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WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago on Sunday Night Heat, Alex Beckers recapped Albert beating Mark Henry in Albert's home town, Gangrel stealing a victory over Steve Blackman, Kaientai becoming three words and beating the Headbangers, the Acolytes winning a three way by beating the Dudleys (with E&C involved) and various superstars giving their thoughts on the next night's wedding.  

In case you haven't heard, the WWF won last week. (1:50)


Hey, we're live from the arena again. Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz and I don't think we're going to see them.

Lita vs Miss Jacqueline - Cole notes the musical rotation chair next to him, and Tazz explains that Al was (only?) out here last week because no one was sure of his status. Now, we're told, Tazz has been resigned by Vince as a wrestler and the Heat commentator (which probably works out well with Al disappearing to do Tough Enough.) Circle. Lockup, Lita with a fireman's carry. Miss Jackie is impressed. Lita chant. Circle, lockup, Lita slam. Circle again. Lockup, longer this time, Miss Jackie forces Lita in the corner, clean break no Miss Jackie with the forearm cheap shot. Miss Jackie proclaims innocence. Lita comes out of the corner with a clothesline, Miss Jackie ducks, forearms, whip, back elbow. Cover, One two no. Stomping. Cole thinks Lita and Matt may be having problems. Snap suplex. One two no. Miss Jackie with punches into the corner, kicks in the corner. Lita turns it around with her own (never good) punches, and a couple knees. Miss Jackie with a back elbow - obviously, she knows how well it worked for Jeff. Chop. Whip, OH NO Lita just got dropped right on her head with a messed up sidewalk slam. That looked extraordinarily painful. The crowd ooooooohed. Lita's in some real pain - cover by Jackie, one two shoulder up. Lita with punches (worse), reversed, Lita flying headscissors. Clothesline. Clothesline. TORTURE RACK! No. Corner whip, clothesline by Lita. Snap suplex. One two no. Punches to the head by Lita. Whip, I guess that was supposed to be a tilt-a-whirl slam by Lita but it looked more like a spinning headscissors by Miss Jackie. One two no. Lita misses a clothesline, kick wham DDT! One two NO. Miss Jackie's confused because that was her finisher at one point. Tazz thinks Lita is paranoid. Miss Jackie remembers that her finisher is the Tornado (well, second rope Swinging) DDT (or was last time we had a chance to get to it) and sets up for it, but Lita stops her up there and punches - Miss Jackie blocks one and goes for the DDT but Lita pushes her off - kick wham no Miss Jackie pushes her in to the corner before Lita can hit the Twist of Fate. Kick, pulling into a standing headscissors but before she can go for the powerbomb (I guess), Lita escapes and hits a Russian legsweep. Going up - moonsault comes up empty! Miss Jackie Standing spin kick! One two three! (4:22) There's an upset! Lita's holding her head but Miss Jackie doesn't seem to care all that

Oh, now we see our announcers. Paul Heyman is doing Tazz's landscaping now, Tazz jokes. If Tazz was smart, he wouldn't let Paul Heyman know where he lives.

Still to come (they're recycling the font from Superstars, this can't be a good sign), the best bit EVER on RAW (if you're in the men's butts) but up next, Crash vs Spike Dudley.

Crash vs Spike Dudley (w/The Rock)- These guys teamed on Jakked for two weeks but I guess it's all broken down now. The Rock is actually on TV Guide and not participating in this match. Lockup, no Crash points to his wrist band instead. Lockup, Crash goes behind, pushes Spike down and stomps him. One arm raise. Guess he's not a good guy here. Whip, reversed, hiptoss by Spike. Dropkick. 'rana. Forearm. Corner whip, Crash gets an elbow up, then throws Spike hard into the corner. Armbar takedown, elbow to the back of the neck. Wrapping his arm around the ropes - kick. Kicks in the corner. Pulling the arm around the ropes. I should point out it's the left arm. Crash misses a charging forearm and Spike hits one. Corner whip, reversed, Crash charges, flipped to the apron, so he grabs Spike's left arm and drops to the floor, cranking it on the top rope. Spike is in pain so Crash has time to go to the top - standing elbow to the left arm. Cover, one two no. Sitting armbar on the arm. Now a hammerlock, forcing him to the mat. Stomping on the arm. Tazz is taking Kurt Angle's side. Armbar. Whip, clothesline misses, Spike with the diving head to the gut. Sunset flip one two no. Dudley Dog - no, Crash takes him down to a mat into a Fujiwara armbar! Will Spike tap? No. He grabs the ropes. Spike stomps the arm. Tazz does the Woo. Knee to the left shoulder. Armbar and cranking it. Knee into the arm and bending it. Spike kicks Crash away and Crash comes back with a clothesline. Armbar. Now it's a hammerlock. Now Crash is rolling him into a pin, one two no. Armbar. Kicking the left side. Crash is going to be a moment holding this in, so let's turn to Tazz. "I'm still trying to find my testicles after Big Show landed on me." Thank you, Tazz. Whip, hiptoss by Crash no Spike with a swinging neckbreaker. Both down, now both up. Crash misses a clothesline, Spike does not miss with forearms. He doesn't particularly sell that arm, which makes this whole story somewhat sadder. Whip, reversed, charging forearm. Bulldog, but now Spike's feeling that injury, cover one two no. This reminds me - Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a better show then I thought (back when I wasn't actually watching it) but boy that was the nastiest sex scene ever and I don't mean nasty in a good one, more in a disturbingly creepy sort of way, and I'm not sure why it was like that but it really really was and I don't think that's what they were going for which made it all the more - oh, the match. Crash up first but dazed. Working the arm. Slam, no Spike reverses, Dudley Dog. One two three. (6:01) This match was so interesting that I was talking about UPN fair during it. You can tell when this commentary was taped because Cole and Tazz drifted into talk about Tazz being a fan of Nebraska and Cole doesn't think to bring up that game on Friday.

