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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago on WWF Jakked, Marc Taylor watched the conductor of the Ho Train beat a member of the Posse, Gangrel impale Meanie and Droz and Albert squash on.

One Year Ago, WWF NY Metal, Kim saw Saturn and Essa squashes, Dean struggling but eventually getting Just Joe in the Texas Cloverleaf (a start of something) and Too Cool win their three way over Kaientai and Lo Down so we can get in tune with the new tune. 

TV 14 WWF Open.

Raven (w/Terri) vs Scotty 2 Hotty - Your announcers are the Coach and Chris Leary. The American Flag is on the entrance-tron. Locally, The U is now flag adorned locally. We're still using the generic, (both, unlike Smackdown) logo added graphics for the Alliance people. "God bless America, Scotty 2 Hotty is here!" Tough Enough is mentioned - Coach still has a hangover. Oh, I'm supposed to notice Raven wearing a skirt. Maybe he stole that from Saturn too. Maybe it's has to do with those Roddy Piper posters. Maybe he has nothing on underneath. Maybe this will never be explaining. Lockup, armbar by Raven, Scotty flips to reverse, hammerlock, Raven with his own, Scotty with elbows out, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Celebrate. Off the ropes, over, flying headscissors. Armbar, side kick. Armbar, Raven pushes him into the ropes for aw hip, over, and thrown out - no, Scotty grabs the ropes, pulls himself in and throws Raven out. Raven is wearing bicycle pants or short tights underneath, if you were still wondering. Scotty watches Raven, waits till he gets up and is staggering, off the far ropes, baseball slide dropkick connects. Raven thrown in, Scotty follows. Block not blocked. Whip into the corner, Raven gets up a back elbow, then the Mr. Wrestling #2 knee lift knocks Scotty out of the ring. Russian legsweep into the barrier. RVD had a bid week. Scotty thrown in. Elbow drop by Raven, one two kickout. Whip, head down too soon so Scotty knees him. Right right, miss, Raven misses, Scotty with a superkick. Clothesline. Clothesline. Whip, jumping back elbow. Scotty starts looking at the crowd. Raven staggers up, Scotty off the ropes, but Terri gets the leg. Scotty never hits it on the first try anymore! Raven with a right, corner whip, rebound clothesline is ducked, Scotty off the ropes, two handed bulldog, do the dance, make a little WORM. Leary does the sound effects, which annoys Coach. Did Coach or Cole invent "Stop the pain?" Terri to the rope - cross body but Scotty saw it coming and moved out of the way. I guess that's a not a DQ if she just missed. Oh, wait, she's down on the mat and Scotty has that look (where did Raven go?) Scotty tries to give Terri his Worm but Raven attacks him from behind (oh) - kick wham Raven Effect. One Two Three (3:35)

Still to come, Jericho/RVD rematch on Smackdown. And a look back at Tough Enough. And a look back at Kurt's title win, next.

So, like Kurt Angle won the WWF title. Really. Let them show you. I believe Undertaker whispered to Angle "That whole 'milk on the bike' thing is forgiven." Much is made of the ring apron grab - we get two replays with spot shadows before going on to Shane and Earl on RAW. It's good that Earl didn't change his mind because there's about a billion matches where some face could do the same thing Shane just did, and that would make interference really not good. On to Smackdown, where Kurt Angle is a smart guy. Look at no Austin on RAW, no Austin on Smackdown (why did they do that swerve?) and then WWF tag team title match. Maybe we'll see the WCW title change later. (6:30)

Still to come, Hugh vs Gunn, Albert vs Awesome, but next, the newest WWF superstars.

Tough Enough stuff. I would've picked Taylor, but at the same time, I'm pretty sure I don't know everything. Let's go back to the live footage - the winners. Taylor's a class act for being so happy for Nidia before letting the disappointment take over. Taylor's "This is my dream to be in the WWF and they don't want me" quote gets in. You know, considering what Jim Cornette said over on, she may be better off. You can tell they really want them to say they're not giving up. (1:57)

