|WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan
One Year Ago on MTV's WWF Heat: Albert beat K-Kwik, Hardcore Holly and Steve Blackman put aside their differences to do the impossible - beat the RTC, Chris Benoit made Crash tap out and Perry Saturn was unable to win the European Title back from Test. In the restaurant, Dean Malenko was unsuccessful in getting female accompaniment until he paid for it, but then was duped into dropping the escorts by a phone from Lita. Gav Duenas saw an extra feature on Chris Jericho to make up the difference in the UK version.
You know, and not that you probably were, but don't trust www.WWFNY.com for your Sunday Night (and other?) guest hosts - last week, they had Big Boss Man listed and I'm pretty sure that wasn't Big Boss Man dancing. They also had Shawn Stasiak as host for this week (despite his status as being unemployed), but then realized that there was going be a football game the same day that they'd be showing at the restaurant.
tv pg lv attitude.
yellow and black and squishy - it's Flair and Vince from RAW. (:40)
wrestler free open.
the Godfather (w/4 ESCORTS) vs Funaki - We're from ringside only, this week. This time, the escorts bring out Godfather. You know when Godfather did his re-introduction speech on RAW a couple weeks ago, I thought, at first, that the first thing he said was "Who would have thought that the Godfather would go to jail?" It would have explained his disappearance, at any rate. Why do they come in the ring if they're leaving ten seconds later? This goes 1:43 before Funaki's music finnaly starts. Funaki's trying to make a deal but Godfather's too busy lowering the bottom rope. There's the bell but Funaki is talking and picking. Godfather gives him a card, then looks over and talks to the girl Funaki was pointing at. Oh no, Funaki ripped up the card, this is all going downhill, kick to the leg, right, right, whip, reversed, shoulderblock by Funaki. Choke on the top rope. Slam. Spinning legdrop. Pickup, Funaki with an eye rake. Kicks to the stomach. Corner whip, reversed into a short clothesline. Push in to the corner, corner whip, Escort Train. Escort Drop. One two three. (1:53) Cole says "It's the Big Drop" but I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be capitalizing. Cole then calls it a big win, so maybe I shouldn't be listening to him at all. Godfather tosses cards to the front row and boogies out.
Later, Flair on Smackdown. But next, the Hurricane vs Lance Storm.
I guess we're not gonna get the announcer desk shot here either, so I should just tell you now that your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz, and we're not even mentioning why we're not at WWFNY this week, I suppose.
the Hurricane (w/Mighty Molly and promotional advertisements) vs Lance Storm - Somehow we end up with dueling Jackie Gleason at the announce desk. Cole says Tazz is comic relief now - where has he been for the last couple years? WHEN FORMER TAG TEAM PARTNERS WITH WEATHER RELATED NAMES COLLIDE doesn't really have any ring to it. Lockup, Hurricane hammerlock, Storm hammerlock, Hurricane fireman's carry escape into an armbar, up to their feet, twist, whip, reversed, Lance drops down, Hurricane off the far ropes, Lance leap frogs and Hurricane rolls under, Hurricane waistlock, Lance waistlock, Hurricane goes behind and uses the momentum to knock Lance throw the ropes and out of the ring. Hurricane poses while Lance gets to his feet - the pose annoys Lance enough to charge in with punches, but of course Hurricane's gonna get the better of that. Whip, Lance pulls him into a back suplex, but Hurricane lands on his feet and hits the jumping neckbreaker. Cover one no. Pick up for a suplex, but Hurricane pauses for a thumbs up, Lance reverses to a short clothesline but Hurricane goes under, off the ropes, under a back elbow, off the near ropes, crucifix roll up (didn't get the legs scissored - I guess more of an armdrag roll up?) one two no. Lance up first and kicking. Maybe a little low. Snap suplex one two no. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, Lance clotheslines as he rebounds out. One two no. Cole knows all about the "backstabbing nWo" this week. They didn't do anything with them that caught my attention on Jakked - just pretty much repeated what other people had said during the week (safest thing to do is to have no discernable opinion of your own, of course.) Lance lifts Hurricane up but Hurricane is trying to punch his way free - off the ropes, spinning headscissors (Cole: "legscissors"), Lance goes out and Hurricane posses. Hurricane sets up - running slingshot somersault plancha on Storm! Tazz accuses Hurricane of stealing his move - he only does it in practice. Pose, here's a replay as Lance reverses a whip (odd how it's always tough to keep momentum after a dive) and sends Hurricane towards the apron, but he smartly dives into the ring instead. Storm to the apron, shoulder to Hurricane's gut, sunset flip in but Hurricane's not there. Hurricane going to the second rope, and the Blockbuster hits. One two NO! That move never beats anyone! Pickup, and Lance with a jawbreaker. Whip, head down too soon and Lance gets it kicked. Superkick but it's too low and caught by Lance. He spins Hurricane around, now that's what I call a SUPERKICK. One two three. (3:17) Of course it takes a superkick to beat a superhero. You know, Hurricane's a lot more interesting when he's doing little goofy super hero stuff and lots of wrestling.
