You are here

WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago, Marc Taylor watched Gangrel beat Sean Stasiak, thanks to the New Brood, Stevie Richards (with Dude Love's gimmick) lose to Albert (with Droz's gimmick - okay, just his hat), the Dudleys somehow manage to 3D Viscera and the quater-annual Papi Chulo/TAKA Michinoku match, Papi winning with his ugly Shooting Star Press. TAKA might have come up with the "slap, dropkick in the face" spot there.

One Year Ago, I saw the unlikely pair of Just Joe and Gangrel lose to the Dudleyz (the post match beat down on Joe being only half as long as the match), Too Cool beat Essa and Funaki and groove to their new music and Albert show his occasional fondness for body part selling while getting some (forgotten) revenge on Crash. Also, I liked the underline HTML tag a lot.

TV 14 LDV WWF Attitude Open - K-Kwik is out of the open, RVD is in his place.  

Mike Awesome & Chuck Palumbo vs APA - This first team doesn't come out together because this show is all about time to kill, I guess. Palumbo comes out second (adjust your ladders) and Fink pronounces his name sarcastically for some reason. Chris and Coach are your annoying drones. Listen to Coach stumble over a dumb: "Who would ever thought that William Regal, that turncoat commissioner, would ever turn himself to the Alliance? To Shane McMahon and Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley?" Faarooq and Palumbo to start. Here's an APA chant for you. Are they going to lock up? Yes. Chuck wins it, into the corner, break, Palumbo's a little slow on going for the cheap shot so Faarooq easily ducks it and gets to his own right hands. Here's some boots. More punches. Corner whip, no reversed into a belly to belly suplex (actually didn't look like a toss this time) cover one two kickout. Announcers are talking about this being the most physical match that Awesome and Palumbo have perhaps ever been in. Palumbo with strikes, whip, head down too soon and Faarooq violently pulls him back by his hair. Clothesline. Whip, powerslam one two kickout. pulling him by his hair, tag to Bradshaw, double whip, double spinebuster. Leary was on the edge of his seat for Linda's announcements on Smackdown. Bradshaw with punches, kicks, vertical suplex. Hard kicks to the back. Turnbuckle smash. Rights. Brutal back suplex. Palumbo checks to make sure his head is still there. Stomp. Corner whip, no reversed. Palumbo pauses to check his neck, charge, cross body (in the corner?) well I guess it doesn't matter because Bradshaw was going to catch him anyway. Blockbuster suplex. Kick to the chest. Shot the back. Short clothesline, but Palumbo ducks under, kick to the chest, DDT. If Palumbo makes it to his corner, Awesome might actually get in this match. Why are the Alliance the team making the hot tag anyway? Tag to Awesome and I guess the tag isn't that hot because Awesome just kinda walks over to Bradshaw and punches him and Bradshaw isn't that hurt. Punches and kick, and whip, advertised, and Awesome under a clothesline and hitting a jumping shoulderblock. Splash, one two kickout. Kick, right, corner whip, charge in splash. Trash talk, punches. Whip, head down too soon so Bradshaw punches it. More punches. Big Kick to the head. Awesome reaches for a tag but realizes that he's in the wrong place. DDT by Bradshaw. Cover one two kickout. Tag to Faarooq. Shot to the gut, shot to the head, double whip, double shoulderblock. Cover one t- kickout. Whip, clothesline misses, Awesome hits one of his own. Awesome going up but Faarooq already getting to his feet - Awesome with a flying cross body, Faarooq tries to catch him to powerslam him but only the left arm really gets hooked, so Awesome just kinda gets pushed by to the mat, landing back first. Faarooq covers one tow kickout. Close to the ropes anyway. Faarooq with a punch, off the ropes but he's in the wrong neighborhood and Palumbo knees him. DDT by Awesome. Third DDT in this match. Tag to Palumbo. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Slam. Off the ropes, running elbow drop. Again. Cover one two broken up by Bradshaw. Bradshaw kicks Palumbo in the head for good measure, so Palumbo goes after him and Faarooq pushes him away. Palumbo with a slam. That's it. Off the ropes, Faarooq pops up and spine busters him. But it takes it out of Faarooq too and now he needs to make a tag. Everyone down. Tag to Bradshaw, Tag to Awesome. Big Boot for Awesome. Whip, back elbow. bit boot for Palumbo. Swinging neckbreaker on Awesome. Another. Cover One broken up by Palumbo. Faarooq takes Palumbo outside. Awesome with a corner whip for Bradshaw, charge in misses, Awesome off the ropes and there's the Clothesline From Hell. One Two Three. (6:53) No, I'm not making up that time. I guess that explains the opening weirdness - they didn't know what to do with that time.

William Regal turned on the WWF, Stone Cold won the title, Smackdown, etc. (6:11) Graphic. I can't remember the last time the longest match was longer the longest video package. 

