Two Years Ago, Alex Beckers saw Essa Rios (w/Lita) beat Funaki. Crash retained the Hardcore Title over Mark Henry but that was only because Jack Doan made a fast count so HE could try for the Hardcore title, but a DDT stopped that idea. Despite Stevie Richards dressing like Val Venis (and forgetting to put anything under the towel), they managed to work together enough to beat the Headbangers. Chris Jericho almost made Viscera tap out to the Chris Jericho (in what was rumored to be Viscera's best match ever) but Chyna and Eddie ran in to make sure he'd only win by DQ.  

One Year Ago, Haku beat Raven, the APA beat Dean and Saturn, Eddie used a low blow to stay European Champion over Test in a WM rematch and Spike Dudley not only managed to lose his debut match, but he lost it to Lita. At WWFNY, William Regal answered some questions ("So, as far as I'm concerned, the Rock will NEVER be reinstated") but they ran out of time before it whatever finish we were supposed to get.

Relevant Question (that you probably can't answer so I'm just posing it to make my point): So, if they're worried about not enough people seeing Smackdown, why did they make the show on MTV the RAW one? Either they're not really worried about that or they're exceedingly silly.

Irrelevant Question (I should probably figure out on my own): Why do they call it a REVERSE neckbreaker anyway? I mean, there's swinging and snap and flying snap but not a normal (no that's a jawbreaker and that's a three quarter bulldog) neckbreaker.

TV PG LV Attitude. Open - is still the same wrestler free open. That's easy for both of us!

Fireworks. Hey, that looks like Ric Flair's new RAW stage. And that sounds like the Coach and that's the the nWo Music but I don't think Scott Hall's here to talk...

Scott Hall (w/no one!) vs Crash (yellow) - Raven (your announcers are Coach and Raven) speculates that the rest of the nWo is around someplace, but they don't feel the need to back up Hall against someone of Crash's stature - he's no Kane. The Fink doesn't do Smackdown tapings, I guess, because he's the Heat ring announcer now. Let's look our announcers - then again, let's not. Hey, did Raven run out of comic book shirts or something? "Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I will lend both insight and analysis into the otherwise mundane proceedings." You know, a good thing about having Raven as one half of this pair is I don't need to tell you who said what - and also, he says the show isn't any good so I don't have too. Hall throws the tooth pick, Crash throws the dropkick, dropkick, forearm, kick in the corner, kick, corner whip, reversed, inside cradle one two no. Raven says that the nWo might be underestimating Crash here - I don't think that's possible. Crash off the ropes, slide under the dropkick, pulling into a sunset flip and it works one two no. Right, whip, you know the brand extension is all about opportunity, reversal, clothesline misses, Crash off the ropes, cross body, but it's caught and there's the blockbuster slam. Slaps to the back of the head. Stomp. Stomp. Corner whip, corner clothesline, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Announcers trying to pretend that Crash has a chance - maybe someone should bring up Hall's history of taking small guys not serious enough. Crash tries to kick back but gets a stomp. Abdominal stretch. Grabs the leg and pulls it up! That causes more pressure, Raven explains in anatomy terms. Hall with a - hey, that's an STF! Well, close enough. This must be a bet. Stomp. Crash with an inside cradle one two no. Raven and Coach are talking about the Hardcore Title match - well, Raven doesn't actually want to talk about it. Hall with a clothesline one two no. Discus punch. CHOKESLAM. Do the oh he's covering one two no. Back superplex? We're going through the classics. That's it. Raven knows he's setting up the Edge too. Here we go - Razor's Edge. One Two Three. (3:31) He don't want you to raise hand. Coach talks but he's cut off

Jerry Lawler (! - Did Lillian Garcia have the week off or somethin'?) talks to Jazz - he's still upset about her messing up his wet T-Shirt contest, but he wants to talk about tonight's match - she's putting the Woman's Title on the line against what Lawler considers to be the toughest woman in the WWF, Miss Jackie. Jazz isn't pleased about that statement. "Jackie's the toughest woman in the WWF? I don't think so. See King, Jackie is a small fry - to me, she's nothing but a skank!" "Wait, I know you're not calling Jackie a skank, I know you not - uh oh" "Who you calling a skank, skank?" "I didn't stutter, did I? Now what you gonna do about it?" "I tell you what I'm gonna do about it- "Talk to the hand "oh oh I get this, I get this King - she's jealous." "Jealous?" "She wants some of this [the belt]." "Give me a break-" and Jazz brains her with the belt. Jackie is quickly up, swearing and pushing and it all kinda breaks down from there. Refs in to break it up and - Jackie gets bleeped again. This is a match later tonight!

