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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago, Marc Taylor (and Kirk Wagstaff on UK Metal) watched Godfather beat Mideon, Tazz and Test team up to push Bossman and Godfather to a double CO, Essa Rios upset D'Lo and Funaki sneak a win over Thrasher.

One Year Ago, on WWF Metal, Alex Carnevale and I saw Raven (w/o Ninja) beat Crash (w/o Molly), Essa Rios and Billy Gunn win squashes and the proto-X-Factor Justin and 'Pac beat Kaientai.

TV PG 14 LV attitude open whatever I normally put here.

Val Venis The Big Valbowski (it says that on the caption; I'm not EVER saying that again) vs me taking a break - I remain undefeated! I can not be stopped! Oddly enough, I hit stop for a second to go get a drink and one of those Land Rover "Take Me With You!" commercials start playing. I believe I shall be in a followup commercial sooner or later. WHOA that arena is dark. Teddy Long is your referee. Howard Finkel is your ring announcer. Your announcers are "Always more amusing the Coach" Christopher Leary and "Can I make a gay joke about you liking Chris Leary?" Jonathon Coachman. Is this done? Val's new name seems to be like like Luger becoming "the Total Package". Works about as well.

Val Venis vs Mike Anthony - The local talent gets second entrance because we can't just have him standing around while Val does his lines (which at least have been sped up since he started the gag.) This Mike Anthony isn't the Chicagoland guy, because this is a black guy and the other one is a white guy. I don't think the Chicagoland guy would wear those shorts, either. Circle, headlock by Val, push in the ropes, Val comes back with a shoulderblock. Circle. Lockup, big toss by Val. Val is taller than Mike by a head. Lockup, armdrag! Circle again. Lockup, no Val goes behind (ew), Mike with a hard back elbow to break loose, off the ropes, right into a Val back elbow. Elbow drop, off the ropes, knee drop, punches to the head. Run into the turnbuckle. Double under hold, right knee right knee right knee suplex. Coach is taking about Fantasy Play By Play and "just like we're doing it right now" - the camera cut at that second exposes the empty announcers desk. Pickup, right, right, right. Whip, reversed, powerslam by Mike Anthony. Mike with a kick, right, shoulder to the gut, suplex. One two no. Corner whip, right, right, kick, camel clutch! Anthony does not grind it in. Sitdown on the back. Val fights back with rights, off the ropes, not good looking clothesline. Whip, reversed, clothesline by Anthony. That one looked a lot better - all in the selling. Northern Lights Suplex one two no! Suplex? No it's blocked and Val with a rollup, one two no. Mike's clothesline misses, kick to the gut, swinging neckbreaker. Up, rights, whip, reversed, clothesline misses but Val's diving shoulderblock hits. Hey, Val, since you keep taking him down why don't you do the ankle snap already? Picking Mike back up again (ugh), whip, reversed into a knee lift, Anthony off the ropes and into a spinebuster. Finnaly Val decides to win the match - there's the reverse figure four (called by Leary!!!!) and that'll be it. (5:00) Coach says it should be called the "Venis Fly Trap." Val argues with Teddy Long after finnaly releasing the hold - Teddy points to his patch.

Did Undertaker go too far? Saturn in action later. But next, finnaly the Rock has returned to Smackdown.

At WrestleMania, it's the Rock vs Hulk Hogan. Let's go back to Smackdown - no video packaging. I guess they know I fast forward this anyway. Haha, they edit out Nash's inability to go over the top rope. You'll NEVER see that again. (3:14) it's the WHOLE nWo vs Austin and Rock on RAW, and then Austin/Hall at WM.

Coach repeats stupid jokes about Triple H and Stephanie, but next, Tough Enough highlights.

Tough Enough ad here.

Weakest Link ad here.