DDP Promo (2:10)

Who Betta Than Kanyon vs the one Billy Gunn - This issue here is that while Kanyon has feelings for Lita, Billy Gunn doesn't like Team Extreme - that's why he turned on Matt after losing that European Title match, I think. Kanyon gives double thumbs down to an annoying fan. Leary thinks DDP makes some sense. Let's show this bouncy lady during Gunn's entrance to distract everyone. Even better is that the girl next to her is checking her out too. Gunn has new tights, I think. I really don't pay attention to Billy Gunn's tights. Leary goes nutty hyping the Edge/Christian match, talking about it going back to Biblical times and this turns into a plug for the Kane/Test match. Lockup. Gunn with an armbar. Crank. Wrench. Twist. hammerlock. Kanyon with a leg trop, headlock, Gunn reveres to his own. Up to one knee, up all the way, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, hiptoss blocked and Gunn hits his own. Armdrag into an armbar. Kanyon turns it into a whip, after a pause, and hits a back elbow. Turn to celebrate and by the time he comes back, Gunn's ready for a press slam. Tossed down with one hand, cover one two kickout. Corner whip, Gunn charges but Kanyon gets up a boot, charge out, hiptoss by Gunn is blocked and Kanyon hits a reverse neckbreaker. Pause, cover one two kickout. Mounted punches. Northern Lights Suplex, one two kickout. Whip, reversed, Kanyon gets an elbow up and then decides to go up, but Gunn catches up him quick. Gunn picks Kanyon up on his shoulder and they both fall backwards, electric chair suplex. Both take their time getting up, and Gunn starts punching. Whip, tilt-a-whirl powerslam, one two kickout. Corner whip, Gunn charges in and misses the splash (he really ought to stop trying that), Kanyon goes for I'm Better Than You but Gunn elbows out and turns it into the One and Only. One two KICKOUT! Gunn doesn't believe it. Whip, head down too soon, Kanyon with a Russian Legsweep, float over, one two kickout. Now Kanyon doesn't believe it. Whip, head down too soon, Fameasser. One Two Three. (4:38

The Rock and Y2J have problems. (3:43) Graphic. 

Snickers Tag Team Title Change of Last Monday

Steven Richards vs Albert - Albert is stuck on the treadmill. Coach: "Well, it SUCKED!" That has nothing to do with anything, but I'm supposed to share. Lockup, Albert pushes Steven down. Steven starts to charge Albert but Albert teases a scissors kick and Steven thinks better of it. Clothesline by Albert.  Another one takes Steven out. Albert out. Steven in. Albert up and getting punched. Knee, and Steven is going to suplex Albert into the ring. Obviously, Steven has been hanging out with the Hurricane. Albert with a headbutt, front suplex. In the ring, clothesline. Off the ropes, big splash but no one's home. Steven kicks Albert in the ribs many times. Now punching. I think he's picked his body part. Albert's to his feet, and pushes Steven away. Steven ducks a clothesline and hits a hard shot to those ribs. Albert grabs his stomach - I wonder if he's gonna puke? Steven trash talks, which gets him an elbow. Rights by Albert. Double choke, but Steven with a hard punch to those ribs. Off the ropes, right into the scissors kick. Corner whip, Albert (holding his midsection often) hits his running charge. Albert's had just about enough of this - double choke, Baldo Bomb. One two three. (2:19) You can't say Steven didn't have a strategy. A good strategy, no. It's always special when they show the "Don't Try This At Home" PSA after an Albert match.

Stacker 2 Table Destruction of Last Monday

Hugh Morrus vs Crash - Crash has a new dance. Or pose. Or something. Also, he's drawling a line (with his boot) across the mat and telling Hugh he better not cross it. Hugh promptly crosses it, causing Crash to draw a new line. Hugh steps on the line, so Crash steps on Hugh. Right. Right. Right. Chop. Right. Whip, reversed, fall behind, Crash with a dropkick. Dropkick. Armdrag into an armbar. Crash is proud of himself. Knee. Armbar. Push into the ropes. Whip, Crash with a kick to the head (down too soon), off the ropes, right into the powerslam, one two kickout. Heat Hype includes mentioning that the Rock, Kurt Angle and Steve Austin will show up, and it'll e a "special...tribute show" and I'm worry about what that could mean. Whip, clothesline by Hugh. Off the ropes, elbow drop. One two kickout. Pick up but Crash fights back with punches. Whip, dropkick but Hugh holds the ropes. Off the ropes, legdrop. Cover one two kickout. Kick to the back. Forearm to the back. Forearm to the back. Corner whip, Hugh charges in and gets a boot. Hugh charges in again and gets an elbow. Crash going up, missile dropkick but he's slow to cover one two shoulder up. Right by Hugh is blocked, Crash hits his own, repeat. More, Crash off the ropes with a jumping forearm. Off the ropes, clothesline. Off the ropes for a third time, but Hugh ducks and hit a flapjack. Calling for it - pausing for about ten seconds (camera cut?) Hugh finnaly goes up and Crash is up to crotch him, taking him off the top rope and to the mat. Crash to the second rope and waiting for Hugh to get up - Swinging DDT one two NO! Crash going to the top rope again - cross body but Hugh rolls through one two three. (4:03) I thought the guy with the finisher might win, but then I thought he might use his finisher. 

On Heat: Booker T vs Edge! PPV Rematch: Rhyno vs Tajiri - US Title on the line! It's live, tomorrow night. People you may care about will be there!

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

Email the Author

Comment about this article on the EZBoard



Design copyright © 1999-2001 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright © 2001 by the individual author and used with permission