Earlier this week, the APA was playing poker with Mr. T. Mr. T is still wearing his 1-800-Collect shirt, but it appears Faarooq and Bradshaw have acquired his gold chains.

Bradshaw: "Hey man, it's great to meet you. We've been big fans of yours since the A-Team [Faarooq and Mr. T talk about not as loud], since the ToughMan contest, since the Rocky movie!"
[All talk at once but happily.]
Bradshaw: "You're not a bad card player, you know what-."
Mr. T: "I'm not sure about this game, man, I think y'all are ganging up on me."
Faarooq: "Ganging up on you?"
Mr. T: "I trust you, man, because you a brother!"
Faarooq: "To stay together, you've got to hang together! I'll go down with you, man "
Mr. T: "Okay, why am I losing all my gold?"
[Faarooq and Bradshaw pause to check out their accessories, then talk over each to explain]
Mr. T: "I think both of you guys done double up on me. I'll tell you what, I'm just gonna take my chains back, man, because this ain't no fair game, man."
Bradshaw: "Wait, hold up-"
Mr. T: "I'm gonna put this one on, then I want the rest of my gold! I ain't playing! Give me the rest of my gold! [Faarooq tries to talk him down.] C'mon man! C'mon man! I pity the fool! I pity the fool that don't give me the rest of my gold!"
[Bradshaw and Faarooq grab their gold and beer and run off!]
Mr. T: "C'mon! Oh that's the way it is, huh? That's what you guys are gonna do, huh? That's some crap here! Who's in charge here? Where's Vince McMahon?

Tazz: "I guess someone should've warned Mr. T - don't play cards with the A-Team."
Cole: "[slight pause] You mean the APA. He was on the A-Team on television. [Tazz cracks] Anyway-"

Butts butts butts - I remember being forced to see American Pie 2 and noting that while most of the people in the theatre were pleased when girl kissed girl (except for a group of girls right in front of me who seemed to young to get in this movie but I'm not checking IDs), they were very less enthused to see hot guy on guy action. (5:36) Cole: "one of the greatest things I'd ever seen!"

Coming up later, more highlights, but next, Saturn vs Tajiri (w/Torrie.)

Slim Jim Women's Title Defense of Last Thursday

Tajiri (w/Torrie but still no belt) vs Perry Saturn - I count on Tazz for bringing up things like that belt Tajiri may or may not have in his possession (but definitely not with him at ringside) - let's see if he comes thru. Tazz: "Oh, that's gonna draw ratings, if you point out that the guy has no goatee. Who cares?" Hey look, Saturn's locking up with Mike Sparks again - that was funny the first time. No, wait, it wasn't. Now he pushes Sparks into Tajiri so they lockup. Tajiri's looking the wrong way - clothesline. Maybe he's just playing dumb now and Leary was right? Stomping. Whip, clothesline is too high, kick is right on, dude. Headlock by Tajiri, off the ropes, rolling elbow smash. Whip, kick is too high, Saturn with the WOW crossbody for one two no. Next Sunday, they'll actually be at WWFNY. The guest? "WWF Light Heavyweight Champion" X-Pac. One: Ewwww X-Pac with no shirt on. Two: C'mon Tazz, this is your chance. Armbar takedown by Saturn. Armbar. Hammerlock. Elbows by Tajiri, off the ropes, right into a clothesline (I guess.) Whip, Saturn - oh, wait, this is important.

Cole: "Tajiri, of course, is the Crusierweight Champion, but since there's no longer a WCW, he didn't bring the title out to ringside, with him tonight. Perhaps Tajiri's getting the WCW changed to make it WWF Cruiserweight Champion."

