You are here

WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago on Jakked - Marc Taylor watched X-Pac beat Droz, Steven Richards take down TAKA, Viscera and Prince Albert have a match neither could afford to lose (DCO) and Big Bossman squash Knuckles Nelson.

One Year Ago on NY Metal - Kim (Bitchfactor) saw Just Joe win (!) beating Essa Rios, Lo Down search for respect but settling for a win over Kai En Tai, Crash upset Gangrel, clips of the WWF at the VMAs and people writing silly things.

wwf one world leader - tv 14 LDV


Scotty 2 Hotty vs Shawn Stasiak - Kelly: "A moving and emotional night, last Thursday on Smackdown. One of the most traumatic weeks in US History, punctuated and emphasized and made better thanks to World Wrestling Federation." Kevin Kelly and Al Snow are your announcers (doing double duty with Metal). Al: "And Kevin, if I can say something right at the start of this, you know we know that how tragic this last week has been for America, and I'd like everybody to do what we're going to do, and that is, just for this short amount of time, sit back with us, try as much as you can to just let things go, take a breath, and just have a good time." "Absolutely, that was the message of this Thursday's Smackdown, along with the fact that we Americans are not going to, uh, retreat. We're gonna keep moving forward, and that's what we're going to start to do, starting with this hour of Jakked." Unfortunate coincidence #1 is Stasiak still having "Mecca" on his tights. Scotty starts the clap. Al starts the "Shawn is dumb" joke. Lockup, Scotty pushed hard into the corner, right right right kick right right corner whip, kip by Scotty, Stasiak grabs him but Scotty quickly slips behind, right right right, whip, reversed, clothesline is ducked, Scotty's flying headscissors hits. Kelly uses the "Million Dollar Body, Ten Cent Head" line. Clotheslined out. Scotty pulls off the shirt and gets ready - baseball slide dropkick connects! Al says Stasiak's father was the "WWWWWWWWWWWWF" World Heavyweight Champion. Shawn thrown in, but fights backs with a knee, right. Whip, head down too soon so Scotty kicks it, off the ropes, right into a flapjack. Al points out that Scotty is the master of the Worm, but as men, aren't we all masters of the Worm? Stomp. Right. Turnbuckle shot. Right. Kick. Right. Rope scrape. Kelly tries to hype the handicap match at the PPV, but Al thinks this is a handicap match. Suplex, no Scotty falls behind, right, off the ropes, right into the jumping back elbow. Cover one two kickout. Did Kelly call ref Brian Hebner Brian Webber? Al starts talking about how Shawn has to keep his hands on the worm. Chinlock. Announcers talking about the absent Stacy Keibler. Elbow. Elbow. Scotty's out of it. Right, whip, hiptoss is blocked by Shawn, Scotty doesn't flip out (it's not a LH match) but ducks under a clothesline, Shawn turns around and kicks him, reverse neckbreaker. Cone one two kickout. Al starts talking about Scotty being stiff competition and how Shawn is unable to keep the Worm down. Kelly starts hyping upcoming matches and gets the joke after a beat. Scotty put on the top rope, right, superplex? No, Scotty's not going anywhere, right, right, push down. Scotty setting up - second rope dropkick. Both men are down. Kelly asks a stupid question and Al makes fun of him for it. Both men are up. Block, right, block, right. Miss, right. You figure out who. Whip by Scotty, no reversed into a clothesline by Stasiak, no Scotty ducks it and hits a superkick. Cover one two shoulder up. Scotty doesn't believe it but Brian illustrates for him. Scotty has that look. Off the ropes, no Stasiak ducks it and hits a clothesline of his own. Now Stasiak sees where Scotty is laying and gets an idea - there's the running in place, bad hop bad hop bad hop trip. Stasiak takes a face plant, and by the time he's up, so is Scotty - two handed bulldog. WORM and Al Snow's channeling Harry Carey. Al: "I know you've said it in the past, Kevin, there's nothing like a good worming." Scotty to the second rope - there's the jumping DDT. One two three. (5:01) Scotty's proud of himself, and then salutes the crowd.