Perry Saturn (almost in the ring) vs Paul London (already in the ring) - ad for Sex On The Beach here. No play by play till I know who's going. They're talking about Jazz and Trish. I (and they) should be talking about this match because Saturn just nailed the kid with a forearm upside the head. Ahh, here we go - it's Paul London who's just hit his three armdrag of the match, but this time he'll follow up with a high lifting dropkick. Saturn's knocked to the outside. Saturn to the apron and London gets a jawbreaker. Corner whip, Saturn charges into a boot, London charges into a hard push down. Arm toss. Corner whip, Eliminator leg sweep. Saturn yells. Push in the ropes, hard head to the gut, hard boot to the head. Leary says the Rock is the present! Finnaly. London and Saturn have some trouble figuring out what's next, but eventually it's a swinging neckbreaker. Elbow drop. One two no. Cobra clutch, Saturn lets go for an overhead belly to belly suplex. "That did not look like it was very safe!" London just got over and didn't land on his head. Suplex. Double foot stomp. Snap mare, hard spine kick to the back. Push in the ropes, hard head to the gut, hard boot to the head. Saturn tries for another but London hits a sunset flip one two no. Charge in - fireman's carry flapjack by Saturn. London pulled up, slam, Saturn going to the corner. Flying elbow drop and Saturn really didn't take much of that blow on his own. Taking his time, now here's a cover one two No. Saturn thinks that should be three and he's right - he argues it with ref Jack Doan. Saturn going up again - jumping right into a dropkick. Saturn charges, but London manages a reverse rollup one two no. Off the ropes, tilt-a-whirl headscissors, Saturn looked weird there, and a hard spinning wheel kick. Flipping dropkick. London charges, but Saturn flips him to the apron. London pulls Saturn down from behind there, then hits a springboard moonsault one two NO. I bet that's London's move. London going up - Saturn tries to stop him but London pushes him down. London 's waving for something - SHOOTING STAR PRESS but no one's home! Saturn ain't screwing around any more - release dragon suplex! Somehow, London did a half flip on that and landed on his face. Whip, no into a Death Valley Driver and that's one two three. (6:03) Not bad.

Tough Enough 2 (:42)

Coming up, Crash returns to Jakked! But next, Ric Flair was out for blood on Thursday. 

Flair/Taker (6:51)

Coming up, Crash is in the house. But next, a robe.

Skittles WrestleMania Moment - 1990: Ultimate Warrior vs Hulk Hogan.

Triple H/Stephanie. (3:03)

Lugz Shampoo Commercial Awarding of Two Weeks Ago

Crash (yellow, already on his way to the ring) vs Eddie Craven - Coach talks right over Fink's introductions of the opponent. What is Crash doing? He's looking up at something in the ceiling. I thought it was his lights but his lights are off now and he's still looking. Eddie is confused as well. Still looking. The announcers finnaly wonder. Brian Hebner finally wonders and taps Crash on the shoulder - his opponent is over there, not up there. Crash feels stupid now. Circle. Lockup, headlock, Crash off the ropes, shoulderblock, cover for zero. Right but Craven's into the ropes, and now Craven's complaining about the tights being pulled. Wristlock, double wristlock, test of strength. Who's gonna win? Eddie, because he trips up Crash. Crash kips back up, and moves into a headlock. Into a hammerlock, Eddie with a hammerlock, leg trip by Crash and he's got a headlock, hammerlock by Craven and Eddie steps on the arm. Off the ropes, head down too soon. So Crash stands next to him and puts his head down too. Eddie looks up, then to the side, and Crash waves at him.  Eddie's punch is ducked and Crash hits a 'rana. Slam. Dropkick. Eddie back into a corner, kicked, whipped, back elbowed. One two no. Corner whip, charge in but no one's home. Craven throws Crash shoulder first into the post. Armbar on the hurt shoulder - now into a stepover arm hold. Crash gets a foot on the ropes and there's a break. Forearm. Dropping Crash arm first on the top rope. Cover one two no. Crash's hurt arm is bended back behind him. Now into a hammerlock. Crash with elbows out, forearms, whip, dropkick but Eddie's got the ropes. Stomp on the injured hand. CODE RED! Crash battles up - no back down.  Hammerlock suplex! Eddie going up - legdrop comes up empty. "Aaaah, buttcheeks." Crash getting up and getting the better of the punches. Eddie with a knee, a hammerlock and Crash goes bad shoulder first into the corner. Craven charges in, but Crash moves out of the way and rolls him up (with his good arm) one two NO. Small package one two no. Forearm, forearm, whip, back elbow. Clothesline. Clothesline. Clothesline misses, Eddie with a back suplex, but Crash falls behind (on his face - didn't land right and wasn't happy about it) and spins Craven around, kick, Crash Bulldog. One two three. (5:26) Longer matches this week.

On RAW. And then on WM. Later!

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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