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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




You know, I've missed the same week two years in a row. I wonder if it's something subliminal in my head - "as a birthday gift to yourself, avoid Jakked at all costs", but I guess that won't happen with the name change.

One Year Ago, X-Factor, Billy Gunn and Haku all won squashes, while Jerry Lynn was already demoted to Jakked duty in beating Essa Rios to keep the LH title.

tv 1 ldv attitude entertainment, judgment day preview (:25) open - hey, they did take out Jazz after all (she goes to RAW, right?) and put in Torrie Wilson on the commentary table. They'll have to do a lot more work if Hogan loses.

this is a Test and CHRISTIAN vs Faarooq and Mark Henry - your announcers are Marc (though I must have some weird delayed withdrawal going on, because I first typed "Leary", then deleted and typed "Chris") and Al. It takes about 10 seconds for Al to dump on Loyd for being (un)creative enough to describe something as "tremendous." You can't hear the APA music well. I think we're all a little shocked this feud didn't make PPV. Al says Mark was speculating he got so strong, because when he was young, he had to take out the trash in a metal can. To keep the metal can from blowing away, he put a cement block in it, so Mark was carrying it back and forth. Mark wants in to face Christian. Christian goes to tag out but oh, Test really needs to retie his boot right now. Christian is displeased. Christian psyches himself up. He wants a Test of Strength. Mark falls for it and gets kicked in the gut. Right right right whip, no. Henry whips him over the top rope. Christian is unhappy. Test distracts (read: stands on the apron) and Christian sneaks in for forearms - no dice. Mark with a push down. Christian charges, and gets press slammed. Tag to Test, Test misses a clothesline, and now he gets pressed! That always gets me. Mark off the ropes, splash gets knees. Test pulls Jimmy Korderas over to distract him, while Christian gets the outside neck drop on the ropes. Faarooq in to argue and there's a double stomp down. Christian out, Test with a turnbuckle smash, back elbow times five. Boot choke. Al: "Undertaker's got just as much a legend as Hulkamania. It just doesn't roll off the tongue - 'Takermania'" Rights by Test, then he backs up - charging clothesline. Marc wonders if Hogan's ever faced a guy as dangerous as the Undertaker, and I think "well, what about the Undertaker? (or maybe that Andre guy)" Al narrows it down to recently. Corner clothesline, Mark stays up. Corner clothesline, Mark stays up. Third one, but Mark comes out and hits a big shoulderblock. Mark tags out to Faarooq. Clothesline for Test, clothesline for Christian, right for Test, right for Christian, ducks the Big Boot and a spinebuster for Test. One two Christian breaks it up. Henry in to take care of that - press slam and he's dropped outside. Marc notices that the Godfather has come down the ramp before we even see him - he's hiding on by the ramp side apron, so when Faarooq goes off those ropes, Godfather catches his foot - and there's the Walking Stick to the chest, and Faarooq turns around into the Big Boot. One two three. (3:34

HITC hype later, and Chavo against Kidman. But next, the Undisputed Title hype.

Undisputed Title hype. (3:06)

Coming up, bikini contest highlights. But next, Kidman and Chavo.

You can win tickets to the June 26th Smackdown show from WCIU - tonight's featured wrestler is Triple H. Write his name, your name, your address, your phone, your date of birth (must be over 18) on post card and send it to "WWE Tickets, 26 N. Halsted, Chicago, IL, 60061". You could win one of 12 pairs of tickets (12 is big and the rest is not, so it looks like you could win 12 tickets if you're not paying attention) to Smackdown! I see someone's looking for WWE Syndication points.

This season on Tough Enough - call me crazy, but I bet Pete and Kenny last around long enough to talk to Regal. 

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs Billy Kidman - Al and Marc talk Tough Enough and Hawk. Al's explanation: "He cracked. He could not take the pressure." Announcers discuss the title change, and Hurricane's mystery stalker, though Loyd pretty much blows his secret identity. Lockup, into the corner, Chavo has the advantage and tries too punch but the break is forces - Chavo gets kicks in and a right. Corner whip, Chavo charges into a boot. Spinning headscissors by Chavo. Chavo gets in an eye poke, turnbuckle smash, headlock, Al's really getting into the Hurricane storyline, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, Kidman hiptoss blocked, Kidman with a kick, cruiserweight flip out, Chavo misses the clothesline and eats a jumping back elbow. Forearm, corner whip, Kidman charge sin with a splash and comes out empty. Chavo throws Kidman hard into the ringpost, Kidman hitting the steps with his hip on the way to the floor. Chavo takes his time following up, stomp from the apron, down with a chop, Kidman crawls in to save himself but Chavo's in after him and pinning. Kidman obviously a little messed up from the bump - huge European Uppercut by Chavo. Step on the back of the neck rope choke. Al does the exact same spiel he always does about Chavo. Kidman fires up with punches, whip, reversed, Kidman slides under, up but kicked in the midsection, Gory Special (Marc calls it! He must've got a memo) but Kidman breaks the arm lock and rolls it over into a sunset flip one two NO. Al: "I'm impressed! You actually knew the name of it!" Then Loyd scares us by bringing up Gory Guerrero. Meanwhile, Chavo tried a clothesline but Kidman caught it, and it looked like he was going to try for the Gory Special, but Chavo quickly escaped and put it back on - then dropped Kidman with a face slam out of it! One two NO! Ah, Marc talked to Chavo. Al gives him a round of applause. Stomps. Choke on the top rope. Chavo goes up - off the rope ring rope neck snap. Chavo takes his time back in, stomp on his way back up - flying cross body gets dropkicked! Both down one two three four five six but Kidman is up - Kidman right but Chavo blocks it and hits his own (!) right right right misses, Kidman off the ropes and nails a jumping forearm. Whip, backdrop. Kidman is feeling it - Al says "fallaway slam" but it sure looks a lot more like the Michinoku Driver (and it would explain the familiar motion Kidman made before it) one two NO! Kidman goes for the corner punches but Chavo turns it around before he gets one on, then puts Kidman on top - top rope 'rana works! Cover one two no! Chavo goes for a slam, Kidman goes behind, Chavo with a back elbow but it's ducked and he spins around, Kidman tries a Northern Lights but Chavo shifts his weight and hits a huge DDT - one two NO! What will it take for someone to win? (Someone to try a finisher.) Chavo yells at Brian Hebner, then goes to stomping. Forearm. Push in the corner, treating Kidman's stomach like a punching bag, finishing off with a European uppercut. Corner whip, Kidman bounces out into a kick, powerbomb doesn't work faceslam. One two three. (5:25) Stop that already. That's SO annoying.