Austin and RVD had issues, so we'll see that later. X-Factor and Justin Credible had some issues, so we'll see that later. Next, highlights from Smackdown. 

Smackdown highlights - Lillian's complete anthem. Parts of Edge (not the unsure about doing this part), the Rock, Lita, Michael Hayes (talking about being united), Bradshaw (talking about giving his life for this country), Ivory, Kurt Angle, Kanyon, Hugh Morrus, Steve Austin (talking about payback - crowd cheering can be heard here) testimonials and Vince saying "We will not live our lives in fear. (3:30

Justin Credible & Mike Awesome vs X-Pac's Favorite Tag Team - The first team comes out to Justin's music, in case you're not sure where Awesome lies on the WWF ladder. Justin's gone (back?) to jeans. The announcers have gone back to talking about Tuesday's events, before talking again about how this hour is about putting all of that out of our minds for an hour. X-Pac dances (sorta) with his belts. Justin and X-Pac will start this off. They try faking each other out. Lockup, headlock into a hammerlock by X-Pac, Justin goes behind to reverse, X-Pac snap mares out. X-Pac poses for the crowd. Kelly thinks this is the first time Justin's met up with his former partners, though actually Justin fought Albert on the 7/15 Heat. Lockup again, headlock by Justin, push in the ropes, Justin off with the shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, over, hard dropkick. Justin yells at X-Pac to get up, kick, right, right, kick, kick, boot choke, pulling powerbomb, one two Albert breaks it up. X-Pac up, chop, chop, chop, whip, reversed, spin kick for Justin and a right for Awesome. Justin's crawling to try to make a tag now but Awesome's already in the ring to get at X-Pac and the referee has to back him up. X-Pac challenges Awesome to come get some (I guess he doesn't care much about getting revenge on Justin - it is Justin), so Justin makes that "That's It!" thumb across the throat and tags in Awesome. So X-Pac walks over and tags Albert. The crowd pops. Kick, right, right, right, left, right, left, right, left right, right, right, ref breaks up the corner beating and then Awesome gets in an eye poke. Al says the Tough Enough kids (apparently training still or maybe they took a break and came back and would be ready?) are tired and really want the finale to be here already. Shoulder, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder, right, right, right. Big right but now Albert has had enough (crowd is thrilled.) Awesome thrown in thee corner, right, corner whip, Awesome jumps to the second rope, walks to the third, flying back elbow and a right for X-Pac. But Albert was up quick and hits the scissors kick (in theory - maybe it was the breeze. The crowd was into that too.) Right, right, right, tag to X-Pac, splash, cover one two big kickout. Forearm to the back, right, right, whip, hiptoss blocked, X-Pac flips out (he IS the WWF LH Champion) but Awesome just waits for him to land and clotheslines him (because this isn't a LH match.) Right for Albert while he's at it. Press and X-Pac's tossed on to Albert. And now Awesome with a springboard clothesline to the outside for both. Awesome yells and throws X-Pac back in. Going up - but Albert pushes him down and Awesome hurts his knee. He's done and clutching it and tag to Albert. Right to Justin (right to Awesome, big Press as Awesome takes his time getting up, Justin's dropped, forearm by Awesome. Whip, reversed, under, Albert with a jumping shoulderblock, cover one two Justin breaks it up. Superkick for X-Pac! Justin's thrown out by Albert! Awesome's gonna powerbomb X-Pac out of the ring, but Albert pulls his partner to safety, then waits for Awesome to turn around - Baldo Bomb. Crowd is interested. One Two Three. (5:28) Crowd is happy? This is a big win for X-Factor, we're told.

Still to come, Hardcore Holly and Tommy Dreamer fight. Yep. But how would Stone Cold get revenge on Kurt Angle?

Last Monday, Stone Cold talks to some people, beat up some people, made a made or two, and watched a couple changes of the Hardcore Title.   Unfortunate coincidence #2: Heyman: "Leadership by ultimate example..." (9:30)

Hardcore wrestles. But next, Perry Saturn vs Hugh Morrus.

