|WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan
One Year Ago, Chavo beats TAKA, Bob Alabama Slams Hugh, worlds collide (and so do Shawn and Stacy) en route to a loss to Billy Gunn and Matt beats Chuck, only for Chuck to beat up Chuck after. (Pardon me? - CRZ) The highlight (of the season?) was an intense back and forth between (then) former Heat co-host turned WCW defector Tazz and current Heat co-host Al Snow, leading to a stare down and pull apart. Unfortunately, being Heat, this ended up being the Best Feud That Never Led To A Match, as Tazz turned face before they got around to doing anything about it.
Hmmm, great stuff that doesn't lead to anything because they don't get around to it - why does that sound familiar. Anyway, I love this stuff with D'Lo and Raven but that segment has everything so far beat easy, and maybe was the only good we ever really got out of those WWFNY segments (unless you were a K-Kwik fan.)
TV PG LV Entertainment open fireworks
Goldust vs Johnny Stamboli (w/earlier today) - your hip hop hosts are D'Lo and the Coach. Everyone got one of those new flag "W" shirts, I think. They want to talk about SummerSlam. You know I've been watching this show for way too long when I think to myself "HEY! That's Johnny's music!" Oh no pretaped words "Yo! Johnny Stamboli was walking through the neighborhood the other day and this guy named Tony Scratchanoni asked me, "What's the key to a successful marriage?" I said - I thought about it for a second, then bada-boom!, it hit me. The key to a successful marriage - is never to introduce your wife to Johnny Stamboli." I think you have to imagine him wearing the hat, and wearing mirror sunglasses on his nose, to get the full impact. I can only imagine what this has to do with Goldust - actually, come to think of it, I better not. Coach and D'Lo make fun of him for the next minute. Lockup, Johnny pushes Goldust in the corner, clean break? No, back elbow. Kick, kick, kick, suplex. Off the ropes, elbow drop and no one's home. Right, right, whip, jumping butt butt. Announcers love the butt. Armdrag into an armbar. Johnny punching his way out, whip, clothesline is blocked (I guess), reverse facelock setup for the Curtain Call - but Johnny elbows out. Kick to the ribs, suplex, Goldust is dropped side first (odd) the ropes and D'Lo sells it like death. Stomps. Choke on the mat. Right. Whip, press slam! Into a gutbuster! Cover one two no. I cheated and typed that before hand. Kick to the back. Right. Goldust back with a right, right, right, whip, kick to the midsection, suplex. Off the ropes, elbow drop misses. Johnny stomping, elbow drop, elbow drop, cover one two no. Right. Right. Snap mare, chinlock. Coach doesn't like Italian New Yorkers. Crowd trying to get Goldust up but he doesn't feel like it yet. Now he does - takes some effort to get the crowd back. Goldust with rights out of it. Corner whip, reversed, Goldust goes in chest first and gets a clothesline to the back. Fooling around then covering one two no. Right. Whip, dropkick but Goldust has the ropes - jacknife cover one two NO! Goldust with a - um, modified Sky Hi, we'll say. It didn't look like anything in particular, but it's getting us to the punch battle spot. Goldust wins! Johnny off the ropes and into a clothesline. Another. "Classic Comeback!" Whip, atomic drop, clothesline one two no. Goldust is calling for something, whip, reversed, Johnny puts his head down too son and gets a thrust uppercut. Curtain Call? Yes. One two three. (5:21) I wonder if Tony knows Joey Numbers.
This would be a Special Look Back at the Raven/D'Lo feud except they're not doing video packages for this show, so it's just a clip montage - they don't bother to mention which week is which (did they use this last week for the UK people?) - D'Lo punching Raven off the announce stand, Raven hitting D'Lo with the crutch to give Johnny the win, D'Lo beating Justin but still getting laid out. (:41) So this week, for real, we'll have D'Lo vs Raven. Probably. D'Lo is pumped for it anyway. Next: Crash vs Steven Richards.
