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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago, on UK Metal Kirk Wagstaff saw

One Year Ago, Christian beat Grandmaster Sexay using his feet for leverage, Test won a squash, and Essa Rios beat Samoa Joe. Long video packages to put me to sleep, too.

TV 14LDV attitude open

this is a test (261 days) vs you think you know edge - your announcers are Coach and Leary. Stupid WCIU has started using one of those "You Are Watching:" banners, boo. World's Wildest Police Videos is next! Leary declares it the biggest WrestleMania of ALL TIME. Okay, Test on here is almost normal, but what's EDGE doing here? The problem with seeing people I actually do like on this program is that sometimes I know it's not a good sign that they are. Leary brings the recent Edge history - ie, he's probably a bit bummed that he won't be defending or fighting for that IC Title in Toronto - he's not on the card at all, yet. Your ref is Teddy Long. Lockup, Test pushes him into the corner. Test throws a right but Edge ducks, forearm forearm forearm forearm. Corner whip, drop toe hold on the rebound. Dropkick, waiting, armdrag and the armbar is on. Test quickly up to a knee, then to his feet, knee lift. Test with a right, whip to the far ropes, Test misses the clothesline, Edge off the near ropes and hitting the flying wheel kick. Kick to the midsection, off the ramp ropes, swinging neckbreaker. One two NO. He ain't Disco. Off the far ropes and right into Test's knee. Test pulls Edge up by the hair but Edge fires back with forearms. Leary and Coach make fun of Test on Fear Factor. Whip off the announce ropes, reversed into a Test knee, pumphandle slam one two NO! Test pounds the mat in frustration, wishing it was two years ago when that was his finisher. Test argues the count with Teddy Long, then sets up for the boot as Edge pulls himself up on the ramp side of the ring. Running but Edge ducks under, off the announce ropes, SPEAR! Hook the leg one two NO! Edge can't believe it. Edgecution - no, Test blocks at the last second, spins out, kick to the midsection, powerbomb but Edge slips behind for the sunset flip one two three! (2:28, 70) Quick win for Edge there. Edge gets his hand raised - and a big boot upside the face! Test scares Teddy Long out of the ring - I think he's unhappy about the count. Edge has to recover quick - he's got Mr. Perfect tomorrow now!

Coming up, Triple H had harsh words for his wife, Dudleyz vs Tazz/Spike in a PPV rematch but next, Austin and the nWo.

Tough Enough 2 ad shows Jake, Anni, Linda, Aaron, Kenny, Alicia, Danny (he and Alicia must've been focused on because they were the top alternates for either side), Matt, Rob, Jesse (no i?), Hawk, Pete, and Jackie. Who did I screw up on instead of Rob? SHAD - but we saw him at home, that's odd. Something's definitely up with that. The actual season premiere is next week.

nWo - starting with the apology two weeks ago Smackdown. This has the feeling of going on forever so I fast forward. They don't bother to clip up the RAW stuff AGAIN, what's with that? You can see Hall's block dripping sand before actually hits. (7:20) Stone Cold vs Scott Hall at nWo. Also, the Rock vs Hollywood Hogan. Is it just me, or does every time they say the Rock's the future, you kinda get confused - his time is NOW. To make it weirder, Leary calls (reads the script and says) Hogan "the past and present."

Goldust returns to Jakked, later on. But coming up, the Dudleyz are still made at Tazz and Spike for never giving them a return title match, so they get their revenge next.

