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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago, (and also on the WWF UK Metal Kirk Wagstaff saw), Marc Taylor saw Godfather beat Gangrel, Prince Albert and Headbangers won squashes, and Viscera beat J.R. Ryder that might have lead to mirth and mayhem elsewhere.

One Year Ago, Grandmaster Sexay offered his glasses to Essa Rios - and ESSA RIPPED THEM UP. Sexay repaid him by beating him and gaining a three count. Kai En Tai won a squash and Crash beat Scoot Andrews, while I totally get names confused by the end of the match. 


the Godfather (w/4 escorts) vs Lance Storm - now that one seems to be wearing quite a smaller top than they've been doing lately. Is this the first time I've been blessed with a Godfather match since he's been back? Yes. 11 Matches! 2 Live Performances! How will they have time for all of this? Godfather sneaks peeks while helping the escorts into the ring. Wasn't this a feud? Your announcers are Coach and Leary. Storm has to take his time so Godfather can let his ladies out of the ring. Hey, have you heard that Godfather's business isn't doing so well? Just checking. I think Coach offers to be assistant pimp. Lance with rights - Goodfather doesn't have his whip off yet. Whip, reversed, kick to the gut, off the near ropes, mafia kick. Slam. Don't do the legdrop don't do alright, elbow drop. Push into the corner, kick, kick, kick, pull up your pants. Corner whip, ESCORT TRAIN but he takes so long getting the motor running, Lance gets out of the way (and the ring) in plenty of time and Godfather eases to a stop before the corner. Lance comes around to the near side, Godfather reaches to pull him up by the hair but Lance pulls him out by the legs. Exchange of punches and Godfather wins that, but Lance trumps him with a single leg takedown into the barrier. Breaking the count, then throwing Godfather in. Springboard to the top, brief wait for position, flying body press (I guess - look like he wanted a forearm but positioning was way off.) Cover one two no. Kick, chop in the corner, chop, corner whip, reversed, Godfather charges into a boot. Lance to the second rope - elbow drop but no one's home. Godfather gets the better of the punches again, whip off the near ropes, back elbow. Right. Clothesline. Whip, backdrop. Lance pulls himself up...but in the corner. ESCORT TRAIN. Lifting Lance up for the shoulderbreaker, but Lance slips behind, ducks a clothesline, SUPERKICK. One two three. (2:57) The Escorts...are kinda sad, I guess.

Austin and Hall and a cinderblock. Val Venis later. But next, Rock vs Hogan.

Hogan vs the Rock. (3:10)

Coming up, will the Undertaker pay Sunday? But next, we'll check if Aaron's dead.

You notice how the "next week on Tough Enough" ad they're running has been changed to "This Season On Tough Enough" because this is all random clips thrown together, and not really a preview of this weekend's episode at all. Of course, they still say "This Thursday" so who knows if they've figured out yet.

Tough Enough 2 - Aaron's not dead. He's kinda a moron. And he's cut. Robert, bye. It seems like the trainers think the other girls (not Alicia) are more whining about Linda than their being a real problem. Big Show story in most of it's entirety. If you visit the MTV TE site, you'd find that everyone who wasn't a trainer were shocked that Aaron got let go; we didn't get to see much of that on the show.

The Big Valboswki vs Perry Saturn - I figured out that it doesn't really matter if I call him that or not, so why bother? Coach teases a "Leary is gay" joke, Leary sees it coming and Coach goes for it anyway. Coach: "This is what Real Men do!" "Uh huh." What do you know, she's right near security in the corner like they always are. NO ONE wears that shirt to a wrestling event. In fact, it looked better when Dido was wearing it in that one video - but it sure makes your breasts look not so good. How did Leary run into DDP's catchphrase right there? "Chris, this is what we do!" "Dude, you don't do that." "And another lucky lady's dream comes true!" "What, he slipped her tickets to WrestleMania?" The plant asks if this is the part where she's supposed to go out of the ring. (2:30) I hope Perry drops him right on his head. Leary's on Saturn's bad side for reasons unknown. Lockup, knee by Saturn. Val gets the better of the punches, whip, something didn't happen right there but we'll pretend clothesline. Off the ropes, back elbow, elbow drop. Off the ropes, knee drop. Off the ropes, clothesline. Flicking my hands pose. Saturn with a jawbreaker from the outside. Right. Corner whip, reverse, Saturn gets a back elbow up. Springboard dropkick, one two no. Brainbuster! One two NO. Chinlock. Getting up, elbows by Val. Leary remembers that Kurt Angle made Kane tap out for the first time in his career. Saturn with a forearm, push in the ropes, head to the gut. Corner whip, side backbreaker. Going up to the rope - moonsault but over shot. Swinging neckbreaker by Val, followed by a clothesline. Rights. Push in the corner, knee, corner whip no reversed into a sleeper. Val reverses into the back suplex powerbomb one two no. Double chop by Saturn, whip, back elbow. Three Handled Moss Covered Family Grudunza! one two NO! I guess that's not his move anymore. He's running out of finishers. Stomp. Off the ropes and right into a spinebuster. Reverse figure four! Will Saturn give? Yes! (3:24) Val takes his time letting go, though.

