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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago (on UK Metal), Kirk Wagstaff saw Dean Malenko make Steven Richards tap out in a non-title match, Val win a squash over Julio Fantasico, Perry Saturn easily win over Joey Abs and Bull Buchanan beat Mosh with a top rope legdrop

One Year Ago, Jackie beat Molly, Jerry Lynn defended his LH title in a squash, Al Snow beat Essa Rios and Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn managed to get it together long enough to win.

tv14 ldv (wwf) attitude open

Chavo Guerrero Jr. (w/TE2 shirt) vs Maven - Your hosts are Al (waving) and Marc (not waving.) As always, I recommend against betting for people who don't have actual finishers, though he is facing Chavo. Fans care slightly more about Maven then they do about Chavo, imagine that. Al and Marc talk about Tough Enough 3 - meanwhile, Chavo throws his shirt at Maven and makes a "Two" signal, just so we get the concept here. Circle, Maven's tentative, then they both back off to absorb the Maven chant. Lockup, Chavo with a waistlock, standing switch, standing switch, Chavo turns around Maven, snap mare, kick to the back, kick to the back. Picking him up, chop, whip, hip toss is blocked and Maven' hits his. Maven with -  Marc: "another takedown" Al: "It's called an armdrag." Another. Dropkick knocks Chavo out of the ring. Uh oh, he's running out of moves. Chavo lures Maven towards the apron and tries to snap his neck on the top rope, but Maven messes up - Chavo recovers with a pull out quickly enough that it probably wasn't apparent if you weren't watching closely. Right no Maven blocks, right right throw back in. Chavo begs off in the ring, but Maven's not letting off - maybe he should have, the way he got drop toe holded on the bottom rope there.  Chavo with a slingshot (we'll call it a) guillotine fistdrop to the outside, taking advantage of Maven being half on the apron. Elbow on the apron. Chavo backs up - there's a lucha big boot to the head. Chavo back in - sliding one foot dropkick to the head. Cover one two no. Chavo points at Al, which hurts Al's feelings. Maven pushed in the corner, kick, kick, kick, boot choke. Maven with a right, right, Chavo with a right to stop it - back suplex. Chavo's back suplex is always effective when he follows through, you know? One two no. Chinlock on the mat. Maven trying to get energy from the fans - fans kinda getting in it - he's getting up, elbow, elbow, right right right (Marc: "...reciprocity..." Al: "Reci-what? That sounds like a word me or Raven made up") Chavo tries a clothesline but Maven ducks, inside cradle one two no. Off the ropes, right into a dropkick. Chavo's is higher. One two NO. European uppercut. Ditto. Oh, they're trying to get over the "you jump shows, you'll get suspended" dealio - why wouldn't that have been in effect from the beginning? Because they're morons. Maven blocks a right and takes control in the corner, corner whip, reversed, Maven kips up, Chavo turns around and Maven hits the dropkick (again.) Maven waits for Chavo to get up - there's the spinning wheel kick. Whip, flapjack! One two no. Maybe he should try that moonsault. Whip, Maven puts his head down too soon, Chavo kicks it, brainbuster? No, blocked, Maven with a kick to the midsection and a sunset flip one two NO. Chavo tries a clothesline, Maven ducks and grabs an arm for the backslide, but Chavo escapes and hits a kick. That's a pretty weak brainbuster, Chavo. Actually looked more like a Jackhammer. Cover, one two three. (4:55) Chavo points again. 

Coming up, feuds by T-Shirt, and Tazz wrestles. (OH NO) But next, the World Title match that you were all dying to see.

This Monday On RAW...oh forget it.

Stuff and stuff and stuff and it has to do with the title. Jericho looks like a dope even in fast forward, don'tcha know. (6:26) Hogan and Undertaker on PPV! No, really. 

Coming up, the Hurricane vs Albert, lovely. But coming up next, Tazz vs the Godfather.

the Godfather (w/walking stick and Judgment Day hype) vs Tazz (w/Forceable Entry) - Marc relates a conversation with the Godfather to remind us where we've left off in his incredible saga. Lockup, Godfather pushes Tazz in the corner. Godfather with a right, it's ducked and Tazz hits many of his own. Whip, reversed, Godfather 's clothesline misses, Tazz with a waistlock, Godfather back elbows his way out, off the ropes, Tazz tries to throw him out by the head but Godfather kinda out runs him (really) and it more looks like Godfather's falling out of the ring on his own. Tazz with rights. Godfather thrown in, stomping Tazz. Whip, kick to the midsection, off the ropes, mafia kick. Stare. Scoop, and drop on the top rope. Choke on the middle rope. Slam. He's going up. Second rope. Celebrate. Splash misses, Tazz rolled out of the way and Godfather not really coming down flat for some reason. Tazz up, clothesline, clothesline, wait for Godfather to get back up, T-Bone. Al's saying "Path of Rage" and "Human Suplex Machine", which is somewhat odd (because no one says that anymore.) Setting up - yep, there's the Tazzmission. Mike Chioda's standing at the wrong spot, so he misses out on Godfather's low blow kick escape. Godfather's had enough of this - let's grab the walking stick and brain Tazz. Choida voices strong opposition, but it's really Tazz kicking him twice in the midsection before Godfather can swing that makes the difference. Tazz gets the walking stick, but before he can swing, Choida gets it. This makes Tazz turn the wrong way and he doesn't even see the big boot. One tow three. (2:52) That's his finish? Must be just because that worked best in the situation. He gets back his walking stick and threatens Choida with it before leaving. 