Coming up next, Val Venis against Perry Saturn. But first, let's recap the Rollerball situation. What do you know, it's the same exact clips as Jakked. (:38)
And here's the same exact RollerBall ad. I should stop watching these shows back to back.
Final Fantasy X Booker T win of Last Monday. Wow, this clip is 100% Christian Free.
Val Venis is out to make sure this is a two minute match. The girl is right next to security, what a shock. Tazz is surprised that she has theme music - it's the same theme music they've been using for all four times. This is more routine than a Raven squash. I greatly miss Raven squashes. Oh wait, they must be in a hurry - she wasted no time pulling off the towel, didn't bother to spin it around her head, and they're right to kissing. Tazz thinks Val should've gone for the pin. Instead, we are all very much losers. (3:20) You know, if Val's idea of satisfying a women is kissing them, no wonder why he's no longer doing the porn movies.
Val Venis vs Perry Saturn - Get this, Saturn has even more tattoos. Some work on his arms. And now he's wearing shorts. Lockup, knee by Saturn, forearm, turnbuckle smash, right, knee, knee, knee, knee, knee, boot choke. Argue with Teddy Long, and when he looks back Val Venis is clotheslining. Clothesline. Whip, back elbow. Elbow drop. Off the ropes, knee drop. Cover one two no. They're really pushing "Stephanie will prove how much Triple H loves her" bit, RAW is in Las Vegas - I wonder if they'll renew their vows? Corner whip, reversed, Eliminator legsweep. Punches to the head. Swinging neckbreaker. Cover one two no. Push into the ropes, head to the gut. Kick to the head. Corner whip, reversed, Val charges into a boot, Saturn charges out into a dropkick to the leg. Saturn with a kick, it's caught, enzuiguri is ducked, there's a knee smash. Chop block to that left knee. Saturn's bad knee is, well, both, right? Maybe Tazz will help me out. Current discussion is the awful European Title change. Val goes to wrench that knee some more but Saturn with forearms. Push into the ropes, Northern Lights Suplex, one two no. Tazz is doing "old school wrestling announcer" (nasly voice, calls moves.) Drop toe hold, knee snap, there's the reverse figure four, tap out. (2:40) Tazz says "that's like a version of a reverse spinning toe hold into a legbar" which is right, but more words. Cole: "We know you folks might be a little upset, but don't worry, more Heat's on the way!" The HECK?
Slim Jim Non-Angle Victory of Last Monday
Boss Man vs Crash (already in the ring) - Boss Man argues with a guy a bird suit in the front row. Crash is wearing the green and encourages the Boss Man sucks chant. Lockup, Crash pushed into the corner. Forearm but Crash ducks down and escapes. Cole says Crash is fast. Tazz: "That's because of those magic glo tights that Crash is wearing that makes him fast." Lockup, no Crash ducks under, lands a forearm, and runs away. Lockup, no Boss Man hits knee. Eye poke, right, right, right, corner whip, charge in but Crash hits a boot. Right right, whip, reversed, head down too soon so Crash hits a forearm, then sneaks behind for another hike. I wonder what else is on. Boss Man's all weirded out to have hands on his behind and quickly moves. Crash pretends to throw a pass, and then makes a Hewson pose. Boss Man decides to stop standing around and attack Crash, so he does, throwing Crash into a corner. Nick Patrick asks if Crash will just lockup with Boss Man already, but Crash asks for a time out, then signals offsides on the defense and pulls a yellow flag out of his tights for the penalty. When Crash signals for a first down, Boss Man has had enough (and so has Cole, calling Crash a moron) and nails him with an ax-handle. Whip, big boot. Boss Man chokes Crash with the penalty flag (that was previously down Crash's shorts.) Corner whip, Crash falls down. Knee drop. Tazz talks about Brazil, Toronto, Canada. Uppercut. Slide out, punch to the face. Boss Man thinks about the night stick, but Nick Patrick is watching and not evil on three Sunday's a month. Crash with a right, right, double chop to the throat by Boss Man puts him down. Boot choke. Pulling off the ropes. Boss Man mocks Crash, then kicks him in the head. Shane McMahon is in RollerBall, so now you MUST see it. Boss Man puts the flag down the back of Crash's pants, then goes back to a choke. Whip, sunset flip, Boss Man sits down one two Crash doesn't actually get a shoulder up but starts moving his feet up for the reversal so Patrick stops counting and there's the reversal one two NO. Like this is going to end anyway but one. Clothesline. Argue with Patrick. Rights to the midsection by Crash. Now forearms to the chin. Off the ropes, and there's the Boss Man Slam finnaly. One two three. (4:14) Cole and Tazz make fun of the guy in the fur suit at ringside.
