One Year Ago On Heat, MTV begged viewers to flip to CBS to watch their halftime show (and some game). Billy Gunn beat Albert, Saturn beat Raven in a non-title, non-Hardcore match, Steven Richards talked and got beat up by Steve Blackman, Al Snow beat Essa Rios and the Dudleyz retained the tag team titles in a handicap match against Tiger Ali Singh and Lo Down. Nothing from WWFNY, so UK Heat's only difference for Gav Duenas was wacky censoring - Steve Blackman's attack on Steven Richards is removed (using nunchucks is wrong), and part of the main event is edited (using a t-shirt as a weapon is wrong.) To fill time, a very special video about Miss Jackie was included. I don't think I'm kidding.

Four Weeks To Tough Enough 2. And since that and this are on stable times, the silver lining to the end of Daria is that I don't have to search the listings to find anything worthwhile on MTV.

The dark cloud is all the mini-edits they made to the commercial version of the movie. I guess it really would have killed them to run a little over and fill out the hour with videos - like perhaps the Garbage one (Shirley Manson has the same disease as Michael Jackson!) but it's done and over and I don't plan on caring about stupid stuff when there's nothing I can do about it.

That's a perfect segue...

TVPGLV attitude 

Earlier - Stacy Kiebler arrived. Someone pulling up in a limo, that reminds of something. 

Open.

Your hosts are Tazz and Michael Cole and a WWF Tag Team Championship Belt. Stacy dances later!

the Godfather (w/5 ESCORTS) vs Lance Storm (w/last Monday)- Speaking of segues! Godfather brings back the old "come out alone, get booed, bring out the hos escorts" bit. They haven't bothered to update his video yet. We go (1:48) before Storm's music clicks in. More time is killed while all the Escorts slowly leave the ring - Lance wastes no time attacking once the ring is clear - punches punches punches. Vest pulled off and forearms. Yell at ref, run into a big boot. Whip, back elbow. Choke on the top rope. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, ESCORT Train. It's just "the Train" officially now, and Lance wisely rolls out. Lance pulls out Godfather, forearms, throw into the steps. Lance breaks the count, throws Godfather in, goes to the apron - springboard clothesline one two no. Cole brings up what was mentioned already this weekend: Austin/Angle, Show/Kane for RAW. Lance charges Godfather in the corner but finds corner post - there's the Train. I believe this would be the Shango Backbreaker - one two three. (1:57, 15) Oh, it's certainly something to see the Godfather back - that was a Goldberg-esque effort! 

Cole and Tazz hype up the rest of the show, but it's break time now.

This Kidnapped show is just the MTV saying "We can do Fear Factor - and make it EVEN WORSE!" isn't it. Isn't it.

Slim Jim Random Venis Speech of Monday.

Tazz and Cole give credit to Val Venis for getting a stunner from Stone Cold - well, they didn't say it like that.

Val Venis is out to kill some time. Val is a LADIES MAN, please don't call him a porn star or ask him why he's wearing that towel anymore. That's a great tweak job, JR. You all don't treat me near well enough to transcribe this - just go read the RAW report and get the gist. Val's material has aged badly. Is he a face or a heel? Announcers are selling him like a face but this seems more like something that's gonna get boos from guys rather quick. Are they playing the PMS music for the chick he picked? About some section of the crowd to pick the plant, and right next to a security person. Tazz is jealous of the chick. Shockingly, the chick waves the towel around her head just like the last one. This is someone's music, I know. Trying to figure it out is far more interesting that what else is going on. (5:00)

For no good reason, Stacy is dancing on top of the marquee on WWFNY.

Highlights from the Rumble - What a great way to have the Hardys win - be ineffective 2 on 1 on the Undertaker (they do help him get eliminated) and then NO TV FOR YOU. Here's a free out for the WWF person who isn't reading this: They were suspended for their illegal re-entry, as was Undertaker. It is nice that Maven got his tights and boots finally - maybe for Christmas? (1:47) 

Cole makes the case that others have this last week - Maven was never officially eliminated from the Royal Rumble, so to make it up to him, someone (Ric? Vince?) decided that he should get a shot at the WWF Undisputed Title on Monday Night. Whoa, Maven actually has a graphic, who wouldn't thunk it. "I swear, this kid Maven must have a horseshoe up his butt..." He eliminated Undertaker, so maybe he could beat Jericho. Cole says Jericho is calling himself a fighting champion so HE (Jericho) is the one giving Maven the title shot, hmmm. We're apparently not sure what kind of shape Maven is in, though - 

And they quickly forget as they're distracted more by Stacy dancing on the marquee still. I don't why it's a bigger deal to have her dancing inside the building - she ain't gonna be any closer to me (and I don't think we're getting closer camera shots to these.) 

Actually, I know a way this bit ends up working for me (hint: it involves Tazz, a 3D and a table) but the WWF hasn't been that good to me in quite a while.

Also having graphics are Kane, and the Big Show. Match! On! Raw! 

