WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan
One Year Ago on Jakked, Crash snuck a victory over TAKA (but TAKA promised revenge after the match) and we're treated to the first (in a long line) of Lo Down w/Tiger Ali Singh promo/squash combos, as well as easy victories for the now partnerless K-Kwik and Saturn.
I hope you're not relying on me to give you Chicago Jakked time updates because I forget to mention it was pushed back to the early AM hours for college basketball again. That game, by the way, was the annual "Loyola Chicago gets paid to get killed by a Big 10 team" event - on the good side, it's their one appearance on SportsCenter, but on the bad, it's probably the last time they'll have a winning record this season. You don't care? Alright.
tv 14 ldv attitude open. Still have Essa, still have angry heel Austin.
Funaki (but his friends call him Sho) vs WWF InterContinetial Champion Edge (w/Rob Zombie CD Cover) in a non-title match- Your hosts are Jonathon Coachman and Chris Leary and they'd like to talk about the one match signed for the Royal Rumble (that's not the Royal Rumble, maybe.) Just to show how daft they can be, Leary wonders when the last time Flair wrestled and Coach says a long time ago (perhaps in a place far far away.) Edge on Jakked? Some IC Champion! That light show needs a seizure warning. I think we all know why this isn't a title match. Funaki's angered by that and attacks before the bell - dropkick to the knee. Kick kick kick kick kick kick. Stretching the kicked leg around the ropes - that'd be his left leg. More kicks to the legs and Edge tries to stop him with a choke. Another kick and Edge is finnaly able to push him away. Edge charges out (fine) and hits a clothesline. Oh, now he's limping. Funaki gets a turnbuckle smash. Chop. Chop. Forearm. Corner whip, reversed, Edge charges into nothing, Funaki hits the bulldog! Clapping, off the ropes, dropkick to the face. Celebration! Massive boos for Funaki. Really. Kicks to the shoulder, up to the second rope - Tornado DDT hits! That's his move! one two NO! Hmm, maybe that's not his move. Funaki argues the count, then goes up - cross body caught and turned into a powerslam. No cover, though. Edge up, clothesline, clothesline, kinda limping. Overhead belly to belly suplex! Don't see that from him that much. Kick down in the corner. Corner whip, charge in, Funaki gets the boot up. Slap, trying again for the Tornado DDT, but Edge pushes him off. Spear. Funaki's dead. Edge isn't done - Edgecution. Now he's done. One two three. (2:36)
Still to come, Stone Cold gets his Christmas wish (what?), later, Crash in a match, but next, Rock on RAW.
Rock Raw Rhyming. Then a match. This is just a long clip - the video package people are on vacation. (9:28)
Later on, look back on an Undertaker's path of violence and the first ever Egg Nog match, but up next, Crash.
Wait a minute, there was a Early Edition/Martial Law cross over episode? The wacky things that happen when I'm not watching CBS. Which is like, all the time. But still.
Triple H/U2. Now it's "Next Monday" but I don't think they mean the Next Monday I think they mean. (:41)
Crash vs Mike Nelson - Crash has new poses on the ramp. And he does his monkey hops in the ring. Difference Between Metal and Jakked: Metal actually gets graphics for jobbers names. Crash with the moving test of strengths again. Up down, left right stomp on the foot. Headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock Crash. Off the ropes, leap over, headlock takedown. Leg scissors reversal, both up, Crash gets the slam. Crash to the top rope - no, way too high, he changes his mind and comes back down. Right hand. Slam. Bottom rope Superfly Splash! Celebration. Picking Nelson up by the head, headlock, Nelson tries the back suplex, Crash lands on his feet, Nelson with a back elbow, Crash is thrown hard into the corner post. Back rake. Eye rake on the ropes. Whip, back elbow by Nelson. One two, Crash kicks out. Forearm. Shoulders to the midsection. Slap to the face. Crash tries to fight back form the mat but gets punched. Whip, sunset flip one two NO. Clothesline by Nelson, and he covers one two no. Surfboard. Is this Brian Hebner or did they get another new guy? I don't know. Crash tries to battle out and gets a forearm to the back. Right. Snap suplex, one two no. Chinlock. Crash battling out, three elbows, off the ropes, into a knee. Choke by Nelson for three. Corner whip, Nelson charges in with a Thesz Press but no one's home so he gets crotched (I guess that's what he was supposed to be trying to do.) Coach is talking about the WWF's plans to go over seas in 2002 - in about as specific words as I just used. Crash with a right. Right. Whip, back elbow. Clothesline. Dropkick. One two no. This week's "Leary's really a heel" moment: Jericho's a great living legend and the WWF is lucky to have him. Whip, backdrop. Coach says Flair, Vince, and maybe Stone Cold are Living Legends, but not Jericho. Crash charges Nelson and gets flapjacked on the top turnbuckle. Nelson gets a right in the corner but Crash turns it around and hits kicks. Crash puts Nelson on the top rope - top rope 'rana! One two three! (5:24) Crash with his celebratory nose pick.
Coming up later, Egg Nog. Also, Bossman returns to the ring. But next, Undertaker's path of rage.
WHY do PPVs need official theme music?
Undertaker's Path Of Rage - this is all last week's footage because the people are off, you see. The chair to the throat is TOO VIOLENT for Metal, you know. Which is funny because they were airing 1-900 commercials during it. Anyway, they paused the live action while the music played. Oh, you can swear on Jakked but not on Metal, there you go. Clip from Smackdown here. LONG Clip. It's the whole match. We don't get the Big Show promo. This is quite like the Steve Blackman/Kurt Angle feud. (8:28)
Coming up, video package and video package. I think we're done with matches.
It's always funny to see how many PSA's they squeeze in during the early hours to fufill requirements.
Lugz Bossman Return of Two Weeks Ago
On to Last Thursday and the handicap match. You gotta love how Boss Man's whole video is just a clip of his return chair shot from two different angles. You think they'll explain why Bossman's changed his outfit? Nah. (4:18)
The Egg Nog match next! Really! They mean it this time!
Who is the chick they have doing the voice over on the Lita video? She's not very good. HEY ESSA. Oh, it's the Fanatics thing for this month, not a video. Or maybe both. If you wanted to know you'd know, right?
JVC catfight between Stacy and Torrie from Last Week's Heat
So, like, it's Egg Nog. (2:52)
Haha, they follow it with the Don't Try This At Home bit.
On HEAT, the APA, and special guest Rhyno. RAW is three hours and Best of 2001. WARNING - I don't think they can fit The Best Ten Matches in 3 Hours.The Cubs Fan
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