Coming up next, Flair on Smackdown.
3:45 of the WWF that's still not 4:00.
Smackdown ownership clips. (5:15)
"Cruiserweight Championship" match up next - Tajiri vs Scotty 2 Hotty. Torrie Wilson is hyped only slightly less than the fact that it's a title match.
Tajiri (w/Torrie Wilson) vs Scotty 2 Hotty for the WWF Cruiserweight Title - The graphic says "WWF", the ring announcer does not, someone needs to make up their mind here. I believe you still can see "WCW" on the side panels there, that's some lazy work. Only Cole calls them Albert and Scotty that name. Tazz makes his "show his Worm" joke. Lockup, a double wristlock variation of the Northern Lights Suplex by Tajiri, one count before Tajiri breaks himself, crossing Scotty's arms up, but Scotty kips up and through, so they're back with the double wristlock. Scotty breaks one lock with a kick, Tajiri misses the short clothesline, atomic buttdrop, off the ropes and a dropkick to head! One two no. Off the ropes, Elbow drop. Elbow drop. Elbow drop. Cover one two NO! Tajiri breaks the pick up and hits a hard kick to the right side, snap mare, dropkick to the head. Standing moonsault one two NO. Dropkick to the back of the head. Push into the ropes, and Tajiri lays in a chop. Scotty fires back with an open hand slap, Tajiri open hand slap, Scotty open hand slap, Tajiri kick to the left leg. Hard kick to the left leg. Whip, reversed, tilt-a-whirl back breaker one two no. Whip, Scotty puts his head down too soon and kicks it, Tajiri back off the far ropes, clothesline misses, off the near ropes, handspring elbow is caught in a full nelson, Scotty spins him out, SUPERKICK is knocked off target, Tajiri high big wheel kick is ducked, double clothesline and everyone is down. Both up, Scotty tries a clothesline but Tajiri ducks, Tajiri with a waistlock, Scotty runs to the near ropes and drops down, the momentum taking Tajiri out of the ring on the near side. Scotty shakes the cobwebs out, goes to check out Tajiri out of the ring and Tajiri hits a high snap kick from the floor as Scotty was leaning between the ropes. Tajiri going up - snap Asai moonsault but Scotty rolls towards and under, Tajiri gets nothing. Both slow up again, Scotty gets his feet under him and notices that Tajiri's in position - off the ropes, Tajiri ducks, Tajiri with a thigh high kick that's caught, Scotty swings and misses with a clothesline while still holding on the foot, Tajiri grabs on to the ropes and starts to hook on the Tarantula but he doesn't get the bodyscissors tight enough and Scotty escapes, turning around and trying a face first powerbomb but Tajiri blocks it on the way down, then elbows out on the way back up. Tajiri runs off the far ropes, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker is reversed into a small package one two THREE! (3:15) Scotty can't believe it's over and I think he might have had the shoulder on the far side from the referee up. Torrie and Tajiri celebrate while Scotty sulks. Hype for RAW and that's it.
I don't want to say this was the best Heat in quite a while, because the lows were pretty annoying, but there was sure some nice stuff mixed in.The Cubs Fan
Mail the Author
Comment about this article in Wienerville