Still to come, bikini highlights. Later, Albert vs Hugh. But next, HITC preview.

There was a Get the F out promo here but I didn't feel like stopping to time it.

At the desk, Al and Loyd discuss HITC. And here are some highlights. (2:47) Graphic. They like calling it a Triple Main Event, but it doesn't feel that way. 

This hair vs hair promo makes me wonder why they don't call it a Quadruple Main Event.

the Godfather (w/the walking stick and earlier tonight) vs Funaki - Loyd explains that Godfather used the walking stick on Faarooq last week, too. So now you know. Loyd figures the shot Godfather delivered earlier might have hurt Faarooq enough that he'll be unable to repay the favor. Godfather attacks Funaki in pre-match celebration! That just ain't right! Hard shot to the turnbuckle, right, right, right, right, slam. Stomp, stomp, stomp. You can see the whole front row of people get up moving around - I have no idea why, but it's distracted. I think they're all going for snacks. Boot choke. Corner whip, charge into a boot. Funaki with the drop toe hold on to the second rope, and a dropkick to the head. Godfather rests halfway on the apron, and Funaki hits a slingshot double axhandle (where a legdrop would have been much cooler) to knock him out of the ring. Stomp, stomp, thrown in, Funaki going up, flying cross body one two big kickout. Funaki is worried now, but he ducks the clothesline, cross body is caught and power slammed. Elbow drop. Elbow drop. Elbow drop. Off the ropes, elbow drop. Godfather out, elbow on the apron. Back in Right. Measured right. Talking. Slam. Going to the second rope, this won't work. Posing, legdrop misses. Funaki manages not to take control despite it, Godfather with a kick, whip, Funaki slides under, kick caught, enziguri not. Right, whip, reversed, Godfather pulls him into a knee, and there's a big back breaker. One two three. (3:08) He doesn't want his hand raised.

1-800-Call-AT&T and tell them about the new Woman's champion.

This (not really) led to stuff on Smackdown (3:01) And this is a match at Judgment Day. 

Albert vs Hugh Morrus - Loyd brings up the Hugh Morrus/Lance Storm feud that was never resolved. If this wasn't Jakked, I'd think that was hinting at a run in. Lots of people leaving again. Lockup, Hugh pushed away. Lockup, Hugh ducks and punches, Albert with the double choke and yelling, forearm is ducked and Hugh hits jabbed. Hugh ducks Albert's right, corner whip and Hugh Splash, corner with and corner splash but no one's home. Albert scoops him up - run back first into one corner, run back first into another corner, running powerslam, one two no. Punches to the head, off the ropes, big splash, one two no. Albert argues the count with Teddy Long. Whip, head down too soon and Hugh kicks it. Albert not going down. Hugh off the ropes, and the clothesline doesn't get him. Again, and no. A third time, but this time Albert delivers it. Turnbuckle shots and then clubbing punches in the corner. Open hand slap. Another. Albert taunt the crowd and Hugh turns it around, with his own open hand slaps and then corner punches - all 10. Corner whip, Hugh gets up a back elbow, and Albert charges out into a powerslam, but Hugh is too out of it to cover. Battle of punches, Hugh wins, whip, back elbow. Albert misses a clothesline, Hugh with a big shoulderblock. Corner whip (another?), Hugh charges in and hits the Albert Smash. Albert falls into position, so Hugh goes up - well, he'll take his time doing it - flying elbow (so he's losing) one two no. Why would he do that? That was really dumb. Albert gets in a chop to the throat, corner whip, Albert Smash. Albert going up to the second rope - second rope moves never work in the WWE. Hugh going up again (this time for the moonsault) - but taking way too much time so Albert's gonna pull him off and powerbomb him, but Hugh some how slips free and lands on his feet. Albert clothesline misses (again) but the scissors kick hits one two three. (4:24)

I miss the end again. Hype for Judgment Day and that's it - if they mentioned the change, I missed it.

Next week, I'm taping (and likely recapping) all four hours of changed programming - we'll sort out what's worth keeping then. 

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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