the Dudley Boyz (w/Stacy Keiber) vs Spike Dudley and Tazz - The Tag Team Title Shot is up for grabs, so the Dudleyz boys SHOULD be a little happier. And maybe this team too. You're still watching Jakked. Bubba and Tazz lockup. Scotty and Albert have a little surprise later, but the way keep saying little, it's a midget. Tazz with the headlock takedown. Bubba with the leg scissors. Tazz breaks free, both up to their feet, single leg trip by Tazz and a cover for one. Cole's on vacation, so Coach is on Heat tomorrow. Bubba with a knee, armbar. Leary complains about Coach complaining about people going vacation. Anyway, Coach hopes Tazz wins so he's in a good mood tomorrow night. Tazz reverses the armbar into a Northern Lights Suplex, no bridge! Kick to the gut, off the ropes, Brooklyn Boot. Spike with awful rights. Whip, reversed, Bubba puts his head down too soon, Spike kicks it (Spike's strike need a farther zoomed on camera shot - hey, why aren't we getting the base shot during this match) and then tries for the victory rolls, but Bubba falls backwards into the electric chair suplex. Tag to D-Von, forearm to back. Elbow to the back. Coach questions the APAs sense, in giving up their shot at being on WM for a shot on Smackdown. Corner whip, D-Von charges in to Spike's boot, but Bubba whips him from the apron into ropes and into D-Von's powerslam, one two no. Bubba tagged in (normal camera showed back up), Spike with decent forearms, off the ropes, Bubba puts his head down too soon, Spike with a sunset flip but he can't get Bubba over, Bubba sits down but Spike moves out of the way. Spike off the ropes, but Bubba monkey flips him. Shot to Tazz on the apron. Slam, and as Jimmy Kordeas checks on Tazz, D-Von hits the flying headbutt to the groin. Tag to Bubba, kick. Slam, oh he's going up. Second rope. Yelling. Missing the senton. Coach: "I wonder what would happen if someday, somehow, Bubba actually lands that." Between that and the APA comments, Coach is a thinking man tonight. Tazz would like the tag. Tag to D-Von, tag to Tazz, Clothesline, clothesline, whip, backdrop. Right to Bubba. Overhead belly to belly for D-Von. Cover one two no. Whip by D-Von, reversed into T-Bone Suplex. One two Bubba drops the elbow but Tazz saw it coming. T-Bone for Bubba! Tag to Spike, and Tazz looks out of the ring at Bubba, which gives D-Von to just run him over and knock him violently out of the ring. Spike goes for the Dudley Dog, and it hits! One two well, that close to the ropes you knew something was gonna happen and it's Bubba pulling Spike out - Spike gives him a right. Spike going up to the top rope, but Stacy is up and pushing him off, to the floor! Stacy celebrates on the apron, so Tazz sneaks up on her and puts her in the Tazzmission. Stacy does not tap out (she knows it doesn't matter) and Tazz turns right into the 3D. D-Von covers one two three (4:36, 80) BOTH ANNOUNCERS POINT OUT TAZZ IS NOT THE LEGAL MAN. What happened here? I could get too like the job they did on that match. The cynic says "They had notes and worked harder than usual since these guys are more RAW talent than this show AND Tazz probably asked them to point out the wrong man getting pinned" but if it gets the result I like hearing in the end... Anyway, during the match, they mentioned 

Tough Enough Casting Special Montage! I guess Chavo's officially a "WWF Superstar". Who will be the next Maven? (:35)

Still to come, Scotty and Albert. But next, Triple H and Stephanie. 

They're gonna do that "You Are Watching" deal coming out of EVERY break, yeech. No really, they hyped this segment as Triple H and Stephanie. If they could have found a way to make it work, it'd be Triple H vs Stephanie at WM, you know? Jericho's just the warm body to stand in. (4:44

Scotty and Albert vs Funaki and Saturn, later. But next, Tajiri vs Goldust.

Starburst Wrestlemania Moment is WM 12 - HBK's entrance, Bret getting the Sharpshooter on as time ran out, Superkick one two three. 

The referee for the next match is Miss Jackie.

WWF Hardcore Champion Goldust (w/back to Smackdown) vs WWF Crusierweight Title Tajiri (w/Torrie Wilson) in a non title match - I think we're hiding someone's entrance to obscure the lack of Hardcore Title - I wonder how far in advance they must've had it planned, then? Coach says the 24/7 rule was "almost forgotten." Hey, if it's a 24/7 title, how is the title not on the line? Maybe Tajiri said "[Japanese]", and Torrie translated it to "I'm already not doing much with one title, why would I want that one?" How come Tajiri needs someone to translate Japanese to English for him, but can understand English when someone else speaks it? Goldust's entrance is long, but it's not as big as Val Venis. Fink does not announce him as "WWF" champion. Coach wonders if Tajiri's moonlighting as an agent and got a cut of that shampoo deal, after what we saw on Smackdown. Lockup, Goldust pushes Tajiri away. Goldust deep breath and flick at Tajiri. And again. Tajiri whips himself off and then mimics. Lockup, headlock, Goldust off the ramp ropes, off the announce ropes, whipping Tajiri into the ropes, atomic drop, double leg taked own, catapult no he can't get it going, so he punches Tajiri in the head a couple times before trying again - here's the catapult into the ropes and back on to Goldust's knees. Corner whip, Goldust puts him on the top rope, going up to - second rope bulldog. Torrie's on the apron to complain about this squash, and Goldust goes over - Miss Jackie breaks that up before something can happen and tells Torrie to get off the apron. Meanwhile, Tajiri is setting up, SUPERKICK, backflip splash one two NO! Corner whip, reversed, Goldust charges in and gets the Tarantula. Well, eventually. Tajiri setting up for a big kick, but Goldust ducks. Goldust goes for the Curtain Call (though that's not what he's calling it any more), Tajiri falls behind, spinning back heel kick, small package one two no. Setting up for the knockout kick, but it's ducked again, Goldust goes for the Curtain Call again, Tajiri slips out of that but right into the reverse neckbreaker - that's now the Shattered Dreams. One two three. (2:25, 25) In case you forget, even the best cruiserweight can't beat a mid-range heavyweight.

