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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago, Marc Taylor saw Al and Gangrel have a match but not really a finish, Val defeat Shawn Stasiak in a long match and the Headbangers and the Blue Meanie win squashes.

One Year Ago, I watched the Dudley Boyz beat Essa Rios & Funaki in the midst of one of those unexplained TAKA disappearances, Gangrel lose to Hardcore Champion Lethal Weapon Steve Blackman, Just Joe keep on losing, this time to Al Snow, and Crash beat soon to be indy superstar Loki.

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the Hardy Boyz (w/highlights from Smackdown, w/o Lita) vs Hugh Morrus & Justin Credible (Justin's music) - We get really long and awkward to hide gold belts they might be wearing. the Fink is muffled as well. That's how long in advance they had this title change (see accompanying clips) in mind, you know. Careful editing to hide referee Charles Robinson showing the belts to the Alliance members, but now that we finnaly take the belts out of the ring, we can go back to normal. Matt and Justin start. Lockup, no Justin taunts. Lockup, no Matt imitates Justin taunting. Justin complains to no one in particular. Lockup! Matt wins! No, Justin turns it around. No Matt turns it around and pushes Justin in the corner. Robinson forces the break and Justin does get the cheap shot in. Right. Corner whip, reversed, kip up but Matt stopped short, back suplex. One two no. Headlock. Justin tries to elbow out, can't, pushes Matt into the ropes, Hugh with the knee, Justin with the clothesline. Tag to Hugh, who's all punching and kicking. Leary confuses teaming with the Rock with facing the Rock. Distraction so Justin can choke Matt. Whip, clothesline. Shot for Jeff. Jeff tries to get in, Charles orders him back to his corner as Hugh forces Justin into their corner. Tag to Justin (Charles doesn't see it), Hugh holds Matt for Justin to kick. Punch. Tag to Hugh. Hugh holds Matt, Justin to the second rope - yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax-handle misses and hits Hugh. Noggin knocker! Tag to Jeff - dropkick for Hugh knocks him out of the ring. Corner whip for Justin, reversed, high kip up by Jeff, dropkick to the head. Kick, armbar, eye poke by Justin. Tag to Hugh, who promptly walks into an armdrag. Right right whip, reversed, Jeff hits a diving forearm. Shot by Matt form the outside, right, right, kick, corner whip, Jeff runs up the turnbuckle but Justin's there to trip him up. Jeff gets crotched and falls back in the Tree of Woe position - Hugh lines up - running splash. Coach says "Matt, excuse me Jeff Hardy." It's chronic. Jeff is pulled back in the middle of the ring. Tag to Justin. Hugh and Justin make a wish. Turnbuckle smash. Jab. Jab. Jab. Right. He's been working out with Billy Gunn, hasn't he. Tag to Hugh. Justin holds him to get kicked. Open hand slap. Corner whip, Hugh charge but Jeff moves out of the way in plenty of time. On the other hand, he moves out of the way right towards Justin, who snaps his head over the top rope. Hugh going up! I bet he'll miss. Oh no Matt will just sneakily crotch him while Robinson is arguing with Justin over his cheap shot. Hugh falls in the middle of the ring and could use a tag. So could Jeff. Tag to Matt. Right blocked, that one's not. Right right running neckbreaker from Matt. Clothesline for Justin. Swinging neckbreaker. Right for Hugh. Corner whip, reversed, Hugh charges into an elbow. Jeff to the second rope - (odd) swinging DDT. Justin gets the H A R D Y turnbuckle shots and Russian legsweep. Hugh charges at Matt and gets thrown out. Corner whip, Poetry in Motion. Off comes Jeff's shirt. Jeff with a pescado on Hugh. Matt with the kick to the midsection, Twist of Fate no Justin pushes him off into the corner (because he hasn't hit the legdrop yet.) Matt charges out, Justin ducks the clothesline, hits a kick to the midsection, corner whip (almost into Charles but he stopped short) SUPERKICK. COVER HIM JUSTIN! No no he's going to taunt. Justin Justin Justin, it's no wonder why you're not going to make my top three favorite this year. Then I think he was going for more mockery of the legdrop but Jeff pulled him off. They fight, but that leaves Hugh to go up and now he gets to miss the No Laughing Matter. Kick to the gut, Twist Of Fate, Swanton Bomb (Justin got thrown into the barricade) one two three. (6:31) I guess I was looking for the wrong cliché spot. We IMMEDIATELY cut out of there just so we don't have to hide some title belts. 