Mike Awesome vs Albert - Coach wasn't prepared for the emotions, but he talks around a "did you cry?" question. Albert comes out to the Uncle Cracker song, but it's really buried under layers of crowd and announcers. Leary wants to say something about Taylor later but never does. Headlock by Albert to start off, Awesome tries to fight out, off the ropes, no Albert has it on and keeps it in the middle of the ring. Push in the corner and a break. Awesome's holding his head, I think he's trying to con a hairpull. Or maybe he's selling the headlock. Kick, kick by Awesome. Corner whip but Albert ain't going. Kick and Awesome is thrown out (landing on his feet.) Albert out and clubbed with rights. Whip, reversed by Albert, Awesome over the shoulder, Albert tries to run him into the corner post but Awesome falls behind and pushes Albert in. Awesome slams the left arm in. Rights to the shoulder blade. Arm rammed in again. Talking about New York. Back in, Awesome with an armbar and working on the arm. Awesome (and maybe Albert) were talking to Arn sometime before the match, I think. Stretching the arm over the ropes. Break for the five count, then do it again. Albert gets in a right but Awesome retakes control, armbar, crank, crank, Albert with punches with the free hand but Awesome cranks it again and Albert's down to his knees in pain. Kicks to the bad arm. LEARY PICKS UP THE STORY! Maybe he got tired of listening to Coach go on and started watching the match. Snap mare, armbar and a push to the head. Coach says Awesome is not the "sharpest knife in the drawer." Albert with punches with his free hand, but one misses and Awesome quickly back suplexes him. Stomp on the arm! Awesome is focused. Awesome is going up. Awesome is stalling. Awesome is flying, and Albert is moving out of the way. Was that supposed to be a double stomp on the arm? Looked like an awkward landing for a splash, but he could have been trying to land on his feet. Both men down. Right by Awesome, Albert blocks and hits with his own (good arm.) Another right, and then grabbing the left shoulder in pain. Whip (oops bad arm), scissors kick. Cover one two kickout. Albert corner squash. Grabbing the arm. Albert going for his second rope splash - it connects! One two Awesome smartly just grabs the rope. Albert waves Awesome up (with his good arm.) Awesome up - one hand choke (with his good arm), he gets the second arm on but can he hit it? Not quick enough and Awesome is punching the bad arm to break it up. Awesome off the ropes, big boot! Awesome going up again, taking too much time. Albert up, right stops Awesome on the top rope. What's he's gonna do - superplex? No, Awesome punches him, stops it, gets on the top rope, sunset flips down to the the mat and loads Albert up - AWESOME BOMB NO! Albert slides down, Awesome turns around, Baldo Bomb. One two three. (4:28) Awesome celebrates but grabs his shoulder again. Oh man, if Albert would have not been able to use Baldo Bomb because of his bad shoulder and had to win some other way or Awesome won, I would have given that many snowflakes and proclaimed it's greatness far and wide. STILL, that's the best Albert/Mike Awesome match EVER and quite likely the best match on this show in some time. Props to them and whoever helped put this together. I'd ramble more, but then I'd start to go into my idea about how this should be a sub-feud of a X-Factor (new member Billy Gunn until I think of someone better) versus Alliance's Impact Players (Justin, Lance, Awesome) and you don't want to look at me like that. GOOD MATCH.

Coming up later, Kaientai vs Tommy Dreamer and Chuck Palumbo. But next, RVD, Y2J, SMH.

DDP is creepy. "You're gonna see why DDP has never had a bad day in his life." The weird wrinkles around his eyes scare me more than teeth, but I don't think that's intentional. (1:30)

Slim Jim Stephanie Push of Last Monday. 

So, RVD wasn't happy to see Stephanie on Smackdown, but like Stephanie cares what people say (unless it's a fan's sign about her breasts.) (3:20)

Coming up, Kaientai. Next, Billy Gunn. 

Hugh Morrus vs the one Billy Gunn - Coach can't back to Kansas City for No Mercy. Lockup, no slam by Morrus and taunting the crowd. Forearm, and now you've just made Billy mad. Series of rights, whip, armdrag, hiptoss, slam. Clothesline and Hugh is out. Billy belatedly follows and just throws Hugh in. Up to the apron, shoulder for Hugh but Hugh still manages to snap his neck over the ropes. Gunn only falls on the apron, so Hugh picks him up and runs him chest first into the ring post. Coach talks about a possible power struggle and Leary annoys him by saying in five seconds what Coach was trying to say in a minute. This Leary kid is growing on me. Hugh stretching the arm around the rope. I'm not a big fan of that move. Like you care. Now Gunn's having shoulder problems too and Coach is picking up on the theme (well, except for the Raven match) and wouldn't it be cool if this was a bonafide angle - "Alliance guys are getting smarter in the ring - why? Who's responsible? In the mean time, enjoy this psychology." Because then back to back matches going after the left arm would be a clue, instead of repetitive. Gunn breaks free with punches on his free hand, off the ropes, right into the powerslam one two kickout. Still, it's good. Gunn with his jabs, off the ropes, back elbow, Hugh staggered, off the ropes, right into the flapjack. Gunn might have landed on his left side first there, but he's not moving. Hugh going out, now stalling, now moving, now stalling, now up, flying elbow drop (towards the left shoulder) misses because Gunn moves out of the way. Hey, wait, is that the shoulder Gunn hurt? That would add depth but no one tells me. Gunn up first, clothesline. Clotheslined. Dropkick. That was a nice one. One two kickout. Whip, reversed, knee by Hugh, no Gunn reverses it (using his bad arm, oy) into the One and Only cobra clutch. Gunn holds it there (perhaps expecting a pop for the tease - one person screamed - or maybe as selling for the shoulder or maybe both) but Hugh elbows out. Kick, powerbomb. Hugh lost control and almost dropped Gunn on his head and visibly checks to make sure he can still feel things before going on to the top rope. Leary likes the Christian theme song, Coach does not. Hugh going for No Laughing Matter but taking too much time and Billy moves out of the way again. Hugh struggling to get up, Billy up, off the ropes, Fameasser, one two three. (3:53) This was no Mike Awesome/Albert. 