Snickers Cruncher Chokeslams of Monday
Steven Richards vs Crash (green) - Steven takes his time coming to the ring so we can admire his video. I guess. Are those new tights? Ah, I don't really care. Coach remembers that Crash did commentary not long ago but forgets why D'Lo wasn't there. Crash jumps off the bottom rope and celebrates - Coach gives him a 9.9, but D'Lo goes with the perfect 10. Lockup, Crash pushed into the corner. Right by Steven. Clean break. Crash and Steven have words. I think Crash is daring him to run off the ropes, so Steven does, and Crash runs off the opposite set of ropes - then switches and hits a clothesline. Dropkick. Clothesline ducked and Crash hits a right. Steven backs off, then charges right into a hiptoss. Armbar. Shortening it up. Steven gets to the corner for the break. Crash goes for a clean break, Steven tries for a punch, Crash blocks it and hits his own. Another right. Corner whip, Crash charges into a boot, Steven out with a back elbow. Crash pushed chest first into the corner so Steven can work the back - knees and shoulders. Now turning him around for chops. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, chop. Forearm to the back. Steven with a grounded bodyscissors. Doesn't look convincing. Crash elbows out after bit but sells it - off the ropes, elbow drop misses. Steven going out - to the top rope, pointing at the crowd and Crash nails him with questionably low punch. Beal off. Crash wins the punch battle, more rights, off the ropes, forearm. Clothesline. Calling Steven up, whip, backdrop (delay on the way up.) Slam. "Classic Comeback." Crash is slowed by his rib pain. Going up - missile dropkick hits! But he's too hurt to cover - now he can one two foot on the rope. Corner whip, Steven goes in chest first, Crash goes for his Crash Bulldog but Steven pushes him off. Steven with a clothesline, it's ducked, SUPERKICK! One two three (3:52) Oh man, it actually worked!
Still to come - D'Lo vs Raven - D'Lo doesn't seem to have any doubts about this match happening. Next, highlights from RVD/Dreamer.
Coach has changed it to "the last ever Hardcore TITLE match on Raw", which might not end up being true either but it has a lot better chance. Remember that RVD and Dreamer showed up together? I don't know why I do. (6:13)
Still to come - D'Lo vs Raven. But next, Bradshaw vs Justin Credible.
Lugz Snuka Splashed of Monday
Bradshaw (w/cowbell) vs Justin Credible (w/o cowbell) - I don't know why, but I happened to read an old WWF report where Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw marked Aldo Montoya with a bringing iron after a match. Perhaps that's what Justin is remembering and that's why he's hesitant to get in the ring. Perhaps I'm remembering too much tonight. Justin waits till after the bell to get in the ring. Circle, lockup, Bradshaw pushed into the corner, headlock, Justin tries to elbow out, shots Bradshaw onto the ropes and Bradshaw comes back with a clothesline. Bradshaw off the ropes, over, hiptoss blocked and he hits an armdrag. "With Bradshaw, the shorter the match, the better!" You don't say. Slam. Off the ropes, elbow drop misses. Justin with rights. Whip, reversed, big boot. Snap mare, running shoulder to the back. Forearm to the back. Right. Whip, head down too soon so he gets a swinging neckbreaker. Right. Whip, reversed, clothesline misses, Justin with a cross body so Bradshaw can do this move. Do you know that Justin's profile lists the spinning Tombstone as his finisher? I can think of all the times he's used that in the WWE. Anyway, Bradshaw tries a powerbomb, Justin backdrops out of it, but Bradshaw holds on, turns out of the cover and right back into powerbomb position. Forearms to the back first to weaken Justin, but now he's holding onto the leg so he doesn't have to go up - back suplex. Whip, clothesline misses, Justin with a dropkick to the shin. "That's Just Incredible!" Kick to the knee, kick, right, Bradshaw back with rights, whip, clothesline ducked, that kick was FAR from SUPER - one two well duh no. That hit him in the chest and didn't look good. Right, whip, reversed, head down too son so it's kicked, so Bradshaw hits him with the Clothesline from Hell one two three. (3:30) He didn't even have to get running to do it - good, because we've got to get running to the Pledge to Participate video package. Who's this Rock guy? (1:01)
Still to come - D'Lo vs Raven. But next, HHH steals from Vampiro.
