Two Years Ago, Alex Beckers saw Bulldog and Eddie Guerrero go to a DDQ, Saturn and D'Lo Brown win against Godfather and Dean Malenko, Rikishi easily defeat Gangrel, and T&A are unable to beat Chris Jericho in a handicap match ordered by Stephanie (and that Test wasn't happy with) thanks to some timely help from the Hardy Boyz.

One Year Ago, Big Show beats Billy Gunn in a non-title match, TAKA defeats Crash cleanly as Crash's LH losing streak continues, and APA takes out X-Factor (w/o X-Pac). Triple H fakes some massive injury to his quad muscle (and surgery!) to bump out a Essa Rios/Jerry Lynn match; what an evil manipulator. At WWFNY, not only is it Fleet Week, but Grand Master Sexay and Steve Blackman stop by, so Blackman can audition for his own commentator slot.

I was actually going to recap the Tough Enough Soundtrack Special, but it kinda boiled down to this: While not even bothering to remove hands from pocket a person from Cold lamely reads cue card, video plays, repeat till time is up.

attitude entertainment TV PG LV 

Hogan Retirement video package from Smackdown. (1:33)

open

fireworks. people with signs. people with beer. What a PPV it was a week ago. 

you better recognize D'Lo Brown (is stuck on Heat) vs Justin Credible - Your talking drones are Raven and Coach and they talk about the new Undisputed Champions. "It's an the end of an era that never should've started!" This is like a dream match for me. That probably says a lot. Circle. Lockup, headlock by D'Lo, Justin look for a way in, D'Lo slapping his bald head. Justin forearm to the side, forearm, push, but D'Lo comes back with a shoulderblock. "Stay down!" Off the ropes, over, hiptoss, blocked and D'Lo hits his own. Raven calls Tim White a whiner, and Coach (rightly) says Raven knows a lot about whining. Armdrag into an armbar. "Everything about this is starting to irate me." And it's only the first segment! Raven sounds like he has a cold. Justin up to his feet, right breaks his way loose. Coach says D'Lo had an impressive showing last week, which is Coach's code word for "he lost." D'Lo in the corner, kick, right, corner whip, reversed, Justin tries to catch D'Lo with a boot on the way in, but D'Lo catches the foot, "oh no you didn't!", pulling him around, tripping him up and what the heck was that? D'Lo steps his left foot in front of Justin's right leg (which he has a hold of), his other foot behind. Then, while still holding on, he rolls forward, making Justin roll backwards and land hard on his back. Almost like a rolling toe hold, I guess. Tough to describe - haven't seen much like it. D'Lo with a kick, right, right, whip, clothesline misses and Justin hits the spinning DDT. Stomp. Coach talks about Raven and the King, and Raven does give Coach credit for being better than the King. Turnbuckle smash, chop, jab jab jab right kick kick pulling powerbomb one two no. Snap mare, chinlock. Raven thinks Justin needs a mentor or some sort of manager, like Heyman, to guide his career. Unfortunately, he's not Lesnar. One arm drop, two arm drop, three - no, shocking. D'Lo gets the crowd behind him, back elbow, back elbow. Turnbuckle smash, kick, Justin steps back and sets up - this week, the baseball slide dropkick to the face misses and Justin gets crotched. Both slow up - Justin's right is blocked, D'Lo's is not, right, whip, flapjack. If Coach and Raven are to be believed, it's now the Shaky Shaky Legdrop. One two NO. Whip, clothesline misses and there's the D'Lo spinning side slam. Coach wonders if it has a name - I could use one now. One two no. D'Lo argues the count, then to the second rope - flying ax-handle but SUPERKICK! One two NO! Oh wow he's screwed. Whip, reversed, Ski-Hi one two three. (4:33) "Big win for D'Lo!"

Coming up, a Hardcore Title match. At least one.

RVD/Undertaker fun from RAW. (1:45)

Tommy Dreamer (w/Dreamer Vignette Highlights) vs the Boss Man (w/night stick) - I still don't know why we care about him in the ring, but whatever. Raven says these two fought two or three weeks ago on Heat, but it only feels that way. Lockup, no Boss Man with a knee, right right right right right headbutt choke right. Corner whip, corner splash. Choke. Corner punches - no, Dreamer takes him down with an inverted atomic drop and a clothesline follow up. Off the ropes, elbow drop. Cover one two no. Off the ropes, clothesline misses, Boss Man's forearm hits anyway. Right. Right. Hard corner whip. Boss Man out to hit the right. Celebrate. Cobra clutch! Well, kinda. Dreamer elbows out, off the ropes, and into a boot. One two no. Chin lock. The only one falling asleep is me. Dreamer elbows out again, tries for a slam but Boss Man falls on top for one two no. Raven speculates that Tommy is having some back problems." Turnbuckle smash, corner whip, charge into a double boot. Boss Man out into a slow powerslam. Russian legsweep, one two no. Raven: "You know, Tommy Dreamer's back has been bothering him for weeks..." Dreamer tries for the Death Valley Driver but his back hurt too much. Boss Man with a spine buster one two no. One two no. One two no. Hey, back injury, that might work out for Boss Man. Oh wait never mind, he's pushing Nick Patrick, Nick pushes back inside cradle one two three. (3:46) Boss Man throws a mini-tantrum.