The Rock and RVD hooked it up on Smackdown. Later, Storm Crash. But next, a recap of the exciting family war. 

Well, usually they don't mean next next but I guess this promo for RAW kinda recaps things (in the exciting family war) too. Tune in Monday for the Second Coming (of WrestleMania.) 

Here's another recap. To protest, I stopped and fast forwarded even faster. That'll show them. (6:15) Oh the WCIU logo messes with THE NEW TNN logo.

Later, X-Factor vs Tommy Dreamer and Mike Awesome. Next, Lance Storm.

Lance Storm vs Crash - They bring up Smackdown more so I'm just going to complain while Lance and Crash are filtering down to the ring (nice that the guy who's almost never on TV gets second entrance, by the way): I'm still waiting to find out why Shane and Stephanie left the building if they were going to interfere in the main event. No one (but the camera and no one actually watches this show) knew that they left so it's not like they fooled people into thinking they were leaving. It's just one of those spots that was once effective but they keep pulling it out no matter if it means anything or if it even makes the slightest amount of sense. Almost like the No Laughing Matter. Hey, what happened to Lance Storm and Ivory? (Hey, what happened to Lita with the Hardyz?) I mean, you don't have to do those things forever but if you want us to care about the characters in the slights you could at least notice it. But then I'm still waiting for someone to ask Raven why the heck he's wearing a skirt. Oh there's the bell. Headlock. Crash pushed into the ropes, comes back with a shoulderblock and knocks Lance down. Crash off the ropes, over, headscissors. Lance to the outside (lucha!), so Crash follows to the apron, half flips, and hits Lance back first, landing on top of him. (That's more descriptive than "Flying body attack" and more helpful than "somersault bodyblock", I think.) Lance thrown in, Crash on the apron, Lance with a clothesline. Lance with a suplex but Crash lands behind, so Lance flapjacks him on to the top rope. Whip, clothesline. One two kickout. Crash fighting back with rights, but Lance gets a knee. Weird neck submission by Lance. Actually, maybe it's the arm. Crash elbows out. Leary loses his mind ("what if the Rock and Steve Austin had to car pool? 'I'm driving!' 'No, I'm driving!'"). Crash with a corner whip, charge, Lance with a boot up. Lance and Crash clothesline each other. Crash blocks, punches. Whip, back elbow. Clothesline. Clothesline. Whip, big backdrop. Corner whip, Lance flips Crash to the apron. Crash hits the punch, going up, missile dropkick! Is that his finisher? One two NO! Crash is sure it was three. Off the ropes, clothesline misses, SUPERKICK. Relaxing cover one two no Crash reverses it one two NO. Lance is up and he's mad and he's punched. Crash with a 'rana - no, Lance reverses into the half Boston and a quick tap. (2:54) A tip for all you wrestling gamblers out there: when a guy with a finisher and a guy without a finisher match up, bet on the guy with a finisher. 

Still to come, Chavo vs Funaki. Next, Rock vs RVD.

Back to Smackdown (6:41)

Later, "Where's TAKA? Good Question but evil does lurk." Funaki ahead. But up next, X-Factor is "how they say, in the house." 

I don't know why I quoted that for you.

Well, the blatant disrepsect for Funaki and people not bothering to mention that TAKA's injuried.