Lugz Bad Skit Idea of RAW.

Scotty 2 Hotty and Albert (w/midget) vs Crash Perry Saturn and (sho) Funaki - See, I told you! The midgets pants say Samson, so there you go. Perry's not pleased at all with being the replacement Crash and telling Funaki as much. I think Funaki promises Saturn that he's not going to regret this. Saturn wants a piece of Albert but Nick Patrick stops him. Leary calls WM "an electric, electrifying event." Funaki and Scotty start out. Clap. Lockup, armbar by Scotty, twist, whip, reversed, Funaki with a punch, but Scotty ducks under and then does a mock bow. Funaki watches and gets kicked - vertical suplex, kip up and moonwalk to a tag . Albert in and Funaki's not really happy when realizes the situation. Funaki points and tells Albert looks - punch is still blocked. Albert spins Funaki around by his hand a few times, then clotheslines him. Spinebuster toss into a catapult position - it's time for the Giant Swing. As Albert spins Funaki one way, Samson runs the other way. Why? I dunno. Scotty and me count - I think we both lose count but get to ten. Everyone's dizzy, except Saturn so he runs in and forearms Albert from behind. That annoys Albert and the midget, who wants to beat up Perry. Albert holds the midget back, but Samson wants to get at him again, so Albert sits him on the rope and tells him to stop. Funaki made the tag to Saturn somewhere in this comedy match. Lockup, push in the ropes, Saturn slips behinds, forearms. Albert with rights, Patrick backs him off and Saturn sneaks in a kick. Whip, headbutt to the midsection. (Saturn pulls it noticeably with Albert, unlike what he usually does.) Shot to the back. Albert with a right. Rights from both guys and no one winning. Saturn ducks one, waistlock, ALbet with back elbows. Saturn charges, right into a clothesline. Corner whip, Albert charges into a back elbow. Springboard dropkick. Cover one two no. Saturn with a headlock - big back suplex. We're in "hit all the rest of the things that happened this week mode here", having talked about Fear Factor's ratings, Mark Henry and Arnold, and now on to Christian's mood. Tag to Scotty. Armbar, no knee from Saturn. Whip, head down too soon and Scotty kicks it, off the ropes, kicked in the back by Funaki, right for Scotty, reverse rollup on Saturn (knocking Funaki off the apron) but the ref is paying attention to Albert one no. Funaki trips up Scotty and Saturn lands an elbow. Elbow. Announcers speculate if Nick Patrick is actually messing up on purpose - wha?  Push in the ropes, sunset flip by Scotty one two no. Overhead belly to belly by Saturn. Tag to Funaki, Scott crawls but Funaki holds him from going. Grabbing him by the leg - that can only lead to the enzuiguri. Tag to Albert. Shoulderblock for Funaki. Again. Back elbow for Saturn. Albert Smash for Funaki. Albert Smash for Saturn. Dancing rights for Funaki, but Saturn gives him the T-Bone. Scotty with punches for Saturn but Funaki nails him in the back but Albert nails him in the back - Albert whips Funaki in the corner, whips Saturn into the corner, and Scotty rides Albert into the corner - but Saturn moves out of the way. SUPERKICK for Scotty. Rights by Albert, corner whip, reversed, Albert smashes Funaki in the corner, and comes out to hit the scissors kick on Funaki. Funaki drops right in position, but where's Scotty? He's still down from the superkick, so Albert pulls Scotty up, sets him up, and slaps Scotty on the butt to wake him up. What was funny was they were talking about Chuck and Billy during this on Metal and somehow didn't make a connection here. W O R M woo woo woo who who who ya. Giant Albert splash and Funaki's dead. One two three. (5:38, 50) nWo member on RAW.

On Heat - RVD vs Lance Storm. Edge vs Mr. Perfect. Tazz and Coach are your announcers! RAW is from Austin, Texas - a nWo member will be in in-ring action.

The Cubs Fan
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