Like Tough Enough? Give the WWF money.

Lugz Kissmission of last Monday. Nothing happened Thursday that was advertising worthy. 

Kaientai vs Tommy Dreamer & Chuck Palumbo - I believe this is the first time TAKA and Funaki have come out first in DECADES. TAKA looks at his hands, realizes there's no microphone, and gets on with it. No flags either. They're still wearing their shirts - so is that guy. TAKA does the shirt gag though. Dreamer and Palumbo come out to Dreamer's music and video. Oh, we saw that piece to hype the Torrie/Tajiri vs Stacy/Tazz match. Chuck is amused to be in the ring against Funaki and makes a "short" hand gesture in case we're not sure. Actually, that's the "you must be this tall to go on this ride" gesture. Lockup, Chuck pushes Funaki down. Coach stats talking about the many times he's been the object of multiple women, much like Tajiri. It's better when Michael Hayes does Michael Hayes. Lockup, no Funaki ducks under and smacks Palumbo. Palumbo's left holding his nose. Funaki realizes he must've pissed off the guy and takes off, Palumbo in chase. Funaki in, Palumbo in, Funaki with a cross body, Palumbo makes a nice catch, TAKA with a dropkick to put Funaki over the top, one two kickout. Double whip, double dropkick. Dreamer in, double kick, double suplex. TAKA out, Dreamer stays in (we're playing under lucha rules or something.) Armbar by Funaki, right to the left arm. Tag to TAKA. Kick to the arm. Axhandle to the arm. Corner whip, reversed, Tommy charges and goes into the ring post, left shoulder first. This must be a contest of some sort. Armbar, tag to Funaki, Funaki to the top and a flying chop to the shoulder. Armbar. Push in the corner, Funaki has to break, and Dreamer gives him a (bad) shoulder. now punches and kicks, Dreamer holds the shoulder and tags out. Palumbo charges in and Funaki kindly moves out of the way - right, right, right, corner whip, reversed and Palumbo gets in a back elbow. Shot to TAKA, TAKA wants in but that doesn't work. Palumbo goes for a powerbomb but Funaki slips behind, off the ropes, pulled down by the hair by Dreamer. Palumbo holds him by the hair and tags to Dreamer. Slam.  Funaki thrown shoulder first into the post. Dreamer with his own armbar. Tag to Palumbo. Running Funaki's back into the post. Stretching the arm. Pushes to the face to annoy Funaki, and Funaki starts with punching back. Off the ropes, belly to belly suplex by Chuck. Cover, one two kickout. Armbar. Tag to Dreamer. Kick to the arm. Turnbuckle shot. Corner whip, reversed into the kick to the face. Funaki out, right into the Lo Down, one two kickout. Dreamer gets Funaki up in a fireman's carry, but before he can do whatever he wanted to, Funaki slides partly out and hits a reverse DDT. Somehow, we get into a discussion about Leary possibly being gay. They both need a tag. Tag to Chuck, tag to TAKA. TAKA ducks the Chuck charge, shotay, shotay, duck, kick is caught by Dreamer but enzuiguri (looking sharp) is not. Kick to Palumbo, push in the corner, double corner whip, Funaki whipped in with a knee, TAKA hits a jumping knee. Springboard heel kick for Dreamer! Dreamer rolls out. Funaki with a drop toe hold on Palumbo, camel clutch, TAKA claps, slaps, runs, sliding dropkick to Dreamer on the outside, dropkick to Chuck's face! TAKA celebrates, Funaki goes for a pescado but misses (again on Dreamer.) Dreamer tries to get in the ring, superkick. TAKA turns around, Jungle Kick. There's no one left to kick Palumbo (face still hurts) so one two three. (5:20)

Tomorrow night on Heat, Raven vs Perry Saturn. Also, Tazz/Stacy vs Tajiri/Torrie. No host? None hyped.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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