Lugz Hardcore Match of last Monday 

Mike Awesome & Tommy Dreamer (Dreamer's music/video) vs X-Factor (w/WWF Light Heavyweight Title) - Awesome's way down on that ladder. It's amazing that Dreamer and Awesome have managed to put their big issues (that only surfaced Thursday after eighteen months) and that table behind them for the sake of this very important match versus X-Factor. Oh man I've just figured it out - Chris Leary is TED. All the "Shut up"s should've been a clue. The crowd roots for "X-Pac Sucks", in case you're wondering. The bell rings about 20 seconds before anyone gets ready. Tommy and X-Pac will start. Coach to Leary: "By the time we get to Wrestlemania, you'll be going as a fan anyway." Lockup, no Dreamer's going to kick, no the picture messes up - that's a weird way to disguise a clip if that's what it was for. Doesn't look like it, though. Right, right, right, clothesline misses, X-Pac hits spin kick. Right for Awesome for being there. "X-Pac Sucks" chant. X-Pac dances around while Dreamer stares while Awesome yells at X-Pac. Oh now Awesome's coming in. X-Pac isn't a dummy and tags Albert. It's about a minute after the bell and we've got all of a spin kick to show for it. They try to out position each other, and Awesome gets some strikes in. Corner whip, charge in clothesline. Running to the other corner and a cheap shot for X-Pac. Awesome spends too much time trash talking and gets the Albert Splash in the corner. Now Albert with the punches. Double underhook hanging suplex. Stomp. Token mention of Chuck Palumbo and what a hot free agent he is - I wonder if he'll be mentioned on Heat in any important way. They spend a lot more time questioning the wisdom of suspending Rhyno. Tag to X-Pac. Kick. Chop. Chop. Chop. Off the ropes, Dreamer clothesline, Awesome clothesline. Tag to Dreamer. Kick to the gut. Side backbreaker, one two kickout. Turnbuckle shot. Tag to Awesome, slam. Awesome up top - flying clothesline. One two Albert breaks it up. Awesome Bomb? HA HA NO X-Pac slips off, ducks a clothesline and hits a spin kick. X-Pac (X-Pac's favorite wrestler) pounds the mat and crawls for a tag and the crowd doesn't give a hoot. Tag to Albert, tag to Dreamer, clothesline for Dreamer, clothesline for Awesome, scissors kick for Dreamer. One two Awesome breaks it up. Punches. double whip, double clothesline is too high (how? even giving Albert ducked) and Albert hits his own. Corner whip, squash. Bronco Buster on Awesome. Albert watches and gets attacked from behind - corner whip, reversed, splash misses and Dreamer clotheslines X-Pac. Dreamer pauses to trash to talk X-Pac, allowing Albert to signal - Baldobomb. One two three. (4:05)

1-800-Call-ATT and tell them about the Ladder Match at No Mercy.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs Funaki (no flag, no mic, no TAKA) - Hey, welcome back Chavo. Warning for Gamblers: What did I tell you about who to bet on in these situations? Leary adapts the Thirteen Days of Christmas to the ladder match: "Three Giant Ladders, Two Hard Chairs and A One Man Con-Chair-To!" This gets a Shut Up Ted. Circle. Lockup. Chavo with the headlock, into a hammerlock, Funaki elbows, no, snap mare, no, armdrag! Armdrag blocked, Chavo tries one and it's blocked, Funaki reverses it almost to a slam, Chavo with a headscissors on the mat, Funaki breaks free, both up, Funaki with a snap mare into a seated headlock. Back to their feet, Chavo elbowing out, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, Funaki rolls over and stops short - dropkick. Right. Whip, reversed, headscissors by Funaki. Whip, reversed into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Welcome back Chavo! Stomp. Turnbuckle shot. Shoulders to the back. Chavo to the second rope - driving knee to the back. Boot choke and hard. Corner whip, Chavo charges in and Funaki gets an elbow up. Funaki charges out, kick to the midsection, lift and a Canadian backbreaker, I do believe. Hey, I think Chavo's picked his body part. Uno dos kickout. Stomp. Snap mare, kick to the back. Chin lock. Up to their feet. Funaki with elbows, tries to get to the ropes but Chavo pulls him back by his hair, so Funaki hits a back suplex. That might have hurt him more, though. Chavo punches but it's blocked, Funaki's punch is not. Repeat. Right, corner whip, driving knee! Whip, reversed, kick to the gut, another try at the Canadian backbreaker but Funaki slips behind, bulldog! One two kickout. Chavo with rights, off the ropes, right into the dropkick. One two no. Corner whip, reversed, Funaki with a boot, up to the second rope, swinging DDT no Chavo pushes him off, Funaki with a clothesline but Chavo ducks, kick, BRAINBUSTAH! One two three. (4:03) That was neato. Welcome back Chavo!

On Heat - Test vs Edge, IC Title on the line. Sean Stasiak is supposed to be the guest host but they're keeping it very hush hush. Two other title defenses as well.

On Raw - Vince and Shane. You know, they didn't care this much when Edge and Christian were fighting.

See you next week.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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