See, Brock had to leave because if HHH looked him in the eyes - eh, never mind. When D'Lo said "two of the baddest wrestlers in the WWE!" did you make the easy joke? Good for you! (3:38)
NEXT - D'Lo vs Raven
This RAW ad looks a lot like the recap of the Brock/Undisputed Title situation. I like how the ad is all "How will this heel deal with being screwed? And how about life being unfair to this heel? Don't you want to see if it gets made right for them?"
Raven vs D'Lo Brown - Hmm, he's got the coat, no crutches, this might happen. Raven (with more body art) points at D'Lo as he walks to the ring. Coach is gonna go this solo, I guess. D'Lo rushes the ring to make sure Raven doesn't pull anything, but Raven backs out just as fast. Hey, the bell rang! This is really gonna happen, wow. Circle- reaching for a handhold - there's Raven with a kick, right, right, right, right, whip, reversed, right but Raven pulls himself out of the ring. D'Lo set sup - dropkick through the ropes - PESCADO! D'Lo is a man on a mission. D'Lo throws Raven back in, and he's on him with mounted punches. one two three four five six seven eight nine ten. Argument with the ref over the closed fists. Raven rests in the corner, and D'Lo's over aggressive start comes back to hurt him, as Raven moves and D'Lo posts his shoulder. Raven decides it'd be cooler if it happened twice, and throws him back into the post, D'Lo landing on the floor. Raven out - there's the Russian legsweep into the barricade. "D'Lo" chant. D'Lo thrown in - and Raven is kicking the bad left arm. Twisting it around the ropes and kicking it. Mr. Wrestling #2 Kneelift one two no. Raven modifies the knee driver so the impact is on the bad left shoulder - smart man. One two no. If only this work could help him to win. Whip, clothesline misses, D'Lo with a clothesline but with the bad arm, he's in pain. Raven up while he's recovering, and he cranks the arm. Stomp. Armbar on the bad arm - twist once, twice twice, D'Lo punches so Raven pumps it. Whip, revered, kick wham RA-no, D'Lo got the ropes at the last second. To the second rope - senton but no one's home. Cover one two NO. Corner whip, rebound clothesline is ducked (scouting!), jumping side kick! Both men are down. D'Lo pounds the mat to get the crowd into it, and they comply. "Let's Go D'Lo!" Raven up first, but D'Lo with rights, whip, reversed, forearm by D'Lo. Clothesline! Slam - Shaky Shaky Legdrop time! one two NO! I can't believe it still doesn't work. Raven takes advantage with the slight pause by hitting an eye poke. Whip, reversed into - "the Side Effect! the Side Effect on Raven!" Maybe that's an snarky way to bury Matt or maybe it's still the Sudden Impact, who can say - one two NO! D'Lo had a celebratory cover there and it might have hurt him. Raven back in the corner, and D'Lo falls with corner punches - one two three four five six seven eight nine, Raven falls down, D'Lo picks him up by his hair for one more, but Raven takes him down - cover with feet on the ropes one two NO! Whip, reversed, D'Lo with his head down too son and it's kicked. Kick wham no D'Lo gets out - SKY HI! One two three (5:29) Wow. Coach hopes this shuts up Raven - Raven's still done by the time D'Lo is done celebrating, so he gets no revenge tonight. D'Lo poses on his way back up the ramp. D'Lo points at his co-host, and that's it.The Cubs Fan
Mail the Author
Comment about this article in Wienerville