Still to come, the Hurricane. But next, Hall vs Austin.

Hall vs Austin. (1:48)

Coming up, the Cruiserweight Title is on the line! But next, Undertaker vs Flair.

WM Moment - Ultimate Warrior vs Randy Savage - Savage loses his career but regains Liz.

Undertaker/Flair is no DQ tomorrow. No blood in color for YOU. Why haven't they put together the pieces and said "Undertaker's doing this for Vince" yet? Maybe we'll find out when Undertaker gets paid back? (3:06)

Funaki vs the Hurricane (w/o Molly) - Coach: "Only you could compare WrestleMania to a Senior Prom!" The Hurricane saves Leary from digging himself out of the hole he dug. Leary on the Divas special: "It's kinda nice to actually look at our Divas as objects, at least for that one show. Because of course, they're professionals. " Coach says he doesn't look at the Divas as objects - "LIAR!" Funaki attacks before the bell, then beats Hurricane with his own cape! Stomps. Whip off the far ropes, hiptoss blocked and turned into a nice fireman's carry. Hiptoss. Armbar, twist, kick to the gut, crossing the arms around the next Russian legsweep. Leary points out that Coach claims to be like Val, but is now claiming to be a sensitive, caring man who looks past the outside. Hurricane's cover one two no makes the save there too. Corner whip, back elbow by Funaki. Funaki claps, pauses, pauses, kicks to the back. Snap suplex. One two no. Funaki argues the count with Charles Robinson, cover one no.  Hurricane pops up and fights back with punches, whip, reversed into a back suplex, Hurricane lands behind (on his knees) and hits the jump neckbreaker. Both men slow up - Hurricane jumps up at poses at six. Hurricane gets the better of punches, whip, flying forearm. Back elbow. Whip, reversed, Funaki clothesline misses, Hurricane gets the goozle, thumbs up, Funaki elbows out. Whip, slam no Hurricane goes behind, Eye of the Hurricane. one two NO! Funaki kicked out! Hurricane can't believe it. Corner whip, Hurricane charges in and misses a big splash, Funaki with an inside cradle and feet on the ropes one two NO! Funaki goes for the Tornado DDT but Hurricane pushes him off. Hurricane going to the second rope - Blockbuster. One two three! (3:07) I guess someone thought that looked more superhero-ish? Maybe something to do with Buff or Big Show? There's a story here that I don't get but maybe I'll think of a Hurricane related name for it by next time. 

Lugz Sledgehammer Shot of Last Monday.

Crash (yellow) vs Tajiri (w/o Torrie Wilson) for the (WWF) Crusierweight Championship - Somehow, they notice Torrie not being there. Not Molly. Coach's story is that this is a serious pre-Wrestlemania match and Tajiri wants to be focused. Crash wants Tajiri to back off so he can show off his karate moves. Tajiri shows off his. I give the edge (the U2 one) to Tajiri - Crash claps, and then surprises Tajiri with a kick to the gut. Choke on the ropes. Crash charges, gets flipped to the apron, and gets kicked hard to the floor. Corner whip, chop, kick, corner whip, reversed, Crash with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Back suplex, no Tajiri falls behind and hits the atomic drop. Crash jumps in to ref Brian Hebner's arm for comfort and Brian drops him. Glad to know this is a serious title match. Crash crawls through Tajiri's legs to escape, then drops Tajiri on the top rope. Stomp. Pose. Taking the shirt off! He's serious now. Suplex, no Tajiri falls behind, kick is caught, enzuiguri is ducked (!) and Crash drops the elbow. Whip, 'rana no Crash rolls through one two NO! Headlock, Crash Bulldog but Tajiri hold him up in the air, spins around, drops him back (facing the crowd) on the top rope, then pushes his upper body down so he's in the tree of woe. Hard kick to the chest, sliding dropkick to the face. Whip, reversed, handspring elbow. Deep cover one two no. Whip, reversed, Crash charges into the Tarantula. Crash is on his knees - KO Kick is ducked, Crash with a low punch that sure looked to be an illegal (rookie ref, I guess), corner whip, charge in, flipped to the outside, Crash pulls him down by his hair. Crash goes to the top - missile dropkick. One two NO! Crash wants three but he ain't getting it. Whip, reversed, clothesline misses, Crash 'rana, but Tajiri bridges up and escapes from between Crash's legs on the ground - Crash is on his knees wondering what the heck just happened and Tajiri brains him with the KO Kick to the back of the head. Posing, setting up - and there's one to the front, one two three. (3:41)

At WM, you'll se these matches. Heat will be live! See you there.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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