Hey TAZZ if COLE is giving me the continuity what do I need YOU for? Saturn has been kinda enough just to forearm in the corner. Torrie on the apron, Saturn over, Torrie off the apron. Saturn charges back towards Tajiri, but Tajiri jumps - Tarantula. It's let go at four. Saturn staggers, tries a clothesline, but Tajiri ducks it and hits his high back kick. Whip, reversed, handspring elbow. One two no. Off the ropes, 'rana no powerbomb by Saturn. Springboard dropkick, one two no. Arrmbreaker, Saturn tries to bring Tajiri over his shoulder by his arm but Tajiri lands on his feet, leg trip. Saturn on his knees - knockout kick. One two three. (3:08) Well, that's not gonna help Saturn. Tajiri is still selling his arm damage that Saturn stopped following up on midway in the match, which is a nice touch. 

JAKKED on MTV continues with a recap of Flair on RAW. (2:35) Cole says Flair is a fourteen time champion - I might have lost track but I thought he was fifteen last time we heard. It's fine either way. Coming up next, APA vs Chuck Gunn

Lugz Austin Beatdown of Smackdown

the APA (w/o gold chains) vs Chuck Palumbo and the one Billy Gunn - one week from tonight, back at WWFNY, two weeks from tonight, back at the PPV. (And then two more WWFNY shows before they go on holiday break, I guess.) Cole, going into the same bit to hype Vengeance as he's done many times already tonight, drops names like "the AWA" and "the NWA" when hyping the first undisputed wrestling champion in the history of professional wrestling, though I'm pretty sure they're just making that up for their own benefit here. It makes for better copy, I guess. Who's gonna start? Tazz: "Speaking of tough, and I never actually said tough, Chuck Palumbo has got to be the toughest guy in the wrestling business today." Chuck and Faarooq to start. "Why?" "Because he wears red, patent leather boots. That takes guts!" Guys in the back hate him about it, but they're pretty scared to talk to him about because he's wearing red boots so he must be tough. Lockup, Faarooq pushes Chuck into the corner. Faarooq with punches. Corner whip, reversed, Faarooq gets a boot up, Faarooq charges out into a powerslam, one two no. Chuck blocks a punch, punch, discuss punch! Armbar. Tag to Gunn. Gunn with a kick to the arm. Armbar, but Faarooq punches free. Slam. Tag to Bradshaw. Forearm, knee, punch, punch, punch, knee, whip, head down too soon so Gunn leapfrogs him, then hits a dropkick when Bradshaw turns around. Cover one two big kickout. Gunn with a corner charge, oddly not using his butt, but (oops) Bradshaw catches him (that's why) and does his Blockbuster suplex. Stomping Gunn out of the ring. Bradshaw distracts while Faarooq whips Gunn into the guardrail. Thrown in and covered, one two no. Pushed into the corner and Faarooq holds Gunn so Bradshaw can punch and kick. Faarooq tagged in. Double whip, double spinebuster. Faarooq with a relaxing cover, one two NO. APA are awful heelish this episode. Faarooq with a clothesline that does not connect, kick wham DDT. Gunn needs a tag. Tag to Bradshaw, Gunn doesn't make it (stomped) and Palumbo gets a free shot (punched.) Palumbo wants in but he's not getting there. Bradshaw with a whip, Gunn ducks the Clothesline From Hell (not a good movie) but Bradshaw hits a big boot anyway. Cover one two well it's broken up and even Cole notices that Gunn's left shoulder wasn't even really down there - maybe the APA paid off Jim Korderas. Faarooq in and kicking. Axhandle to the back. Again. Tazz on Gunn and Palumbo: "If I was a chick, I'd date them." Cole has to think of a reaction and way to get this back. Faarooq keeps doing sit downs on Gunn's back till Gunn has enough time to turn around and Faarooq gets a knee to the groin - Korderas caught looking the wrong way. A punch too. Tazz: "Face full of fist! Uh, Fist full of face, uh..." Tag is needed again - tag to Bradshaw, tag to Palumbo! Clothesline for Bradshaw, whip, back elbow. DDT! Clothesline for Faarooq. Clothesline Bradshaw out. Tazz: "He's cooking - he's cooking with Pam!" Tag to Gunn, Cole is mightily confused by Tazz, Gunn calls for the Fameasser, whip by Palumbo, kick to the gut by Chuck, Gunn off the ropes, right into the spinebuster! JUNGLE KICK! Clothesline from Hell! One more for Gunn but Gunn ducks. Bradshaw screeches to a stop - Fameasser! One two three. (5:47) That'd be an upset, Tazz assures me. See you on RAW.

What up DOC

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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