Lugz Eddie Guerrero returns of Monday

Tommy Dreamer vs Shawn Stasiak - Raven's totally on Eddie's side in that one - Eddie "perfected and invented the Frog Splash and Rob Van Dam ripped him off." Oh god NO I'm enacting a No Shawn Stasiak play by play rule as of NOW. Not that Tommy is any great shakes. Raven's a card caring member of MENSA, he claims. He's also a big fan of Tommy Dreamer's skill and heart. Your ref is Nick Patrick. Here's an ECW chant. Coach does his Dick Vitale. Hey Tommy why didn't you just do your DDT there? Oh, he's losing this match. "Will Hogan be sporting the Red and Yellow?" "I expect so." "Oh good lord." I'm with him. Raven picks Triple H. Stasiak has his name on his tights in case he forgets it. Stasiak is apparently working on the ribs. Raven says Dreamer has more heart in the WWF. Stasiak is using the ropes in his abdominal stretch. Gutbuster! It's like he's got a plan of some sort. Is Shawn's gimmick still that he's a klutz and loses because of it? Dreamer's only using the right side of his body. Don't go up Dreamer. I guess maybe he thought if Bubba could hit one he could too. "Stasiak setting him up for the Slop Drop" "Slop Drop?", hmm, but Dreamer fights out of it, DDT by Dreamer one two no. Coach launches into a speech about kids not trying the DDT at home because it's a very dangerous move. There's the short powerbomb one two no. I think Dreamer's run out of finishers. Yea right piledriver, I don't think so. Oh right, the Death Valley Driver, but Stasiak reverses into the Slop Drop for one two three. (6:29) Next, a recap of RAW.

SCSteve Austin/Disturbed video (:26) Raven and Coach talk about Austin's decision.

You know, one of the benefits I didn't consider about Heat is that I don't have to see the same video packages twice. Still don't care but it's nice. (8:40)

Earlier tonight, an interview and a fight. Raven says that Jazz should've knocked out Miss Jackie if she was gonna hit her with the belt 

Jazz (w/ads) vs Miss Jackie - Champion comes out first because she appears on both shows. Jazz charges Jackie, clothesline misses, kick doesn't, forearm, forearm, whip, clothesline is slid under, Jackie with a right, dropkick. Jazz rolls out to take a breather. Announcers are discussing Molly's actions. Jazz back in, clothesline misses and there's an inside cradle one two no. Raven figures that Molly was just pretending to be nice and sweet previously. Jazz clothesline. Double chicken wing lift - and drop. Off the ropes, legdrop. One two no. Stomp, stomp, double underhook take your time then suplex. Wiping the hands. Talking trash. Double underhook suplex. One two no. Right. Forearm, forearm, snap mare. Chinlock. Raven complains about the Tough Enough 2 kids which shows another one of other flaws of this set up - no one involved with Tough Enough 2 will ever be on this MTV show - they're all in the Smackdown group. Jackie with a forearm, chop, corner whip, reversed, charge in but no one's home, Jackie with a release German Suplex! Standing spin kick one two NO! Chop. Whip, no Jazz grabs the ropes and now she's out of the ring. She's taking her belt and going home! Jackie doesn't like that idea and brings her back in - right, right, right, turnbuckle. Jazz is stunned but picks up her belt to swing - it's taken away by Chad Patten, and Jazz looks the wrong way - flying cross body! But Chad's too busy putting the belt away to count! Now one two NO. Boos. Clothesline by Jazz but ducks under, reverse roll up but Jazz rolls through and pulls the tights one two three. (3:50) Jackie is angry about how that went down - Jazz wastes no time getting out of there.

Castrol GTX Brock sighting of Monday

Tough Enough 2 Highlights. (1:57) Raven is unimpressed by the majority of the kids - though there are one or two he respects. Big Show vs Goldust.

Scorpion King stuff they've shown 13 times already. I hear the Rock stands alone. (:55)

Goldust (w/Backlash hype) vs the Big Show - you know, the bottom of this roster isn't anywhere near as fun as the bottom of the other roster. Goldust's entrance reminds me that Mike compared the new stage front it to the Ford Logo on Monday. Raven: "I like the rather freaky, ambiguous Goldust." Raven mentions his "legendary" match against Rhyno at last year's Backlash. How's the Undertaker going to take being taken out of the Backlash main event? Goldust attacks before the bell, that's an idea. Not a good one - he's quickly thrown into the post. The match goes about :25 before it gets in the ring - Goldust crotches Show as he comes in over the top rope. Kick, right, right, kick, kick, right, eye rake. Kick. Right. Corner whip, no Goldust is gonna get thrown in the corner. They're pushing "Ric Flair couldn't have been happy with what Steve Austin did on Monday - how will he respond tomorrow?" Biel. Coach and Raven agree that Flair may have made some poor drafting decisions. Charge into Goldust's boot. Charge, but no one's home. Goldust jumps on Show's back with a sleeper - Show wanders around but not to the ropes. He's taking forever to run out of air. But now to a knee. One arm. Two arm. Three - wait no. Sidewalk slam. Headbutt. Corner whip, corner clothesline. Pulling down the straps - choke...keeping him up for a while...slam! One two three. (1:59) Geoffrey seems to approve. Here's a replay - it's still a chokeslam. UNDERTAKER! AUSTIN! RAW! MONDAY NIGHT! LATER!