Snickers Cruncher Kronic Appearance Of Two Weeks Ago

Perry Saturn vs Hugh Morrus - Al thinks Justin Credible and Hugh Morrus should team up and call themselves Just Money. Unfortunate coincidence #3 is Saturn doing the Plane and crashing into Hugh. Right, right, right, tying him in the ropes, right to the back of the head, right. "Moppy" chant. Whip, reversed, dropkick by Saturn. Slam. Springboard legdrop with a twist. Cover one two kickout. Off the ropes and clotheslined by Hugh. Stomp. Whip, reversed, head down too soon so Hugh hits it, picks Saturn up so it's a almost a Tombstone, just Saturn is facing away from Hugh, and runs him chest first into the corner. Saturn's legs end up hooked on the top rope, but he gets loose and falls to the mat. Kick. Whip, powerslam, one two kickout. Weekly Mike Sparks bashing. Mike's from Richmond! I wonder if he knows Dean. Whip, I guess that's a clothesline. Small package by Saturn gets one two. Hugh up first and nails the clothesline. Corner whip, charge in, Saturn hits a back elbow, armdrag. Hugh's punch is blocked, Saturn's punch is not, repeat. Northern Lights Suplex, no bridge. Clothesline. Overhead belly to belly suplex. Both men are slow, but Saturn takes Hugh down with a jumping forearm. One two kickout. Al half expects Anne Heche to be running in and helping Saturn, since they seem to think a lot. Corner whip, reversed, Hugh squashes him. Corner whip, avalanche. Lo Down. Kelly suggest that duo join Al and Chavo for some group counseling. Then they start to debate if Chavo's relationship with Pepe (not named) was or was not bestiality. Al seems to think so, but Kelly says it's a stick and not an animal. Slam. Hugh's gonna try to end this. Somehow, they go from the stick horse to Peta Wilson. I guess I could see that, now that I think about it. No Laughing Matter is missed. Three Handled Moss Covered Family Grudunza one two three. (3:38) For reasons only they understand (maybe), Kevin and Al try to out do each other with animal sayings in regards to Saturn's victory. Time to move on.

Lugz One Man Conchairto Of Two Weeks Ago

Hardcore Holly vs Tommy Dreamer - Al and Kelly start to talk about a time where Hardcore suplexed Al in Montreal and parts of him ended up on display that should never ever be on display. Shove by Tommy. Shove by Hardcore. Slap by Tommy. Why do they always do that? Slap by Hardcore and he's not gonna give Tommy a chance to fight back, kick, kick, right, right, right, right, right, right, whip, shoulderblock. Tommy i staking a break but Holly follows out, right, right, right, right, right, right, Tommy gets in an eye poke and saves his life in the process. Tommy with a suplex, no, Hardcore with the vertical suplex on the floor. Tommy thrown back in, Hardcore to the top - flying chin drop on to Tommy's boot. Turnbuckle smash. Chop. Chop. Snap suplex. One two kickout. Side backbreaker. Cover one two kickout. Hardcore picked up and fighting back, right, right, right, whip no reversed into a Russian Legsweep. Second rope elbow drop misses. Off the ropes, clothesline. Clothesline. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, Tommy gets a boot up and Hardcore catches it, then spins him around and lifts up the legs for the super low blow. These two are meant for each other. Whip, the best dropkick in the business one two kickout. Tommy Dreamer's unknown talent: he will eat anything off the floor. Good to know, Al. Suplex no Dreamer goes behind, kick, piledriver, no, Hardcore stands up and loads him up - Alabama Slam one two three (3:18)

Kelly invites us to watch Sunday Night Heat this week, oops. RAW is War is live Monday. The station cuts off Kevin, but that would've been it anyway.

For What It's Worth: Probably owing to it's TV PG rating, Metal had a brief talk about Tuesday, then stayed away from it (and Smackdown highlights) for the hour.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

Email the Author

Comment about this article on the EZBoard



Design copyright © 1999-2001 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright © 2001 by the individual author and used with permission