Coming up - who? Hugh. But next, Edge and Angle.

Why were Val and Lance hanging out together in the first place? Sharing views on right wing Canadian politics? Should we take the fact that it was Hugh instead of Val (or Godfather instead of Lance, I guess) as a sign about how meaningful things are on Jakked, feuds or not? LIKE I CARE. (4:03) Graphic - so what, we're only getting the promo? Oh, here's the match. Did they realize they were running short and added this clip? Weird for them to go video package graphic video package. (1:28)

1-800-Call-ATT and tell them about Hardcore Holly taking care of Randy Orton. I think I called him Robby before.

the Hurricane vs Albert Needs A Shirt - Hurricane does not get a handshake. Pushed away. Hurricane poses, Albert tries a clothesline, it's ducked, Hurricane with a right right right, Albert right ducked, right right, SUPERKICK I guess not because Albert didn't actually go down. Hurricane off the ropes, cross body - that'll be caught, run into one corner back first, run into another corner back first, running powerslam. He's dead, Jim. Right. Kick. Kneelift, holding for another, holding for a short clothesline. Hurricane battles back with punches, why does he go off the rope? He's a moron. Right into the boot. Double underhook holding suplex - that's the reason we do this match, in case you were wondering. Elbow drop. One two no. Albert doesn't like that count and let's Brian Hebner no. Hurricane battles up but he ain't doing much - thrown hard into the corner, than choked with his own "super powered" cape, thanks Marc. Al thinks Albert's gone too far by doing that. Corner whip, Albert charges into an elbow. Hurricane charges out into the press slam. Albert trying to drop him into the powerbombs but Hurricane flips out - dropkick to the face. Albert's clothesline misses, Hurricane with rights, but Albert with a knee. Powerbomb? Hurricane tries to punch his way free - big DDT! One two BIG kickout. Hurricane with rights, whip, reversed, clothesline is ducked, goozle - no. Corner whip, Albert Smash but no none's there. Hurricane off the ropes (NO! STOP DOING THAT!), Albert almost catches him again but Hurricane falls behind, Hurricane pushes him face first into the rebounds, then schoolboy trips him up on the rebound - rollup one two THREE! (4:13) Wait, before I say anything, let's get the Baldo Bomb out of the way. Wait, Hurricane is smart enough to leave the ring immediately? I guess I won't be saying anything then. Albert asks Hurricane back so he can Baldo Bomb him already but we go to break. 

Hugh Morrus vs Funaki - Since it's a new match, can I ask why we just didn't do Funaki vs Hurricane and Hugh vs Albert? No? Okay! Circle. Lockup, no Funaki ducks underneath and hits a right, but Hugh's not selling it. Funaki celebrates till he realized it didn't worked - then he gets afraid. Hugh charges, Funaki moves and punches, to the same results as before. Hugh with a kick, whip, no Funaki's out of here. Timeout? No, Hugh's out after him and Funaki's in and Hugh's in and Funkier off the ropes, under a clothesline, cross body is totally no sold. Funaki takes his second timeout. Funaki wants a nice clean high lockup - uh oh, he's missing Crash. Hugh tries to be a smart alec and raise his hands way up - so Funaki kicks him in the stomach. Right. Whip, reversed, Funaki slides under, kick is caught, enzuiguri is not. One two Big Kickout. Hugh misses another clothesline, dropkick to the braces knee, stomp, stomp, stomp, grabbing the leg and yelling to the fans - elbow drop to the inside of the knee, and there's a grapevine. Hugh gets a two count laying on the mat, then hooks on a modified dragon sleeper - Funaki breaks loose, than he's back up to his feet. Kicks to the knee. Dragging Hugh to the ropes - sitdown on the leg. Sitdown on the leg. One more? No, Hugh moves his leg out of the way. Hugh charges, shoulder to the gut, Funaki to the top, cross body one two no. Funaki with kicks, now stretching the knee around the ropes. Kicks to the knee. Celebration. Hugh's waiting for him when he turns back around. Open hand slap, open hand slap, open hand slap. Corner whip, reversed, but Hugh's knee hurts so much that he goes down before getting there. Funaki is slow up (still reeling for the slaps), then gets back to slapping. Hugh is getting his way up, and not really selling it - Funaki off the ropes, into the press slam. Clothesline finnaly hits. Another. Whip, slam, Funaki falls behind, dropkick to the back of the left knee. Funaki claps - off the ropes, dropkick to the head. Celebration. Funaki's trying to break his world celebration record in this match. He makes the "snap" gesture. Hugh's up when he turns around again - flapjack. Marc likes to call it a facebuster, and that'd be fine if it wasn't that Triple H's knee to the face move wasn't called that. Hugh not really having knee problems going up - No Laughing Matter. One two three. (5:08) Oh, now it hurts. Right. I don't think Teddy Long is buying this either.

Hey, Tazz, it's MAY. You're still gearing up for 2002? I don't think so.

At Judgment Day - Kurt Angle/Edge. Undertaker/Hogan. You know, those are the only two matches that have been made so far (that I can think off) - does that blow the "they MUST be doing more planning in advance" theory out of the water? Maybe.


The Cubs Fan
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