suplex to a cover, 1,2, but Steive Ray breaks it up with an axe kick to the back of Scott's head. Rick and Steive Ray brawl on the outside of the ring, as Scott Steiner sets Booker T on the top turnbuckle, then nails him with the "FrankenSteiner" finisher. Whoops, in comes Vincent from the NWO to break up the pinfall with an elbow drop on Booker T. Scott Steiner's beside himself because of this, but Harlem Heat are the #1 contenders because of an interference DQ by Vincent.

Back to the studio, where Tenay says that next week, we'll have the match that the fans over at WCWdotcom chose for the Professor's Pick.


Scott Steiner's defense of the WCW World Heavyweight Title.
LarryZ says that it's hard to argue the fact that Scott Steiner says what he really is.
Footage from Nitro shows Steiner squashing Stevie Ray, and ending his in-ring career. Post-match, the lights go out and here comes Sid Vicious. In so many words, he challenges Scott Steiner for the Title that Vince Russo (remember him?) stripped from him way back in April.

Back to the studio, where LarryZ calls Sid a "monolith of a man" , and Scott Hudson says that this sets the stage for next Sunday at the Starrcade PPV, which Hudson shills for a bit.

Next up, something called "Reel Time Wrestling."

God help us!


WCW Magazine presents "Reel Time Wrestling", "a very interesting way to watch wrestling," according to LarryZ.
From "Bash at the Beach 2000," we get Jeff Jarrett v. Booker T for the WCW World Heavyweight Title.

What follows is a quick-cut video montage of the match, jazzed up with rock music and sound effects, and sprinkled liberally with a whole bunch of on-screen factoids encased in those "Pop-Up Video" balloons!
We learn that:
Booker T's hometown is Houston, TX (then shouldn't it be Houston Heat?)
Booker T likes video games, especially football.
The crowd is shown "raising da roof", (i.e. "to get down, to get up, to have a great time" according to New York University.)
Jeff Jarrett's hometown is Nashville, TN, and he is the self-proclaimed "Chosen One." Jarrett is a second-generation wrestler, his father Jerry Jarrett being active in the sport from 1967 to 1979. Jeff was literally born into the business. Pic of baby with Jarrett's head superimposed on it is shown. Cute.
We get two answers: "Wesley Snipes" and "Kevin Bacon." The appropriate question is: "If a movie was made of your life, who would you want to play you?"
"Cartoon balloon-it is" takes over, with an "I'm gonna git you, sucka!" and a responding "Not so fast, Slappy!"
We get a definition of "slappy", derived from "slap-nut" (n)- Someone who 1) flaps their gums together. 2) talks about everything, but knows nothing.

We learn that Booker T is a career fan favorite, and that Jeff Jarrett was voted "1999's Most Hated Wrestler" by WCW Magazine.

Booker T's signature move is the "Harlem Sidekick," and that, upon retirement, Booker T plans to become a motivational speaker.
Jeff Jarrett is shown walloping Booker T with a "REAL steel chair", "NOT aluminum" and advises us fans: "Don't try this at home!" "SLAPNUTS."
We get to see the three "Sharply Dressed Announcers," (guess who?) sitting behind a "Real Desk" that is "Not Particle Board" that Jarrett's about to apply a "Piledriver" and drive Booker T's head through. "Ouch!"
Later in the match, Jarrett applies a "Sleeper Hold", AKA "Good Night Irene," AKA "Weaver Lock." Wrestlers known to use the sleeper are "Dusty Rhodes," "Roddy Piper," and "Curt Henning."
After escaping from a small package pin attempt by Booker T, Jarrett locks on a "Figure Four," a "Feared Submission Hold," made famous by "The Nature Boy - Ric Flair, 'Whoooo!'"
The end of the match is shown, with Booker T nailing Jarrett with a "Scissor kick, AKA 'Axe kick', another Booker T signature move."
Booker T then does a "Spinneroonie,", AKA "The Windmill" a "perfected celebration inspired by booker's breakdancing days."
We learn that the WCW World Heavyweight Championship Title "Belt" is worth "$10,000," and that replica belts are sold in arenas for $150.
Near pinfall for Booker T, segues into later in the match where Jeff Jarrett grabs the "Same Steel Chair," only to have his own head rammed into it with a "CRUNCH!"
Later Jarrett nails the referee with "The Stroke", AKA a "Front Russian Legsweep." Kick in the jimmies to Booker T, and then grabs for his guitar, "Another Jarrett Signature," one of which "Jeff has smashed over 750 guitars in his 14 year career. "At $350 per guitar, that's $263000 so far!!!"
Booker T blocks the guitar shot, and slams Jarrett to the mat with his "Book End" finisher. 1,2,3 and Booker T is the new WCW World Heavyweight Champ. "Booker T has held 17 Championship Titles in WCW, 10 Tag team Titles, & 6 Singles Titles." "This was his VERY FIRST World Heavyweight Title."
"Jeff Jarrett has wrestled with many prestigious groups during his career with WCW... The Four Horsemen, the NWO, and the New Bloods. The "Chosen One" continues to be a favorite "bad guy" among the fans and contends that he is still the one "with all the stroke."
"Booker T arrived that night unaware that he was wrestling for the World Heavyweight Title. He rose to the occasion, and became "The Champ." His popularity continues to skyrocket. He wrestles for his family, for himself, and most importantly, for the fans. Booker T insists that he will always "entertain at the highest level each and every time." After all, it's for the people."

Back in the studio, Hudson says that Booker T's Title reign ended at Mayhem, and that the current Champ, Scott Steiner, has to defend his Title at Starrcade against Sid Vicious.
LarryZ says that "Scott Steiner is going to be more vicious than ever, holding onto the prize that everybody else wants. Sid Vicious is embittered, and is on a quest to take back the Championship blet that was stripped from him by Vince Russo last April. He didn't get beat for it, so he's got a right to it. This match is going to be... explosive."

Hudson shills the Goldberg/Luger match at Starrcade one more time, and we are done.

Closing credits.

I'm, interested in how many of you liked the "Reel Time Wrestling" segment. I myself am kind of iffy about it, but I'd like to hear your opinions.
Drop me a line, please, and let me know, won't you?

See you next week.

E.C. Ostermeyer
[slash] wrestling

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Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission