|Guest columnist: Mike Mousseau
Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of WCW Worldwide! I'm fresh off
a great week, and I'm rrrready to wrrrrrite this report!
First things first: Thanks to The Cubs Fan, who was gracious enough to plug my Worldwide report in his Worldwide report for DDT Digest. And regardless of what you hear, this is actually the number #1 site for Worldwide results ;-) But despite his efforts to generate mail for me, he is the only person from whom I've received feedback from one of my reports. But that doesn't mean that no one reads this, right? Right?!?!
This week's big news was that I turned 21 last Monday. I drank in moderation. Madison is a great, fun town if you ask me. Anyway, while drinking with friends at the bar I couldn't decide what to order. That gave me an idea--to have a weekly question in my report. Well, it's not an original idea, but I have the creativity of an ant. The questions may or may not be wrestling related, but the results (if I get any) will appear the following week right here with my WCW Worldwide report! Are you as excited as I am? This week's question: What is your favorite mixed drink?
On to the show!
We open with Scott Hudson and Larry Zbyszko in the studio. Good to see Hudson back after the attack by Rick Steiner this week ;-). They ramble about the Nash/Hogan feud. Let's go back to 26.7.99 Nitro, where Hogan had a beard, and he called Nash Kevina. Sid, Steiner and Nash beat Hogan up, and Sting saves. I like Sting, but his character must have a brain the size of a pea. Hogan: give me one chance! Sting: OK! Later, they had a tag match, Jason Hervey announced, and I FFWD'ed.
Back to the studio for a little hyping of Road Wild, and now let's go to "Mean" Gene with Sonny Onoo and The Cat. I hate this man, so I will only tell you he will "wrestle" Buff Bagwell at Road Wild.
WCW Worldwide is brought to YOU by Snickers (why wait?), Universal Soldier: The Return, WWF Smackdown (Ha!), Carsoup.com and WWF Attitude by Acclaim Sports, for Sony Playstation.
The duo hype Rodman v. Savage at Road Wild. Larry gets the quote of the week, referring to Rodman: "Like a worm in a lake, waiting for a largemouth bass to come swimming by." Ya see, any reference to fishing is good in my book. Hudson says Savage fired Madusa and Miss Madness. Let's go back to Nitro, where Mona Madness acts poorly, and Madusa may be on drugs. In other news, Savage rambles in an interview, Madusa and Mona confront him, Rodman kidnaps Gorgeous George, rapes her, and lets her go. Then, Savage swears a lot and finds the Worm in his trailer! Wow! If I were you, I'd pick up the phone right now and order the PPV! Of course, I'd be spending your money, so who cares. Let's go back to the studio. Ok, Hudson just implied rape right there by saying Rodman may have laid more than just his hands on George. So there.
Buy Rey-Rey's baseball jersey for "only" $60. Then order Road Wild. I just noticed they have a cheap imitation of "Born to be Wild" in the background of the PPV promo. When you call someone collect you should use 1-800-CALL-ATT, 'cuz David Arquette says so, and he's married to Courtney Cox, so he must be doing something right, and I like run-on sentences, and you should too and then read Incoherent Ramblings by JELVIS at this very site for a laugh and come back here to read the rest of my report. Use Castrol GTX oil (drive hard). Try Jovan Bodytonics, because they are like sports drinks for your skin. When your fake ID won't pass, eat Starbursts hard candy (give it some juice). Watch Minnesota 9 News at 10:00. For legal help, hire Curtis Walker (he's here to help). Apply to NEI College of Technology. Whew! Lot's of commercials! And, snap into a Slim Jim, drink Naya water, use America Online, stay at Motel 6, eat Toaster Breaks Pizza, and use Tinactin for athlete's foot. Jeez, I might not do all these commercials any more.
In the studio, our topic of discussion is the heat between Ric Flair and Shane Douglas. Let's go back to Nitro, where Douglas gave an interview, but didn't look into the camera. Douglas keeps saying that Malenko, Saturn and Benoit are guys he can trust, and that makes me wish that they will turn on him and side with Flair if/when we get to that point in the angle. Skip ahead to "Big" David Flair beating Benoit to retain his US Heavyweight belt, and the ensuing brawl between the Revolution and the Triad. In the studio, Hudson talks about Flair still abusing his seniority because people like DDP owe him favors. Then he says that all could change at Road Wild, because Hogan faces Nash for the World Title. What the fuck?! Also, Goldberg will face Rick Steiner, but he apparently doesn't want to be the TV champion. Other matches are The Cat against Buff, Rodman v. Savage and Madusa v. Miss Madness. I guess the ladies match was canceled after this taping. Larry: "The whole card is great, from top to bottom." Yeah. Also, Sting takes on Sid Vicious. No mention of Harlem Heat. I have a sneaking suspicion we'll hear about that next week.
More commercials. 10-10-321, Motel 6, Starburst, Wendy's (my favorite fast food), Minnesota 9 and Pokemon Snap for N64 are featured. Closed captioning where available sponsored by Meineke Muffler Shop, 'cuz after years of working on cars with bad mufflers, they know what it's like to have poor hearing. Let's watch a promo for Hogan/Nash. Or just FFWD. Hey, we get to see a match now!
Match #1: The Gambler v. Disciple - Ha! Introducing Disciple Huson says, "It's Dizzy Brutus Boulder. The Beefcake Zodiac Booty Butcher Barber Disciple, the Man With No Name, the Amazing Leslie, the Disciple." He and Mike Tenay are your announcers. Referee is Mickey J. Bad crossbody block by Disciple for 2. Beefcake suplexes the Gambler into the ring for a one count. I am so enthralled by the match, I miss about a minute of "action" daydreaming. The announcers talk about Hogan and his long-time associates. Here's a high knee by Brother Brutti. The Gambler turns the tide with a thumb to the eye. Punch, two back elbows, then he misses an elbow. Disciple with a kick to the chest, then a stomp to the chest. Oh man. Disciple holds the Gambler for an eternity in the DDT position before he finally "hits" it. Weak. 1,2,3. (2:52)
Road Wild promo, 10-10-321, NAPA auto parts, Jack Van Impe Presents (presents what? his propaganda?), Gold Bond Powder, Repose stress relief formula, WWF Attitude by Acclaim for Sony Playstation and Advil liqui-gels ads are shown. Promotional consideration paid for by the following: David Sunflower seeds, Hot Pockets, Travelodge, Singer Asset Finance and Judge Wapner, and Miracle Whip. Back to the ring for our other main event.
Match #2: Scotty Riggs v. Scott Putski - No entrance for Putski today. The wall says Saturday Night. TV tapings are soooo cool! And fun! Your referee is Nick Patrick, who holds Riggs' mirror for him. The Ambiguously Brotherly Duo is out to watch the match. I guess they are always looking to recruit new "brothers" into their family. Don't they know those lollipops will rot their teeth? Hudson says they are out to see Riggs. Fine. Pushing to start, Riggs with a swing and a miss, Putski with some jabs, and whips the ex-flockster into the corner. Riggs comes out, and Putski hits a hiptoss. Or, as Hudson says, a one-arm biel throw. Bodyslam by Putski, and an elbow dropped onto the chest of Riggs gets a two count. Putski applies the Polish side headlock, 'cuz he's Polish. To the ropes, a shoulderblock sends Riggs down, and now Riggs is up and hits his only good move, a dropkick. That'll take ya right to the top, Scotty. Lenny and Lodi celebrate in the background. Putski hits a belly-to-belly over the top suplex. Kick, punch, kick, but Riggs gets the advantage. Here's the Rude Hip Swivel. Riggs' awesome dropkick misses. Putski hits a decent snap suplex and then a side slam for two. Riggs' trick knee acts up, and he ends things with the Showstopper (read: Rocker Dropper). I wish that move wasn't a finisher. That's the match. (2:59) We get another Rude Swivel, and Riggs says to the camera, "Buff may be the stuff, but Riggs rules." OK. Our Tinactin replay of the week confirms what we already suspected: This week's matches blew.
Here's Gene with Buff Bagwell. He'll wrestle The Cat at Sturgis, South Dakota next Saturday. Buff is good at rhyming words with his name. Me, I can't think of anything that rhymes with Mousseau. Buff says Sturgis is party-city. He struts and poses as the interview comes to a close.
Commercials: 10-10-321, Gameboy Color, Motel 6, Winterfresh gum, Castrol GTX motor oil, Carsoup.com, Taco Bell and NEI College of Technology.
Hudson and Zbyszko are . . . standing! They hype Nash/Hogan, Rodman/Savage and Road Wild once more to end the show.
Don't forget to mail me your favorite mixed drink! The address is below. Have a grrrreat week!
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