Billy & Chuck (w/Last Monday) vs Crash & Funaki in a "Winner Can Get Their Full Name Back" - Cole keeps hyping one of these teams as a possible challenger for the tag team titles - pencil it in for No Way Out? I guess Crash and Funaki are good guys this week, but Crash is pointing to Funaki's Evil to confuse me. Billy and Chuck can't decide who's starting. It'll be Chuck vs Crash. Lockup, no Crash is thrown down. Charge with a clothesline but Crash goes behind with a waistlock. Palumbo is amused, and hits the back elbow. Hey, Palumbo's in the ring and they're bringing up the N-W-O for the first time, that's kinda funny. They don't play like they've never heard those letters together before, but they do talk much more about Vince than those letters. Crash thrown down by the back of his head. Billy laughs at Crash getting knocked down, so Crash runs over and decks Billy, only to get decked by Chuck. Whip, head down too soon so Crash forearms it, then he goes behind and does the QB stuff again. Chuck also misses the clothesline but does hit the back elbow. Crash mad a tag that Chuck didn't see - top rope cross body by Funaki - Off the ropes, tilt-a-whirl headscissors on Funaki. Chuck stumbles over to a tag out. Billy and Funaki take their time locking up. Lockup no Funaki ducks under and goes by, Billy turns around, right right whip reversed, Billy flapjack. Billy is very proud of himself. Stomp run into Palumbo's boot. Tag to Chuck. Stomp. Stomp. Run hard into the corner turnbuckle. Kickdown in the corner. Boot choke. Discus punch always hurts Chuck's hand, that's how hard it is. Tag, hold for Billy's kick. Cover one two no. Cover one two no. Right. Tag to Chuck, hold for a punch to the midsection. Cover one two NO. Funaki fights back, off the ropes, overhead belly to belly suplex - not a toss like sometimes. Cover one two CHUCK PULLS HIM UP. Again Cole talks about Jericho saying he's a fighting champion and giving Maven this title shot. Running powerslam but Funaki slides off, pushes Chuck into the corner, ducks the clothesline, jumping swinging DDT! Chuck's mistake might cost them right here - both slow to a tag, tag to Billy, tag to Crash. Forearm for Billy. Forearm for Billy. Dropkick for Chuck, kick for Billy is caught, enzuiguri is not (Billy flop here.)  Crash is rolling and covering one two Crash moves out of the way of an elbow drop from Billy. Right, kick, Crash bulldog but Palumbo gets free and Crash lands behind - back elbow, Billy with the Fameasser. Funaki slowly to the apron - cover one two (Chuck finnaly knocks Funaki off here) three. (5:19, 65) That wasn't half bad.

Stacy Keibler will dance. Probably.

Street fight impact. What's with showing the blood then going to black and white after a second? Just RAW here. (1:27) Tazz and Cole talk about ego and power and the N-W-O. Now on to Smackdown - thankfully, we only have to sit through he last bit (1:52) Cole almost says he doesn't know what the N-W-O is, but Tazz seems to have a clue!

Stacy Keibler has a leg - we quickly go to a Christian/DDP graphic, so I don't think we were supposed to see that yet.

Back to the leg. "If they think those dances were hard, they ain't seen nothing yet." Huh?

Leary goes serious voice for the #1 contender match, that's WACKY.

Final Fantasy X the Rock get screwed of Last Thursday

WHY UNDERTAKER WHY? 

WWF European Champion CHRISTIAN vs i hate diamond dallas page in a non-title matchup - ddp's all happy with his little hand signal but Christian points out he's got the belt. Circle, lockup, ddp pushes Christian into the corner, Christian with a Greco-Roman eye poke. Push into the corner, right right right right kick kick mock ddp's crappy pose. ddp throws Christian the corner, right, chop right kick kick kick kick ddp does his crappy pose - hey, when did this become a Hurricane match? Christian.  charges out, ducks one clothesline but another. Whip, side slam by ddp for one two no. Clothesline and out goes Christian. ddp does his crappy pose again. Christian pulls ddp out but ddp kicks him away - headfirst into the barricade, thrown in to the ring. Pose again. ddp goes for the diamond cutter, but Christian smartly holds on to the ropes to block and ddp goes down on his own. ddp head first into the turnbuckle, then shoulder blocked off the apron. Right, whip into the steps. Oooh, they ripped the WWF apron (you can see the Smackdown one underneath), that's coming out of someone's (ddp's) paycheck. Back in and stomping and punching. Choke on the ropes. Mocking ddp pose, ddp cheats with a low blow, off the ropes, kicked by Christian and he pulls out the abdominal stretch. ddp battles out, but Christian reverses to the reverse DDT backbreaker, one two NO! Cover one two NO! Christian's pissed and slapping the mat the crawling on the mat the just kicking it with his legs and he's not very happy, let me tell you. ddp's up in the corner and Christian's hitting him with the ten punches now - ddp pushes him off, so Christian just climbs back off and hits more. Charge again and he hits a clothesline and everyone's down. Christian gets a knee in first, ddp gets the better of the punches, discus clothesline but Christian ducks, reverse DDT (what was ddp trying to do there?) one two NO! DANG IT! Christian and I are ticked. Slam, no ddp falls behind, Diamond Cu-no Christian pushes him into the ropes, clothesline no ddp ducks aww CRAP Diamond Cutter one two three. (4:50, 50) Wrestling is surely fixed if such a crappy ending - NO DON'T REPLAY IT - anyway, ddp may be leaving through he crowd like a total suck up, but the guy in the ring? He's STILL GOT THE BELT.

On RAW, Austin vs Angle for the No Way Out! Jericho vs Maven! Big Show vs Kane! Vince and the N-W-O?

Stacy Keibler is finnaly out - she dances. What, do you want play by play? It wasn't worth sticking around for a whole hour.

That's it.