In the back, Terri and Steven talk but don't really say much - Steven doesn't need Jazz's help to win. He insults Bradshaw without noticing him there, and then calls it a misquote. "Just to take the title! Just take the title! You're the champion! Someone's gonna get hurt out there." Bradshaw likes the idea of someone getting hurt. Steven cries. 

That match later, but next, Hogan clips.

Get the F out

Hogan on Smackdown. Smackdown is not RAW. They don't care. I don't care. You don't care. Let's all move on. Story this time is that Hogan wanted to retire. "Hulkamania is stronger than ever!" (6:10) Coming up later, that match.

Snickers Cruncher Countout of Monday

Sean Stasiak vs Spike Dudley - Raven does not want to talk about that clip. Show the guy who doesn't spell his name right. In protest, Raven will not read the advertisements. I have a rule recapping Stasiak matches - I let it go for a while to make a good impression while I started, but I've got a headache so it's back tonight. Raven complains about his mishandled career. Spike and Stasiak complete blow a second rope clothesline and there's absolutely no way they can hide it. I have no idea what was supposed to happen there, but it sure didn't. Our new (? - because they're acting like it's been happening for quite some time and I don't care enough to remember now) is that Stasiak is hearing voices and is distracted by them. Or working on his Damien DeMento impersonation. Mind you, I never actually saw Mr. DeMento but I only heard good things. Raven says Stasiak's dad was WWE champion. Raven also says Gourbuster and gets on Coach's case for not knowing the name of the move. Raven says many many things. No, wait, is it his Hawk impersonation? Dudley Dog one two three (2:04)

TE2 Highlights. (2:08) 

Raven has had enough of this. He grabs a microphone and goes into the ring. "You know, I've been with this company for nearly two years, and the treatment that I've received has been short, if not bereft, of anything resembling the quality that a superstar of my magnitude and intellect deserves. You know, fate is a cruel mistress and the hand that she has dealt me has left broke and busted. My latent skills have been overlooked, while others, of lesser ability, have been showered with attention and care. Well the oppression of my skills and the persecution of my soul will no longer be tolerated. You see, sometimes in life, we make our own choices. Sometimes, a choice is made for us. But sometimes, there is no choice - and therefore, I QUIT!" Raven throws down his microphone and walks up the stage. "Quit? Quit what? Did he quit Heat or did he quit WWE? I know Raven's been bitter, but to flat our quit in the middle of the show...wow. Wow." 

Moments Ago, Raven quit. Coach shows the empty seat - he's stuck alone for the rest of the hour. 

Steven Richards vs Bradshaw for the WWE Hardcore Championship - Coach isn't happy he's left by himself out here. He could segue this to Bradshaw but doesn't. Bradshaw goes under the ring to throw in weapons, but Steven throws them. Bradshaw doesn't realize it, apparently. Okay, now he might, and he might just be screwing with Steven. Steel steps are thrown in - and those, Steven can't quite move out. Now Bradshaw's in and we can start the match. So Steven's out - grabbing a lid as he runs away. Bradshaw chases Steven back in, but Steven is waiting. Lid, lid, off the ropes, into a boot. Hard forearm to the back, stomp. Lid lid lid lid lid lid lid - well, meanwhile, Crash (red) is here and he's grabbed the Stop sign. Bradshaw, having knocked Steven out, threatens the ref with a shot. Whip, clothesline misses, cross body is caught and there's the blockbuster suplex. Steven rolls to the floor. Crash is in - why is he attacking Bradshaw instead of Steven? Crash gets up steam, charges, and Bradshaw waves him by - the Stop sign hits the top rope and Crash runs into it. Short clothesline (or, if you're Coach, "a modified Clothesline From Hell") and Crash is out. Steven covers him one two three. (1:42) Coach explains that it doesn't matter who you cover as long as you cover someone - I suggest grabbing someone from the audience next time. Replays.

Hype from RAW, hype for Tough Enough, see you.